I would just like to really thank everyone who has read and reviewed this
story, writing means a lot to me and to have this sort of positive feedback
is very uplifting! I wish I could name you all (and I might just do that
one day!), but a little note to someone who seems to think they don't make
sense, you are weird, and so am I (none of you have any idea just how weird
I am!), and that I enjoy reading your reviews, they always make me smile!
You know who you are, so keep reviewing; I've already sailed past the 200
mark! Joy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You want to know what I am? What I've done?" Kai asked his waiting friends. At their nods he continued, "You asked and so I'll answer, I'm a murderer, I'm a monster, I've done things that would make you want to be sick!"
The silence that followed seemed to suck all the air out of the room, and Kai struggled to breathe in the oppressive atmosphere.
"You don't mean that Kai, we know Biovolt used you! What ever you've done was not you fault!" tried to reason Max.
Kai shook his head and continued to stare at the floor, how could they understand? "Some of it, yeah, they did hold the strings, but some, some was all me."
"Please tell us, we don't hate you and we never will. If you can't trust us and release this it'll eat away at you, like its being doing since Russia!" tried Ray, anything to get Kai to talk.
Kai looked up at them and Hilary gasped at the strength of the emotion swirling in the mahogany eyes. There was a battle going on and none of them were involved. Kai was fighting himself and was close to loosing himself in the abyss that had formed deep in his psyche. He needed this, even if he didn't want to admit it.
He looked away again and started to talk, anything to get out of this corner they had backed him into.
"If you really want to hear this then do, because I will never repeat this again. Don't react till you've heard it all, when I'm done you can judge me as you will."
They looked on with anticipation, ready to face whatever horror Kai threw at them. Ready to be there for him.
He started to talk in a flat voice, void of any of the emotion that was betraying him in his eyes, and they listened to the story as it unfolded.
"My earliest memory with detail is when I was about four or five. I was living in Russia with my parents. Voltaire came and took me away from them; he had them destroyed so he could have me. I can still see them reaching out for me, calling my name, screaming. I never saw them after that, I don't know if they were really killed, where they could be. I never even saw a grave to confirm what I was told." At this point Kai had closed his eyes and creased his brow. He was close to tears, but he couldn't, not now.
"Still want to hear more?" he asked, hoping they would say no, that would leave him alone.
"Yes" someone said strongly. No rest for the wicked, thought Kai.
"Fine. I was taken to the abbey, nothing was explained at first. Tests were done, and I was made to show what I could do. I was five; I didn't know what I could do. It was after I had been there a while that they tried to brainwash me. They tried every trick, from shock therapy to sleep deprivation, but I couldn't let go of my free will. Training began, and I was taught all the skills I would need to be used as a weapon. I was schooled and exercised, and I was introduced to beyblading. They gave me Dranzer, though they never told me where they got the bitbeast from. The training was tough, but the punishments were worse."
Kai took a deep breath, now he had started he couldn't stop, and no one tried to stop him. His feelings were mixed at him saying all this, but he couldn't help himself.
"I was seven when they found something that worked to control me. They had been working on a serum, but it had killed the test subjects they had already used. They tried it on me and it didn't brainwash me as hoped, but it made me very aggressive and controllable. No matter what I was doing, I would obey orders. They gave me the serum and placed me in a locked room with a scientist who was going to sell out to the news and police. They had given me a knife, and I slit that mans throat with it. I watched as he died, and tasted his blood as it landed on my face. I enjoyed it, the feel, the taste, the smell; I even played mind games with him before I killed him. I remember smiling at his screams. I could do all that and I still stopped when they ordered, it made me even more of a lackey for them."
His breathing was harder now, and faster. Reliving his nightmares for them was almost unbearable, and he still couldn't look at them. He continued to stare at the floor as they remained silent. They could have gone and he wouldn't have known, but saying this out loud helped, really helped. He realised then that he had stopped listening for their reactions anyway, so he carried on with the same tone.
"They sometimes trained others with me, lessons that I was supposed to learn. I remember a really bad session with another boy. We were both injured, but my wounds were minor compared to his. I tried to stop the bleeding, but I couldn't help him. He died in my arms, thanking me anyway. They dragged me away from him, and I never knew what they did with him, they never even told me his name."
He took a long pause before continuing.
"The training grew worse then, I started to fight the serum they gave me, and so they tried to beat submission into me. Any form of pain they tried, physical, mental and emotional."
He paused again. "How did you not give in, after all of that" said Hilary softly, the question subtle.
Kai smiled to himself gently, and the others shot questioning glances at each other.
"I had a friend. I know you've wondered who Tori was, I've said her name often enough. She was the only friend I had at the abbey; she was Tala's twin sister."
"Was?" The question was ignored as Kai continued.
She had flowing red hair when they let her grow it, and blue eyes that shamed the sky. She was pale like Tala, like all of us that were kept deep in the abbey, but she had freckles that dusted her nose. And her smile, that's what really made her shine. When she smiled nothing was ever that bad, even when they tortured me her smile drove away my pain. She used to sing to me when they had finished with me, and soothed away the torment. She was my sun on an otherwise permanently dark day. I can honestly say I loved her; even then she was more to me then a friend or even a sister. They used her against me sometimes; hurt her to get to me. I always gave in then, even when she begged me not to I gave in to them. She never hated me for it though, or them. She forgave them for everything."
Tyson broke him out of his memories, "Kai, you talk like she's not here anymore!"
"She isn't here anymore, she's dead, and I killed her."
Now they reacted, gasps added some atmosphere to the otherwise still room.
"I didn't mean to, it was when I was ten. It was the first time I saw Black Dranzer in action, I decided I wanted it there and then! I sneaked into the room that night and stole Black Dranzer. That blade felt so right, so powerful, I was drawn to it! But when I used it things went wrong, I lost control. Black Dranzer destroyed half the abbey, I was found in the middle of the rubble mostly uninjured. Many weren't so lucky, especially four. Two of them were adults that had worked there, and I didn't mourn their loss, and Boris's nephew was among the dead, as was Tori. It was that moment that I forgot everything and collapsed. It seems Dranzer wanted to protect me, and making me forget meant that I wouldn't live in that pain. I was useless now to Voltaire so he brought me to Japan, to try and scrape together everything he had worked for. I've lived here since."
Someone found their voice. "I'm so sorry Kai" muttered Samantha.
"Don't be, Tori never left me. I keep her alive by remembering her, her soul is a part of mine. She kept me alive even when she was gone, she saved me on the operating theatre, don't ask how, but she did."
Everyone was shocked at the stories Kai was pouring out at them. They knew the pain and torture he must've gone through, but they never expected the things that had happened to him.
"Is that why Boris hates you?" asked Ray, thinking on what Kai had said about Boris's nephew.
"No, Boris was always the way he is, he hated the attention I got from Voltaire, though I would've changed positions with him any time. Boris liked to see me suffer, liked to dish it out. He developed some very good ways to punish me when I did things wrong or disobeyed. He didn't hate me, he luste...." Kai stopped as he realised what he was just about to say.
He sucked in his breath as his throat seemed to close.
"Kai? What were you going to say? Why did you stop?"
"Nothing, I wasn't going to say anything!" his voice sounded hoarse as he forced the words out."
It all clicked in Ray's mind, Kai's belt not being there after being with Boris, the way he cringed away from physical contact, and he knew that word was going to form lusted, it was almost complete. "What did Boris do to you Kai?!" he needed Kai to confirm it.
Kai hid his face, "nothing! Ok, nothing!"
"Don't lie to us Kai! Tell us what he did to you!"
Everyone stared at the two as they argued back and forth, not sure where this was headed.
"Leave me alone! Anything that happened was my fault, I deserved it!"
"Don't you dare say that! Ever! Tell us what he did to you!" Ray yelled.
"You wanna know Ray? Really?" kai's eyes were wide now, he was cornered and panicking, "then you got it, Boris didn't hate me, he lusted after me, and then Voltaire let him have me. He raped me, not once, not twice, many times! Are you happy now! Boris raped me, and it was all my fault!"
He then saw his opening in the shocked stillness and ran, blindly ran away from them, and towards wherever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You want to know what I am? What I've done?" Kai asked his waiting friends. At their nods he continued, "You asked and so I'll answer, I'm a murderer, I'm a monster, I've done things that would make you want to be sick!"
The silence that followed seemed to suck all the air out of the room, and Kai struggled to breathe in the oppressive atmosphere.
"You don't mean that Kai, we know Biovolt used you! What ever you've done was not you fault!" tried to reason Max.
Kai shook his head and continued to stare at the floor, how could they understand? "Some of it, yeah, they did hold the strings, but some, some was all me."
"Please tell us, we don't hate you and we never will. If you can't trust us and release this it'll eat away at you, like its being doing since Russia!" tried Ray, anything to get Kai to talk.
Kai looked up at them and Hilary gasped at the strength of the emotion swirling in the mahogany eyes. There was a battle going on and none of them were involved. Kai was fighting himself and was close to loosing himself in the abyss that had formed deep in his psyche. He needed this, even if he didn't want to admit it.
He looked away again and started to talk, anything to get out of this corner they had backed him into.
"If you really want to hear this then do, because I will never repeat this again. Don't react till you've heard it all, when I'm done you can judge me as you will."
They looked on with anticipation, ready to face whatever horror Kai threw at them. Ready to be there for him.
He started to talk in a flat voice, void of any of the emotion that was betraying him in his eyes, and they listened to the story as it unfolded.
"My earliest memory with detail is when I was about four or five. I was living in Russia with my parents. Voltaire came and took me away from them; he had them destroyed so he could have me. I can still see them reaching out for me, calling my name, screaming. I never saw them after that, I don't know if they were really killed, where they could be. I never even saw a grave to confirm what I was told." At this point Kai had closed his eyes and creased his brow. He was close to tears, but he couldn't, not now.
"Still want to hear more?" he asked, hoping they would say no, that would leave him alone.
"Yes" someone said strongly. No rest for the wicked, thought Kai.
"Fine. I was taken to the abbey, nothing was explained at first. Tests were done, and I was made to show what I could do. I was five; I didn't know what I could do. It was after I had been there a while that they tried to brainwash me. They tried every trick, from shock therapy to sleep deprivation, but I couldn't let go of my free will. Training began, and I was taught all the skills I would need to be used as a weapon. I was schooled and exercised, and I was introduced to beyblading. They gave me Dranzer, though they never told me where they got the bitbeast from. The training was tough, but the punishments were worse."
Kai took a deep breath, now he had started he couldn't stop, and no one tried to stop him. His feelings were mixed at him saying all this, but he couldn't help himself.
"I was seven when they found something that worked to control me. They had been working on a serum, but it had killed the test subjects they had already used. They tried it on me and it didn't brainwash me as hoped, but it made me very aggressive and controllable. No matter what I was doing, I would obey orders. They gave me the serum and placed me in a locked room with a scientist who was going to sell out to the news and police. They had given me a knife, and I slit that mans throat with it. I watched as he died, and tasted his blood as it landed on my face. I enjoyed it, the feel, the taste, the smell; I even played mind games with him before I killed him. I remember smiling at his screams. I could do all that and I still stopped when they ordered, it made me even more of a lackey for them."
His breathing was harder now, and faster. Reliving his nightmares for them was almost unbearable, and he still couldn't look at them. He continued to stare at the floor as they remained silent. They could have gone and he wouldn't have known, but saying this out loud helped, really helped. He realised then that he had stopped listening for their reactions anyway, so he carried on with the same tone.
"They sometimes trained others with me, lessons that I was supposed to learn. I remember a really bad session with another boy. We were both injured, but my wounds were minor compared to his. I tried to stop the bleeding, but I couldn't help him. He died in my arms, thanking me anyway. They dragged me away from him, and I never knew what they did with him, they never even told me his name."
He took a long pause before continuing.
"The training grew worse then, I started to fight the serum they gave me, and so they tried to beat submission into me. Any form of pain they tried, physical, mental and emotional."
He paused again. "How did you not give in, after all of that" said Hilary softly, the question subtle.
Kai smiled to himself gently, and the others shot questioning glances at each other.
"I had a friend. I know you've wondered who Tori was, I've said her name often enough. She was the only friend I had at the abbey; she was Tala's twin sister."
"Was?" The question was ignored as Kai continued.
She had flowing red hair when they let her grow it, and blue eyes that shamed the sky. She was pale like Tala, like all of us that were kept deep in the abbey, but she had freckles that dusted her nose. And her smile, that's what really made her shine. When she smiled nothing was ever that bad, even when they tortured me her smile drove away my pain. She used to sing to me when they had finished with me, and soothed away the torment. She was my sun on an otherwise permanently dark day. I can honestly say I loved her; even then she was more to me then a friend or even a sister. They used her against me sometimes; hurt her to get to me. I always gave in then, even when she begged me not to I gave in to them. She never hated me for it though, or them. She forgave them for everything."
Tyson broke him out of his memories, "Kai, you talk like she's not here anymore!"
"She isn't here anymore, she's dead, and I killed her."
Now they reacted, gasps added some atmosphere to the otherwise still room.
"I didn't mean to, it was when I was ten. It was the first time I saw Black Dranzer in action, I decided I wanted it there and then! I sneaked into the room that night and stole Black Dranzer. That blade felt so right, so powerful, I was drawn to it! But when I used it things went wrong, I lost control. Black Dranzer destroyed half the abbey, I was found in the middle of the rubble mostly uninjured. Many weren't so lucky, especially four. Two of them were adults that had worked there, and I didn't mourn their loss, and Boris's nephew was among the dead, as was Tori. It was that moment that I forgot everything and collapsed. It seems Dranzer wanted to protect me, and making me forget meant that I wouldn't live in that pain. I was useless now to Voltaire so he brought me to Japan, to try and scrape together everything he had worked for. I've lived here since."
Someone found their voice. "I'm so sorry Kai" muttered Samantha.
"Don't be, Tori never left me. I keep her alive by remembering her, her soul is a part of mine. She kept me alive even when she was gone, she saved me on the operating theatre, don't ask how, but she did."
Everyone was shocked at the stories Kai was pouring out at them. They knew the pain and torture he must've gone through, but they never expected the things that had happened to him.
"Is that why Boris hates you?" asked Ray, thinking on what Kai had said about Boris's nephew.
"No, Boris was always the way he is, he hated the attention I got from Voltaire, though I would've changed positions with him any time. Boris liked to see me suffer, liked to dish it out. He developed some very good ways to punish me when I did things wrong or disobeyed. He didn't hate me, he luste...." Kai stopped as he realised what he was just about to say.
He sucked in his breath as his throat seemed to close.
"Kai? What were you going to say? Why did you stop?"
"Nothing, I wasn't going to say anything!" his voice sounded hoarse as he forced the words out."
It all clicked in Ray's mind, Kai's belt not being there after being with Boris, the way he cringed away from physical contact, and he knew that word was going to form lusted, it was almost complete. "What did Boris do to you Kai?!" he needed Kai to confirm it.
Kai hid his face, "nothing! Ok, nothing!"
"Don't lie to us Kai! Tell us what he did to you!"
Everyone stared at the two as they argued back and forth, not sure where this was headed.
"Leave me alone! Anything that happened was my fault, I deserved it!"
"Don't you dare say that! Ever! Tell us what he did to you!" Ray yelled.
"You wanna know Ray? Really?" kai's eyes were wide now, he was cornered and panicking, "then you got it, Boris didn't hate me, he lusted after me, and then Voltaire let him have me. He raped me, not once, not twice, many times! Are you happy now! Boris raped me, and it was all my fault!"
He then saw his opening in the shocked stillness and ran, blindly ran away from them, and towards wherever.