What It Means To Love You

Chapter 3: Disaster Strikes

Standard disclaimers apply.

-X-

(Kenshin's POV)

"Mom, dad, what's the matter?" I ask my parents one night, noting their tense expressions. They dart one another nervous looks before glancing at me. Mom's face is pale and drawn as if sleep is not something she does anymore; and dad's broad shoulders look tense and straight.

I sit on the sofa opposite to them and expectantly wait for them to tell me the problem. I know they don't keep things from me since I am too good in knowing whether people lie to me or not.

"Well Kenshin, dear, we have something to tell you," mom starts awkwardly, refusing to look at me. I wonder if I had done something wrong that upsets them. She looks at dad suddenly. "Ruhi? You tell him."

Dad nods at my mom and looks straight into my eyes. He is a straightforward kind of guy and he doesn't beat around the bush if he wants to say something. "Well Kenshin, I just got promoted by the company." He then pauses.

"That's great dad! You deserve it," I congratulate him gladly. After years of slaving for his rigid and uptight boss, my dad definitely deserves this promotion. But what I cannot understand is why he doesn't sound too excited by it.

"So why do you seem as if you don't want the promotion?"

"Well son, my promotion comes at a price. You see, if I am to accept this promotion this means my family, our family, has to move to Canada. In other words, I am deported to the Canadian branch where I will be the manager there."

The news stuns me and I gape at them. For a moment, I do not comprehend what my father has just informed me. My hands grip the leather seat of the sofa, reeling.

"Please understand dear, this is all for the best. Now please don't make a scene," she implores at me, holding up a palm.

Then my brain starts to function again and I start to sputter.

"Leave Japan? Leave our town, my school, my…friends?"

This was something that I cannot fathom or accept. Well, not right now. It was fantastic to leave my friends, my girlfriend!

But…

I look at my dad and see his weary eyes. True, he doesn't deserve the treatment he gets at his job since my father is a very friendly though frank man.

"It's all up to you son, if you want to leave Japan or not. I won't be selfish and leave the decision up to me only," dad tells me resignedly though his voice his sincere and ungrudging.

Yet could I be that selfish and tell him not to take the promotion he desires so much?

-X-

Dad gives me a few days to make up my mind and I just want to tell him to make the decision all for himself. This is too much. I am torn in two. I do not want to leave my friends and Tomoe but I want to give my dad this promotion. If only it weren't in Canada…

"Kenshin! Kenshin!" a loud, feminine voice calls at me from behind and I stop, looking back. I see you running towards me, ponytail hair flying behind you and sapphire eyes dancing.

I smile warmly and let you hug the air out of me. "Konnichiwa Kenshin! I thought you were busy this afternoon!"

Today is Saturday and we have no classes. Which is unfortunate for me because I want the distraction school offers to keep my mind of the big decision.

But I think you will be a greater distraction.

"Change of plans, Kaoru-dono. Do you want to get a milkshake at Iruga's?" I offer, gesturing at the local bistro only a street away.

You nod your head eagerly, mouth set in a wide grin. "Sure, why not? I don't have to go to the library for half an hour anyway. Let's go! I want the strawberry shake."

We cross the empty street, you chatting away and I trying to listen, and we enter the café. It isn't very crowded today and what luck, there is an empty table by the glass wall that faces the park on the other side.

You sit down on the table and I go to the counter to order.

Strawberry milkshake for you, chocolate shake for me and a large plate of curly fries for both of us.

I wait for a moment as the employee gathers our order and I dig out my wallet, taking out a few bills. The employee places the order on a tray and I give her the bills.

I pick up the tray and head towards the table where you are waiting, gazing absently outside. You look at me as I put down the tray and sit down on the chair opposite to you. You immediately pick up your shake and sip from the straw.

"So Kenshin, what gives?"

I look at you in surprise.

"Pardon Kaoru-dono?"

You roll your pretty eyes at the polite query or the honorific after your name. I can't explain it as well. You're such a wonderful person that it seems unworthy if I do not add a respectable honorific after your name.

You pick a curly fry and point it at me, eyes and voice frank. "Listen Kenshin, we've been best friends ever since Kindergarten and I can read you like a book, better perhaps than you read yourself. So I can tell when you have something particularly heavy on your mind."

Maybe I am transparent to you. Or maybe you're just attuned to other people's emotions that is why you know people so well. But still I don't want to tell you. I don't want to tell anyone or lest you try to influence my decision. I want the final decision to be utterly mine.

"And besides," you add mischievously, "you were practically pouting so much that I was surprised that Oprah didn't catch wind of it."

I sigh, unable to contain it.

You hear the strain in my voice and you immediately look worried.

"Kenshin, what's wrong? Is it so terrible?" you ask softly, reaching for my hand and covering it reassuringly.

I look into your eyes and see the very anxious look in your depths and the burning desire to help, whatever it is. That's what makes you such a good friend, Kaoru-dono. You are so nice and helpful even if it gets you in trouble. That's why I cannot return your feelings. Oh yes, I know that you're in love with me. How could I not? Even a blind person sees it; it's almost tangible. But I am not mocking you. I just try to be blind because I do not want to hurt you with direct rejection.

But maybe I hurt you more with my seeming obliviousness and I see the way you flinch whenever I mention about Tomoe or am with her, even as much as you try to hide it. So if I tell you, it will only hurt you.

Don't you see, Kaoru-dono? I am not worthy. You are a perfect soul, a wonderful person, a beautiful and caring woman and me…I am the least perfect person who is liable to hurt you, really hurt you, sooner or later. You do not comprehend the darkness in me since you only know the light. Tomoe…she understands. She knows how it feels and that's why I love her so.

I am so sorry.

But maybe I should tell you. Yes, I shall.

"Kenshin?" you prod kindly, softly.

I take a deep breath and tell you everything. The promotion, the compromise, my indecision, dad's decision to leave it all up to me and my torn feelings of leaving all my friends and fulfilling my dad's dreams.

You are silent after my confession, staring at me in utter shock. Your hand over mine grows tense and your eyes are incredibly wide.

"I see…" you trail off and pull your hand away. You clamp down on the straw and take deep sips of the shake. You seem to prolong your silence and your face looks solemn as you think deeply.

I rake my hand through my red hair, sighing once more.

Damn, damn, damn and damn! Just when life is getting good!

Then I catch a glimpse of you, eyes suddenly sparkling with tears.

Well, maybe not completely good. Life will never be fully wonderful if any of my friends is sad, especially you.

"So? What do you think?" I ask you finally, breaking the taut silence. All around us is the noisy sounds of the bistro while our table is unusually noiseless.

You bite your lower lip and look at me with eyes misty. "I-I guess you have to do what you have to do, K-Kenshin. Even if it means…" you falter for a while, paling. "Even if it means going away. If…if that is the right decision you think it is."

I close my eyes and fight the emotions that surge within me. Images of my past and present come to my mind, you, Sano, Megumi, Misao and the others…and Tomoe…

Then my parents come to mind. Smiling and looking proud of me, no matter my decision.

"Fuck," I curse darkly under my breath, letting the darkness touch my a little with its claws.

Then I remember that you are there and obviously disgusted at the blasphemy I have committed. I look at you quickly and am surprised at the wry smile on your face.

"Ditto," you say then burst into tears.

-X-

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Sadder things are to happen, so hang on to your tissues, minna-san. And oh, the little bistro Iruga's isn't real and only used it since I'm a Ragnarok-freak. Anyway, as I said, this fanfic isn't going to be exactly Kaoru/Kenshin or Tomoe/Kenshin though I don't really like Tomoe, no offense to you fans out there.

Major warning: This will be REALLY angsty and full of drama and terrible, terrible things so please don't blame me if something awful happens...you can blame my muse 'cause she's the one who gave the idea!!!

Please review!!!