Devil Horns and Angel Wings

Disclaimer: The Naruto characters aren't mine.

Warning: There is an OC in this chapter, but only in this chapter. Maybe she'll make another appearance depending on how things go, but she is strictly unimportant. K?

Itachi betrayed hell a long time ago, and became a risen demon. He walked the earth for fifteen years, and then, met the Uchiha clan. A cult of mortals that were so evil, their eyes glowed red from their tainted blood. They used their sadistic minds to their advantage, and eventually, everyone was born with the ability of the Sharingan. That wasn't only a result of their evilness, it was because of a deal they made with the devil, if that cult worshipped him, and then all of their descendants would be Über powerful.

Itachi made it his job to get rid of them before they made earth just like hell. But supposedly, murdering murderers is still a crime. This is why Konoha wasn't a safe place for him to be. He was wanted for killing the Uchiha clan, because hardly anyone knew of their little monthly get together's that resulted in sacrificing a random person to their lord and master.

But Itachi, Sasuke noted, was no where to be found. No where in Konoha.

Sasuke finally was able to shove Sakura off of him, and noticed that Neji and Naruto were gone. He swore bitterly to himself, and finished off the rest of Neji's ramen for good measure. Then, he went home. Feeling bitter with the weight of failure on his shoulders, he trudged home angrily. He didn't think his lord would set him up on a task he'd fail, but as of late, he was beginning to wonder.

If he failed, he'd be kicked out of hell, or his soul would be annihilated. Neither of them sounded pleasant. He had to win, for the sake of his vanity, pride, and all those poor sluts who needed to suffer and get laid.

He kept expecting Satan to pop up and say that it was all a joke, or that the actual point of this mission was to kill Neji, or to release Kyuubi and bring him back to hell. Sasuke sighed. He missed Satan, and he missed tormenting celebrities. He missed sneaking to the gate of heaven and poking St. Peter.

He sat on a park bench, not yet ready to go to his empty house. In all truth, he wanted to party. At nightclubs, girls talked about the craziest stuff, but they had an answer for everything. He'd find out what he needed to if he just went to night club.

But then there was the fact that girls would be all over him, and it didn't fit with the whole illusion of Uchiha Sasuke. But he couldn't just not go. He really wanted to! Then, a bright idea hit him. He did the hand seals "Bon Kyuu Bon" and then smirked at his new reflection that was shown to him in the mirror of a nearby window.

Uchiha Sasuke was now a beautiful woman.

He walked into the nightclub, wearing what he normally wore, but the shirt hung tightly on his newly acquired breasts. He sat at the back, listening to peoples conversations, eventually he'd find something that would help at least somewhat.

"Like, OMG Tiffany! He said that he wouldn't do me until my boobs were like, like, double D!" a whiny girl said to her friend.

"Oh I know, like. And, like, Brittany is dating Kevin! I wanted to date Kevin," a girl with long red hair said. Sasuke shuddered, and then started listening to a different person,

"Have you seen Sasuke? He is, like, sooo hot!" a random girl squealed. A girl with shoulder length brown hair shrugged,

"You know I don't agree, because I don't swing that way...I think that girl over there is hot. Think she's bi?" the girl said. Sasuke knew she was talking about him, and he shuddered. He came to this club in girl form to avoid girls hitting on him.

"This isn't about some girl, this is about Sasuke! He is like, like, so totally hot, like Oh my goddd!" the first girl said.

"I personally think you won't get him. He has a lot of people crushing on him, and I personally think he tilts the other way. I think he's a bastard, and you don't stand a chance, so how about you go ask that guy over there, whose been staring at you since we got here," she pointed to some random guy, pushed her friend towards him, and then walked over to Sasuke.

"You bi?" she asked. Girl-Sasuke shrugged,

"I like guys, but seeing as I'm having no luck with my.... "crush", I can make out with you," Girl-Sasuke said. Random-brown-haired-oc-girl smiled.

"Wonderful."

"But first, I saw how great you were at giving advice, perhaps you can help me?" Girl-Sasuke asked seductively, and traced the random-brunette-oc-girl's showing tattoo with his index finger.

"No problem," she smiled.

"I have to get this guy, but he has another 'girl' who is crushing on him. My crush kinda' doesn't like me, but we're also kind of friends..." Girl-Sasuke said.

"If it's Sasuke," she sighed, "Then you're helpless,"

"It's not," Girl-Sasuke said. Random-brunette shrugged,

"I'd say just try to be friendlier with him, and I'd also talk to this other girl and explain your problem, she might give in. If you really love him, then you should go for it, but if you just want him for your own selfish needs, than I'd say let the other girl have him," random-brunette said.

Sasuke shuddered. It made sense what she said, and that's what he hated about it. But the random-brunette had done what she'd said she would, and now it was time for Sasuke to make out with her. (Sorry. I dislike Shoujo AI, but it's not technically and... blah, he's a teenager, so he'd be "experimenting" in the first place so blah.)

God and Satan chuckled warmly, watching from Purgatory.

"It's a good think you made random-brunette girl wanna' party tonight, Ryu, cause it's funny seeing Sasuke this upset," Satan said. However, in purgatory, their names were different. I mean, what's the point of having a disguise if their names were the same. Satan was Stan, and God was Ryu. But only when addressing each other.

"That's right, Stan. But now I wanna' torture Neji. He's getting the upper hand," god said. Satan nodded.

"I think, Ryu, that you should make Lee and Gai suddenly decide to become agnostic. That'll piss him off,"

"No way, Stan. I think we should make Hinata do something funny," God said. Satan shrugged.

"That's taking away free will, though," Satan pointed out.

"...oh, right."

God and Satan watched the mirror again, happy to find that Sasuke was finished at the nightclub, and was now home, contemplating.

"Oh, I gotta' go, Stan. Big meeting. See you tomorrow, if anything good happens, tell me, okay?" God said, waving goodbye to his rival/friend/counter opposite.

Satan shrugged, and continued to watch, but soon fell asleep because there was nothing good on.

...Woohoo, Sasuke using the sexy-no-Jutsu, It's something I've always wanted to write about. But I never expected myself to write any shoujo ai. Until next chapter,

Chibi Malkavian