CHAPTER TWENTY - Desperate for a Sign
"Charlotte?"
"Hmm?" I asked groggily, rolling over under my covers. My mom entered my room, carrying a tray.
"It's past five in the afternoon. You have to eat honey," she urged, setting the tray down on my desk. The concept of time was lost to me. What was just hours felt like agonizing years to me. "I made some Campell's soup," she offered. I really wasn't hungry.. hunger was the last thing on my mind, but I accepted anyway, knowing she'd just keep bugging me about it.
I slowly sat up and propped myself up with a pillow. She placed the tray on my lap and sat by me as I ate. She told me I was asleep when Becca and Vanessa left an hour ago. I took a sip of the warm Cream of Mushroom soup and could feel her watching me. I looked up and she gave me a half smile.
"Rough day, huh?" she asked quietly. I swallowed a lump forming in my throat. Don't cry, I told myself over and over.
"Not exactly one of the best days in my life, Mom," I said flatly, looking away as I swirled the soup around in the bowl.
"You want to talk about it?" she asked, patting my leg gently. I clenched my jaw, wanting anything but to re-visit a single moment that happened last night. I shook my head slowly, still averting my eyes. I heard her sigh loudly.
"Honey, you can't just keep – "
"I know, Mom," I interrupted, getting annoyed. The last thing I needed right now was a sermon on dealing with break-ups. "Thank you for the soup," I said pointedly, taking it off my lap and giving it back to her.
"Charlotte, I didn't mean to upset you."
"Mom. Please. Can I please just be alone?" I burrowed back under my covers. Alone. The word echoed through my head.
"Okay honey. If that's what you want."
The sound of her footsteps disappeared and I pulled the covers back. The rain had stopped and the clouds were slowly disappearing. An orange glow filled my room as the sun was setting outside.
I got up from my bed, my knees weak from lying down the whole day. I hobbled over to my dresser and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was a tangled mess, dark circles appeared under my eyes and I was as pale as a ghost. I sighed and grabbed an elastic off the top of the dresser, knocking something off in the process. I pulled my hair back in a bun and bent down to pick it up.
A small piece of paper. The love letter Byron had written me.
I didn't need to read it. I had memorized it down to the last word. I stared at it numbly and took it with me as I sat down at my windowsill, looking out at the sinking sun.
Tell me that we belong together...
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated...
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above...
Every moment I spent with him was burned in my mind. His voice singing our song resonated in my head. I held on tightly to the note, aching desperately for a sign telling me that I didn't just imagine it... that everything I felt was real and wasn't just a lie.
I'll be... your crying shoulder,
I'll be love suicide.
I'll be... better when I'm older,
I'll be... the greatest fan of your life.
... The greatest fan of your life.
I wanted so desperately to believe.
A/N: anyone care to guess where i'm going with this?? i now know where i'm headed with this story.... it took me a while to figure it out, but it's brewing somewhere in my thoughts. all it needs is to be typed out. so... dare i say it? this fanfic should be done in a few more chapters. but keep on reviewing pleeeeaaassee!! :)