Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I don't own a thing except this story. Thanks for the reviews and I appreciate the fact that you find this funny!
Flames aren't accepted for this! I don't know that much about X-men. The people I have in this fic are people I know from the episodes I watched. I have no idea who Remy, Gambit or some of the others so they won't be included. I don't know much about the New Recruits either.
If I don't know much, why am I writing an X-men fic you ask? Hm…good question. I'll get back to you on that one….
Alrightly, so things that have words between these things: { } are my two cents that I input in the story! Now read away!
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"I didn't order a pizza so you can go away," Jean called down to Toad.
Toad scowled. "I'm not a pizza-delivery person. It's Toad."
"I didn't order any toads either."
"I am the Toad! Just let me up, dumb ass!" Toad screamed in frustration.
"Okay. I think there's a ladder down there somewhere."
"I'm not looking for a ladder in the dark. You've got the power to pick stuff up with what little brain you have, right? Do that to me!"
Jean stared at him for a while and finally used her telepathy to lift Toad up. "Hi. How are you today?" she asked cheerfully. "You didn't set up a schedule so we can't do anything."
"I don't want anything to do with you. I just came to ask for some advice."
"Okie dokie. What's the question?"
"It's about Wanda. She's got this boyfriend that escaped from the state penitentiary. I don't know why she chose him over me! She won't even talk to me or look at me. She just ignores me! How can I get her attention?"
"You can hop around naked in the school. That'll get everyone's attention."
"Nah, that'll just distract everyone with my devilish good looks. I was thinking more along the lines of doing something drastic that'll only get her attention."
"You can beat up her boyfriend. That's always fun."
"He's six feet tall and with a lot of muscles. He's like that Freddy Krueger you call a friend."
"Who?"
"Wolverine!"
"Oh. I don't know who Freddy Krueger is."
"Then forget about it. So the point is little ole me can't beat up a mountain. I need something else."
"What's the guy's name?"
"Rodrigo Sanchez. Anyway, just hand over more ideas!"
"How about taking a bath more often? Once a month won't cut it. Girls like a clean-shaven guy that doesn't have shrooms growing on him."
"I don't have mushroom on me! Okay, maybe one, but I'm not going to wash more than I need to! What else can I do?"
"Erm." Jean racked her brain to find something. "Make her jealous. You know how teenagers are. If they get laid, they'll spread it around the whole school and people get jealous. That's why I'm so popular." She tossed her hair over her shoulders proudly. "Yep. I've been with nearly half the school and I haven't caught anything!"
Toad scratched his cheek thoughtfully. What Jean said wasn't really something to be proud of. "Who am I going to find that will willingly sleep with me, then? The girls are all over me, but I need to find someone closer to Wanda's league."
Jean coughed purposely. "(coughing) EH HEM!"
"You?" Toad asked incredulously. "You?!"
"Well you wouldn't be the first," Jean replied with a shrug. "Of course I have a minimum 20 dollar fee. I do need money for some things, you know."
"I'm outta my mind, but Wanda means the world to me." Toad dug around in his pocket. He threw things out of his pocket that didn't look like they were from this world, nor did they look hygienic. "All I have is a quarter," he mumbled and held out a dirty twenty-five cent piece.
"Sold!" Jean chirped and grabbed it.
{ Urgh, that's sooo gross! I've got issues to maintain. * sigh *}
~~Next morning~~ (thank God I don't go into details!)
Jean woke up to find Toad gone. All there was the pile of gunk Toad had pulled out from his pockets in hopes to find some money. The room smelled strongly of old, moldy, sweaty gym socks that had been soaked in skunk juice.
{I think you get the idea.}
She yawned and wrinkled her nose at the smell. She hopped into the shower to get rid of the dirty feeling. She threw her bed covers into the washer.
"Jean? I went in your room to wake you up and it smells like something died in your room," Scott said at the breakfast table.
Jean shrugged and grabbed a granola bar. "So?"
Scott furrowed his brow. Something wasn't right. He pushed his thoughts away and he dug into a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
{Yeah, I don't own Fruity Pebbles. Fruity Pebbles are nasty to me.}
He had promised himself that he wouldn't lose his cool when Jean was acting…well, 'Jean-ish'. He didn't have the balls to keep her from doing things behind his back. His frowned deepened. It wasn't like she was doing things behind his back. He knew what she was doing, he just didn't have the guts to slap her and make her stop.
Logan came into the kitchen and crossed his booted ankles on the table.
"Mornin' Logan," Rogue drawled.
Logan grunted a reply.
Rogue nodded to Scott. "You're wearing somethin' normal today, Jean," she commented to Jean.
Jean looked down at her clothes. Today she had on a beige skirt that went down to her knees and a black shirt that fit a little too well. Her hair was down over her shoulders still drying from the shower she took. Instead of a usual comeback, Jean shrugged weakly and crossed her arms on the table.
"What's the matter with you? Did you stay up too late last night?" Rogue asked.
Scott blushed. "Come off of it, we weren't up that long."
Rogue frowned. "Oh. So ya'll two got your problems sorted out. I don't know what to say."
"Just keep your yap closed before you things started," Logan commanded calmly.
Jean flinched and glanced at him.
"What do you mean by that?" Scott demanded.
"I'm not in this. She'll tell you when she feels like it." Logan shook his head. "What she did was low, but at least she feels guilty. That's a start."
"I'm leaving," Jean announced and left for school.
"Jean, wait!" Scott began. Jean already ran out. "What was it?" he asked Logan.
"She'll tell you when she wants to. I'm not getting in between you two.
Jean stopped at her locker and sighed as she saw the new layer of sticky-notes plastered on her locker. I actually feel bad for what I did to Scott. That's bad. She ripped the notes off and dumped them in the nearby wastebasket. She sighed heavily and got her things ready for gym.
"Jean? Jean! What's the matter with you?" Scott demanded, gripping her shoulder.
"I don't know," Jean replied honestly.
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That's the end of this chapter. Review, pretty please! Sorry this chapter wasn't as funny as some of the other ones.