Chapter Eleven
For a few actual minutes, Kristy was too stunned to speak. She was too stunned to even move. Stacey was still talking, but it was as if her voice was coming from the far end of a long, dark tunnel. The horrible words kept repeating themselves over and over again in Kristy's brain, like some kind of sick mantra. Watson had another heart attack . . . Watson had another heart attack . . .
The first time Watson, her stepfather, had had a heart attack, she was thirteen years old and it was because he was overworked as CEO of his successful corporation. Even though he'd been okay, it had been a scary experience. But a second heart attack? Would he be so lucky to be all right?
"What?" Kristy finally managed to say.
"Apparently he collapsed at work," Stacey was saying. "They don't know what caused it, exactly, but he's in the hospital, in intensive care. Mary Anne said that she was going to Stoneybrook tonight to see your mother and help with the kids. I told her that I'd go with her. So I'll be by your apartment in a few minutes to pick you up, and. . ."
"Hold it," Kristy said weakly. Stacey's words were barely registering up until that point. Fear shot through Kristy's body. "Pick me up?"
"Kristy!" Stacey exclaimed. "Your family needs you!"
Kristy shook her head so hard that she gave herself a headache. Or maybe it was the stress. She pressed her hand to her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut. "No, no," she protested. "I won't be much good. I mean. . .let me know what's going on. . ."
Stacey was silent for a couple of moments. When she spoke again, her voice was full of controlled anger. "Kristy, maybe you didn't get what I said. Your father had a heart attack. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Of course it does," Kristy replied. "But I can't…I mean--"
"Oh, forget it," Stacey snapped. "I don't know why I even called you. I thought you changed, Kristy, and I thought I understood what you're going through, but I was wrong. You're just as immature as you ever were."
"Immature?" Kristy repeated blankly.
"Yes, immature," Stacey shot back. "Only someone who is completely immature and selfish would continue to hide out and wallow in self pity when she's well aware of the fact that her family needs her. Stay in New York then. Don't bother showing up to Watson's funeral, either." With that, Stacey slammed the phone down so hard that Kristy could feel it shake through miles of phone lines. Slowly, Kristy carefully set the receiver back in the cradle. Her hands were shaking. She stared at them for a few minutes, as if they were foreign, alien's hands, and not her own. She didn't recognize her stubby fingernails or the bracelet she wore around her wrist. The bracelet was vibrating with her hands' motions. And her head was pounding. She was reeling from Stacey's comments, but she couldn't even dredge up the strength to be insulted. In fact, Stacey was right.
Kristy's mind drifted to Watson. Watson, who had been nothing but nice to her since she met him. Even in the beginning, when Kristy hated the idea of her mother's dating. When she did her damnedest to push Watson out of her family's world. Even then, he never stopped trying. After he and Kristy's mother were married, he gave Kristy everything she needed, and offered even more. He provided her with a beautiful bedroom in a beautiful house. He took her family on vacations to Disney World, across the country, ski lodges, and not only tolerated it when she wanted to bring her band of friends along, but rather encouraged it. He bought her clothes when she needed them. He came and videotaped her school plays and gave her bouquets of red roses in high school. He was much more of a father to her than her biological father had ever been. And here she was. Living in an apartment paid for with money stolen from him. Hiding her child from someone who would be nothing but a wonderful grandfather. Turning her back on him when he was in the hospital after a heart attack.
Kristy tried to push the thoughts away. He wouldn't want to see her, she told herself. He probably resented his stepdaughter, who's future had once been promising, but instead she left a legacy of being a runaway thief. He probably hated her. He probably thought that she was an ungrateful, spoiled brat who turned her back on her family.
But. . . wasn't she?
As her thoughts had been running, she'd been heading to the counter, pouring herself a drink, but the thought made her stop cold. Only the tinkling of liquid made her snap out of it. She looked down and realized with a start that her champagne had reached the top of her glass and continued spilling over, fizzing all over the counter. Kristy stopped pouring and reached mechanically for a dish towel, wiping up the spill. Was she really an ungrateful, spoiled brat? Maybe that was her problem all along. She'd been hiding, suffering, wallowing in self pity, as Stacey had said. But, no. After all, her feelings were real. She wasn't imagining them. She'd truly been hurt, in a way she'd never been hurt before.
But maybe it was time to move on from that. Maybe after awhile, it wasn't the hurt that kept her so hollow. Maybe it was just pure stubbornness. Somewhere, the pain had ended and she didn't know how to just fucking deal, and so she kept on going as she was. Well, not anymore.
Kristy grabbed the phone, feeling a resolve so strong, she couldn't push it back. She didn't even want to. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do. She had to be the strong girl that she had once been. Quickly, she dialed Stacey's number, hoping she wasn't too late.
She wasn't. Stacey picked up after about three rings. "Hello?" she said breathlessly.
"It's me," Kristy said simply. "Come pick me up." And then she hung up the phone before she had a chance to change her mind.
"Sarah!" Kristy bellowed, running down the hall to Sarah's bedroom. Sarah was sitting on the floor, half-heartedly walking a doll around on the floor.
"Yeah?" she asked.
"Come on." Kristy knelt down and picked Sarah up, hoisting her onto her bed. "Put your shoes on, okay? We're going on a trip."
Sarah's eyes were wide as she obediently reached for her scuffed Powerpuff Girl sneakers. "To where?"
Kristy had gone to Sarah's closet and grabbed a pink suitcase. She began grabbing clothes off of hangers and setting them in the suitcase as neatly as she could. T-shirts for around the house, pants for outside, Sarah's jacket, an extra pair of sneakers, socks, underwear. "To see our family," she answered finally. When Sarah was done with her shoes, Kristy told her to pack up a bag with toys and games that she wanted to bring. Then she zipped up the pink suitcase and headed to her own bedroom to pack. Grabbing sweaters and jeans for herself, she tossed them into her large black duffel bag. She added underwear, socks, a couple of books, and her laptop to the bag, zipped it closed, and let out her breath just as Stacey buzzed in.
Kristy ran to the living room and opened the door. Stacey looked hurried and frazzled, but even under those conditions, she was gorgeous, dressed impeccably in a pair of black jeans, a violet sweater, and a white leather jacket. But her blue eyes were filled with tears. "Oh, Kristy," she said when Kristy opened the door. Kristy felt her own eyes welling with tears. She and Stacey shared a long, meaningful hug, silence speaking louder than any words could. Then Kristy called to Sarah.
It took a few minutes of organizing, but finally Kristy was ready to leave. Stacey carried Sarah's pink suitcase, while Sarah strapped on her backpack, filled with dolls and blocks and books. Kristy tried to call Clive, but she only got his voice mail. She left a hurried message. "It's Kristy. I've had a family emergency and I'm leaving town immediately. I'll be out of work indefinitely. Call a temp. I'll be in touch." It was impersonal and for a minute, she wondered if she should add anything else. But she didn't. She didn't have time to worry about it. Instead, after she hung up, she turned off her phone and switched on the answering machine. She checked her appliances, made sure they were turned off, locked all the windows, and turned off the lights. Then they left, and she locked the door tightly behind her.
"I'm meeting Mary Anne at Grand Central Station," Stacey explained on the way. "We're going to try and get immediate tickets to Stoneybrook."
Kristy nodded, clasping her hands together nervously. In just a few minutes, she'd be face-to-face with her best friend again. But even that was nothing compared to what was waiting for her when she reached Stoneybrook. She took a deep breath.
Next to her, Sarah looked up at her. She'd been silent since Kristy had burst into her room and began packing. She seemed to understand that something was wrong, but she didn't know what, and she didn't ask. She just scooted as close to Kristy as she possibly could. Kristy wrapped an arm around her comfortingly.
It wasn't long before they got a cab and it had reached the train station. Kristy followed Stacey into the main lobby. Right away, Stacey called, "Mary Anne!"
Kristy's heart was pounding, and she actually tried to shield herself behind Stacey. But she could still see who Stacey was waving at. She clutched at Sarah's hand. Mary Anne had changed, and yet she was still the same. She'd gotten taller. Her brown hair, which she used to keep short, had grown out over her shoulders. She had golden high lights streaked through it. And she was dressed like a regular New Yorker, in a pair of jeans that had studs around the legs. Her feet were clad in black ankle boots and underneath a very chic, faux fur-trimmed leather jacket, she was wearing a black silk top that shimmered when she moved.
Stacey seemed to realize then that Kristy was hiding. "Kristy," she hissed. "Come on, it's Mary Anne."
Kristy was shaking, but she tried to hide it. Attempting to bring out the outspoken tomboy she used to be, she took a deep breath and stepped out from behind Stacey just as Mary Anne reached them.
Mary Anne was looking at Stacey. She glanced at Kristy and began to say, "I managed to get two tickets--" She stopped and did a double-take. Her eyes locked with Kristy's and her jaw dropped so much, it was almost comical.
"Kristy?" she said after a moment.
Kristy nodded. "Hi," she replied. Her voice came out like a croak because her throat was so dry.
Mary Anne opened and closed her mouth a few times, and finally, out of sheer nervousness, Kristy cracked a smile. "Your excitement is overwhelming," she said. "Don't talk so much or I won't be able to keep up."
Stacey grinned and finally Mary Anne closed her mouth. "I don't believe it," she murmured. She turned to Stacey accusingly. "You found her? When?"
"Awhile ago," Stacey admitted. "She knows about Watson. She's coming to Stoneybrook with us."
Something flashed through Mary Anne's eyes. Something like anger. But it was so quick that Kristy didn't have time to analyze it. Mary Anne forced a smile and turned back to Kristy. "Wow. I mean, I'm glad you're okay. It's, uh, good to see you." She stepped forward and gave Kristy a polite hug, as if they were strangers. Kristy was bewildered. Mary Anne was the most sensitive human being on the entire East Coast. Kristy would have expected her to be crying buckets by now.
Stacey looked confused, too. But they really didn't have time to pursue the matter. Mary Anne went back to Stacey. "I found two tickets," she repeated. "The train leaves in about half an hour. I guess you need to get one too, Kristy."
"Two, actually." Sarah was still completely hidden by Stacey. Kristy pulled her a little and reluctantly, Sarah stepped out.
Mary Anne's eyes widened again. "Who's this?" she asked.
"My daughter," Kristy said simply.
Mary Anne shot another look at Kristy, but this time she couldn't hide any surprise. "Your daughter?"
"Yeah. It's a long story.""I'm sure," Mary Anne snapped. Kristy blinked. Mary Anne quickly closed her mouth and turned away, kneeling down to Sarah's height. "Hi. I'm Mary Anne," she said in her cheerful, baby-sitter's voice. "What's your name?"
"Sarah," Sarah replied shyly.
"Sarah, what a pretty name."
Kristy and Stacey exchanged glances over Mary Anne's head. Then Stacey cleared her throat. "Come on, let's get those tickets," she said.
Mary Anne gave Kristy the cold shoulder for the rest of the night. Kristy didn't bother trying to figure it out. Mary Anne would come around, she told herself. She was just surprised.
On the train, Sarah fell asleep almost immediately. She leaned up against Kristy and stuck her two fingers into her mouth, her eyes closed. Looking at her, Kristy realized that for once, she actually looked and seemed like a two-year-old.
She leaned her own head against the large glass window next to her, watching the dark scenery fly by. The train that they were on had benches instead of seats, and Kristy and Sarah shared one bench. Across from them, on a bench that faced them, was Mary Anne and Stacey. Stacey was flipping through a magazine and Mary Anne was busily knitting something. Kristy wondered if she should say anything, but she couldn't find any words. Anyway, it didn't really matter. She just kept her eyes straight out the window, her thoughts drifting.
The train pulled into the Stoneybrook station in a cloud of steam that billowed from the tracks and wisped out onto the platform, as if it were a scene in a forties movie. When Kristy stepped off the train, she stopped and looked around. It was so familiar and yet it was different, as well. She hadn't been there since three years before, when she'd boarded a train to New York City. She had been a different person, then.
"Come on." Mary Anne's voice cut into her thoughts. "I'll call a cab."
Not too long later, they were in a cab, driving through Stoneybrook. The town was dark, quiet and sleepy, even though it wasn't too much past eleven. In New York, the streets were wild and full of life deep into the night and then again the next morning. But in Stoneybrook, the shops were all closed, and the streets were deserted. Most of the tidy, well-kept houses were dark, with only a few stray lights coming from one or two houses. Kristy kept looking around, recognizing places. Claudia Kishi's old house and BSC headquarters. Stoneybrook Middle School. The Pizza Express was gone, replaced by a boutique. But the Rosebud Café was still there. So was Bellair's.
Finally, the cab headed into the more upscale part of town, where the roads were well-paved and lined with fresh trees that were glittering with autumn colored leaves. Some leaves scattered onto the ground and flew into the air when the cab passed them. The houses were far away from the road, only their tips visible to the public. They went down a few streets, and then finally pulled onto McLelland Road. Kristy's heart began to pound and her hands felt clammy. This was it. After all this time, it looked exactly the same. Shannon Kilbourne's mailbox was still that silly, miniature house that her mother had put up during high school. Kristy could see herself walking down the sidewalk, wearing a baseball cap and jeans, walking her dog, Louie. She saw ghosts of herself meeting Shannon Kilbourne for the first time, sticking her tongue out at the snobby girl who she later became friends with. She saw ghosts of children playing in the streets, shouting and laughing to each other.
The cab stopped in front of Kristy's mansion. Kristy swallowed hard a few times, looking up at the beautiful house as if it were a foreign castle, not a home where she'd lived for so many years. Her house. A place she'd never expected to be again. She felt a lump in her throat and glanced over at Stacey.
Stacey was looking at her sympathetically. "Are you all right?" she asked.
Kristy nodded. "I . . .do you mind if I go up first? Alone?"
Stacey nodded in understanding. Mary Anne said nothing. "Keep Sarah here for a few minutes," Kristy added, glancing at Sarah, who was asleep again.
"Sure."
She took a deep breath and opened the cab door, stepping out into the cold air. Grabbing her duffel bag, she put it over her shoulder and turned, looking up at the house. It was ironic, but she was returning looking like, well, a runaway. Her hair was a bit on the messy side. She was wearing baggy jeans, sneakers, and an oversized black sweatshirt. Her bag was slung over her shoulder. But there was nothing she could do but walk up the long, winding driveway and face her past. And her future.
She wondered who would be there. Sam and Charlie, her older brothers? Probably not. They'd left years ago, for college, and she wasn't even sure where they lived now. David Michael, her younger brother? He was fourteen now, just like Karen, Kristy's stepsister. They'd probably be home. Not Andrew, Kristy's stepbrother. He was eleven, but years ago he'd gone and moved with his mother and stepfather to Chicago. And Emily Michelle, Kristy's youngest sister? She was only nine. Were they all at the hospital, or were they at home, in the kitchen, waiting for news, like last time? Maybe Karen would be entertaining Emily with some games. Maybe Nannie, Kristy's grandmother, was puttering around in the kitchen, making cookies and telling everyone that it would be okay.
Was Kristy's mother home? Or would she be at the hospital, too?
Kristy didn't have any more time to think. She was going to lose her nerve. She rounded the house and went to the kitchen entrance. She didn't hear any noise. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her fist and knocked loudly on the door. She supposed she could have just gone on in. But it wasn't as if she lived there anymore. Walking in didn't feel right. So she waited.
It was a few minutes, and Kristy began to think that nobody was home, after all. But then the doorknob turned. Kristy's heart leapt into her throat as the door opened and she found herself facing her mother.
She didn't know what to say. Mrs. Brewer's eyes widened, and she looked at Kristy as if she were a stranger. For a few moments, there was nothing but silence as they stared at each other. Kristy's face was a mask of sadness, silently asking her mother to forgive her. And Mrs. Brewer's held only surprise. But then, slowly, her face softened and she looked as if she were going to cry.
Wordlessly, Mrs. Brewer stepped forward and pulled Kristy into a hug so tight, she almost couldn't breathe. But Kristy didn't care. She held on for dear life, hugging her mother with the same fervor. Somehow, right then, she didn't need any words.
But silence didn't explain everything, nor did it tell Kristy what she needed to know. When she finally unlocked herself from her mother's embrace, the first thing she said was, "How's Watson?"
Mrs. Brewer let out her breath and stepped back so that Kristy could enter the house. "He's going to be okay," she assured Kristy. "He collapsed at the office, but fortunately it was a mild one. He was released fairly quickly from intensive care into a room. He'll be there for a few days. I decided to come home and be with the kids tonight." Then she blinked. "How did you know about Watson?"
Kristy shrugged. "Stacey McGill told me."
"When was this?"
"Today. Well, tonight. Richard Spier told Mary Anne, who told Stacey, who told me."
"I see." Mrs. Brewer crossed her arms. "Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to see you, but am I to believe that all this time your friends have known where you were and never told us? Where were you, for that matter? I think that we have a lot to talk about."
"Yes." Kristy set down her duffel on the counter and looked her mother straight in the eye. "We do have a lot to talk about."
"I just can't believe all of this," Mrs. Brewer said later that night. She, Mary Anne, Stacey, and Kristy were gathered around in the living room, sitting on the comfortable, familiar couches. Kristy was curled up next to her mother and had changed into a sweatshirt and sweatpants. Her hands were curled around a mug of hot chocolate.
It had taken a couple of hours, but Kristy had explained everything to her mother. First she'd gestured from the front door for her friends to come inside from the cab. Then she'd had to introduce (and explain) Sarah. Then, when Sarah had been set up in one of the guest bedrooms and went to sleep, Kristy sat down with her mother and her friends and the entire story spilled out.
Now, it was very late and the news, and Kristy's presence in the Brewer household, was still sinking in. Finally, Mrs. Brewer shook her head. "Kristy, honey, what I still don't understand is why you didn't just tell Watson and I what was going on. Any disappointment you might have thought we'd feel would have been nothing compared to the worry we went through."
"I know." Kristy hung her head, feeling like a thirteen year old again. "I'm sorry."
Mrs. Brewer nodded, letting out a sigh. "It's getting late," she replied. "I think we should all just talk about this some more in the morning. Right now, we need some sleep."
"Where is everyone, anyway?" Kristy asked.
"Karen, David Michael, and Emily are in bed, and Nannie's at her apartment. She moved into her own place about six months ago."
"Oh."
"Come on, girls," Mrs. Brewer said. "Let's find you places to sleep."
Awhile later, Kristy had settled into the guest room that she and Sarah were going to share, and Mary Anne and Stacey shared another room. Kristy went about changing her clothes to get ready for bed while her mother helped her unpack.
"I do have to say," Mrs. Brewer said as she put away Kristy's last t-shirt, "that it's good to have you home again."
Kristy looked up at her mother and felt tears spring to her eyes. Mrs. Brewer also looked a little choked up. Slowly she crossed the room and wrapped Kristy into another hug. Kristy hung onto her tightly, sniffling back a few tears.
"Good night," Mrs. Brewer said as she let Kristy go.
"Good night," Kristy replied.
After Mrs. Brewer left, Kristy turned down her bed sheets and climbed into bed, exhaustion creeping over her body. But she couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned for awhile until finally she sat up. She knew what was bothering her.
She slowly reached for the phone on the bedside table and picked up the phone. Her fingers automatically dialed the only number she knew by heart. One ring, two rings, three rings. . . He picked up. "Hello?" Clive asked.
Kristy opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Finally, her hand trembling, she slowly replaced the phone into its cradle.
Then she buried her head under her pillow and closed her eyes, trying once again to get some sleep.
Kristy stayed in bed as long as possible the next morning. She was avoiding her siblings. She didn't know if Mrs. Brewer would break the news to them that she was home, or if she had to do it herself. Either way, she wasn't looking forward to it. She was eager to see them, of course. The problem was that she wasn't sure if they would be eager to see her.
So even though she was awake by dawn, she stayed in bed with her laptop, working on her book. Across the room, Sarah slept peacefully until almost nine in the morning. But when she started tossing and turning, Kristy knew that she had to go and face the music.
The guest bedroom, fortunately, had an adjoining bathroom. She took Sarah into the bath with her and then took her time fixing them up. She combed Sarah's hair until it was shiny and pulled it up into pigtails fasted with blue bows. Kristy dressed her in a blue jumper, a white t-shirt that had a yellow duck on it, and a pair of blue Mary Janes with white socks. "Everyone will love you," Kristy commented.
Sarah grinned and sat on the bed, swinging her legs and watching her mother get dressed. For herself, Kristy chose a pair of jeans and a black, off-the shoulder sweater over a dark purple tank top. She pulled her hair up away from her face, slipped on sneakers, and then, for a final touch, smoothed a little lip gloss on her lips. There. She was ready.
"Come on," Kristy said to Sarah with cheerfulness in her voice. "Let's go get some breakfast."
The house was quiet when Kristy finally emerged from her room. Slowly, holding Sarah's hand, they made their way down the front stairs. Whispered voices were coming from the kitchen. Kristy approached slowly, trying to eavesdrop.
"She's here now?" someone asked in a hush.
"Yes." That was Mrs. Brewer. "I want you all to be on your best behavior. No questions. Kristy and I talked for a long time last night and she's been through a lot. Don't be too hard on her."
"We don't even get to know where she's been?" This time it was a female voice. Karen?
"She's been in New York," Mrs. Brewer answered.
"Why?" This time it was a boy's voice.
Kristy had completely stopped now and she was just standing outside of the kitchen, shamelessly listening to her family discuss her reappearance. She heard Mrs. Brewer let out a sigh before answering, "There were circumstances. I should tell you that she's got someone with her." Mrs. Brewer paused. "She has a daughter."
"You're kidding!" Karen exclaimed loudly.
"Shh!" Mrs. Brewer hissed. "No, I am not kidding. Like I said, she's had a very tough time and there were circumstances. So, like I said, please do not give her a rough time."
Kristy had heard enough. Now was as good a time as any to make a dramatic entrance. She stepped around the corner leading into the kitchen and cleared her throat. "I guess you all know I'm here," she announced herself.
Everyone looked up. Kristy had never been a particularly shy person, but she felt nervous as all eyes turned on her at once and immediately, all conversation ceased. Sitting around the kitchen table was Mrs. Brewer, Karen, David Michael, and Emily. Mrs. Brewer gave Kristy a warm smile, but Kristy was too busy looking at her siblings. Karen had grown up a lot. She'd been pretty as a child but now she was almost breathtaking. Her long blonde hair was hanging loose around her shoulders, the top part held back with a pink headband. She was wearing a pink sweatshirt and blue jeans and her blue eyes looked even bluer than usual. Next to her, David Michael was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, a baseball cap backwards over his curly dark hair. Emily had her black hair pulled up into a high ponytail, fastened with a yellow tie. It matched the yellow dress that she was wearing. The three kids looked at Kristy, stunned.
"Kristy!" Karen said finally, rising from her seat. "Oh my god, I can't believe it." She hurried around to embrace her older sister.
"Hi, sweetie," Kristy replied, hugging her back. "Hi David Michael. Emily," she added. She lifted the hand that was still attached to Sarah. "This is my daughter, Sarah."
Karen immediately reached down and picked up Sarah. "Hi there," Karen bubbled. "Boy, you are a cutie. How old are you?"
"Almost three," Sarah replied.
"I love your hair," Karen went on. "You look like a very lovely lady." Sarah giggled.
Mrs. Brewer was smiling softly. "Why don't you have some breakfast," she suggested, "and then we'll go and see Watson at the hospital."
Kristy nodded. "Definitely," she agreed.
It was time to face her stepfather.