Chapter 9

Sara sat at the same table she had as a kid in her parent's kitchen and perused the newspaper as she sipped a cup of tea. It was nearly 10 and Sara was well rested after aher flight.

He mother eyed her.

"How far along are you?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know. About 3 months."

"Your Mr. Grissom?" Sara had long given up trying to keep much of anything from her mother.

"Are you going to tell him?"

Sara shrugged and stared back at the reflection of herself thirty years away. Her mother's had her silver streaked hair pulled in to a loose ponytail. Her gardening gloves were resting on the counter where she had just laid them. She was resting her slim body against the frame of the screen door feeling the breeze of the cool morning.

"Sara?"

"I don't know. I'm scared. Things with Gil did not turn out like they expected. It's gotten pretty bad now."

He mother's silence resonated through the room. Sara could hear the shrill call of the seagulls as they searched for breakfast.

"I lost myself Mom. I just lost all of who I was. I began to forget why I loved Gil for so many years. It was like living under a black cloud only I like being rained on. From the moment we got together, it was everything awful and everything wonderful. He began to scare me Mom. "

Sara passed the next month and a half quietly. Her mother's healthy home cooking served to replenish the weight that she had lost plus a little more. She and her father went for long walks on the beach. She and her mother became fixtures at the local organic market. Her belly was only slightly rounded and Sara would stand in front of the mirror willing the baby to become prominent on her frame. Her mother told her not to expect too much because it just wasn't in her the "genes."

She was surprised that she had not heard from Gil. It would have only made sense for him to look for her at her parent's house. She tried not to question it but welcomed the respite.

Grissom sat across from the voluptuous blond for the sixth time in a month. Her pale freckled hands rested comfortably on the armrest of the deep chair. Her name was Anna Henderson. She was a friend of Catherine's from when they had both been strippers. She was now a physiologist that specialized in Family Systems.

"So you think you are ready to contact Sara?"

The man that sat across from her looked calmer and more rested, then the first day she met him. The frightening pain had started to dissipate form his eyes. Gil Grissom was working hard to conquer his demons but Anna was still concerned that is was too soon.

"I don't know. I just miss her terribly."

"You stayed away from Sara for so many years because you believed that a relationship with her would change you. You said that from almost the moment you met you were afraid that your love for her would overtake all reason and it did. Has there been enough time?"

"Probably not."

"At least you recognize that you are still in a dangerous place. That's a huge breakthrough. If we do decide that it is okay for you to try and contact Sara there will have to be some guidelines, some rules that you both have to abide by in order for this to work."

"Like?" Grissom played with the creases in his pants.

"Like you and Sara will need to agree to some intensive couples therapy. Like I am concerned about you two living together again immediately and I want you to continue your solo therapy for at least a year and I might refer you to one my MD colleagues for a mild anti-depressant. Gil you are almost fifty years old. You have suppressed most of the issues since your father left. There is no magic bullet to fix this. It's going to take some time."

"So what do I do?"

She was compelled by the profound sadness in his eyes. Men or women for that matter hardly ever came to her prepared to do the real work that would repair themselves and their relationships. She thought this man was committed.

She smiled to herself. She doubted any man had ever loved her as much as Gil loved his Sara.

"Okay. You can contact her. If you promise to tread very carefully and to follow the rules."

Gil Grissom's blue eyes sparkled and the corners of his mouth turned up that ends.

"Thanks."