Hey sorry I took so long, I'm at my sister's house at the moment so it was harder to get online all the time. But, the 12th chapter is finally here.

But, just before you read, this chapter is only about Kai, its short but just to explain I'm doing his and Rei's point of veiw before another big chapter comes along. So, sorry Rei fans... It's just Kai today.

Alone

Kai cursed himself for letting his emotions show so easily. I'm being... the bluenett thought to himself, so... weak.

He sighed to himself, scrunching up his eyes to stop the tears that were fighting to fall. Being able to mask his emotions with such ease from years of practice, stopping himself from crying would have been an easy task. But not this time. These tears were different in some way. The only other times he had shed any sort of emotions was when his Grandfather beat him, but he quickly learned to hide them from the sheer fear of more punishment. But he just couldn't. No matter how much the Russian tried, the emotion-tainted liquid kept rolling down his cheeks and plummeting to the floor with silent splashes.

Kai growled lightly in frustration. Why couldn't he stop them? It hadn't been that long since his Grandfather had his 'ways' with him, so he defiantly wasn't out of practice.

The bluenett racked his brain for answers but he could only come up with one. That these were the sorts of tears he had never cried. The sort that isn't causes by physical pain. His tears were the kind that was only triggered by emotional hurt. In his case, it was Rei. Kai had finally come to the conclusion he was crying from the fear of hurting someone he loves, and being hurt by that someone. They were new to him. The stinging pain that throbbed in his heart got worse and worse the more he thought about it.

Kai breathed heavily as if he had been holding it for some time as his eyes began to tingle from crying. And he hated it. He hated the way they streamed down his cheeks leaving wet trails. He hated the way his vision burred as more formed in his eyes. He hated it that when he wiped them away, his eyes remained puffy, thus making it obvious he was crying. He hated it that they refused to stop. He hated how he felt more and more depressed as the tears flowed. And he hated the fact that only one word was in his mind as he cried. Rei.

The bluenett groaned lightly to himself as he let go of the rim on the sink and sat on the edge of the bathtub. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he put his head in his hands. His thoughts trailed over to his kitten as he sat quietly, listening to the silent sobs from outside the door. He's crying because of me... Kai thought, a mountain of guilt suddenly collapsing on him, but I'm crying because of him. He couldn't help the small grin that came over him when he thought 'I'm crying' as he shook his head slightly. Still unable to accept the fact he was shedding tears he banished the thought from his mind, and continued to think about the raven blader in the other room.

Kai let his thoughts wander as he tried to imagine how Rei was feeling. Confused. Sad. Hurt. Unloved. Alone maybe. Or was that just how Kai himself was feeling, and he just couldn't handle all those feelings at once. For feeling such emotions, letting them engulf him in their own twisted world was something the Russian Bluenett was very much a beginner in.

But then it hit him. He was feeling that way, yet it was never clear to him until he tried to think from someone else's point of view.

Kai was so confused to why he acted the way he did towards Rei. Why he didn't just forget the whole thing and take the tiger in his arms and tell him everything would be ok. So confused.

He was indeed sad. He knew from the tears that continued to fall that he was feeling more and more miserable as time dragged on.

Hurt. Yes, Kai defiantly hurt. Both emotionally and physically. His eyes burned from the constant flow of water, and his heart continued to wilt into the inky void of depression, self hate and the fear of thinking he and Rei would be over.

But unloved made him more puzzled. He knew Rei loved him, and Rei knew he returned those feelings. Yet still, the thought of the tiger no longer returning his passionate devotion haunted the back of his mind and made him feel very, very cold.

Then there was the final feeling. Alone. Kai knew that feeling all too well. He was alone as a child, alone at school, alone at the Abbey, alone in the world today. The only time he felt as if he truly wasn't alone anymore, was the day he and Rei first got together. It was then that the bluenett thought he would never again have to feel the freezing sensation of knowing that if you ever needed comfort, no one would come. But just like the tide of the Caribbean he was in, it always comes back, even deeper than before. This feeling nagged at Kai. It made him feel so lost. Knowing that no one was there to lean against, no arms to wrap around him, knowing that no one was there to spill his thoughts to.

The tears fell faster as he buried his face in his hands, biting his lip to keep in the stifled moans of depression deep with in from the fear of Rei hearing him, and seeing him in such a state.

Kai yearned for reassurance from his tiger. To feel his soothing skin against his own was what he desired so much right now. But he knew no one would come, and a small thought lingered in the back of his mind that was filled with thankfulness.

No one would see him like this. He was alone. Again.

Yup... All done, sorry that chapter was so short. I was going to carry it on, but becasue I was taking so long and I got a bit of writers block on what to write about... I thought I better just post it...

R&R happy-chans!

S4K