What It Means To Love You
Chapter 2: We Love Him Both
Standard disclaimers apply.
-X-
(Tomoe's POV)
I watch you. You seem like the loneliest figure even when you are surrounded by your friends. Your eyes shine with an inner fire that only a few people possess and at the moment, they are full of joy mingling with pain. Yes, I know what you feel. I can relate, don't you see? But you will never tell me. How can you? The man you love loves me.
Oh Kenshin, what you have done to her.
I hear you, from across the hallway, laughing at something the spike-haired one is saying. Your laughter is genuine and everyone smiles. I see him grin as well, with you and because of you. I would feel jealous but I know where his heart lies. And it is obvious from the look of friendship-love in his eyes.
If you know what I am thinking, you would hate me. I am possessive but I don't show it. But it is in everyone's nature to feel possessive of something they cherish greatly. You would feel the same too, ne?
He catches sight of me and his smile widens. I feel my own lips curve into a smile, though a much smaller one. You notice that he isn't paying attention to the spiked-one anymore and follow his gaze. Our eyes meet and I see you, far as I am, tense. Your face is stony as he says something then comes towards me.
"Tomoe," he says fondly, taking my hand and giving it a soft squeeze.
I don't squeeze back but he understands. But I do say, "Kenshin," with a little bit of warmth. I am no ice queen, but I am not the welcome wagon also.
I glance at you surreptitiously at the corners of my eyes. You, as I see it, are trying to ignore us, holding hands and looking like a very attractive couple though we are not talking and only Kenshin is smiling. As usual, I am my gravelly self. I can't be any other way or everybody would bombard me with conversation I can't handle. I am not a people-person, unlike you. You reign in the middle of everyone's attention while I reign in a room scarce of people.
"Tomoe, who are you looking at?" he asks me curiously, cocking his head sideways, his red bangs tumbling over his forehead and eyes. Secretly, I feel a thrill in this. There is no doubt that Kenshin is very handsome and one of the things I love about him the most is his wonderful red hair, so long and silky. Resisting the urge to touch, I shake my head in the negative.
"No, I was just sweeping my eyes around," I fib, gazing into his amethyst eyes. I am not embarrassed that I am at least one or two inches taller than him. I know he'll grow much taller, even if to just tower over me an inch or two. Besides, I am not a shallow person. Even if Kenshin had a face full of zits or flaws, I would still love him as long as his personality stays the same.
He beams. "Let's go to class together," you suggest, completely forgetting.
I arch a brow. "But I thought you always take Kaoru to class."
"Oh well, I'm sure Kaoru-dono would understand. She's great that way." I can hear the friendship in your voice when you speak of her and secretly I am glad, so, so very glad.
I look at you and you meet my eyes directly. Your sapphire eyes are full of dismay and envy.
"Okay. But tell Kaoru that you won't be going with her."
-X-
How devastated you are. For one clear, quick second, you look so forlorn and heartbroken that it touches my heart but you quickly regain your composure.
"Okay Kenshin," you say in an almost wavering voice, trying to smile. Since I was once like you, I can pick out the signs of desolation obviously though you try to hide it. "I'll see you this afternoon, ne?"
He looks at me and then back at you. He sounds terribly guilty.
"I'm so sorry, Kaoru-dono, but Tomoe and I have some things to do. Please forgive me," Kenshin says imploringly, bringing up a placating hand.
Your smile turns brittle. "O-Oh. O-Okay," you softly concede, eyes cast down and an aura of sadness surrounding you.
After a short moment, you finally look up and your eyes are bright and positive again. "Then I shall see you tomorrow afternoon!" you say hopefully, smiling widely.
I am in awe, truly I am. You do not let anything damper your spirits for more than five minutes. Your happy and hopeful nature always surfaces no matter how great the darkness looms over you. I admit, I am not that hopeful or positive, I give up easily when I should fight for it.
But for Kenshin, I would fight like never before, I would not lose hope, just like you. For Kenshin, I will fight to the death.
But I can't say this to you now. Maybe someday. When the time comes and maybe you will stop hoping so the pain won't be too staggering. Hope can be a blessing and a curse at the same time. I don't want to hurt you. In some way, we are friends because we both love the same man; love his personality and endearing ways. And in that, we reach a certain agreement that Kenshin is different, that he is worth fighting for.
Well, I will certainly fight for him.
The spiked-one, Sano, glances at me accusingly. I could feel the struggling emotions in this one. Then I look at you and then at the spiked-one then back at you once more. Something dawns in me.
Kenshin takes my hand and pulls me away.
Your eyes flicker at our adjoined fingers and grimace somewhat.
"See you later, Kaoru-dono, Sano," Kenshin says as he walks to our class, bringing me along. I look back at you and the spiked-one, see your face again with that brokenhearted expression and strangely, my heart goes out to you. But I cannot give him up.
I am sorry Kaoru for having brought you so much pain but I am not sorry at all that Kenshin loves me and I love him.
Before we turn a corner, I see spiked-one embrace you and you turn around, accepting the comfort he offers. His eyes meet mine and there is a burning rage in them as he holds you and I feel that the rage isn't for me but for Kenshin.
-X-
"Hey."
It is spiked-one. He is leaning against the school railing, his arms casually folded against his chest.
I don't say anything. I just look blandly at him, pausing at the stair above him. My eyes question what he has to say.
Sano, the spiked-one, straightens and glares at me. "You know, don't you?"
I said, "Know what? I know a lot of things, Sano. I do go to school."
He is not amused. His frown deepens and the brown irises flare with anger.
"Do not play games with me, Yukishiro. You know how I feel about her. I saw the way you looked at me this morning." Sano clenches his bandaged hands into fists, eyes suddenly faraway. "And you know as well as I do she does not return the feelings. Your precious Kenshin is all she thinks about."
There was bitterness in his voice.
"It is not my fault Kenshin is with me, Sano. He is with me because I love him and he loves me. You cannot blame us. We are not at fault here," I say to him solemnly, tugging at my books.
Sano sighs suddenly, all anger leaving him. "I know. I am not blaming you or Kenshin, honestly. You deserve each other. It's just that…"
"You hate seeing her so miserable and there's nothing you can do to change it," I finish for him when he trails off and his eyes meet mine and they are full of surprise and relief. He nods slightly, a bit uncertain.
"Yeah, that's it."
And I say to him, "You have to bear it, Sano. If you love Kaoru, you'll bear it and make her happy. If Kaoru loves Kenshin, she'll bear it and make him happy. Not necessarily as lovers but as friends. Do that and maybe she'll realize what's standing right in front of her."
I do not wait for a reply from him and I see that he will not answer since his face is thoughtful. I climb down the stairs and I see Kenshin standing by his car, waiting for me.
"Hey."
"Hi, so, what did Sano want?"
I just shake my head. "Just asking for advice."
-X-
To be continued...
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. I fully intend to make this story angsty and drama-ish. I love sad endings though the ending won't exactly be so sad...kinda hopeful...anyway, keep reviewing because they make my muse's day!!!