Chapter 9.

"Come on Herb, it will be fun, I promise!" Konatsu was dragging a very reluctant female towards the building.

"Can't we go to a museum or something instead?"

"Please?" In the end Herb couldn't stand up to the pathetic look Konatsu was giving her. That didn't stop the girl from complaining the whole time as the pair suited up.

"What was this called again?" Herb checked the laces of her boots one final time before standing.

"Ice-skating. You ready?" Konatsu took her hand as the pair walked to the ice. Neither had skated before in their lives, but that didn't stop them from trying. After thirty minutes of fumbling, bumbling, laughter, and spills, they were finally getting the hang of it.

Herb laughed as Konatsu tried to emulate some of the better skaters and fell. When she threw her head back, though, she lost her balance and started to fall as well. Or she would have fallen, rather, if a strong pair of arms hadn't wrapped her in a hug from behind and swept her feet off the Ice.

"Let me teach you how to skate," said the tall figure in a white sweater.

"I don't need your help." Herb's demeanor turned as frosty as the ice.

"That's too bad." Herb was swung around to face the boy. "At least thank me for the helping you out just now." With that, Sanzenin dipped Herb low and kissed her.

=====

"So, tell me your name, cutie!" Happosai grinned, circling around Ranma.

"It's..." Ranma's reply was cut short as she felt two huge surges of ki kilometers away from his present location. The blood drained from her face as she recognized the sources.

"Oh shit..." She took of in the direction of the flare up, running faster than she ever had before.

"Hmm..." Happosai sat down on the crest of the roof, lit his pipe, and watched as Ranma disappeared rapidly in the distance.

Sanzenin had gotten all sorts of reactions from kissing girls, but he could honestly say this was a first. When he had set the cute silver-haired girl back on the ice after the kiss, she merely looked at him. Then, she started to glow. This was not the glow one gets from spending time with a loved one or from physical intimacy; rather, this was the hovering three feet off the ground, hair flailing wildly in a non-existent breeze, unbearable heat radiating and melting the ice beneath her feet glow.

"Is it too late to apologize?"

The grin on Herb's face didn't reassure Sanzenin in the slightest.

To make matters worse, Sanzenin saw another person glowing in the same manner not to far behind the girl. He had faced jealous boyfriends on numerous occasions, but this was the first time that he had ever soiled himself because of it. Sanzenin tried to move, but for some reason, his body was frozen, his eyes locked into the gaze of the silver-haired woman. Sanzenin wished he could evacuate the building like all the other patrons were doing at this moment.

Herb touched the ground a few feet away, and the ice beneath her feet instantly vaporized, turning to steam. She took a small step forward, her skates sinking into the concrete floor of the rink like sand. The woman's boyfriend was scary; this woman, however, was truly terrifying.

Ranma was closing in on the ki signatures. Ahead, she saw a panicked mass of people blindly fleeing, like cattle in a thunderstorm. She added yet more speed, hoping she wasn't too late.

"Konatsu!" Herb's voice was soft, but laced with ki. It made her whisper zip around the room, bouncing around and surrounding the unfortunate boy. "How do you suggest I punish this fool?"

Konatsu walked in a slow circle around Sanzenin. He noted with satisfaction that the boy was quivering with fear. Lashing out, Konatsu struck a pressure point near Sanzenin's spine that completely immobilized the boy. "What is the normal punishment for this sort of incident at home?"

Herb raised her right fist, the back her hand facing Sanzenin. She extended her pointer finger and a lance of ki six inches long sprung to life. "At home, we give the offender two choices." She pointed the lance at Sanzenin. "You can either lose the ability to have children, or your limbs."

"Let's cut off his feet, Herb."

"I'd rather neuter him." The lance on Herb's finger grew several inches.

"Well, we can remove his hands as well."

Herb smiled at Konatsu. It wasn't a pretty smile. "As you wish, husband."

Sanzenin, unable to move, did the only thing he could. He began to gibber.

Ranma watched the scene from the rafters of the rink briefly before dropping down into the party. "Yo, guys. What's up?" Ranma wrinkled his nose. "Actually, what's that smell?"

Herb nodded to the still paralyzed boy. "He has soiled himself."

"No shit?"

Konatsu chuckled darkly. "Actually, judging from the sag in his britches, I'd say quite a bit, really."

"So, what did he do?" Ranma flicked his eyes back and forth between the pair, and saw Herb's silent snarl and Konatsu's eyebrows knit together.

"He stole a kiss from Herb."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

Ranma's laughter certainly startled the pair.

Herb practically squealed, "It's not funny, Ranma!"

Ranma just laughed harder. Between bursts of laughter, he managed to gasp out, "I hope he was a good kisser, at least."

Herb's nose scrunched. "Actually, he was sloppy. He also needs to brush his teeth."

This just sent Ranma off the deep end. His laughter was having an effect, though. A beginning of a smile had appeared on Konatsu's face, and Herb's aura was slowly returning to normal. When Ranma finally calmed down, he turned to the paralyzed boy.

"So, what were you guys going to do to him?"

Konatsu and Herb both spoke at the same time.

"Neuter him." "Cut his limbs off."

"Little harsh for just a kiss, don't you think?"

The married couple just shrugged.

"What if we do this, instead?" Ranma pulled out a bottle of shampoo and began to outline his plan. Herb and Konatsu both thought the idea was super. Sanzenin, of course, didn't agree, but he didn't have much choice in the matter.

Ranma, Herb, and Konatsu released Sanzenin some time later, and the trio decided to follow to watch their handiwork. To Herb's delight, they were immediately rewarded when Sanzenin saw a lovely young girl walking towards him. The boy brushed his hair back, and started to walk in her direction. However, when he got with a few meters, he stopped, clutching his stomach. Even from where they stood, the trio could hear the rumblings of his intestinal tract. The boy began to run, looking for the nearest available restroom.

Ranma smirked. "Glad to know that this bottle of 110 shampoo I brought will be useful."

Konatsu nodded. "This is so much more satisfactory. It was a stroke of brilliance to use saifuatsuhengou to reprogram his memory in response to women, Ranma."

"Will the effect wear off?" Herb watched as Sanzenin continued to frantically search for a bathroom.

"It will in about a year. By that time, he'll be so conditioned to be scared shitless of women that it won't matter."

This caused all three of them to chuckle. "I still think we should have neutered him, if only for the good of the world," Herb said.

Ranma just shook his head. "I have someone for you guys to neuter. Listen to this..." The pair listened as the Ranma told him about his run in with Happosai. "This perverted grandpa was good. I would say he was as good as Ku Lon, maybe better."

Konatsu crossed his arms, frowning. "What should we do? Besides groping you, what crimes has he committed?"

Ranma shrugged. "He stole some underwear. I was thinking more of protecting others from the letch."

"Perhaps we can rotate shifts, and keep an eye out for him." Herb paused, "if he is as good as you say, though, it will require a team effort to stop him."

"Yeah, isn't it great? What better training could you ask for? Think about the techniques this guy must know."

"Ranma, we are on our honeymoon, remember?" Herb wrapped her arms around Konatsu's waist. "We have other 'techniques' we have to practice. What makes you think we want to take the time to hunt for some pervert?"

"Don't you guys get bored with just having sex all day?"

The pair grinned. "Not yet!"

"I don't understand you two sometimes."

Herb laughed. "You will when you finally get laid, Ranma."

=====

The trio was walking back from their earlier encounter at the skating rink. Herb and Konatsu were planning what they wanted to do next, while walked along silently, Ranma lost in thought.

"What do you guys think about enrolling in school while we are here?"

"Hmm?"

"I was just thinking, ya' know." Ranma kicked a stone in the street. "We could enroll at that school I took Ryoga to the other day."

"Furinkan?" Herb asked.

"Yeah." Ranma nodded.

"You realize we'd have to find a longer term solution to housing."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you guys." Ranma began to tell them about the temple he had found, before he had been fondled by Happosai. The pair listened, asking questions about location, size, and what responsibilities they would be required to assume.

"Want to go check it out? It's only a few kilometers from here." Ranma pointed in the general direction. Herb looked at Konatsu, who just shrugged. With that, they took off over the roof tops.

The temple had seen better times. There was only one old monk who currently resided there, and he had not had an acolyte for many years. The old man showed the three around the grounds, and then to the quarters where they could stay. The accommodations were sparse, but separate, which satisfied all involved. The monk outlined their duties, which included rotating days cooking dinner, sharing the financial burden of purchasing food and supplies, caring for the grounds, doing repairs to the temple, and helping the monk prepare for religious events.

Ranma was of course enthusiastic about the arrangement. Herb and Konatsu didn't mind, but expressed concerns about noise. Turns out they didn't need to worry – the monk was practically deaf, and Ranma would just deal. Moving in didn't take long at all. By the end of the day, the three had settled in, and went to Furinkan to register for school.

It was the first day the three would be attending school. As the trio entered the gates of the high school, they were greeted by a rather large gathering of boys garbed in various sports paraphernalia. The three cast curious gazes at the assembled mass before working their way to the main office.

"Wonder what that was about?" Ranma nodded to the crowd behind them.

Herb and Konatsu shrugged, and looked at their class assignment. "What class did you get, Ranma?" Konatsu asked.

"1-F."

Konatsu showed Ranma Herb and his assignments.

"You guys too, huh?" Ranma hitched his satchel. "Shall we go meet our classmates?"

"Class, I want you to meet our new exchange students from China, Ranma Saotome, Konatsu Kenzan, and Herb." The teacher looked up. "Do you have a family name, Herb."

"No."

"Hmm... Interesting. Will you be acquiring school uniforms anytime soon?"

Ranma and Konatsu were wearing standard Chinese shirts and baggy pants. Herb was wearing a tunic, a simply cut with ties across the right shoulder.

"We received special dispensation from the vice-principal due to 'unique' circumstances." Herb spoke for the group.

"Hmm... Anyway, why don't the three of you find take what ever seats are available."

All three were currently male, and the females of the room were gesturing enthusiastically to get the boys to sit in the empty seats next to them.

Herb sat next to Akane, Ranma squeezed behind Hiroshi, and Konatsu sat near the front of the class.

The teacher spoke up again. "To the next order of business. Tendo Akane, you were late again. Go stand."

Akane sighed and headed out into the hall. The class quickly fell into a rhythm as the first teacher of the day arrived and began the lesson.

Lunch was awkward for the three new students. As soon as the bell rang, they were instantly swarmed by all the girls in the classroom. The doors to the class opened, admitting girls from the neighboring classes as well.

Questions began to pelt the three before they had even pulled their lunch boxes out. They quickly reached a silent agreement where they would alternate answering questions so that they could eat. They faced the normal gamut of questions like 'how old' and 'where are you from,' but then things got weird.

Some random girl asked, "Are you all single?"

Akane, sitting in the corner eating her lunch, scoffed.

A collective silence reigned as they waited for answer. Konatsu and Herb merely shook their heads to the negative, and groans filled the room. "Well, what about you, Ranma? You single?"

"I am currently, yes." Tittering filled the room as Konatsu and Herb were suddenly ignored. From then on, Ranma bore the brunt of the questions. When it was learned that all three were martial artists, a groan filled the room.

"He'll probably try and date Akane, just like the rest of them." A collective agreement rose throughout the room.

"If he tries, I'll beat him up like the rest of the perverts." Akane was glaring daggers at the boy.

Ranma acknowledged the comment with a slight bow in Akane's direction. Her temper flared. "Are you mocking me?"

Ranma was saved from answering by the bell ringing to signify the end of the lunch period.

The rest of the day passed pretty quickly. Ranma was unable to concentrate in class, because practically every girl in class passed him a note at some point, Akane being the only exception. When the final bell rang and the class was dismissed, his locker was crammed full of notes as well.

This amused the trio to no end as they read the accumulated notes out loud on the walk home.

"Oh, this one is good, Ranma." Konatsu started reading, "Dear Ranma-sama," Konatsu was interrupted by gagging noises coming from Herb. Konatsu simply rolled his eyes, and continued reading, "I found you to be very intriguing in class today. I have never been to China, and I bet you could teach me a whole lot. I'd also love to teach you all about Japan, and show you how Japanese women are different from what you are probably used to." Konatsu trailed off. "You'd better read the rest of this one yourself, actually. It gets pretty graphic."

Ranma snatched the note, and read. His ears began to turn red. "I can't believe this! I don't even know this woman, and she is practically throwing herself at me."

Herb chimed in, "you could always take her up on the offer."

"Why?"

"To get laid, perhaps? It might help you relax a bit." Herb laughed and dodged out of the way of Ranma's kick. Herb took to the roofs, laughing the whole time as Ranma gave chase.

That evening, after some ki training and doing work on the temple grounds, the three headed to a public bathhouse for a soak. Not much was said as they concentrated on scrubbing off the day's dirt and grime. Ranma headed to the tub first, to be joined in short order by Konatsu and Herb.

"What the hell was up with that Akane chick?" Ranma was scratching his head. "She had some serious anger management issues."

"Maybe she is a lesbian?" Konatsu sank further into the tub. Herb lowered himself into the tub as well, close by the ninja. The two furtively held hands underwater.

"That's funny, coming from two guys holding hands." Ranma snorted.

Herb merely shrugged. "I've come to realize that form doesn't matter. Plus, since we are both sitting in hot water, it would take too much ki to transform."

"Not to mention the other men in the place would get a real treat."

The conversation drifted naturally back to school at that point, and again to Akane. Other hypotheses were floated around the tub, but no conclusions were reached. Finally Konatsu reminded them that they had to get back to the temple, because it was his turn to cook dinner that night.

"KYAAA!! Panty thief!!" All three turned in the direction of the scream. Ranma instantly recognized the ki signature from his previous encounter.

He snarled. "Happosai!"

Herb turned to Konatsu. "Why don't you go back to the temple and get dinner ready for the monk? Ranma and I will handle this."

"I want a piece, too!"

"I promise you get him next time."

Konatsu pouted a little before asking, "How are you going to make it up to me this time?"

"Oh, you'll like how I pay you back." Herb grinned as he kissed the back of Konatsu's hand.

"You guys are just too sweet." Ranma's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Now, if you lovers are done, this guy's getting away." Ranma briefly channeled some ki, and triggered his curse. Now female, Ranma leapt to the roofs in the direction of Happosai, with Herb following closely behind.

"What a haul! Hahahahah!" Happosai was bouncing through the night, until he was bounced off the pavement due to a blindsided jump kick from Ranma.

"Hey, you old pervert! I never got to finish our last battle." Ranma leapt to the ground, taking up a ready stance.

"Brought your boyfriend tonight, honey?" Happosai picked himself up off the ground, brushing the front of his gi. "You're a lucky fellow. That has got to be one sweet piece of ass."

Herb simply smirked. He turned to Ranma, "do you mind if I play with him for a bit, sis?"

"Do your worst, bro."

"If I beat you, whelp, I'm going to have fun ravishing your sister."

Herb flowed. Happosai didn't waste a second.

Later, Herb and Ranma staggered home.

"You weren't lying, Ranma. That little pervert is truly skilled." Herb grimaced, favoring his right leg. "I can see why you like the idea of fighting with him."

"It's great, is it not? He has a truly unique style. His style is so agile, so adaptable. It seems very familiar to me, somehow, though." Ranma wasn't in bad shape, just a little rumpled. Herb had done a spectacular job in giving Happosai a good beating, but in the end the ancient pervert had prevailed. The damage had been done, however. When Happy had turned to Ranma, it was a quick matter to punt the old man into the stratosphere. Even so, the little troll had managed to get in a few good gropes before his departure.

"He hit you a lot harder than me. He pulls his punches for women."

"Then I suggest you face him next time as a man. His strength matches that of Mint."

"With his speed, that's a scary thought."

"Truly."

Both of them were grinning madly as they came home.

The same crowd of boys waited at the gates of Furinkan the next morning. The three simply worked their way around the crowd as they headed in.

"Hey, you guys. Wanna place a bet?"

"Hmm?"

Nabiki raced up to the trio. "I said, 'do you want to place a bet this morning?'"

Herb asked, "A bet on what, pray tell?"

Nabiki muttered under her breath. It sounded suspiciously like "Oh great, another Kuno." She quickly brightened and said "A bet on the outcome of this morning's fight."
"Fight? Who's fighting?" Ranma was interested now.

"Every morning, this crowd of boys takes on Akane Tendo, best martial artist in Furinkan."

"Why do they fight every morning?" Ranma asked.

"Oh, you guys are new, so you might not have heard yet." The girl thought for a moment. "Well, this one's free. Who ever beats her gets to date her. These guys are all hopeful suitors."

The three Chinese students look at each other. Konatsu spoke first. "That explains her hostility. We will not bet, Ms...?"

"Tendo. Tendo Nabiki. If you change your mind, you can always find me or one of the students with a clipboard. We accept all bets." With that, Nabiki ran off to work some other students entering the school grounds.

"Tendo, hm? That Nabiki girl must be related to Akane. Things just get more interesting, don't they? Herb, Konatsu, feel like watching the match?"

"Certainly. It will be interesting to see how she fairs against this untrained lot. But perhaps we should go to our home room first?" With that, the three stepped inside to gain a good vantage to see the fight.

They weren't disappointed. From the third story vantage point they occupied, they could see Akane charge the gates, crashing into the first wave of attackers. She wove through, lashing out at the assembled boys, not staying in any place longer than needed to deliver an incapacitating blow. It didn't take her long to deal with the crowd. A boy wearing a hakama and gi stepped out from behind a tree, and engaged Akane in combat.

Ranma narrowed his eyes. He turned to a classmate and asked, "Who's the guy with the sword?"

"Oh, that's upper classman Kuno. He's the school's undefeated kendo champ."

Ranma turned back to watch the fight. Akane would dodge and feint, while Kuno circled, always keeping the girl in the center. Kuno leaped to attack. Akane parried the over-head slice, and followed up with a quick elbow to the temple, sending the kendo artist to the ground. Akane kicked him once more for good measure, and marched into the school.

The three looked at each other, but only Herb actually voiced the question. "She's the best this school has to offer? Pathetic."

"Kuno was pulling his punches."

"You noticed that too, Ranma?"

It came as no surprise to the trio that Akane was late again. Besides her having to go stand in the hall again, class went well. Ranma received more notes, but outside of that distraction, the classes were new and interesting for him.

Ranma passed a couple of notes to the married couple before the bell for lunch rang. The two looked at him and signaled their approval. At the bell, Herb turned towards Akane and asked, "Would you like to have lunch together? We," he indicated Ranma and Konatsu, who had arrived, "would like to discuss this morning's fight with you."

"Why would I want to talk to you?" Akane asked, eyeing the three suspiciously.

"Because we are martial artists and because we asked?" Ranma pulled up a chair, and sat. Konatsu sat on top of a desk next to her. "We were just trying to be nice. Wouldn't kill you to try it, either."

"Go away. I want to eat by myself." Akane started to dig in to her lunch, watching expectantly. "Well, are you going to leave?"

"Your hostility is unwarranted, Ms. Tendo." Herb stood. "However, we will honor your request."

Ranma also stood. "Do you mind if we help out in the morning fight?"

"It's my fight. Butt out." Akane said around a mouthful of food.

"As you wish." Konatsu placed his feet on the floor, and stood. Together the three simply vanished in front of her. Akane dropped her lunch in shock. She looked around wildly, eyes wide.

"How..." Nobody else had noticed.

On the roof of the building, Herb, Konatsu, and Ranma had a good chuckle.

"Did you see the look on her face?" Ranma snorted, sending another round of laughter through the group. "Priceless. Just fucking priceless."

"Let's see how she deals with this information, shall we?" Konatsu popped a piece of pickled radish into his mouth, relishing the crunch.

Herb reached into his lunch, picking at a piece of fish. "Perhaps we should change the odds for tomorrow's fight. Let the reality of her 'supremacy' sink in."

"Sounds like a plan. When do we start?" Ranma was eager.

"First, we need to find Kuno."

Konatsu chimed in, "This will be good for her, in the end."

"How do we get around that whole beat her, date her proclamation?" Ranma stuffed a rice ball in her mouth.

Herb formed a ki blade with his right hand. "I'm sure that the crowd can be persuaded."

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I don't own any of these characters.
Thanks for all the reviews.