Summary: Teal'c invites everyone over to Daniel's place to watch his newly acquired Star Wars DVD's which gives Sam and Jack the opportunity to discuss something that they've needed to for a long time…
Pairings: Sam/Jack
Season: 8
Spoilers: Affinity
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Yadda yadda….
A/N: Hey guys! I know I have a few long fan fics to finish off – but all these random ideas keep popping into my head and they have a need to be posted! So here is another one!!
A Moment In Time
The doorbell rang and Jack left the conversation, walking quite happily to the door. Teal'c had ordered the rest of SG-1 to Daniel's place so they could watch all the Star Wars movies before the last one came out, even though that wasn't for months. Jack wasn't a particularly big sci-fi fan, but Daniel had promised Pizza.
And here the pizza was.
He pulled the door open and smiled at the pizza delivery boy standing in front of him.
"Hello, did you order pizza?" the guy asked, looking rather bored.
"Yep sure did," Jack replied. "How much?"
"Twenty," the kid replied.
Jack handed him $25 and took the pizzas. He walked back into the living area where Teal'c was seated in an arm chair, Daniel on a bean bag, and Sam on the sofa. He placed the pizzas on the table in between everyone and sat down on the sofa next to Sam.
"Pizza for all, help yourselves," Jack said.
Teal'c pressed the play button on the DVD and the movie started playing. They'd already watched the first one, which Jack had found extremely boring, but now he had pizza to entertain him.
"You could at least pretend to be interested, sir," Sam said.
"I'm interested," Jack said, biting into his pizza slice, the proceeded to talk through his food. "Just not in this."
Sam smiled and looked back at the screen. "The originals are better."
"Uh huh…" Jack said, not quite believing her.
He felt her moved her so her legs were curled up under her and her feet much closer to him. He was suddenly glad both Daniel and Teal'c were in the room. Although he tried to not admit it, even to himself, he harboured more than appropriate feelings for his second in command.
Especially considering she was engaged.
He shook the thoughts from his mind and turned his attention back to the TV, trying not to fall asleep. He managed to stay awake for another hour before he actually started to drift off, his military training allowing him to have the ability to fall asleep in any position at any given moment.
He felt a foot rest against his leg and he managed to open his eyes and assuming that he was being prodded to stay awake he looked at Sam. It was dark in the room, she was only illuminated by the light from the TV, but she looked beautiful. He smiled slightly, noticing that she had let her foot slip so it barely touched his leg, because she hadn't been looking at him, therefore wouldn't have known that he was falling asleep.
He turned his attention back to the TV.
The two characters, whoever they were, he recognised one as the queen from the other movie, but couldn't quite figure out who that guy was, were seated in front of a fire place. Jack closed his eyes and decided listening to the movie would at least allow him to repeat a few things to Teal'c later and pretend that he had actually watched.
"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you," the male character said, then paused. "And now I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you the worse it gets, the thought of not being with you…I can't breath. I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me."
Jack stopped paying attention at that point, he had been thinking about what an overly corny line it was, until he'd felt the foot resting against his leg increase in pressure.
Sam.
He rethought the line that had just been spoken, repeating the words in his head and ignoring the bad delivery of the line. It applied to him, in an overly sappy, corny way which he didn't want to relate to, but it did.
He opened his eyes and glance at Sam. She wasn't watching the screen, she was watching him. The instant their eyes met she looked away, returning her eyes to the screen, but he knew her mind was still elsewhere.
"It will take us to a place we can not go. No matter what we feel for each other."
He wanted to turn the movie off and scream at it. It wasn't a particularly touching scene, in any other circumstances it would have made him change the channel. But the words seemed to speak to him.
Sam shift in position, moving her legs in the other direction, for a moment he thought she was going to lean towards him, but instead she seemed to decide that she could balance herself. He felt disappointed but decided it was for the better.
Maybe she wasn't even thinking about him at that moment, maybe she'd just become uncomfortable in the position she had been in and decided to move.
You're imagining things, Jack told himself.
At this moment Daniel moved in his beanbag, attempting to stand up. Sam jumped slightly, this didn't go unnoticed by Jack. She was nervous. Why?
He knew why.
Daniel finally managed to get up and walked into the kitchen, obviously looking for something to drink.
"Anyone want anything?" he called from the kitchen.
"I do not," Teal'c replied.
"Neither," Sam said.
"Nope," Jack forced himself to speak.
As he turned to face the TV again he met Sam's eyes. She was so close to him now. Again he wondered if she'd consciously made that decision. He felt the familiar pain stab at him as he looked into her eyes. He wanted so much to lean forward, close the gap and kiss her. But he couldn't. Especially not with Teal'c and Daniel there.
Not that Teal'c or Daniel were much of a problem at that exact moment. Teal'c was glued to the TV and Daniel was taking his time in the kitchen.
There was sadness in her eyes, she felt the same. Of course she felt the same, he knew that. Which didn't explain why she was marrying Mr Potatohead. Pete. Whatever his name was.
She reached forward towards his face. For a moment he was shocked, half expecting her to do something romantic, but instead she wiped something off his cheek.
"Pizza," she said, smiling.
"Ah," he replied. "Thanks."
She didn't move her hand. He closed his eyes, letting the touch of her skin against his sink in for a moment. She slowly let her hand slip away from his face and he opened his eyes, again meeting hers.
"Sure you guys don't want drinks?" Daniel called again.
Sam blinked and looked away, suddenly drawn back to reality.
"Yes Daniel, we're sure," Jack said, although his mouth had just seemed to go completely dry.
He made him look back at the film, although if he'd had any interest at all in the movie before, it was now completely gone. He wanted to hold her and kiss her, but he couldn't. Besides the damn regulations there was the barrier they had built over the years. Even without regulations he doubted a single moment could possibly change anything, it would take them a long time to…
He shook his head. They were friends. That's all.
Daniel chose this moment to appear and reseat himself in the beanbag. Jack noticed neither Daniel or Teal'c could see them in their position on the sofa unless they turned around slightly.
He let his hand slide across the sofa seat slightly, letting the side of his hand touch hers. It was like an electric shock went through both of them. He felt it and saw her jump slightly at the unexpected contact. Neither of them looked at each other, it was too dangerous.
Instead Jack glanced at their hands. A sudden wave of sadness overcame him as he saw her engagement ring sparkling at him from her finger. She never wore it to work, why had she had to wear it tonight? He almost pulled his hand away, except at that moment she moved hers and placed it on top of his. He closed his eyes briefly and then looked back at the screen.
They sat like for a long time. Jack wasn't quite sure how long, but a lot seemed to happen on the movie. Not that he could remember one single thing of it. His mind had been elsewhere.
Resignation had been one of the topics in his mind.
But even if he did resign, what use was it now? In less than a year she would be marrying someone else, he didn't have a right to stop that. It was her decision.
He had to stop himself from thinking, somehow. He turned his attention to the movie, actually trying to listen and watch.
"I'm not afraid of dying."
"Oh p-lease," Jack muttered.
Teal'c shot him a rude glare and Jack realised he said it out loud.
"Sorry…" Jack said quietly.
"I've been dying a little bit each
day since you came back into my life."
Jack felt his
stupid emotions rising again. Why did it have to be a sappy sci-fi movie? He
tried to ignore it and continued listening to the movie.
"I love you."
He almost jumped as high as the roof as he felt a head resting on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and swallowed. She had known the line was coming. She had chosen her time carefully. He knew what she was trying to say.
For a moment he didn't know what to do and then he leant his head sidewards and rested it on top of hers, trying to show her he felt the same.
Their hands were now completely entwined in each other's. He watched as the two characters on the screen leaned in and kissed each other.
He wanted to lean in and kiss her, but he didn't dare. They were close enough, he should be thankful. She squeezed his hand and he knew she wanted to kiss him. But they couldn't. Not now.
Not ever.
They remained like that until the end of the movie. As the end credits started he felt her move away slightly. He was disappointed that it had to end now. He looked at his watch again.
Teal'c had decided that since they had the week off that they should watch movies all night, Jack on the other hand did not have a week off. He was due in the office at 0700 hours Monday morning.
"Teal'c, I should really go…" Jack said.
Sam looked at him. "Why, sir?"
Sir…why did she have to use that god damn word? He hated the word. It was one of the barriers that kept them apart. Why did she have to use it now?
"I have to sleep…" Jack said.
"You have all of tomorrow to sleep, Jack," Daniel informed him.
"I, uh…" he looked at Sam.
She was the real reason he wanted to leave, and yet the only reason he wanted to stay. She was looking at him, begging with her eyes for him to stay.
"Ok…" he caved.
Teal'c smiled. "Shall I start the next movie?"
"Sure," Jack replied. "I'm just gonna…go outside for a minute, get some fresh air to wake me up."
He stood up and walked towards Daniel's balcony.
"Me too," Sam said quickly, following him.
Damnit.
Being alone with Sam could not be safe.
He pulled the door open and waited as Sam walked through to the outside. He shut it completely, making sure that there was no chance anyone from inside could hear any conversation.
He felt anger rise within him. Why was she doing this? Why was she acting like this? Willing to show him how she felt, yet knowing she was never going to be with him.
Unless she was hoping…
"What about you? If things had been different."
He took forever to think about his response. What was she asking? What did she want him to say?
"I wouldn't be here."
He hadn't said enough. She wanted confirmation, assurance that if the war ended now, that if the regulations were no longer a problem, that he would be the one to marry her.
"So…" he said, leaning on the railing.
"We screwed up," Sam said, then seemed to rethink it and corrected herself. "I screwed up…"
Jack was surprised she had been so blunt. Not sure she was actually talking about them he decided to act stupid.
"What?"
"Nothing," she said, leaning on the railing next to him, their arms barely touching.
"Nothing," he repeated, he knew there was severe sadness in his voice.
"I was trying to make things easier, but I've just complicated them," Sam decided to continue. "I didn't want to screw things up, it wasn't supposed to happen like this! I just wanted to be normal…"
He heard her voice crack and realised she was close to tears.
"Hey, don't cry," he said, turning to face her.
She closed her eyes, pushing the tears away. "I love you."
What?
He couldn't bring himself to move, or speak, or do anything. He wanted to hug her and tell her he loved her too. But he couldn't move. He was completely frozen in his position.
"I shouldn't have said that," Sam said, she turned to go back inside.
He lightly touched her shoulder.
"Sam…"
She stopped mid stride and turned to face him, avoiding looking directly into his eyes. He suddenly felt her hit his chest with her fist.
"I hate you," she said.
What?
If he'd been confused now he was completely confused.
"You just stand there silently and you expect me to know! I don't know! I tried to tell you and all you said was 'I know' well I DON'T! I don't know and I want to know!" she started shouting at him.
He was sure Teal'c and Daniel could hear that, even over the top of Star Wars.
"Ssh, Carter…"
"Why do you call me that? Even now you call me that!" she continued shouting. "It's like I'm just one of the boys! 'CARTER'! You're just like my dad, you never wanted a female under your command!"
"SAM!" he said, grabbing her shoulders. "Stop it."
"I hate you," she repeated, quieter, and this time sounding less convinced of it.
She leaned in against his chest and burst into tears, allowing him to put his arms around her. He had to say something, but he didn't know what. Her fist unclenched against his chest, but she didn't move it from its position.
"I hate it," she said.
"It?" he asked, now he was completely confused.
"Us…the regulations…feelings…memories…all of it, I hate it," she said quietly.
"Me too," he said. "But it doesn't stop me from…"
He stopped. Should he even say it? He wanted to say it, but it didn't seem like a him thing to do. He didn't say things like that. He worded things in ways that they could be interpreted, so that the person being told would understand, but to everyone else it could just be less than it was.
"From what?"
Now he had to answer. He took in a deep breath and pulled her in tighter, not wanting to let go of her. Ever.
"From loving you," he said simply.
There was no reply, but he knew it's what she'd wanted to hear all along.
"Shall we go back inside and pretend to watch the horrible movies?" Jack asked.
Sam laughed. "These ones are much better…"
She pulled away from him, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"So…what now?"
"Everything goes back to normal…" Sam said.
"No, I can't live like that," Jack said.
"Neither can I, but we have to," Sam said.
"No we don't," Jack said. "Don't marry him."
Sam opened her mouth to say something, but then decided against it.
"I have to think," Sam said.
"When don't you?" Jack joked.
She smiled. "Let's go back in."
"If Daniel and Teal'c ask, it was the neighbours shouting," Jack said.
Sam just smiled and stepped back inside.
It was the beginning of something, but there was still a long journey before they could meet their final dream…
As Jack shut the door behind him he wondered what had gone wrong and how long it would take to fix the problems they had both caused for themselves.
He smiled.
It would be worth it.
OoO
A/N: Thanks for reading!! Just a random idea that popped into my head while watching Attack of the Clones the other day.