Honey and Vinegar
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Notes: Be wary of timelines; paragraph breaks don't necessarily indicate a linear order (or even a comprehensive one!). Also, if you think Ryou seems really OOC, I'll be explaining that in the next chapter.
Thanks for the reviews and any/all suggestions. I have part of the next chapter written but opinions are always appreciated. To answer some questions that Azurite asked, but that more of you might be wondering about:
Bleh. I knew I shouldn't have chosen this title. When I wrote 'Honey and Vinegar', I was of course inspired by the saying 'You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar', but I thought of it more as the contrast between Yugi and Yami, or Yugi/Yami and Seto, or Téa and Seto- take your pick.
As far as Téa's role in Ancient Egypt. Uhm, aside from the fact that I haven't planned that far ahead? I wasn't thinking about it. But after reading Azurite's review, and after reading another mention of Seto's dreams in this chapter that I'd already written, I realized that it's sure going to sound like I meant to. The bottom line is, I don't know yet. I suppose my options are this:
Mess around with the magic a little more – Get deeper into Téa, Yami, and Seto's relationships in Ancient Egypt – Just go onto the emotional part of this story
Any preferences? Would you rather have me do something practical or extravagant?
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Chapter 4
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"Joey? I have something big to tell you."
Yugi twirled the phone cord around his finger nervously, waiting for his friend's response. His eyes darted around the room, peering into the hallway to see if Yami and Grandpa were walking by. They were nowhere in sight, however; they were probably still in the guest room trying to fix things up for Yami. There was the bed to take care of, and he'd probably want sheets and a toothbrush and deodorant and clothes. Oh yes, clothes were a must. As soon as possible, they were going shopping. Whatever magic had made his own clothes suitable for the taller and broader Pharaoh to wear while they were sharing bodies, and whatever bizarre trick had doubled their pants when they separated, was gone now. And since only their pants had doubled, Yugi and Yami were faced with the embarrassing prospect of escorting a half-naked Pharaoh home until Odion had graciously offered to lend them a shirt. Why the heck had Shadi scowled at him when Odion had offered? That man was truly sadistic.
Joey still hadn't responded. Yugi frowned into the phone, hearing strange munching noises on the other end. He was about to ask Joey if he was okay, but the blonde spoke thickly. "Yeah? 'Oes it haff anyshing t'do wiff Téa?"
"No," Yugi said, brow furrowing. "Are you eating?"
"'Otato chipsh," Joey said, and Yugi winced, imagining the crumbs his friend had just sprayed. "'Oes it haff anyshing t'do wiff Kaiba?"
"No," Yugi said exasperated.
"'Oes if haff-"
"Joey, just swallow first."
"M'kay." There was a pause, then Joey's voice came back on, a little more legible. "Does it have anything to do with Yami?"
"Actually, yes-"
"Aw, man, don't tell me someone else is trying to steal the Puzzle."
"No-"
"Or trying to crush you in a duel."
"No-"
"Or trying to kill you."
"No-"
"Or trying to take over my body!"
"JOEY!" Yugi hollered into the phone. "Come down to the Game Shop! NOW!"
"Someone is trying to take over my body!"
"NOW!"
Yugi slammed the phone down, grinding the heel of his hand into his eyes. This was going to be harder than he thought.
Feeling a presence in the doorway, he turned to see Yami and Grandpa eyeballing him. His whole body twitched when he saw Yami; this would take a lot of getting used to. His head still felt completely empty.
'Guess this is how Joey feels all the time,' he thought wryly, but shot a sunny smile at the ancient men across the room. "Want some ice-cream?" he asked brightly. "Joey's coming over."
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"I'm right-handed," Marik said carefully, trying to be tactful. Ryou Bakura looked up at him with frightened eyes, as if he'd just announced his plans for world domination.
"And, you know. I write. Occasionally. I might like to do it in the future."
Bakura hunched his shoulders, as if awaiting a physical blow.
"Um… but the thing is. You're holding onto my arm. Tightly."
Bakura looked down and saw that he was indeed latched onto Marik's arm. He squeaked and jumped backwards, forced to wave his arms wildly to avoid an ungraceful fall onto his butt.
Marik sighed. Ishizu wanted him to make friends, but were they all like this? Bakura was the most completely timid and afraid person he'd ever met. At least he could feel blood circulating to his fingertips again.
He'd been assigned the lucky job of escorting Bakura home. Yugi and Yami had a lot more to deal with, he was told quietly by Odion, and Ishizu didn't trust Shadi one bit. Plus, she still hoped her brother would gain a normal social life.
'And Bakura is just the person to help me with that! Maybe we can hide under the bed together!'
Marik sighed aloud, ignoring the way Bakura flinched. He had to be patient with him. He still remembered his dealings with Yami Bakura. It couldn't be pleasant, permanently sharing a body with him. Even though the darker half had been suddenly and harshly stripped of his powers when Yami and Yugi underwent that ritual, he was still there, a dead annoying voice in the back of Bakura's head. Or so Marik imagined. That had to be enough to make anyone jumpy, even if Bakura was taking this whole paranoid thing to whole new levels.
It was a good thing he'd already been insane when his yami had taken over, because Marik was sure he'd never had survived normalcy.
"So, ah," he began, wondering if he was actually capable of carrying on a decent conversation. "Where do you live?"
That was a good start, seeing as they were supposed to be walking to Bakura's house.
Silently, blushing furiously, Bakura raised a hand and pointed. Over his left shoulder.
"What?!" Marik demanded, causing the pale boy to tremble. "You mean we've been walking the wrong way this whole time?"
"I- I didn't want to make you annoyed," Bakura confessed.
Marik squeezed his eyes shut. Breathe… breathe…
Ishizu had informed him that she'd enroll him in Domino High School as soon as possible. How was he going to survive?
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"Setoooo! Seto Seto Seto Seto!"
A black-haired squealing ball of energy shot into the room and jumped onto his older brother's lap, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the fact that Seto had been concentrating intently on the computer screen. Blinking a little, Seto sighed in resignation and pulled the chair away from the computer, while Mokuba happily resettled himself.
"Téa's home!" he informed his older brother happily.
The amused smile that had started to form on Seto's lips abruptly died away. Mokuba better not have interrupted his important work to tell him that.
"And she said that I could have one of the puppies!" Mokuba continued ecstatically.
Uh-oh. He was going to kill Gardner. "Mokuba, I don't think-"
"I want someone to love me!"
"Mokie, I love y-"
"Someone who will always play with me!"
"Come on, you know I have wo-"
"Someone who I can hug!"
"You can always hug me-"
"And who I can pet!"
"…"
"And share the same bed!"
"Okay, I have to admit I wouldn't go that far, but there's no need-"
"Someone who will depend on me!"
"If it makes you feel any better, I-"
"Who waits every morning for me to feed him!"
"Well, that's what maids are for-"
"And who barks at me whenever he wants dog biscuits!"
"So I've never done that, but-"
"Who's ticklish behind the ears!"
"Mokuba, don't you think-"
"And who will lick my hand whenever he feels happy!"
"You don't need-"
"I want a PUPPY, Seto!" he wailed, and promptly glomped his big brother. Seto tried to speak, but his mouth was full of dark hair and his windpipe was being strangled. "Can I please get a puppy? Please please please? I'll walk it and feed it and brush it and pet it and love it and let it share my bed and train it not to chew your shoes or pee on your trenchcoat or bark when you're on an office call…" Suddenly realizing that this wasn't the best line to go down, he went back to the pleading. "Please? Pleeeeease? Please please please please a hundred thousand times over with a cherry on top and whipped cream and sprinkles and cookie crumbs and marshmallow fluff and lots and lots of sugar?"
"Mmph," Seto managed to say.
"You mean it? Yes? Really really?"
"Mmmmph!!"
"Oh, thank you Seto! Thank you thank you thank you! You're the best big brother ever! I love you so much! I'll even clean my room for you, and I'll stop listening in on your phone calls and hacking into your computer and, most especially, I won't ever tell anyone you were saying 'Téa! Téa' in your sleep last week!"
Well, it got Seto's mind off the dog. He shot upright, pulled Mokuba's arms from around his neck, and demanded "What??"
"I think you thought you were dueling her," Mokuba confessed, bouncing up. "You said 'Téa, Téa,' and then you called for the Blue-Eyes. And then you laughed a lot. You know, you talk in your sleep almost every night."
Flabbergasted at this completely new revelation, Seto could do nothing but gape.
"It's okay, Seto! I'm going to call her now and say you're letting me get a puppy, but I won't tell her!" Before Seto could regain his composure, Mokuba bounced out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The whole wall rattled, and Seto slumped back in his chair.
Damn, the kid was good.
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"Okay. When Joey rings the doorbell, I'll go answer it. You wait in here. Or upstairs, you'd better go upstairs." Yugi clasped his hands anxiously around his mug of hot chocolate. It was a beautiful, warm day outside, but he'd spent the last few minutes being panicked about his rash decision and prepared himself extra-strong hot chocolate with an extra-big dollop of cream. Yami had quietly accepted a cup and sipped slowly, staring at Yugi. He was fascinated and content to just gaze at the boy who had been his friend and partner for so long.
"It's not that I'm ashamed of you," Yugi chattered, unable to stop himself. "But I want to tell him slowly. You know. It'll be a huge shock for everyone. Man, we didn't think this through. What are you going to do about school? You've learned how to speak English through me, but can you write it? Can you do math? What are the others going to say when they see you? What will you do when I graduate and move out? We'll need to get you a job. What-"
Yami shook his head as Yugi rambled on, listing off problems in a steady stream that had no coherency to it. "Yugi," he urged, and was relieved to see that his hikari- no, he couldn't rightfully call him that anymore- his friend broke off immediately and took a gulp of hot chocolate before fixing his glance on him.
"Let's handle this one step at a time," he suggested, his fingers unconsciously tightening around his own mug.
Yugi visibly relaxed, forcing himself to take a deep breath. "You're right. Okay. Joey will be over any minute. While you hide- I mean wait- upstairs, I'll explain everything slowly and rationally-"
"Hey, Yug'," Joey said cheerfully, the door slamming behind him. His voice carried into the kitchen, along with the stomping of boots moving progressively closer. "You'll be glad to know I didn't get my brain sucked out by alien monkeys on my way here- HOLY SHIT!!"
"I forgot," Yugi said, shrinking into his chair. "Joey doesn't ring the doorbell."
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"Yugi! Who the heck is that?"
"Yugi? Is that you? And you again?"
"Gee, I didn't know you had a twin."
"That's the King of Games!" "Which one?"
"I'm starting to get aggravated," Yugi muttered at the three taller boys surrounding him. Joey, Tristan, and Yami flanked him on their trek through the mall. This was their fifth or sixth trip in the last week, because no sooner were they finished shopping than they thought of something else Yami needed. And they seemed to be running into new people every single time, none of whom were willing to ignore the strange fact that Yugi had magically (literally: magically) gained a double. And only about half of them were willing to approach him directly and ask. The rest of them just whispered in the background.
The first day, he'd given an intricate explanation involving the Shadow-Realm, magic, the Puzzle, and a dead Pharaoh.
The second day, he'd seen the tabloids. YUGI MOTO, KING OF GAMES, HAS LOST HIS MIND!
So he'd started saying bluntly, "He's my partner," and walking away before they could ask more questions.
The fourth day, he'd seen the new tabloids. YUGI MOTO, KING OF GAMES, IS GAY!
After howling out loud that Yami wasn't that kind of partner, he'd resorted to lying. "My cousin," he answered with false cheerfulness. "His parents died a while back, so he's living with my grandpa and me." He just didn't mention that 'a while' was five thousand years.
Unfortunately, the tabloids haven't given up their 'gay' vendetta. On the fifth day, they proclaimed, YUGI MOTO, KING OF GAMES, ACCUSED OF INCEST!
At this point, Joey and Tristan had mailed out pictures of Yugi and Téa swapping spit to all the local newspapers, as well as several major magazines across country, and posted a few on the Internet to boot. Yugi, who hadn't known his evil friends had taken the pictures in the first place, had been angry for a moment, but Yami convinced him that this was a lot better.
Now, as they trekked through the mall to buy Yami socks, which they'd apparently forgotten the first half-dozen runs, followed by the omnipresent and increasingly annoying whispers and stares, he happened to glance at a nearby newsstand. YUGI MOTO, KING OF GAMES, HAS FOUND HIS QUEEN! A picture of a beautifully beaming Téa winked at him from the front page. He heaved a sigh: Téa might kill him, but he could otherwise live with this.
"So, not to be blunt or anything," Tristan started cheerfully, and Yugi cringed. This could absolutely not be followed by something good. "But about your 'queen'." He and Joey sniggered a moment, earning double black glares, then Tristan continued. "How are you going to go about dating Téa, anyway? You and Yami gonna take turns kissing her?"
Yugi's feet suddenly tangled up and he stopped dead. He had a sudden flash of the tabloids the next day: YUGI MOTO, KING OF GAMES, FAINTS IN MALL!
He peered up at Yami's face. The former Pharaoh's equally pale countenance let Yugi know he wasn't the only one this hadn't occurred to.
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Téa pulled open the door and almost fell over. A tall, dark form towered over her, glaring down at her with a frigid gaze that could cause the next Ice Age in Hawaii.
"Come on in, Kaiba," she said weakly, stepping aside to let him sweep through, his shoulders hunched in an obvious declaration of annoyance and his feet stamping on the hardwood floor. She shook her head and turned back to Mokuba, who came dancing in after his older brother. While the younger Kaiba might have apologized for Seto's rude behavior, he was too wrapped up in excitement at the moment.
"We came as soon as you called!" Mokuba chattered excitedly, bolting past Seto and making for the kitchen, where he skidded to a halt. Téa wearily followed him in, coming up and peering over Seto's right shoulder. He'd stopped dead at the entrance to the kitchen, protected by a baby gate that Mokuba had just hopped over. Hannah was lying on her side on a fuzzy blue blanket, surrounded by five tiny puppies. Benji, the proud and lazy father, dozed on Hannah's left, ignoring his children.
"They're hideous," Seto said in horror, staring at the hairless, still-sticky and shapeless puppies.
"They're babies," Téa said, scowling at the side of his face she could see. He was blocking the gate, and her only way into the kitchen. "They were just born! It's not like you looked like a prince when you emerged, screaming and covered in placenta, from your mother's-"
Abruptly, a hand clamped over her mouth. In shock, she tried to bite it, but only succeeded in snapping her teeth in thin air. She growled in frustration.
"Ssssh!" Seto whispered roughly. "Shut up, Gardner! Mokuba still believes in the stork!"
Her eyes widened in disbelief. 'Fat chance of that!'
"Fat chance of that, Seto," Mokuba called over his shoulder, on his knees before Hannah. "We had a sex ed class last year."
Seto's hand fell away from her face and his jaw dropped. "What kind of teachers do you have?" he asked incredulously. "They can't give you- ah, delicate lessons like that!"
"Well, maybe some kids will never learn about sex otherwise," Téa snapped quietly, making sure to stress the word he seemed to have trouble saying. Funny, she never thought she'd find an area Seto Kaiba was uncomfortable in. Maybe if she told Joey, he could win a duel for once: just make vulgar comments throughout the whole thing.
On second thought, Joey was vulgar enough. No need to encourage him.
"Which one do you think is cutest, Seto?" Mokuba asked, his voice dreamy.
Seto stared at the puppies. They all looked alike to him: ugly.
"Mokuba, you know that you have to wait five or six weeks before bringing one home with you, right?" Téa asked wearily, rubbing the back of her head. Her neck hurt from crouching over Hannah during her delivery.
"Awww, really?" Mokuba asked, turning to Téa with big eyes. Despite herself, she smiled.
"Yes, Mokuba," she said sympathetically. "They shouldn't be separated from their mother right away. You need to wait until they're just about adjusted to this world."
Seto groaned under his breath. "We came all the way down here for nothing?" he muttered, annoyed.
"Mokuba made me promise to call him," Téa said huffily. "I didn't know he'd rush right over!"
"I didn't either…" Seto said grimly. To his surprise, Téa giggled. He mulled that over in his mind… he hadn't actually made a joke, had he? That certainly didn't count- he was being serious!
So why had she laughed? Did she find him funny? She laughed at Wheeler all the time. Maybe she just had no sense of humor.
And why did he care, anyway?
'I don't,' he decided firmly, putting it out of his mind and trying instead to picture living with one of those hairless nightmares until Mokuba moved out. Which, he was sure, was a very long time away.
-ding--dong-
"I wonder who else is here," Téa said, amused. "I'll go get it." She started down the hallway, but paused and turned around. "You know, you can go in the kitchen, Kaiba. The puppies won't bite yet. Their teeth wouldn't hurt at this point anyway." She spun around and continued toward the front door, checking out Kaiba's reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. Yep, he looked duly worried. He was probably more concerned about Mokuba than himself, though, she reflected as she flicked the lock on the door.
"Yugi!" she said cheerily as she swung the door open. "I just got back yesterday- you've come to visit already?"
To her surprise, Yugi didn't immediately give her his famous beaming smile and tell her that he missed her. Instead, he looked worried, and a little uncomfortable. "Um… Téa. Hi."
"Hi," she said, her smile slowly slipping away. "Is anything wrong, Yugi?"
"I didn't think so," he said slowly. "But there's a little problem." He was still mentally berating himself for not realizing the obvious issue at hand.
"Are you okay?" she opened the door wider for him to come in, and he reluctantly stepped through. But he held out a hand before she could close it again.
"It's not really fair to leave him out there," he said, troubled, his brow creasing.
"Yugi?..." she said questioningly.
"You'll see in a minute," he sighed unhappily. "Yami? Could you come here?"
Her gaze immediately drifted toward his eyes, where the most dramatic change always took place. But his large, soft purple orbs remained constant, staring over her shoulder and out the door. Following his gaze, she turned to look-
And saw Yami slowly amble from around the corner of her house, heading towards them. His gaze was as troubled as Yugi's, but his face briefly lit up when he caught sight of her. "Téa!" he called, dispelling all desperate beliefs that she was dreaming or hallucinating.
She stumbled backwards, her gaze locked on Yugi. When she disappeared from sight, Yami hurried his steps, bounding lightly onto the porch and entering her home carefully. "Téa," they said in unison, and instead of their blended voice Téa heard two distinct tones.
"I'm losing my mind," she said hoarsely, backing up down the hall faster. They both took a step towards her, then abruptly hesitated. Téa couldn't stop; her legs just kept churning backwards, unable to tear her eyes away from this new and frightening apparition.
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Seto reluctantly swung his leg over the gate and stepped over easily; it wasn't that high. It only came up to his knee. He hovered at the edge of the kitchen, however; Mokuba might make him try to pet one of the puppies. He was still fawning over them at the moment, thankfully ignoring his older brother.
Téa was-
Okay, where had that come from?
Gardner was out in the hall, greeting whoever had come to call on her. He really hoped it wasn't Wheeler, although it would give him a chance to see which dog, the fat Hannah or her hairless puppies, best compared.
He sighed impatiently, thinking of the tons of work he had piled up back home. He had much better things to do with his time than wait around here in the cheerleader's kitchen! It was even decorated the way he would have imagined, had he taken the time to think about it: Cheery yellow and blue wallpaper, with pictures of such trivialities as flowers and birds and houses crammed on the wall. He furrowed his brow slightly; he was a bit perturbed at how homey it felt, even to someone like him.
What kind of life did someone like Gardner live? It had to be so different from his own.
Seto sighed and leaned back; as he did something caught his eye. Téa was backing down the hallway, and it looked like her legs were trembling slightly. Hmm… was she all right? Did it matter?
He watched doubtfully as she continued to back up. She was going to trip over the gate she'd put in the kitchen if he didn't warn her. But he didn't call out to her, just watched dubiously as she continued backing up. He could see part of her face; her skin was pale. Who had been at the door, and why had he upset her so badly?
Seto was going to climb over the gate and see who was in the foyer, but Téa was now completely blocking his way and still advancing- or retreating, depending on where you stood. He stared, mildly amused as she backed right into the gate. It hit her in the back of the knees and she started to topple over backwards. At the last moment, a resigned Seto bent slightly and caught her upper body. But her lower legs were still entangled in the gate, and he couldn't pull her over without scraping her. So he let her hang limply there; he was supporting her but she still couldn't be very comfortable.
He was about to demand an explanation when Yugi stepped into view. "Listen, Téa!" he pleaded, ignoring Kaiba and the strange position the two were in. "It's a long story, but I promise it has a reasonable explanation!"
"I'd think she'd be the one saying that," Seto mumbled. "And I'd love to hear her explanation for this."
"Kaiba?"
One person, at least, wasn't ignoring him. Seto glanced from Yami to Yugi to Yami to Yugi. Then he abruptly dropped Téa. Her head landed on his feet, the gate came crashing down, and Benji lifted his head with a whimper.