What It Means To Love You

Chapter 8.5: Defying God

Standard disclaimers apply.

-X-

(Kaoru's POV)

Three days pass by without me noticing. Nothing important happened but my longing for my parents and for Kenshin increased as the hours slowly and quickly passed. But I miss my parents the most and every night, I wake up and realize I had been crying. But I didn't weep loudly since I didn't want to distract Misao. She and her family have been kind enough to let me stay as long as I want.

And that's my biggest problem. Where am I going to stay? I can't very well intrude on Misao or any of my friend's houses as much as they say that it's okay. Maybe I'm going to an orphanage. Or I could just live by myself and sell the house and buy a smaller one near my friend's home. But since I'm still underage and parentless, the government won't allow that until they see to it that I get a guardian. What's the use anyway? I'll be eighteen next year and will be an adult soon. I don't want to have new parents and since I don't have any living relative left, that's what they're going to give me.

Oh God, I'll be adopted by strangers! If they even want an obstinate and stubborn seventeen-year-old teenager.

That's why on Friday, my parent's lawyer will be visiting me, telling me all about the will of my parents and stuff like that along with a social worker from the government, telling me where and who I will live with from now on.

Sano, Misao and Aoshi are kind enough to skip classes during the afternoon to be with me since they don't have any major tests that day. But the others are too busy and can't make it. Sano's parents don't care about the things he do, Misao's parents have given their consent and Aoshi's parents are too indifferent. I don't go to school anymore, knowing what people will tell me to my face and whisper behind my back. Fortunately, the teachers understand and more fortunately, we don't have any major tests this week or any projects.

And that's another thing.

Sano.

I still can't believe what he told me.

He confessed to me during the day Kenshin left, a few feet away from Kenshin. I had no idea Sano felt that way and my heart always wrenches with guilt whenever I think of what he said and how he looked when he said it. But I know that I will never feel that way. As much as I want to stop feeling this way for Kenshin who doesn't even love me back, I can't stop it. If anything in my life is sure and constant, it's my love for him. It's as if God himself told me that the only guy I will ever be in love with is Kenshin. I may have crushes or infatuations but love is distinctly different.

I look blindly at the monitor of my laptop, the screen glowing against my face. No messages. Kenshin has not yet emailed me. With a sigh, I lean back against my chair and just stare at the screen, vaguely aware that the house is too quiet, ever since my parents had died. No radio, no television blaring from downstairs. It's so gloomy and silent one could drop a grain of sand and hear it echo in the house.

Reluctantly, my mind wanders to that moment Sano confessed and a small frown turns my mouth down.

-X-

"Jou-chan, I need to speak with you," Sano said to me with his face brooding and dark. I glanced at Kenshin who was talking to Tomoe and I nodded. "Okay, Sano, so what's up?"

He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a secluded bench a little way from where the group was generally staying. I looked at him in surprise. "Privately," he added with a haunted look in his eyes. I shot him a worried look as we sat down on the bench. Then I noticed that his shoulders are tense and his jaw is clenched tightly and I could see that his face was a bit pale and his fingers were twitching with nervousness. I placed my hand gently on his shoulder and gave him a concerned smile. "You okay? You seem…really uptight."

He gave a tight smile then it disappeared, leaving his face completely serious and…distant somehow. "Kaoru, I need to tell you something. This might sound really stupid or unexpected but please, please don't hate me. I can't help…feeling this way even when I know that it's impossible. And I'm just being stupid." He took a deep breath and glanced at Kenshin and unpredictably scowled.

I looked at him, taking aback. Not only had he called me by my name, for the first time in years, but also he seemed to be harboring some inner grudge against Kenshin when they're best friends. I know they're not fighting because Kenshin would have told me. And he looked like what he's feeling or thinking was eating him alive!

My worry grew tenfold. I tightened my grip on his shoulder. "Sano, tell me please. What are you feeling and why is it stupid and impossible?" I asked softly, looking directly into his troubled eyes.

Suddenly, he carefully took my hand away from his shoulder and clasped it in his own big, rough hands. His voice was steady but filled with, amazingly, yearning. "Kaoru, I've felt this way towards you for the longest time. Maybe ever since I met you. You might think that it's Megumi but it's not. She's just a friend, honestly. Given, she is gorgeous but still a friend." It was probably apparent from my confused look that I had no idea what he was talking about. Then after a quick pause, he finally said it. And it was a bombshell.

"Kaoru, I'm in love with you."

I stared at him, open-mouthed. I'm confounded, reeling, stunned! Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this from Sano, of all people. No wonder Sano seemed furious at Kenshin.

I just stared at him with the most dazed expression, unable to think or reply for the longest time. He squirmed under my shocked gaze, sweat breaking out on his forehead.

"I…I didn't know…" I mumbled torpidly, emphasizing with a quick shake of my head.

He gave a bitter chuckle, a humorless grin on his face. "The understatement of the century. No offense, Jou-chan, but when it comes to people obsessing over you, you just don't have a clue."

I guess I deserved that. But how was I too now I was supposed to be looking out for signs that guys were falling for me? What was I supposed to do, anyway? Not like I could date them. Well, I could but we'd both end up miserable because my heart is just not with that person.

I bit my lip, looking away guiltily. What do I do? How do I reply? I'm completely positive that all I feel for Sano is just friendship and nothing more.

"I'm sorry…" I cringed immediately; that was so lame! How does one say sorry for not loving someone who loves you? What if Kenshin were to say that what would I do?

Sano chuckled and this time, it didn't sound very bitter. "That's okay. I guess I was asking for this, anyway, knowing how you felt for Kenshin and all. But damn, Jou-chan, you're too amazing to resist." That last part he mumbled, sounding a little begrudged. But the haunted look in his eyes – I guess the look I often have in my own eyes whenever I think, look and talk about and to Kenshin – was gone. But he was still a little tense around the shoulders, unlike the relaxed, laid-back mood he's often in.

I gave a wry little smile and a shake of my head. "Then why doesn't Kenshin love me if I'm so amazing?" I was asking half-jokingly and half-seriously.

And yet again, I open my big mouth. I watch his face darken. "Kenshin's a moron. You're a beautiful person Kaoru, inside and out and it's true no matter how cliché it might seem. You're the kindest, sweetest most selfless person that has ever walked the earth." He said this so sincerely and with so much feeling that my eyes watered and I sniffed, smiling hugely. He blanched at the sight of my tears and sighed, scratching the back of his head. "Well, that was surely out of character. But I must right that one down lest I forget it. Makes a good pick-up line, doncha think?" He gave a little winked and I giggled softly, wiping at my eyes. Whenever I think that I don't have any more tears to cry with, I surprise myself. But this time, the tears weren't for sadness but for delight and – not to mention – I felt really flattered.

Impulsively, I reached towards him and hugged him tightly, surprising him a little. For a second, he tensed when I got close but his muscles relaxed and he hugged me back, tightening around me with gentle force. I smiled as I buried my face on his shoulder.

Then we pulled apart and for just a quick moment, the awkwardness was back but he squashed it and said with a naughty grin, the gleam back in his eyes, "Wanna go annoy the hell out of Yahiko?"

-X-

Suddenly frustration built up inside of me and I rub my hands against my face, pinching my cheeks for good measure. My head is swimming with so many thoughts and I need a break from all of them. Coffee. Yes, I want, no need coffee. Obviously, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep ever since my parent's – and Kenshin leaving – death.

I click the little minimize button on my email page and push my chair back, the scraping noise loud and annoying in the silence of my room and generally the whole house.

I stand up and walk outside my room and down the long stairs, out into the hallway, pause at the large living room where I had gotten that life-turning phone call and into the kitchen. I'm not really scared of being alone in such a huge house since it's still daytime but I would hate being here by myself when twilight came. That's why I always go to Misao or Megumi's – preferably Misao's because Megumi's parents are really formal and strict and the atmosphere in their home is so imposing – house.

I brew some coffee and while waiting, I open the fridge and see that it is still stocked with the last week's groceries but nothing had gone bad. I dig around and finally find some leftover cake on a little plate that is still good and pull it out. I took out a fork and pour coffee into a medium-sized cup when it is finished and add cream to it, mixing the liquid until turned a pretty and delicious mocha color.

For the next two weeks, I'll be alternating from my friend's house and my house until my parents get properly buried and until the government finds a guardian for me. Idly, I bring the cup to my mouth and take a delicate sip of the hot brew and feel the liquid warm my insides, caffeine pumping energy all throughout my body. I smile a little. I've never really been allowed to drink coffee when my mom and dad were still alive but I love it so much. I just love the slightly bitter, slightly sweet thick taste of it.

Who doesn't?

I pick the plate with the fork and retraced my steps, going back into my bedroom. It's cool and a little dark, the sunlight only brightening one side of my room and it didn't reach where I am. I sit down and place the plate and coffee on the table, on either side of my computer. Then I click the 'restore' button and the email page and I'm wonderfully startled when there's a new letter in my inbox. I click it and as I wait for the page to load, my heart pumps loudly in my chest and ears and I feel, wait, I know that it's from Kenshin. Finally, the page appears and I smile widely when I see that the email is from Kenshin. I quickly click the letter open and eagerly read its contents. I could actually hear his voice – that sweet, gentle timbre – saying the letter as if he is just by my side.

Kaoru-dono,

I've just only arrived in Canada in our new home. Well, it's pretty cool and bigger than our house back there. It has two floors and five bedrooms and three bathrooms, so there are three extra bedrooms and one extra bathroom. There's a really large kitchen, living room, separate dining room and a basement that I'm planning to make into a rec room. I just wish that you guys could be here so we can have a sleepover, the kind we used to have. Oro. I miss you all so much. It's only been, what, three days and I'm missing everyone to death. You're the first person I've emailed and I hope you're okay. I know that it's been terribly hard for all of you, especially for you.

I've been thinking, Kaoru-dono. I know that Sano has been pining over you for a long time now. I know. It's obvious. And…and…well, I know that you have had…something for me these years and as much as I hate to say this, I want you to get over me. I'm not being arrogant or pompous but I'm your best friend and I don't want you to be always hurt because I have feelings for Tomoe. You may hate me for saying this – well, that's the point I guess, no, not hate me but forget you're in love with me – but I want you to go out with Sano. If I know you, and I do, you're infamous temper must be flaring by now but Kaoru-dono, I hate seeing you so hurt everytime you see me, talk to me, be with me and I can't help but feel terribly guilty. Please forgive me for this, Kaoru-dono, but I believe this is for the best. I'll always be your best friend, no matter what'll happen.

Always,

Kenshin

Damn right he is that my infamous temper is showing itself. I mean, who wouldn't be furious when the guy you love practically orders you to go out with his best friend? Well, I am. That's…that's…urgh! There is nothing wrong about Sano, in fact, he's really good-looking and funny and sweet but the fact is, I'm in love with Kenshin, not him. And I'm not the kind of girl who easily lets go of her love. I've felt this way about Kenshin for years, dammit, and he has the nerve to tell me to date Sano?

I grip the sides of the screen and shake it angrily, watching as the screen quivers along. My eyes are narrowed and my chest heaves with indignation. With an enraged sigh, I let go of the computer screen and sit back on my chair. But I still feel the frustration and rage still cursing inside me.

But can I blame Kenshin? What did I feel when Sano told me he's in love with me? Guilt, painful guilt, so I deduce that that is what Kenshin must have felt whenever he saw me with that unrequited-love expression on my face or in my eyes and smile. Somehow, I can never fully disguise it. Some trace always leeks somewhere.

But still it hurts.

-X-

Friday comes to quickly. Misao, Aoshi, Sano and I are sitting on one of the larger sofas, facing the kind-looking lawyer and the stern-looking social worker. Now there's an irony for you. A plate of cookies and six glasses of orange juice are placed on the glass table in the middle. The day outside isn't too hot but the air is sort of humid and my anxiousness is mounting as every second ticks by.

I study again my guests. The lawyer looks to be about thirty-something with short brown hair and a kindly expression in his dark blue eyes. He isn't wearing the tweed suits most lawyer's sport but just a casual shirt and pants. In fact, Yokohama-san doesn't look like a lawyer at all. I mean, to me. He's good-looking in the way my…my father was good-looking and not at all old and potbellied like most attorneys of the law.

But the social worker isn't at all the caring middle-aged woman I expected her to be. First, she's an American with incredibly white skin and long legs. After all, most social workers in movies and books are understanding women. But then again, this is real life, not some movie or novel. Her hair, despite the obvious thirty-ish look of her face, is long and shiny and darkly red. Her eyes are bright and intelligent, calculating as she gazes at me, my friends and around the living room. She is wearing, strangely, a light suit with matching high-heels.

I catch Misao's look and we both hold our laughter.

"Kamiya-san, let's get to business, ne?" Yokohama-san good-naturedly begins, cutting the thick tension in the air with his deep and sympathetic voice.

I nod stiffly, swallowing heavily. "Okay. Let's start, I guess, with my parent's…last will." I blanch and Misao, who is sitting beside me, comfortingly holds my hand.

Yokohama-san smiled considerately. "All right then. I'm sure you're wondering why the late Kamiya's had created their last will and testimony so early in their lives. They were just taking precaution. In this day and age, anything can happen. Besides, they didn't expect for…what happened to happen. Not at all. Just cautious." He rummages inside his briefcase and takes out a thin pile of documents and puts them on the glass table, sliding it towards me. I consciously pick them up and scan the pages, unable to understand the law jargon on the paper.

I shake my head and hand it to Sano who takes one glance on the seal on top of the paper and then hands it to Aoshi, who seems to understand the terms and such and looks deeply engrossed as he reads it.

The lawyer smiles kindly and says, "The documents state, that you, Kamiya Kaoru, only daughter of the recently deceased Kamiya Tenchi and Sakuya (A/N: Not real name, since I don't know their real names) are the sole beneficiary of everything they own, this house and everything in it and the quite impressive sum of money they saved in various banks and everything else."

Sano looks a bit confused so Yokohama-san decided to spell it out for him. "It means that Kaoru-san will receive everything her parents owned."

Misao sniggers and Sano rolls her eyes. I shush them both even though they didn't say anything. Aoshi finally puts down the documents on the table and Yokohama-san picks them up and arranges them.

"But," his voice takes in a warning tone and say, "Kaoru-san will only be able to receive most of her money when she turns eighteen, which is next year, isn't it? So, this is where Mandy comes in." He smiles charmingly at the woman beside him.

She arch's a brow but smiles a little and a sort of warmth enters her eyes. But her voice is brisk and professional as she speaks. "Yes. As you might think, you no longer have any living relatives. You have no aunts since both of your parents were the only children of their families and your grandparents on both sides had long ago passed away." She pauses for a while.

I wait for her to continue. For a moment, I visualize myself living in an unfriendly and unloving atmosphere with uncaring foster parents who doesn't care an ounce for me and I turn into a wild rebel, doing drugs and stealing in small shops until the police finally catches me. Okay, maybe it is a bit farfetched but nothing can be ruled out.

For a moment, I think of Kenshin and how he is doing. I'm sure by now he's already going to his new school, meeting new people and making new friends, and by this I mean girlfriends. But I remember his love for Tomoe and push the image away. Kenshin won't forget Tomoe easily, if ever though it brings only a small, selfish comfort to my greed heart to know they aren't together again.

And I have noticed that Tomoe is spending a lot of time with that exchange student, Akira-something.

Then Mandy the social worker continues and she says the a shocking thing.

"But you do have a living relative, Kaoru-san."

I gape at her and Misao squeezes my hand reassuringly. "Hear that, Kaoru-chan! You aren't going to any stranger's home but a relative! I wonder who it is! If she's a he or she and if he or she is rich and kind and – oops!" Misao reddens when she realizes she's babbling and bows down her head in embarrassment. Sano bursts out laughing and I had to resist my giggles.

Mandy fixes her suit and continues, "As I said, you have a living relative. She is the half-sister of your Grandmother Lynn, Kaoru-san and she has just been recently informed of your loss and the circumstances. She, Sanada Yuri, has graciously agreed to take care of you until you're of legal age."

My heart speeds up. I sort of remember Grandma Lynn, who's the mother of father, telling me when I was still small and she was still alive that she had a special sister she loved very much. But Grandma Lynn kept on saying that 'she' was gone and I always associated this that 'she' was dead. I'm mistaken in that assumption, it seems.

"Really? Why didn't I know that she's still alive? My father would have told me if he'd had a living aunt," I ask with a shrug of my shoulders. "Grandma Lynn kept telling me that her special sister was gone and I'd always thought, like, dead or something."

"It seems that when Sanada-san was still young, probably your age back then, she ran away with a biker with a bad reputation and Sanada-san's father, as well as your Grandma's father, disowned her since he was very old-fashioned and greatly cared for his self-image," Yokohama-san informs us, taking off his glasses and wiping it with his handkerchief and puts it back on. "And your Grandma was greatly traumatized because she'd reportedly loved her half-sister more than anyone. Plus, her father had told her that Sanada-san had died. Very cruel of him, if you ask me."

I nod, feeling sorry for my Great-Aunt whom I never met before and especially for my Grandma. She must have taken it pretty hard when her father told her Great-aunt was dead. Then I wasn't technically wrong after all.

"That's pretty harsh," Misao says angrily.

"Totally," I seconded. Sano just nods in agreement.

"So, where does this Sanada Yuri live?" I ask, wondering where I'm going to live. It just occurs to me that I'm going to be moving away, and probably to a very far place and leave my friends. Just like Kenshin. I can't handle that!

Misao seems to realize the same thing since she suddenly looks pale.

Mandy frowns before answering.

"She lives in America, to be more specific, in Canada."

My eyes widen as disbelief and an acute sense of relief washes over me and my thoughts begin to whirl wildly in my head. Canada. I'm going to be living in Canada. That's where Kenshin is. He's in Canada right now and soon I will be too. But oh, what are the chances of us meeting? But still, Canada! The same state as him, probably! But I'll leave my friends. But I can be with Kenshin. Oh no, oh god!

Misao's grip on my hand slackens and she pulls away and I blindly look at her, not really seeing her at all. I'm still in enormous shock. Her face is full of incredulity and hurt and I sober a little as her jade eyes fill with tears. Sano's hand touches my shoulders and I still dazedly look at him and see the dark but resigned expression on his face. Then past him, I see Aoshi and the look of suppressed pain in his eyes. Next to Kenshin, he's probably my greatest friend. After all, we've been best friends since Kindergarten, since we were still toddlers.

And shamefully, the sadness did not overpower the joy I felt with the prospect of being with Kenshin again.

"I'm going to Canada," I say in wonder and anguish.

Then I remember Kenshin's words before he left: "I'll see you later…"

I feel the salty tears sliding down my cheeks.

I'll see you later…Kenshin…

-X-

THE END

-X-

A/N: That's it. That's the end. And I'm not making a sequel, well not in the near future anyway, since it's quite obvious from the turn of events whose going to end up with whom. Anyway, that's the original ending I came up with and I'm sticking with it because it's the best ending I've got for this story. Oh, I think the email part was a little overkill but hey, Kenshin can be frank when he wants too! I just hope I haven't disappointed you all with a totally lousy ending!!!

Now tell me how you love or hate it and what you think of the ending and click that adorable purple button down there that says, 'Submit Review.'

Now to reply with my wonderful reviewers who kept me motivated – even if I did have most of the story written down already:

Samuraiduck27: You've been a great reader and my first reviewer and thanks so much for your reviews. I was greatly flattered when you said my fanfic is probably the only fic that made you cry. Well, I don't cry when I read my own story but that's probably on account because I know what's happening already! Thanks very much anyway!

TimeWarper: Thanks for all of your nice reviews! It really made my day, you know, that you understood how pressured us writers can be.

Moon&Stars: It's all right to cry when reading fanfics. Lord knows I've cried plenty when reading my favorite stories! Domo arigatou!

Layarine: Thanks for your reviews. I can't say anything else. Only that I love hearing my story is liked. :P

Drac-frst: I'll tell you a secret. I think Kaoru is prettier and kinder too. I don't like Tomoe at all. No offense to you all Tomoe-fans but Kaoru's just my kind of girl. Strong, beautiful and endlessly selfless.

The evil witch: Man, you only almost cried. That's all right. I love angst, don't you? And thanks for the reviews you gave me.

Brittanie love: Arigatou gozaimasu for the reviews and encouragement!

Black-lotusblossom: No, I so don't have anything against Kaoru and Kenshin since they're my most favorite couple in the world! Though, I also do stray but still they stay as my favorite. Thanks for R&R-ing my story!

Wistful-Eyes: Ooh, cool name. Yeah, it does suck that things don't always go your way. I've always wanted to do a story with a lot of point of view and viola this story is born, well, three point of views anyway.

Jomai, nene-chan, hikaru0918, Aikawarazu Ai, half-breed-demon-fox, Chibi Kitty sorceress, Bina: All I can say is, thanks for reading!

Flaming amber: Well, I tried not to make it too predictable. Just hope the ending wasn't too predictable either. Thanks for the reviews also!

The evil-witch, rain angst, grlquit46: I know. Isn't drama and angst so great? Don't worry, Kaoru will have a great ending. It's just up to your imagination!

Irulan 24: Wow, thanks so much. I didn't know about that cop-at-the-door stuff. Call me ignorant or whatever. And I was really touched that you thought that it was so heartfelt and realistic. ::giggles with overexcitement:: Wow, first time someone said 'Kudos to you.' Thanks!!!! Well, its up to your point of view if Kaoru will always have unrequited love or not but for me, she and Kenshin will always be together.

See you in my other fanfics. Ciao.