Chapter 7

Legal disclaimer-I don't own them. Nope, sure don't.

Author's Note-Lookout, it's going to get really bad. BAD. I have rewritten this segment about three times. I might offend some folks, but remember, it has to be pretty bad to set Jesse off. The subject matter here is not for the kids here. Thanks and review please. I'll take the tomatoes with the golden eggs on this one. Reviews appreciated!

Jesse took several deep breaths and found the control that he knew he had over his emotions. In his few years with Emma she had taught him control and he had taken to it like a duck in water. The fact that Lexa's mere presence was muddling with his control was pissing him off. He had kept their breakup so much to himself that he realized then and there that he really should have done something when she left him. There was no one to turn to though. Brennan and Shalimar had started their relationship and he was not going to be the third wheel.

Instead, he struck off on his own and licked his wounds. He got a job away from Mutant X, moved, and got himself a life. The bonus was the day he found Emma. He could have the best of both worlds and a wife that adored him. That was what he needed. That was his life now.

Lexa Pierce being unfinished with him, that part, had eaten him alive. Emma knew he was still hurting. She felt the wound reopen the moment he saw Lexa. It was fresh and palpable. She found him out on the back porch, his hair glistening in the morning sunlight.

"She's telling Shal her version of the story, isn't she?" Jesse asked, not turning around to Emma.

He knew she was there instantly. He had known her actions from the day they married. Love did that, you always made sure that the other person was okay, no matter what. He knew that she would help him with his pain. He had helped her with hers.

"Yeah, I think so," Emma replied, "Jesse, can you calmly go back in there?"

"You tell me," Jesse said, turning around and physically shaking, "It's really hard, Em."

"You need to do this," Emma said, putting her hand out to him, "Settle it. You need to for Adam's sake and your own. They need to know."

"I know," Jesse took her hand and slowly walked back into the house.

While Jesse was gathering his thoughts, Shalimar was trying to get the story out of Lexa. Lexa had never spoken about her personal feelings toward Jesse to Shalimar, she always felt it awkward since Shalimar was more like a sister to him. She had really loved Jesse. She knew that he loved her as well, and that the love he had for her was deep. She took a moment and put her thoughts together.

"I'm the reason that Jesse left, Shalimar," she began, meeting the other woman's eyes, "I found out that I was pregnant."

"Wait a second," Shalimar sat, "You were pregnant and Jesse left you?"

"No, I left him," Lexa began, sitting with Shalimar, "I didn't know what to do. The mere thought of me with a child was something I never imagined let alone wanted. The thought of two mutants with our abilities having a child was completely overwhelming. We were facing our expiration dates and I did not want a child growing up without parents like I did."

"Makes perfect sense, to some," Shalimar said, trying to soothe the anxiety out of Lexa, "How did he find out? I know he passed his expiration date."

"I couldn't even bring myself to tell him. He found a pregnancy test in our bathroom."

"Wow. So, he's excited thinking he's going to be a dad and you're.."

"Completely and utterly terrified," she continued, turning away from Shalimar and looking the direction that Jesse had fled to, "I didn't know what to do."

"You could have told me," Jesse replied, as he and Emma came into the room, "I could have helped you."

"Yeah, how?" Lexa spat, her anger coming out, "Tell me that we weren't in horrendous shape when I found out I was pregnant. We were in that fleabag motel in Arizona, Jesse, we barely had enough money for food, let alone the room."

Shalimar nodded, she remembered the days after the explosion in Sanctuary by the places they stayed. That was a week after everything went to hell. They found money the next week, once Lexa had left. Jesse had managed to uncover a secure account that got them into a safehouse. It had only been a minor setback at the time, but, it had been a week of hell.

"We got by, Lexa, we stayed together," Jesse said calmly, "You're the one who left."

"I had to, I had to get out of there," Lexa continued, her anger growing, "You could have come with me, but you refused."

"I didn't refuse, I proposed and you ran away," Jesse squeezed Emma's hand, he hadn't told her any of this, and did not want to hurt her, "You sent me a postcard from Denver, where you were then back in with the leftovers of the Dominion. You never even gave me a chance to help. I wanted to, I loved you and you threw me away."

Jesse's voice broke and he felt the tears come. They had been held back for years. Emma stood fast next to him, her calmness to his anger a balance he fed off. She held his hand tightly. She wasn't going anywhere.

"I didn't throw you away," Lexa said, getting up to face him, "Jesse, I couldn't face it. We couldn't have had a child in those conditions."

"You're lying," he said, his voice getting hoarse, "You could too face it. Do you remember what the last thing was that you said to me? Are you still so stuck in the lie that you don't remember? Or do you think it to be true?"

"Jesse," Shalimar's voice was soft as she handed him a tissue, "Don't."

"No, I have to do this, Shal, I've been sitting on it for far too long," Jesse continued, as he watched Lexa being reduced to tears, "Do you remember?"

"No," she said softly.

"Liar," he spat, "You remember, and I know you do. You left me with it, and I cannot forgive you for it. I've been carrying those words with me for the past five years, Lexa. They cut me to my soul and it's time they cut back."

Lexa started to cry, her tears running down her face. Brennan had entered the room as Jesse had, but from his vantage point, this was getting very ugly. He wanted to jump in, but doing so would stop the process, and he knew instinctively to let it happen. He could help pick up the pieces afterward.

"Jesse, I was scared," Lexa cried, "What did you want me to do?"

"I wanted you to let me and us help you," Jesse let go of Emma's hand and his voice started to raise, "You didn't realize it, but you had become part of a family. You shoved me away and shoved away the family that you had built here. You've lied to Shalimar, blamed me for your leaving, then you alienated Shalimar and Brennan from me. Don't you get it? Don't you remember what you said?"

"No," she repeated.

"I'll remind you then," Jesse was shouting, but the pain was finally releasing, "You said you could never have the child of a FREAK, being a freak yourself. You then told me that you had an abortion to make sure that it never happened."

Shalimar stopped. The pain in Jesse's voice explained everything. He hurt so badly for years that a life was lost due to Lexa's lack of trust. In the years she had known him Jesse always had been for women's rights, but he was hurting because of what could have been. He was so torn, he knew a woman had a right to choose, and respected that, but Lexa's choice wasn't even something he could have been involved in. She had made the choice for him and he hated her for it. In that instant, he had grown up.

Brennan stared at him. When Jesse wanted to talk, he did. The emotion behind it spoke volumes. Emma in turn shook with the energy that Jesse had released in that one sentence. His emotional wall was down and in pieces. He sat on a chair, his head in his hands, shoulders shaking. Lexa sat in an opposite chair, sobbing quietly.

"About time that came out," Brennan said, breaking the eerie silence that had covered the room.

Lexa laughed bitterly. She felt like she had betrayed the whole room.

"You okay?" Emma asked Jesse, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Jesse didn't answer, just nodded. He was crying as well. His wall was down and the hurt and pain he hid behind it were beginning to come out. Emma could feel it and knelt down next to him. Gently, she lifted his face to meet hers.

"You hid all of that from me?" she asked.

Through his tears, he nodded. It felt good to release all the anger and pain, but once again, he felt alone. The moment Lexa had called him a freak he felt like his world had shattered. He could withstand anything, even the destruction of Sanctuary, as long as he was loved. When she said that, after all of his trust and love had gone into their relationship, he was wounded deeply. And this was a wound that didn't heal. It became infected with anger, distrust and rage.

Emma wrapped her arms around his shoulders and let him cry. He needed it.

Shalimar went and checked on Lexa. She held her friend through the tears.

Eventually, both of them stopped crying and Jesse found the ability to speak.

"Emma, get me out of here, okay?" he whispered.

Emma helped him up and they left the room together. Emma flashed a look to Brennan that simply said 'later' and led Jesse back out onto the back porch. She settled him onto the stairs and held him. Jesse didn't talk, just felt exhausted and in need of a good thousand yard stare. Emma hugged him until he stopped shaking. He kissed her on the top of the head and just held her.