The Family Name: The Artic Incident
By Elbereth in April
Chapter 4: Goblins and Dwarves
Draco and Artemis pulled themselves out of another snowdrift as quickly as possible and looked over at where they'd been standing. "The ledge hasn't collapsed yet," Artemis breathed, "but it will."
Indeed, the only thing holding it up was debris. The others were trapped underneath by thick columns of rock and ice blocking the cave's opening like bars.
Draco swallowed. "Are they alive? How do we get them out?"
Artemis pulled out his wand and walked forward. "Stay back, Fowl!" Root called out to him. "We're pinned down. Capt. Short is injured and Butler is unconscious."
"Hang on," Artemis tried to sound confident and reassuring. "We'll use magic to get you out." What could be wrong with Butler?
"Mind the goblins!" Holly yelled, sounding strained. She must be in pain.
"Don't do anything to bring down the roof!"
"All right," Artemis said, walking back to Draco. "Are you strong enough to transfigure some of the rocks? I'll tell you which ones. It's a matter of mathematics. If you only remove certain ones--well, with luck, the ledge won't come down."
Draco thought, then nodded.
"To be on the safe side, I'll cast a levitation spell on the ice directly above them, in case it should fall."
"What if the goblins shoot at us again?"
"They seem to be ignoring us right now. They're just hovering and staring. Their dead friend might have something to do with it. He was too close to the falling ice. Goblins are stupid."
Draco half-smirked. "Let's get on with it then, before they notice us again."
Artemis pointed out the rocks he wanted Malfoy to transfigure. "On 3. 1--2--3."
Draco pointed his wand and concentrated. This was hard work. He felt sweat break out on his body. It froze to his skin. He scowled. Slowly the rocks began to change texture and density. They remained the same size and color; that was easier. When he was done he had rocks as soft and light-weight as pillows.
The ledge started to shift. Artemis cast a widespread Wingardium Leviosa with a basic shielding charm added in for good measure.
They'd both been practicing over the summer; they'd warded themselves against notice from the Ministry.
"It's holding," Draco whispered. Then he yelled to the others, "Come on out! Can you carry Butler?"
"Yes!" Root yelled back. "We're coming!"
"Quickly, I hope." Artemis's wand hand was shaking. That was a lot of rock to hold up.
Root came, warily pushing through the pillow-rocks, with Butler attached behind him on an anti-gravity belt. Holly followed, one arm clutching the other close to her chest.
Above them, the three remaining goblins were moving in closer and preparing to fire.
Draco turned and pointed his wand at them. "Let's see if you're immune to magic," he sneered. "Engorgio Manus! Inverto Visum! Cruditas!"
Each curse hit a goblin. The hands of the smallest one began to enlarge to three times their normal size. Unable to hold his gun, he dropped it. It fell into a random snowbank, too far away for them to reach or even identify to find later.
The middle goblin now saw everything upside down. He drifted around in the air, disoriented. But the third one shot at Draco. It hit a drift about six inches in front of him, spraying snow into his eyes.
The fairies plus Butler were hurrying towards them now, looking for any other possible cover. Artemis let the rock and ice he'd been holding up drop and spun around to fire off a few hexes of his own. "Diffindo! Confundrum! Petrificus Totalus!"
Draco wiped the snow out of his face. Why hadn't his diarrhea spell worked? Possibly a goblin's internal plumbing was different than theirs.
Meanwhile, the first goblin had managed to stop staring at his oversized hands long enough to barely dodge Artemis's curse. The second was even more confused. The third was hit by a body bind and froze.
Artemis cast Stupefy on the first goblin. The second tried shooting at him, but thanks to Malfoy's spell, he ended up shooting the sky. Draco Stupefied him as well.
"Accio softnose," Artemis said. There was a small explosion of a snowbank off in the distance ahead of them, then the dropped goblin gun floated towards them and into his hand.
Artemis held the gun out to the commander. Draco looked at it thoughtfully, then addressed Root. "I noticed their mechanical wings are still working even though they're unconscious. Can you shoot one down? Then we could question it."
"I could do that," Root replied, taking the laser and smirking. "I doubt he'll be able to tell us much, but it wouldn't hurt to ask."
Artemis moved to stand over his bodyguard in concern. "What's wrong with Butler?"
"Rock hit him. But he'll be OK in a moment," Root assured him, aiming at a goblin's wings.
-------------------------------They regrouped back to the Shuttleport. Butler had woken up okay, to the boys' relief, and Holly had healed her arm. Unfortunately as Root had suspected, the goblins had been unable to provide them with any information. They were too far down in the ranks to have ever seen the person controlling the B'wa Kell, and too stupid to know much more about it. Someone had wanted Root out of the way so they could stage a coup. Well, they'd figured that much out themselves. They had disposed of the goblins and returned to the shelter to plan."You've got a leak," Artemis told them. "Not even your Council knew about this mission. It was top secret. The only one who knew who isn't here is the centaur."
Holly shook her head. "Not Foaly."
"What's our situation? What have we got?" Root interjected. "The shuttle, providing it's not wired. Food provision. One softnose laser, stolen from goblins."
"Butler's brute strength, Fowl's brains. Two wands," Draco added. He nudged his way in front of Fowl to get closer to their little heat cube.
Not to be outdone, Fowl promptly pushed him to the side and got in front of him.
Draco shoved him over and sat beside him, legs and shoulders touching just to annoy him, and held his arms and legs straight out. He was about three inches taller than Fowl, and therefore three inches closer to the fire. "I'm closest, I'm closest," he sing-songed, grinning.
Fowl raised an eyebrow, more amused than he was letting on.
Root cleared his throat. "What do we know for sure?"
Artemis tried to ignore Malfoy's antics. "The goblins have a source in the LEP. They tried for the head. In all probability, they're going after the body at the same time. Meaning, there's a revolution going on underground."
"The LEP can beat the B'wa Kell," Holly scoffed.
"Without weapons?"
There was a moment of silence.
"Worst case scenario," Artemis said. "Haven has been taken by the B'wa Kell and the Council is dead or imprisoned. Things look grim."
"So what do we do now?" Draco asked.
"I'm sorry, Fowl," Root sighed, "but I'll have to go back underground. If a revolution is going on, I'm needed down there. I have duties."
"Without weapons, we can't deal with the Mafiya anyway," Holly added.
"We don't need them, Fowl." Draco looked at the other boy. "We still have our wands. We're here in Russia where we need to be. We can go on."
"Dueling against stupid goblins was one thing," Root said, eyes less harsh than his words. "You did well against them, but against the Mafiya? It will be a different situation. Come back with us, we'll put down the goblins, and then we'll all come back here."
Artemis's expression was bleak as he tried to decide.
Then his cell phone rang.
Draco jumped. "What's that noise?"
"Relax, pureblood," Artemis smirked at him. "It's just my phone." He pulled it out from his pocket. "Which is interesting, because only Butler has this number."
"You appear to be wrong about that."
Artemis looked at his phone. "Text message. It must be Foaly. He's been monitoring me. He may even be using my laptop, seeing as I left it there."
"Well, what's it say?"
He showed them. "Cmndr Root. Trble below. Havn overrn by goblns. Plice Plaza srrounded. Cudgon Opal Koboi bhnd plot. No wpons or cmmunications. DNA cnons cntrlled by Koboi. I m trpped in Op Bth. Cncl thnks Im 2 blm. If alive plse hlp. If not, wrng nmbr."
"Not good."
"Cudgeon! Cudgeon!" Root exclaimed, pacing furiously. "Why didn't I see it? Can we get a message to Foaly?"
"No. There's no network here. I'm surprised we could even receive."
"Couldn't you rig it somehow?"
"Of course. Give me six months, some specialized equipment, and three miles of steel girder."
Holly snorted. "Some criminal mastermind you turned out to be."
Butler placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Shh. Artemis is thinking."
Draco smirked.
After a moment, Artemis spoke. "We have two options." They listened expectantly. "One, get human aid."
"No good. What if the mind-wipe afterward didn't take? No. What's option two?"
"We break into Koboi Laboratories and return weapons control to the LEP."
"Break into Koboi?" Root started laughing. "Impossible. It's impregnable. Built on bedrock, no windows, blast-resistant walls, DNA cannons. We couldn't get within 100 yards."
Another moment of silence.
"I never learned spells against cannons," Draco said, frowning.
Holly looked at them almost hesitantly. "I had a thought. Remember the dwarf who broke into Fowl Manor when you held me hostage? He could get in. He worked for the builders of Koboi Labs--it was a way to get plans for buildings. He left himself a backdoor."
"But he's dead," Root protested.
"Actually. . . he's in L. A."
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They were experiencing difficulties. First, since their shuttle was traveling through a retired underground system, they came to a blocked tunnel. "No problem," Root had said. "We'll blast the wall."
He had climbed out on to the wing, despite heavy thermal turbulence, clutching two concussor eggs to blast the rock. He swung across from the wing to the rock wall on a piton cord and planted the charges. The problem came on the way back, when he lost the cord and was stranded against the rock face. They only had about 30 seconds until the concussors blew.
"If you're not overly fond of your ribs, I can use the ship's gripper clamps to pull you in. But it would rocket into you like a linebacker made of steel."
"I could float him across with magic," Draco offered.
Holly looked at him. "The commander's life is at stake. These chutes go down as far as forever. What if you dropped him?"
"Drop him! My dear lady, I've been using a wand since I was seven, and levitation and fetching spells are some of the first charms a kid learns. They come in very handy. Look, we got you out of that ice, didn't we?"
Holly groaned.
"Do it," Root ordered, trying not to panic.
Draco took up his wand and went to the door. Butler shoved a helmet over the blonde boy's head and opened the door for him. Draco looked out at the commander and summoned all his Malfoy confidence. "Wingardium Leviosa. Mobilus Corpus." The magic latched onto the fairy and he began to move across the empty space. As the thermal winds continued to buffet at him, Draco struggled to keep him going straight instead of letting the wind drag him away. He moved the fairy as quickly as possible.
Draco stepped aside as Root glided in through the shuttle door, then cancelled the spell. Root looked at him. "Well, well, I guess you're useful after all."
Draco beamed. He recognized this as high praise. He was discovering that he liked being heroically useful. He shuddered a bit with this revelation. The next thing you knew, he'd be wearing red and gold and empathizing with Potter.
The concussors blew, sending four tons of rubble dropping into the void.
Holly turned the shuttle and headed into the supply tunnel.
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Mulch Diggums entered his apartment carrying an Oscar he'd stolen from a famous actress moments earlier. He placed it in a hidden cabinet and wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "I'd like to thank the Academy." He giggled.
"Very touching," said a voice from behind him.
Mulch spun around, mouth falling open. There were two boys in his apartment. Human boys. One looked at him, eyebrow raised, as cool and suave as could be. The other, although just as sophisticated looking, was grinning in amusement.
"That's a dwarf?" the pale blonde one said to the other.
"Yes." The other boy glanced over to the first one. Their eyes met in a conspiratorial way. The blonde's grin turned into a smirk.
"No wonder humans have taken over the surface."
Mulch scowled. These boys were trouble.
"This one isn't a typical specimen. He's a thief."
"I beg your pardon," Mulch spoke up defensively, bluffing for all he was worth. "You're the ones in someone else's home."
"Indeed, your alarm was amusing. It took me several seconds to bypass it."
The blonde rolled his eyes. "We could have used a simple Alohamora, but no, you wanted some fun. . ."
Mulch gulped. Wizards. "Who are you?"
"I believe the question is, who are you? Millionaire Lance Digger? Thief extraordinare going by the alias the Grouch? Or, as Foaly suspects, the escaped convict Mulch Diggums?"
Mulch ran for it. "You'll never take me alive, humans. Tell Foaly not to send Mud Men to do a fairy's job."
"Hollywood has a lot to answer for," Artemis said to Malfoy, shaking his head.
Mulch dove into the chimney and chewed his way down.
Draco laughed. "That was fun. Gross, though. He really did eat dirt. Ugh. And he has no shame. He just dropped his pants right in front of us. I was so tempted to hex him."
"Malfoy, we discussed that. If we didn't let Holly make the final arrest, she'd have sulked the rest of the trip."
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Holly, Butler, and Root apprehended Diggums at the exit tunnel he'd made into the parking garage. Mulch was not a happy dwarf as the boys joined them and they returned to the shuttle. He had recognized Butler from their first meeting. That made one of those Mud Boys Artemis Fowl. But he had no idea who the other was.
Root screamed at him for awhile once they were all underground again. Mulch didn't take much notice of this. Eventually he asked, "What do you want from me? And what's with the Mud Men? Especially that one." He nodded at Butler.
Butler grinned. "Remember me, little man? Seems to me I owe you something. . ."
"Hey, you've never told me this story," Draco interrupted.
"I never will."
Draco looked at Mulch expectantly. The dwarf looked at Butler nervously and kept his mouth shut.
Root smiled. "Something important is going on."
"I thought so. You need me to do the dirty work, as usual. You know, assaulting me isn't going to help much."
"Next time, don't run," Draco smirked at him. "'You'll never take me alive?' Really. Couldn't you have at least come up with a better parting line?"
Mulch sighed. "Just tell me what you want."
"You're going to get us into Koboi labs."
"No way! They have DNA-coded cannons!"
"You have no choice, convict," Root growled.
"What about my civil rights? I'll just serve my jail time."
"I could turn him into a flobberworm," Draco offered.
"Who is he?"
"Oh, where are my manners?" Draco's smirk hadn't faded. "I'm Draco Malfoy."
Which would make the other one Artemis Fowl. Mulch glanced over at the other boy. He was smirking, too.
"In case you don't know, the Malfoy's are an old, powerful pureblood line of Dark wizards," Artemis supplied.
That did not make the dwarf happier.
"Here's the deal, Mulch," Root cut in, afraid things might get out of hand. "I can add a century to your sentence and throw you into maximum security in Howler's Peak. . ."
"That's a goblin prison!"
". . . or I can give you a two day head start when this is all over."
"And time is of the essence," Artemis put in.
Mulch groaned and accepted. He didn't see any choice.
"By the way," Draco said, "what's DNA?"
Root and Holly had to make an excuse to return to the cockpit so they wouldn't burst out laughing in front of Malfoy. Really, listening to Fowl trying to explain genetics to a pureblood wizard was more than they could take.
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A/N: Sorry for the time it's taken me to update. Things were disrupted by Hurricanes Charley and Frances, but I should be back on target now. Thanks for the reviews!