The Lucky Ones
Chapter Four
When I counted up my demons.
Saw there was one for everyday,
With the good ones on my shoulders,
I drove the other ones away.
If you think that all is lost,
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,
Hoping everything's not lost.
Lucy managed to avoid Carter for the rest of her shift by shadowing Dr. Greene instead. He had heard their earlier fight and thought that it would be best for everyone if she and Carter were apart for a while. After her shift she then hung out at Doc Magoos until Dave was off.
"Are you sure that you want to come to a party right now?" Dave asked her when he got there after he noticed that she still looked a little upset.
"I'm sure. I need some fun STAT." She laughed.
Dave laughed. The party had started and people were getting drinks and dancing. They each got a beer and sat down with Chuni, Jerry, and Deb. "Happy Halloween guys." He toasted.
About an hour had passed, and Lucy was having a pretty good time until she saw Carter start to approach the table. She turned to Dave. "Wanna dance?" she asked, wanting to get far away from Carter.
"Uh, sure." He shrugged.
They got up and started to dance, leaving Carter there. He had only come because Dave had told him that Lucy would be there. He really wanted to talk to her so that he could apologize for the things he had said to her.
"So Carter, I guess you could only wait a couple of weeks before fighting with Lucy again?" Chuni asked.
"Yeah. Excuse me." He went up and got a beer, all the while, watching Lucy and Dave dance. He couldn't help but feel jealous, even though he was trying to suppress every inappropriate feeling he had for Lucy.
Meanwhile, Dave was trying to get Lucy to confide in him as they were dancing. "So what was the fight about?" he prodded.
"Just the same old, same old. He won't leave me alone when I'm with a patient. He just stands there, watching every single move I make. And he doesn't yell at me anymore—well except when I goaded him into the argument today." She explained.
"So you're mad because he cares about you and wants to protect you? And he doesn't yell at you anymore?" he deduced.
"Yeah, but it's more complicated than that." She insisted.
"These things usually are." Dave smiled.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Lucy asked, referring to the goofy smile on Dave's face.
"Lucy, it's so obvious to me and pretty much everyone else in the hospital that you and Carter have feelings for each other."
Lucy laughed. "What? I do not! And neither does he!" she denied, even though Dave was completely right about her feelings. She did have feelings for him, but it didn't matter.
"Sure. Deny it. Maybe it will just go away." He replied sarcastically.
"You're wrong! He's my teacher! And...and he's Carter!" she stammered.
"But there's no stopping love."
"Love? Who said anything about love? I do not love him." She protested.
"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much." He replied in his best Shakespeare impression.
"Well I don't want to talk about Carter. I don't want to even think about Carter. This conversation is over. Next topic please!" Lucy insisted, even though Carter was usually all that she thought about.
Carter went back to the group's table and overheard Chuni talking.
"You know, Dave and Lucy would make a cute couple." Chuni commented as she took another look at them dancing.
"Yeah, they would." Deb echoed.
"I don't think so." Carter told them, taking a big gulp of his beer.
"Oh yeah? Why not?" Chuni asked, suspicious.
"Because Dave's not good enough for Lucy." Carter explained.
"And what? You are?" Chuni asked, hoping for some juicy gossip.
Carter looked at her strangely. "What are you talking about?"
"C'mon Carter! We all know that you and Lucy have feelings for each other and we all remember what happened in exam six." Chuni explained.
"Nothing happened then!" Carter denied.
"Sure...whatever you say." Chuni patronized him. "But I know what I saw."
"Lucy sure looks like she's having a good time though." Deb told him.
He saw her laugh as she danced with Dave, and got severely jealous. He had to do something. Getting up, he walked over to where they were dancing. "Can I cut in?" he asked.
They stopped dancing. "It's up to Lucy." Dave finally said.
"Then no." Lucy replied, not even looking at Carter.
"Please? I need to talk to you." Carter pleaded.
"You know what Lucy? I'm getting thirsty. I'm gonna get something to drink." Dave told her, letting them talk because he thought that's what they both needed right now.
"Traitor." She whispered. She stood out in the middle of the dance floor with Carter—neither of them moving to the beat of the song. "What do you want?"
"I want to apologize. I didn't mean what I said to you earlier."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Apology accepted. Are we done talking now?" Lucy asked.
"Nope. We still need to talk."
"About what?" she asked, getting impatient.
"About what happened that night." He replied.
"You want to talk about that now? Here?" she asked, her voice rising.
"Yes...well not here. We could go somewhere and talk. But I think we need to get everything out in the open or else we're just going to continue to fight all the time."
"No. I don't want to talk to you." She yelled.
"Lucy, talk to me! Please?" Carter pleaded.
Lucy looked around Doc Magoo's and saw all of their friends and co-workers staring at them with interest. "Ok, fine." She said, turning to face Carter again. "You want me to talk about that night? I'll talk. But what do you want to know about first? The nightmares that come every single time I close my eyes? The hundred or so reasons I cry myself to sleep every night? Ooh! I know! Why don't we talk about the huge loads of guilt that I feel about you being attacked too? Or how I wonder at least ten times a day why the hell I didn't die that night. Tell me, what would you like to talk about first Carter?" Tears were forming in her eyes and she did nothing to stop them as they cascaded down her cheeks. Carter tried to wipe them away, but she pulled back out of his reach. Unable to look him in the eyes anymore, she ran out of Doc Magoo's.
Carter watched her go and knew that he had to go after her. 'But what will I say to her? What can I say to her? I had no idea that she was in that much pain.' He quickly ran out after her, calling out her name. But that only made her run faster. Her apartment wasn't too far from the hospital and she made it there before him. By the time he caught up with her, she had already locked her door. "Lucy! Lucy come on! Let me in! Please?"
"Go away!" Lucy shouted as she sat on her couch.
"Luce! Please let me in!" Carter pounded.
"No! I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to anyone."
"Lucy, I'm giving you to the count of three..."
"And then you'll what? Break my door down?" Lucy shouted, getting up from the couch and crossing her arms around her chest.
"One...Two................Three! Ok, I warned you!" Carter yelled. He pulled out his driver's license and used it to pry open the lock.
"I can have you arrested for that." Lucy shook her head angrily at her uninvited guest.
"But we both know you won't." Carter said as he took a good look at her. She hadn't stopped crying completely and she looked like she was about to fall apart again. "I'm just really worried about you."
"I'm fine." Lucy lied as she went back to sitting on the couch.
"You're not fine."
"Are you some kind of psychologist now?" she asked angrily.
"No, hardly." He chuckled. "Look, we have been talking about anything and everything but what happened that night. I think it's time we talked about it and got everything out in the open." There was a short silence, and he sat down on the couch next to her. "I didn't know that you were in so much pain."
"You never asked. You never seemed like you would care about it. I asked you in the hospital after I woke up about what happened to you, and you got mad at me. I figured that you just wanted to pretend it didn't happen." She explained. "So that's what I did."
"I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to make you think that. I just didn't want you to know that my recovery was so easy when yours wouldn't be."
Lucy looked at the floor. "So did you have...were you in a lot of pain?"
He looked at her closely. Why hadn't he seen it before? She was also feeling guilty. Maybe he was just so wrapped up in his own guilt that he missed seeing the signs of her guilt. "There was pain...but most of it was emotional pain."
She looked up at him with confusion circling her eyes. "What's that mean?"
"When I found out that you were in a coma, I completely shut down. No one really knew how to reach me. Dr. Benton finally came in and had a long talk with me. He said that you would wake up when your body was refreshed enough, and that I should think about what I wanted you to wake up to. I was pretty bad off at that time, and I didn't want you to see me like that. So I did physical therapy and I waited for you to wake up. When you did wake up, I swore to myself that I wouldn't let anything else happen to you under my watch. That's why I've had you perma-glued to my side around patients."
"But it's not your job to be my bodyguard." She pointed out softly.
"Maybe not, but having you close by makes me feel better. I'm sorry that I didn't take into account your feelings."
His apology made Lucy feel bad. She knew that he was just trying to protect her, but she didn't want it. "I think it's nice that you want to look out for me, but it's really not necessary."
"But if I had just paid attention to you..."
"I don't blame you for what happened." She interrupted. She put her head in her hands. "If anyone here should be blamed, it should be me. You shouldn't have been attacked. I knew that you had entered the room. I could smell your cologne and I recognized your shoes. I tried to warn you, I really did. I just couldn't get any words out. But I should've..." ..." She started to cry again. "I'm so sorry."
Before she could finish that sentence, Carter had enveloped her into a tight hug and held her as she cried. "Shh, it's ok Luce." They sat there, huddled together for what seemed like hours. Lucy had finally calmed down and he wiped the leftover tears from her face. "You don't have to be sorry about anything. Especially not about what happened to me. It wasn't your fault. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine. I was your teacher. I should've paid more attention to you. But I was too caught up in trying to avoid you to be a good teacher."
She pulled away from his embrace. "Avoiding me?" She asked, looking at him strangely and chuckling. For the first time since their argument earlier in the day she genuinely smiled. "Why? Am I really that annoying?"
"I think that this is a conversation for another time." Carter shook his head.
"No. You said you wanted to get things out in the open. So why? Why were you trying to avoid me? Did I do something to make you mad at me?"
"No. I was more mad at myself than you." He finally replied, wishing she wouldn't make him tell her.
"Because?" Lucy prodded.
"I really don't think that now is the right time to have this discussion." He shook his head again.
"Well too bad. Why were you avoiding me?"
"Because I was in love with you and the only way I could deal with it was to avoid you!" He blurted out, immediately thinking that it was the wrong thing to say. He looked at Lucy and saw the look of shock on her face. He put his head in his hands and sighed. He knew he should've kept his big mouth shut.
"You...you fell in love with me?" she stammered, shocked by his admission. "But you've always treated me like you couldn't stand to be around me."
"Yeah, I know I did. I just...Look, I don't think this is what we should be talking about."
"But I think it's kinda important." Lucy protested. She had to admit, that she was beyond shocked that he admitted to having such strong feelings for her. The prospect of him loving her certainly did make her stomach do about a million flip-flops.
"Not as important as what we were talking about before."
"Do you still...you know...love me?" she asked slowly. She had always had romantic feelings for him—especially after what happened in exam six. Her feelings for him were one of the reasons why she felt so guilty for what he had to go through because of her.
"Luce..." he said softly, looking up at her.
"It's a simple question."
He sighed. "Yes." He whispered. He noticed that she looked deep in thought. "Luce, aren't you going to say something? Anything?"
"I don't know what to say." She replied honestly. There was a part of her that secretly celebrated when he said that he still loved her. But there was also a part of her that scolded those feelings. After all, he was still her teacher, and...he was Dr. Carter. She never expected him to actually have feelings for her.
"See this is why we shouldn't have talked about this." Carter pointed out. "Now there's this big, uncomfortable elephant in the room."
She stood up and walked over to the window. "It's probably a good thing that you told me though."
"How so?" he asked. The last thing he wanted to do was get his hopes up and think that she would feel the same way about him. But he couldn't help but hope that there was a chance.
"Well, it's just a good thing to know." Lucy stammered. She wasn't sure what she was going to do now.
"I should probably go now." Carter sighed, getting up and walking to the door. He couldn't believe that he had just blurted out his feelings to Lucy like that. Now he's probably ruined their friendship.
Lucy watched him walk over to the door and felt an urge to stop him. She ran over and slammed her body against the door, blocking Carter from reaching the doorknob.
Carter looked at her like she was an alien who had grown a second head. "What are you doing Lucy?"
"I'm not sure. I just know that I don't want you to go." She replied. She surprised herself with the words that came out of her mouth, but she knew it was true.
"Well I shouldn't stay." He told her. There were about a million reasons why he shouldn't stay, whereas there were really only one or two reasons to stay.
"Probably not." She replied softly, still not moving out of his way. Their eyes remained locked on each other for what seemed like forever before she reached up and softly pressed her lips to his.
The kiss soon deepened, and Carter had his arms wrapped around her waist. The soft kiss that she had initiated was now becoming a smoldering kiss full of passion and heat. He knew that kissing her like this wasn't a smart idea, but he just couldn't seem to pull away.
Lucy wrapped her arms around his neck, savoring the feelings she was experiencing with the kiss. To be honest, she wasn't sure what prompted her to kiss him and she knew that it probably wasn't the best idea in the world. But it was happening, so she was determined to savor it for as long as it lasted.
Carter pulled away from her, ending the kiss, and looked down at the floor. "We shouldn't have done that." He whispered. He knew that Lucy had been upset earlier and the last thing he wanted to do was take advantage of her when she was upset. He couldn't be sure if she really had feelings for him or if she was just caught up in the moment. And they couldn't afford to just get caught up in the moment.
Lucy let her arms fall to her side and also looked down at the floor. Here we go again! I bet he'll give the same speech he gave after the little thing in exam six. She waited to hear his reasons for why they couldn't kiss again.
"I better go." Carter told her with a nervous smile.
"We aren't going to talk about what just happened?" Lucy asked surprised that he wasn't going to lecture her on how it was inappropriate and couldn't happen again.
"Nothing happened Lucy." He shook his head. "I'll see you at work." He leaned against her door after he left, wondering how he could be so insensitive. What was he thinking when he told her that he loved her? Yeah it was true, but that's not something that you are supposed to just blurt out like that—especially when you're having such a serious conversation.
After he left her apartment, she leaned her head on the door, trying to figure out what had just happened. First he said he loved her, then she kissed him, and now he's saying that nothing happened? She couldn't figure out what kind of a game he was playing, but she didn't really appreciate it.
Song Lyric: "Everything's Not Lost" by ColdplayAuthor's Note: I'd like to send a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story! It really helps to know that people are enjoying this story. So thank you!