Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Toei and Bandai do, I think. And now Disney, for some really weird reason...
A/N: I came up with the idea for this a few years ago, and it has affected my understanding of Ken's entire issue with the darkness, ever since then. I thought it was time that I write it up. This is my interpretation of what is going on with Ken, and a lot of the reason why he became the Digimon Emperor. The Dark Spore is only part of the problem. In fact, there's something more...
And here's a main question to think about at the end: After the Digimon Emperor was defeated, did he completely expel the darkness, or was it simply locked up inside him?
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Fighting Darkness Within
By Mewgia Mirrorcoat
A silent figure working within his base, the Digimon Emperor calmly typed away as the huge figure onscreen slowly pieced together. Part by part, the creature shown onscreen became more complete, as different sections were added and fused together. What the digimon itself felt, the Emperor didn't know, or care. An ultimate fighting machine, that was all the Emperor planned to create.
Sitting in his favorite throne chair, the one he always used when he made his battle plans, the boy carefully glanced at each of the screens around him. He had seen no sign of the Digidestined yet, which was perfectly fine for him. It made his job easier, knowing that they weren't in the Digiworld. So he took the opportunity to work, without interruption.
"Master, you should - "
"Silence!" The Digimon Emperor roared, glaring at the small green digimon who had just come into the room and disturbed him. "Can't you see I'm working?!"
Wormmon cringed, silently backing away from the human before him. "Yes Master. My most humble apologies."
"Hmph. Useless worm," The Digimon Emperor commented disdainfully as he stared gleefully at the still half completed Chimeramon on the screen. "The most useful thing you can do would be to leave me alone."
"But Master - "
"Go!! Before I throw you out myself!!"
Wormmon hastily retreated, leaving the Digimon Emperor alone once more. The boy cared nothing for the feelings of the small creature. He saw only his work, and in the darkness, he smiled at his accomplishment.
The darkness suited him, and he enjoyed it. He savored the heavy feeling of the cold darkness covering him, the deep layer woven throughout him. It gave him power to work off of, and motivation to continue what he considered his destiny. Nothing could stand in the way, not even the idiotic children who kept entering into the Digiworld to fight against him.
Then why does my heart feel empty?
The Digimon Emperor shook his head, ignoring the sudden feeling of questioning within him. Emotion only relayed weakness. The Digimon Emperor was not weak. Yet the words continued to spill into his head, as the small amount of light from the screens surrounding him grew dimmer.
It is my purpose to take over the Digiworld.
Really?
He grit his teeth, attempting to ignore all distractions. His feelings were distractions. He needed to become apathetic and cold, the perfect appearance of the Digimon Emperor.
I must work.
Why am I working?
Somehow, the questions within him began to bubble up from the deepest recesses of his mind, spurting out after years of suppression. They shone out, like light piercing through the darkness that was his shield. The Digimon Emperor attempted to push them back again, but they came stronger than ever. He couldn't focus, not on Chimeramon, nor on the fact the room was slowly darkening to pitch black, the screens fading from view.
What is going on?! Leave me in peace!
I can't leave myself in peace. I need truth.
What truth?!
Who am I?
I am the Digimon Emperor! Ken Ichijouchi is dead!
Why is he dead?
This world is mine!
Who is dead?
My self of the past! He is no more! I'm no longer that weak person!
Who is dead?
Ken Ichijouchi!
Not Sam?
The Digimon Emperor clutched his head, feeling light bursting through his head. He felt blinding white light washing through him, painful and yet cleansing at the same time...he fought against it, trying to push back the light and cover it up with darkness once again, but it persisted.
And yet, at the same time, the light began to uncover a feeling of gentleness, and other traits that had been buried...
Before he knew it, he was having a war with himself, eventually finding himself starting to fight on the side of the light.
Don't remind me!
Why can't I stop thinking about this?
Who am I?
The Digimon Emperor!
No, wait...
What happened to Ken?
Ken is dead!!
It is my destiny to take over the Digital World! I took on Sam's burden!
But I'm not Sam.
Who am I?
Ken?
What?
Confusion flooded through his mind, while the light continued to burn away at him, at the darkness surrounding him. And without warning, a mask was lifted. Something dispersed.
Ken...
I'm not Sam. I shouldn't take Sam's burden.
But I'm the Digimon Emperor...
I don't have to be. I don't need to be.
My parents don't love me. My place is here.
I am the Digimon Emperor.
But...Ken isn't completely dead.
No, I am still Ken.
Ken and the Digimon Emperor are one and the same. But Ken is weaker. The weak give in to the strong.
This light...it's overpowering the darkness...
Ken...light?
I'm Ken...but if Ken is the light, what side is the darkness?
Light is winning...
Who am I?
I...I have to fight...
Suddenly, a wave of darkness was gone. He could feel the darkness ebbing away around him, the light engulfing his body in gentle swirls. He couldn't think correctly, and somehow, he had a deep feeling that the darkness needed to be driven away, even though he had always found shelter in it...yet the sense of light felt more comforting and safe than the darkness ever had. Within him, he somehow knew he had to push away all the darkness, even though another part of him was trying, futilely, to suppress the light.
Fight...
The light is strong.
Who am I?
Gentle...kind...Sam used to tell me that...
I'm Ken. I'm KEN!!
He was barely aware of his imperial garb fading away, his appearance changing with the light and darkness. His mind was changing, everything reversing back to the way it was supposed to be...
I'm free...
The light dissipated, leaving Ken in complete darkness. For the first time in two years, he felt free and light, empty of all the dark feelings that had consumed him. And the thoughts of conquest and arrogance had been erased from his mind, replaced by the gentleness that he was supposed to convey...
It was almost as though something had brainwashed him into becoming evil, practically controlling him. And then he'd managed to break free of its hold.
Though relieved by his liberty from the darkness, Ken felt extremely uncomfortable. The room had gone dark, leaving him in pitch blackness. A cold air ran through the room, a sign of the dark power it inhibited. The heavy sense of darkness, comforting only moments earlier, now felt suffocating, as though it was trying to reclaim the host it had been pushed out of.
A chill running through him, Ken let himself be aware of everything. He was in his grey Tamachi school uniform, his indigo hair hanging passively from his head. He felt confused, scared, and worried at the same time. Confused as to why he was trying so hard to take over the Digiworld...
With a flash, Ken suddenly realized he could barely remember any of what had happened the past two years. All that he could recollect were distant memories of anger, resentment, and digimon screaming...and those sounds of terror struck a chord in him. He was the source of the fear, and all the anger of the Digiworld was aimed towards him.
What have I done...these past two years...I've done horrible things, haven't I...
Suddenly realizing he was still sitting in his Digimon Emperor throne, he gave a yelp and jumped out of it, as though the chair was a device that would bind him to it. Giving himself a moment to breathe correctly, he noticed the chill wind gently brush past him, as though it was trying to lure him back into the clutches of darkness. He flatly ignored it, though he involuntarily shuddered at the same time. He wasn't completely free.
I need to get out of here now...
A pang of fear swept through him, and Ken found himself running. He didn't know where to, all he knew was that the room was filled with a specific dark power that wanted nothing more but to control him. He couldn't let himself be used again, not for the powers of darkness. He didn't want to hear the screams of tortured digimon, caused by his own ignorant wishes for conquest. Ken himself knew the Digiworld was real, and that the pain of the digimon would return for him. He knew the Digimon Emperor did not.
The chill wind blew past him again as he exited the room, only it came harshly this time, filled with anger. Heart pumping, Ken sprinted down the hall, hoping he knew where he was going. He couldn't remember the structure of the base, or how to get from one end to the other. Everything that had been second nature to him as the Digimon Emperor had been blocked to the normal Ken. He could only hope that whatever darkness had taken him also did not know its way around the base.
Ken could feel the source of the wind following him. With a halting breath, filled with fear of being controlled again, he continued to run, dodging around random halls, not knowing where he was going...before he felt something collide with his foot. Yelping, he found himself flying forward, to crash ungracefully to the floor.
He heard an audible gasp. Then, "Oh my goodness! Master! Are you all right...wait..."
Wormmon...he never left my side, even when I was the Digimon Emperor. Oh, Wormmon...
Wormmon stared at Ken with his big blue eyes. "You're...normal...Ken?"
Ken immediately scooped up Wormmon into his arms and hugged him tightly. Ken could imagine Wormmon's confusion, and cursed himself for everything he had done as the Digimon Emperor. Poor Wormmon, who had been beaten, insulted, and treated less than dirt, was suddenly being hugged by his tormentor.
This is all my fault...starting from me accepting the darkness two years ago. I can't ask for Wormmon's forgiveness, or that of the digimon and the Digidestined...I can't let myself be taken into darkness again, or I'll only do even worse deeds...
"Yes, Wormmon, I'm back...I'm really me..." Ken murmured, holding Wormmon close. There was a burning feeling in his eyes, and he could feel them beginning to water. "I'm...I'm so sorry..."
A tear dripped down his face. He didn't bother to wipe it away, too much had happened. He didn't want Wormmon to be hurt any more, he only wanted to escape from the Digiworld and have Wormmon forgive him for his actions. Though he didn't think he deserved Wormmon's forgiveness, or anyone else's for that matter...
Then, to his surprise, he found that his shirt was wet.
"Wormmon...?"
The small green digimon was crying as well. "You're back Ken. I knew you would come back and be the gentle person you are. I knew you were truly good. I'm sorry Ken, I should have been able to make sure you never turned to the darkness..."
"I never should have accepted it...I'm sorry Wormmon, it's really my fault - "
"But you're all right now." Wormmon lifted his head, looking into Ken's eyes. "Right?"
The wind suddenly blew past the two. Ken inhaled sharply, looking up past Wormmon, into the darkness of the hall. A heavy force was coming.
He looked down at Wormmon, who had also noticed the cold aura of darkness and was staring wide-eyed at Ken. Ken slowly let out his breath. "Not quite," he whispered.
With that, he quickly stood, and with Wormmon still in his arms, he began running again.
"I'm sorry Wormmon...I owe you an explanation for all this..." he began.
"I would like to know what's going on...and what I can do to protect you."
Ken felt a slight warmth within him.
"The powers of darkness...I've been controlled by the powers of darkness for two years, Wormmon. I finally managed to break free, but it still wants me." Ken shuddered as he heard a whoosh behind him. "I can barely remember any of what's happened the past two years...the darkness is chasing me now..."
Wormmon seemed to hold still in Ken's arms. There was a pause, as Ken's feet hitting the floor and the whistling wind were the only sounds in the long hall.
Then Wormmon made a resolute statement. "The darkness has done terrible things to you Ken, in return making you do terrible things." Wormmon's tone turned uncharacteristically hard. "I'm not going to let that darkness control you again, Ken. I don't care what happens to me in the process, as long as you can stay you."
Ken held Wormmon closer, still running. "You're a true friend, Wormmon. Thank you."
Wormmon nodded in Ken's arms. "In that case, let's see if I can still digivolve."
Ken was suddenly struck with a few memories...him, as the Digimon Emperor, telling Wormmon he was worthless as a partner...and then, a brief flash of a large humanoid, green armored insect digimon. Ken smiled. His Digimon Emperor side was so clueless.
"Let's go for it then," he answered, taking out his digivice. Which, to his horror, was still black. However, he had no choice but to ignore it.
Wormmon jumped out of Ken's arms into the air, calling out, "Wormmon digivolve to...nothing." The digimon landed on the floor, looking somewhat depressed. He turned, looking back at where the source of the wind was coming from. "I'm sorry Ken."
"It must be the fact that digivolving is cut off here," Ken suddenly commented, remembering blankly some of the horrible things that he had done. The digivolving block was only part of it.
Suddenly, the air became heavy, filled with a strange, musky scent. There was a strange moisture in it as well, making everything feel cold, and muggy at the same time. The general ambience of the entire area became darker.
Ken felt his breathing become uneven, as fear filled him. "It's coming."
Wormmon nodded. "I have an idea though. The base is powered by one object, which is in a special room. If the base has no power, the digivolving block goes away, and I can digivolve."
Ken quickly picked Wormmon back up. "Thank you so much Wormmon. I'm glad you're my partner." With that, Ken began to run again, with Wormmon giving directions and pointing at certain passages every now and then. He also began to think further, realizing just how much he needed Wormmon.
"This darkness...it'll follow me everywhere I go. You're the only hope I have to escape it, Wormmon," Ken started, before taking a quick breath to continue. "I'm sorry about everything, I won't ask for your forgiveness - "
Wormmon interrupted him. "You have it. I always knew the real you would come around some day. Haven't I stayed with you this whole time, Ken?" Wormmon turned his eyes up to Ken's. "I'll be with you always. I'm your partner and your friend. I care about you."
Those words...I've needed them, ever since Sam died.
"I care about you too, Wormmon. And I'll protect you too."
Ken found himself slowly becoming short of breath. He felt he could easily run for much longer, due to playing soccer, but it made him worried at the same time. If he couldn't make it to the power source, then Wormmon wouldn't be able to digivolve, and the darkness would come for him again. He was relieved when Wormmon told him they were close.
Without turning around, ignoring the harsh sounds of wind behind him and increasingly heavy air, he ran across the platforms which led to the room which held the power source.
As the door to the room opened, Ken could feel the strong energy warping the air around him. Not only could he feel it, but he could see it as well; everything was waving around as though it had been heated to a high temperature, only it hadn't. The entire room was filled with energy, which lit everything in the room. Ken found the introduction of light into the base both welcoming and calming at the same time. The middle of the room contained a pedestal, whereupon was a strange cube-like object covered in dark material. An aura surrounded the object.
"Is that it?" Ken asked, pointing at the object. Wormmon nodded, and Ken, taking a deep breath, walked towards the pedestal.
"NO!!!"
A sudden rush of wind collided with Ken's back, and he felt the air being knocked out of him. With a yell, he felt a strong impact of air push him forward, into the air, making him crash into the pedestal. He held Wormmon close, careful to cushion the digimon, though he himself felt a thudding pain all across his body. He and Wormmon both looked up out the door, as pure darkness began to flood the room.
The central sphere of darkness, the source of the wind and cold air, began to take shape. Two clawed hands, connected to two thin, yet strong looking arms. It formed two clawed feet as well, on vaguely dragon like legs. The shape gained a strong tail, and completed its form with two black bat's wings and a draconic face. It seemed almost like a demonic dragon on two legs, muscular and menacing, with deep red eyes.
It pointed one claw at Ken and Wormmon, palm towards them. Ken saw what was coming, and jumped away from the pedestal as a black beam of energy barely missed them.
"You shall not touch it. You will rejoin the darkness first." The creature's voice echoed throughout the base, as the light that lit the room began to dim. Cold air rushed in, making Ken and Wormmon shiver, as dark energy covered up all the light.
"Never," Ken almost snarled, glaring at the creature. "I will never again accept the darkness willingly."
"Then you shall accept it by force."
The creature suddenly swooped forward towards Ken, opening its bat wings wide. Ken knew he couldn't dodge away in time, it was too big. So, he instead gently tossed Wormmon toward the pedestal as the creature reached him.
The creature reached out its left claw, and wrapped it around Ken's neck, though not tightly, only securely shut. Ken sharply inhaled as the claw closed, and tried to struggle, only to have the creature grab his left shoulder and force him to the floor.
"Ken!" He heard Wormmon's voice, and then caught a glimpse of green as the digimon tried to attack the creature. "Sticky Net - "
The creature blew out a stream of dark energy, hitting Wormmon and sending the digimon flying into the wall, where he slid down and fell in a heap.
"Wormmon!" Ken called out in concern, as he tried to pull away the creature's claw from around his throat. It was placing all its weight on the specific claw, specifically pinning Ken to the ground by the neck
"I'm all right Ken! I'm coming!" Wormmon quickly recovered, scuttling across the floor.
Ken could tell Wormmon stood no chance against the creature. "Don't bother with me right now! Remove the power source!"
Wormmon nodded, and scuttled instead, towards the pedestal.
The creature noticed, and it removed the claw holding Ken's shoulder, raising it towards the pedestal. As Wormmon jumped onto the pedestal and tried to push the power source off, the strong wind came again, hitting Wormmon full blast. The small green digimon flew off the pedestal, bouncing painfully off of the floor. The creature ignored the digimon for the time being, moving the claw in a circular motion towards the power source. An indigo-black barrier formed around the entire pedestal, cracking with static force.
Ken felt his stomach drop.
No...
"Wormmon!" he cried out, and the digimon jumped up off the floor, apparently ready to defend his partner in any way possible.
Angry, the creature roared. "You do wrong to mess with a dark spirit. The boy belongs to the powers of darkness. Leave, before I must be forced to deal with you."
Wormmon stayed where he was. "Ken is his own person, he belongs to himself! He isn't going to fall back into darkness, because I'm still here!"
"Then I must remove you."
With that, the creature temporarily released Ken, who quickly tried to get up and dash away. It snorted at Ken's attempt, and raised a claw. Black tendrils of darkness formed in the air, wrapping themselves around him.
Ken tried to keep moving, away from the wisps of smoky blackness, but he felt them become real and solid, wrapping him tightly. They bound his arms and legs, gently circling his neck as well. Unable to move any further, Ken lost his balance, crashing to the ground in a heap.
"Ken!" Wormmon leapt forward, but was easily swatted aside by the dark creature. Ken watched in horror, as the creature calmly picked up the small digimon and threw him out of the room. Another barrier formed at the entrance, blocking off any chance of escape, or chance that Wormmon could come back in.
Wormmon jumped towards the barrier, trying to break back into the room, but as he hit the barrier, black lightning surrounded him, crackling with energy. He fell the ground, crying in pain, as the lightning shocked him. Then in a few seconds, there was a flash, and the lightning surrounding Wormmon was gone. But the digimon didn't move.
Ken's mouth went dry as he saw his partner. He attempted to crawl forward, to reach Wormmon. "Wormmon...Wormmon, please be all right..."
His bonds prevented him from moving closer. He shuddered at the cold tendrils binding him, glancing up at the dark creature. It was moving back towards him, its eyes glinting. Ken felt his heart beating heavily as it approached, the harsh sound of the creature's breathing reached him.
"What...what do you want with me?" he asked, trying to mask out the shaking in his voice.
The creature began laughing. Ken winced at the sharp cackle, as its screeching noise echoed in his bones. "What do I want? I thought it was obvious, child." The creature impatiently waved its tail as it stood over Ken, staring down at him with a hungry look. "I want your soul back."
In normal circumstances, Ken would be annoyed at the somewhat cliché comment, but as he was lying tied up, helpless on the floor, with a large, dark beast above him, he knew the creature was serious, and he was truly afraid. The creature above him was the darkness that had been within him for the past two years, and there was nothing he could do to stop it from taking over him again. He stared up, with wide eyes, as the creature leaned forward.
"You did bad to drive me out, and you won't be able to again," the creature snarled, twisting its jaws into a crooked grin. A gleam of red flashed in its eyes, and it licked its lips. "Such a strong soul. Beautiful." It reached out a claw towards him.
Ken recoiled as the creature gently stroked his chest. "Leave me alone!" he suddenly cried out, scooting himself backwards.
This isn't happening...I'm not going to be taken again, I'll be fine, everything will be all right...
The creature only laughed. "Such a pity. Your efforts are futile. A simple being as yourself cannot hope to forever drive out a dark Spirit such as myself. Lock one away for a time, yes, but never drive one away." It reached out again, this time gently clasping a claw around Ken's neck. "All mine now."
"No! Wormmon! Help!" Ken yelled, trying to look past the dark creature, out past the barrier it had placed on the room to where Wormmon was. He could barely glimpse his partner staring into the room in horror, and he tried to struggle against the creature's grip. The creature ignored his writhing body, and twirled its claw around and carefully penetrated the back of his neck with the tip.
At once, he felt pain. He heard laughing as the creature lost its shape and formed again into the insubstantial mess it had been. From the back of his neck, he could feel coldness seeping through him, pushing back down the light that had managed to overcome the darkness earlier. He screamed, as pain radiated from the spot, struggling against the dark bonds that held him, trying futilely to fight against the darkness, as he felt his own consciousness losing its own ability to think.
Ken could barely hear Wormmon crying out for him in horror; the coldness of the dark spirit only continued its relentless attack, freezing his limbs and slowly destroying all hope of salvation from the nightmare. He was trying to resist against the darkness, but it only continued to come on strongly, suppressing all his thoughts and memories...
No! I'm Ken! I'm not trying to take over the Digiworld! Let me go!
I can't fight...it wants me to...
Stop it!!
The light...it's dim...
Get out of me!!
My memories...they're fading...
This isn't happening. I can't give up!! But...
Someone...help...
He felt all knowledge of himself fading away, to be locked up in the deep recesses of his mind. An old, cold arrogant feeling overcame everything, while deep colored fabric reconfigured itself into an imperial outfit. And slowly, the memories of everything that had happened in the past moments were suppressed, and sealed away.
I'm Ken...but...
Who am I?
I am the Digimon Emperor...
What am I doing here?
Ah, I must work...
The sudden darkness faded, leaving the room as it had been, with the strong waving force of energy and light illuminating the room from the floor. Feeling the familiar weight of tinted glasses, the Digimon Emperor suddenly realized he was been lying on the floor. Ignoring the fading cold sensations all over him, he stood.
Hmm...how did I get here?
Never mind that, I must return to my work.
Ignoring the tugging feeling in the back of his mind, trying to break out, he walked out of the engine room with his air of imperial superiority. The strong heat of the room faded as he stepped out the door, and he calmly disregarded the fact that his mind was telling him he was stepping through where a barrier had been seconds earlier. He didn't know what there was to worry about – after all, the room looked perfectly normal. It wasn't as though some great conflict had just occurred in there.
Looking down onto the platform that led into the room, he noticed a small green digimon looking up at him. "What are you looking at?!" he snarled, glaring at the poor hapless creature.
Wormmon slowly looked down, hiding his eyes. "Nothing...Master."
The Digimon Emperor swiftly exhaled, "Hmph!" and continued down the walkway.
---
Behind the retreating figure of the Digimon Emperor, Wormmon slowly let a tear fall down his face. Wormmon knew the truth, and he had failed to protect his partner...
"I'll free you, Ken," he whispered. "I'll find a way to free you from the darkness and return you to the real you."
He still had hope. He knew Ken would return.
And he would do anything to make sure Ken could break free of the darkness and the Digimon Emperor guise, once and for all.
Fin.