CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR - Chance

I leaned back on the porch railing and brought my knees up to my chest. Sitting down across from me, Jeff sprawled out his left leg, tucking the other under it. We both said nothing for a while, and I finally decided to say something.

"You know I'd be lying if I told you that everything you said to me tonight didn't matter to me," I said, avoiding his eyes and playing with my nails. "It does matter. And honestly, I wouldn't even have thought twice about it if..."

"If you and Byron didn't happen this summer," he said flatly, finishing my sentence for me. I looked up at him and slowly nodded. "But it did happen," he asserted. "And it's over. Does it still matter anymore when it comes to you and me?" he asked. I bit my bottom lip, searching my head for the answer.

"It does. To me." I said softly. "I'm just not that type of person who can fall in and out of love in a matter of a few changed instances. Seriously, it would be a hell of a lot easier if I could. Then it would be so much easier to forget about all the damn pain." I roughly brushed away the tears that were trailing down my cheeks. Jeff moved closer and reached for my hand. I looked down at our entwined fingers. "You really hurt me, Jeff. You made me think that everything that happened between us was something I just imagined. You made me feel so damn stupid for believing that you felt the same things I was feeling when we were still together."

"You don't think I've thought about that?" he asked, looking intently into my eyes. "I hate myself for doing that to you. I was just so confused. I wanted to make myself forget. It hurt too much to remember all the good things, once they were all gone.... I'm sorry." I didn't realize it until then that I needed to hear those two words from him. Looking into his eyes, I knew that he meant it. It felt good to be finally rid of the heavy load that I had been bearing on my shoulders since he left.

"I-I'm scared that we're just going to be stuck in this cycle. That everything will go back to the way it was once you go back to California."

"It won't," he replied softly.

"How can I trust that?" I asked weakly, taking my hand away from his grasp. I was so sick of promises.

"That part is up to you. I can try, but I know you. Anything I say or do won't change your mind about that. I don't care how long it takes, but I can wait for that moment until you can trust me again." I reached over and touched the side of his face with my palm, giving him a small smile.

"I just need time to think all this over.." I said, trailing off. He slowly nodded. We sat in comfortable silence for a while and I contemplated the serious look Jeff was beginning to get on his face.

"Are you reconsidering that whole waiting deal?" I asked, teasing. He looked up at me and gave me a faint smile that quickly drained off his face. "What's wrong?" I asked quietly, concerned.

"If -If I want everything to be right," he said, struggling with his words. "...If I want everything to be different. If I want you to trust me again, I have to tell you the truth."

"About what?" I asked warily. He let out a frustrated grunt and got up. I watched him pace around my front porch away from me and finally lean forward on the railing, shutting his eyes forcibly. I slowly stood up and walked towards him, placing my hand on his tense back, without saying anything.

"God Char, I want to do the right thing. But I don't want that to mean that I'm going to lose you," he said painfully. I took my hand away and moved closer to lean my head on the back of his hunched shoulders. I felt his tense muscles relax as soon as I laid my head down. He slowly turned around and wrapped his arms tightly around me, burying his head in the nape of my neck.

"Promise me that nothing is going change after I tell you this. Promise me that I still have a chance," he said desperately, after slowly pulling away a few moments later.

"I don't think can do that," I replied softly. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, stepping away and roughly running his hand through his hair. He back turned around and leaned forward on the railing. Slowly, he began to talk.

"It's.. It's about Byron," he said flatly. "We were hanging out one night and he was telling me how great things were going between you guys. I-I wanted to wring my hands around his goddamn neck for just reminding me that you were happy with him.. and not with me," he said angrily. "So I turned it back around on him. I started bragging about how far we went with each other when we were going out. It was all just a bunch of damn lies but I started hounding him, asking if you guys ever went as far as we did.

I wanted him to be a guy, be stupid and believe me. I wanted him to force you to do something you didn't want to. I just wanted you for myself and break up with him." He stopped there and I swallowed a lump forming in my throat. Everything started to click in my head. The night of the fight. Those words I couldn't get out of my head. Jeff was the reason for all of that.

"Why?" I asked, my breath shaky.

"Because I'm a selfish jack-ass," he said angrily, still turned away from me. His heavy breathing filled the silence.

"Jeff... this changes everything." He hung his head low and I let out a deep sigh. "But – " He swiftly turned his head around and looked at me with surprise. "But," I continued, now more firmly and assured, "The choice was ultimately up to Byron. With everything you told him, he didn't have to give in to all the pressure. That was his choice."

I moved to stand next to Jeff, leaning on the banister. "I-I broke up with Byron because I thought that everything leading to that night was all just some game to get me to sleep with him. I mean, not just what happened that night, but from the moment we got together to when he told me that he loved me. I thought it was all just part of his plan. Now I know that it wasn't. Now I know that he was genuine about everything."

"So what now?" Jeff asked weakly.

"Honestly? I don't know," I admitted. "God, it's all too much for me right now to even wrap my mind around."

"Do I still have that chance?" he asked. I gave him a wistful smile.

"I don't know.... Maybe."

"I can live off maybe for a while," he replied, returning my smile. We both turned around, caught off-guard, when the front door suddenly opened.

"There you are!" my mom exclaimed. "I was looking everywhere for you guys. I was beginning to get worried. And apparently Jeff, your mom already is. She just called, wondering where you are. You do know it's past midnight, right?"

"Right. Thank you. I should head home. Thank you for the great dinner," he said, rushing through his words.

"Anytime, dear. Be sure to come back and say good-bye when you leave for California, okay?"

"Will do. Good night." My mom said good-bye and closed the door, leaving us alone again. Jeff looked up at me and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets.

"I guess this is good night then," he said. I slowly nodded and walked down the front steps. We walked to his car in silence and before getting in, he wrapped his arms around me again and held me there for a long time as I lay my head down on his chest. When he finally let me go, his eyes wandered around my face and he slowly began to lean forward as he kissed the corner of my lips. I pulled back and smiled at him wistfully.

"Good night Jeff," I whispered.

Our attention shifted abruptly when we heard the ruffling of leaves and footsteps. We both looked up and could only make out a tall dark figure in the shadows, turning around and running away. The sound of footsteps echoed loudly down the empty street.

My heart stopped, as from the bright spotlight of a lone street lamp, we both realized who it was.

Byron. Running away, without a taking a second look back.

A/N: how's that for drama? i know you guys aren't big fans of cliffhangers... awaits the pelting of rotten tomatoes... but it's fun. for me, anyway. hehe. no worries though, ICS&CC will be back soon. no more waiting three weeks for an update. cheers to that!