The Lucky Ones
Chapter Six
Say the first thing that
Comes into your mind when you see me
If it looks like it works and it feels like it works
Then it works
With the sun on your face
All these worries will soon disappear
Just follow me now
The next morning, Lucy snuggled up next to John and continued to lay her head on his chest. Then she realized what she had done. She had practically used him. Here he is, in love with me, and I have no clue if I love him back. I mean, he's a wonderful guy, and I have really strong feelings for him, but is that love? Oh God. I still went to bed with him, and he's my teacher. I am a horrible person. I'm so going to go to hell. But it was worth it. It was the best night of my life. Ah! Quit thinking about that! Get your had out of the gutter! She was going to get up when she felt his arms wrap around her shoulders. Oh that feels so good. This feels so good and so right. I feel so safe right now.
"Morning." Carter spoke, kissing the top of her forehead. He was definitely happy. Last night had been the greatest night of his life. He hoped that Lucy wasn't having second thoughts, because he wasn't. But if she was, he'd find a way to make her see that they should be together. He thought that last night had proved that.
"Morning." Lucy replied.
"How did you sleep?"
Another realization hit her. "You know, I think that last night was the first night that I haven't had a nightmare. Maybe you're my very own dream catcher." She laughed.
He laughed with her. "I'm glad you slept well. I did too." He looked over at the clock and cussed. "Damn. I better get going if I'm gonna go back to my apartment and get changed in time for work."
"Yeah. I should probably get ready too." Lucy agreed as she got up.
"I wish we had more time to talk."
"We can always talk later." Lucy reminded him.
"Yeah." Carter nodded. "When does your shift end today?"
"Seven. You?"
"Same. How about we go out for dinner then?"
She smiled. "Sounds good."
"Great." He grinned. He walked over to where she was standing and wasn't sure where to kiss her goodbye. He finally decided on kissing her cheek. "See you at work."
"Yeah." Lucy replied. After he was gone, she let out a huge breath and sat on the edge of the bed.
Lucy entered the lounge that day and smiled brightly when she saw Dave there reading the newspaper. "Hey." She greeted.
Dave looked at her strangely. "Hey Lucy. What's got you so happy?"
"What are you talking about?" she asked, wondering what he meant.
"You were humming when you came in here." He pointed out.
"Was I? Huh. I didn't know that." She shrugged. "Does my humming bother you?"
"No. I just wondered what caused this sudden mood change in you. Last night you weren't exactly happy enough to hum and now suddenly you are." He lowered his voice. "Is it that time of the month for you?"
She swatted his arm with a folded newspaper. "No! And you can't just go around asking women that!"
"Ok! Sorry." Dave threw his hands up. "So then why are you so happy?"
"Sorry, but I can't really tell you right now." She apologized. "Maybe later."
"Fine. My break's over anyway." He grunted before leaving the lounge.
Lucy walked over to her locker and opened it. She didn't notice that she was humming earlier. She then wondered if anyone had noticed. She was getting ready when she felt arms wrap around her waist.
"Hey Luce." John whispered in her ear.
The sound of his voice whispering his nickname for her sent tiny chills down her spine. But they were good tiny chills. "Carter. You startled me." She whispered back as he started to kiss her neck. "You sure this is a good idea? What if someone walks in?"
"I'll tell them I was giving you the Heimlich Maneuver." He laughed.
"I don't think they would buy it." She laughed.
"Why don't you start calling me John? Obviously not at work, but outside of the hospital."
Lucy pulled out of his grasp. "I'll think about it."
"Is something wrong?" he asked, noticing that she looked like something was bothering her.
"No. Nothing's wrong." She shrugged, looking at her watch. "We better go."
"Ok." Carter replied, still thinking that something was bothering her.
It was a busy day for the ER and Carter and Lucy didn't have any time to talk until after their shifts were over. They were walking out of the ER together. "Carter, we really need to talk."
"What about dinner?" he asked.
"This is important. We can eat after we talk. So why don't we go back to my place?" Lucy suggested.
"Ok." He agreed. Maybe now he could find out what was bothering her.
Within a half hour, they were sitting on her couch in silence. "I don't know if I love you John."
That statement threw him for a loop. "Where did that come from?"
"I've been thinking about this all day. I feel so incredibly guilty about last night. I mean I have really deep feelings for you. I have for over a year, but I'm not sure if it's love. I've never been in love before, so I don't really have anything to compare these feelings to. All I really know is that last night was the only time since the attack that I have felt safe and...alive again. But that scares me." She paused for a moment. "You scare me." Lucy explained, trying not to cry again. She's cried enough for a while.
"I scare you?" He was confounded by her statement. "How?"
"Well yeah. You do kinda scare me a little bit. I constantly think about you. It doesn't even matter what I'm doing. I remember one time I was thinking about doing laundry, and all of a sudden I started thinking about you." She saw him chuckle and gave him a dirty look. "Look, the thing is, you're everything that I've wanted in a guy when I was little. I had this list I made when I was twelve and it stated all the qualities I wanted in a guy. It's really scary how many qualities you share with the list. But I just don't think it would be fair to you if you were in a relationship with me right now. I mean, I'm not the most emotionally-grounded person in the world, and I can't even label my feelings for you..."
He decided to interrupt her right there. "Why don't you let me decide what's fair to me? I don't care if you can't honestly say you love me right now. I'm sure after some time with me, you'll feel the same way I feel about you."
Lucy laughed and grinned. "You have quite possibly the biggest ego I've ever seen!"
"Yeah; maybe I do." He grinned. "But look, as for being emotionally stable, you're not the only one in this room with some instability. Maybe we could help each other." He suggested.
She thought about what he was saying. "You aren't mad at me because I can't tell you that I love you right now?"
"Why would I be mad at you for telling me how you feel? Luce, you were honest with me. I'm not going to get mad at you for telling the truth."
"Thanks." She smiled slightly. "So about our relationship...you really don't mind that we're going to be breaking a ton of rules and keeping secrets from everyone that we know?"
"Not one bit." Carter smiled.
"I don't really either." Lucy replied as she brought his lips to meet hers.
"So do you still have this list that you were talking about?" he asked curiously.
She grinned. "Yes, but I'm not showing it to you."
"Why not?" he pretended to pout.
"Because it's private." She explained.
"Oh c'mon Luce!"
She paused, as if considering his request. Then she shook her head. "Nope. If I showed you the list, you'd only get a bigger ego and then I don't think you'd be able to get your head through the doorway."
"Fine." He resigned, giving her another kiss. He then led her back towards the bedroom.
"What about dinner?" Lucy asked as he started to kiss her neck.
"It can wait." Carter grinned.
The next morning, Lucy and Carter were sitting at the breakfast nook in her apartment, eating toast and drinking coffee. "So while you were in the shower, I was thinking about some things..." Lucy replied, looking into her coffee mug.
"Oh really? What kinds of things?" Carter asked, putting more butter on his toast.
"Well this is the second night that you've stayed here and then in the morning you always have to rush off back to your apartment. I was just thinking that if you wanted to leave some things here, you could. If you want to, that is."
"Are you sure? That's a big step. I don't want to rush you."
"Well it makes sense if you think about it." She brought her eyes up to meet his. "It will save you some time. I could clean out a drawer for you."
"Well yeah. That would be nice. Thanks." Carter nodded, giving her a quick kiss. "So what other things were you thinking about?"
"You never got any therapy after...did you?" She noticed him shake his head and continued. "Neither have I. I was thinking that maybe we should both get some therapy."
"I don't know Luce...I'm not really sure..." He had been avoiding the therapy issue for months now. Everyone seemed to want him to go, but he didn't really think he needed it.
"Why don't you just try it once? That's what I'm going to do. Maybe this is what we need...what we've been missing. I really want this relationship to work..."
"So do I." Carter interrupted.
"But it won't work if we're both still constantly being haunted by what happened. I know that I need some therapy and I don't think it would hurt you to go either." Lucy explained.
"What made you so enthusiastic about therapy?" Carter asked. He was sure that getting her some therapy would take some time, and was sort of surprised by her yen for some help.
"You did." She said softly. "I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to have this hanging over my head. I want to be happy again. I want my old life back." She got up and took her plate into the kitchen.
Carter stuffed the rest of his toast into his mouth and followed her into the kitchen.
"I want to appreciate being alive and I want to live as close to a normal life as I possibly can."
Carter could tell that she was serious because when she was talking, her whole face lit up. He hadn't seen that happen in a long time. "Ok, but I'm confused. How am I responsible?"
"When we got together, I felt that old spark come back to me. It was the first time that I felt alive again and it was because of you. I got thinking about the story that you told me about what Dr. Benton said to you, and something just clicked. I don't want you to ever see me like I was on Halloween. I was a complete mess that night. I want to be better than that." She explained.
He was blown away by her answer. "Well I think therapy is a good idea. I'll think about it. Ok?" he asked.
"Ok." She smiled.
He pulled her into a steamy kiss. "I love you Lucy, and I know that you'll be able to go through therapy and be fine." He kissed her once more. "I've gotta go though, or I'll be late. I'll see you later?"
"Yeah. Bye." The smile that she was wearing slowly left her face once he was out the door. 'He's right. I'll be fine. Right?'
Lucy was on her way into the ER when she saw Dave standing outside, drinking some coffee. "Hey." She greeted.
"Hey. Have you been avoiding me?" he asked.
"No" She shook her head. "Why do you think I've been avoiding you?"
"Well you've just been kind of distant lately." He pointed out. "Is there something going on that I don't know about?"
Lucy didn't know what to say. She wanted to tell him about her new relationship with Carter, but didn't know if she should without talking to Carter about it first. "Well, I'm starting some therapy today."
"Really? When did you decide to do that?"
"Last night." She answered.
"Ok." Dave replied. "So you're not mad at me for anything?"
"No! Of course not. I'm sorry if you thought that I was." She apologized.
"It's ok. Don't worry about me."
"I'll talk to you later." She smiled, going inside to start her shift.
Dave watched her go inside and sighed. There was something that she was hiding from him, and he bet it had something to do with Carter. Sooner or later, he would figure out exactly what was going on.
About noon, Lucy found Carter alone in the lounge. "Hey, you want to go to lunch together?" he asked.
"Love to, but I can't. I'm actually busy with something." Lucy replied.
"What? Another man already?" Carter laughed.
She laughed too. "Actually, yes. I have an appointment with Dr. Meyers."
"Oh. Ok." He replied. "You ok about it?"
"I'm a little scared. I've never really told anyone the whole story of what happened—except for the police, but even then it was different. That was more based on what happened, and not what I felt." Lucy answered.
Carter closed the gap between them and gave her a hug. "It will be ok. If you want to talk about it later, we can. Or we can not talk about it if you want."
"Thanks." She knew that she was lucky to have him in her life.
"So how about dinner tonight?"
"Sounds great!" She gave him a quick kiss. "I better get going."
That night, Carter decided to take Lucy out to dinner instead of having to cook. "So where are we going?" she asked.
"It's this little Italian restaurant that I found awhile back. I thought it would be perfect for our first date. No one at the hospital knows about it." Carter replied as he continued to drive.
Our first date. God, that sounds so weird, but that's what this is. "Well I'm sure it will be great. I love Italian food."
"That's what I thought." After a moment of silence, he decided to ask the question that he had been wanting to ask all day. "So how did your appointment go?"
"I'm not sure." Lucy finally said after a long pause. "I told him everything that had happened—the attack, recovery, and everything up to now. But I left out the part about us. A girl's gotta have some secrets." She smiled. "It actually felt good to let everything out. I'm gonna go back in a couple of days. I've decided to go twice a week for now."
"I'm glad Luce. I mean, not that you have to go to therapy, but that it seems to helping you." Carter told her.
"I still think it could help you too." Lucy told him in a quiet voice.
"I thought about that while I was eating my lunch alone today. I think I'll take your advice and at least go talk to Dr. Meyers once. Can't really do any harm, can it?"
"Nope. I'm glad." Lucy smiled.
Song Lyrics: "Wow" By: Snow PatrolA/N: I have to send a huge thank you to everyone who has sent me a review on this story! I love knowing that there are still Carcy fans out there who are enjoying this story. So thanks!