26 Cents
She sat all alone on a bus out of Beaumont/
No matter what I say or how I act, I don't really like being alone. I'm just used to it, that's all. After all, I went years without anyone else for companionship. Now that I have companions, no, now that I have friends, it feels sort of...strange. Sometimes being around them makes me want to be alone. But as soon as I leave, I find myself turning back, wanting to be with them again.
The courage of just eighteen years/
I've noticed they seem to think I'm one of the oldest in our little pack. Truthfully, I'm probably one of the youngest. I'm not exactly sure how old Tsume or Hige or Blue are, but I know Tsume and Hige are older than me and Blue might be too. I suppose I don't really act my age. It's just because of everything I've been through. I've been forced to be older than I am.
A penny and quarter taped to a letter/ And mamma's good bye in her ears/
I mean, I can hardly even remember my mother. Sure I remember some things. She sang to me a lot. And when she spoke, sometimes it was in the language I know now, sometimes in one that sounded kind of like Hige's Comanche. I guess that's why I find it sorta comforting when he uses it.
She watched as her high school faded behind her/
I remember when the old man carried me away from everything I'd known. I was crying as I watched the ruins of our home 'til it was out of sight. The valley had been beautiful, but after the fire all that was left was ash....and me.
And the house with the white picket fence/
And I couldn't help wondering where Mother had gone. She'd been with me until the flames died down. If I'd been strong enough, I would have made that man stop. I was so sure she was coming back. Now I'll never know, if she ever did.
Then she read the note that her mamma had wrote/ Wrapped up with twenty-six cents/
Then again, maybe she thought things would be better for me. As far as I know, we were the only ones left. She could have gone looking for the others. Or she might have believed she couldn't take care of me by herself, that I'd be better off. Only she knew, and she's not here to ask. So I can only guess.
When you get lonely, call me, anytime at all/ I'll be there with you, always, anywhere at all/
"Hey." I turn to find Hige behind me, then turn back and lean on the rail again. I hear him come over and lean next to me. "Wanna talk?" I shake my head, "not really." He shrugs, "suit yourself. Mind if I stay?" I glance over at him, trying to read his expression, but he's facing the other way. "No."
There's nothing I got that I wouldn't give/ And money is never enough/
He broke my train of thought. Not that I mind. I kind of figured he'd come after me. He does that, when I run off. Gives me a little to calm down, then follows me. Even if I don't feel like talking, he sticks around. We're getting better about it, but Tsume and I still get into arguments sometimes. I could tell one was coming, so I left. That's why I'm here.
Here's a penny for your thoughts, a quarter for the call/ And all o' your mamma's love/
I guess Hige thought I was upset when I ran off. And I was, a little. "Didn't feel like fighting, huh?" It was so quiet, his voice surprised me. "No, I didn't." There are times I wonder how he does that. Know what's going through my mind, I mean. "That's good." Okay, he lost me. "It is?" He smiles, "well sure. We shouldn't be fighting with each other. Just makes things worse." He's right.
A penny and quarter buys a whole lotta nothing/ Taped to an old wrinkled note/
I never really cared for that old man, but with him at least I was never alone. After I left, it was always just me. There was never anyone else. And, at first, Hige and the others didn't really mean anything to me either. I feel a little guilty about it now, since they've come to mean so much.
But when she didn't have much, she had all mamma's love/ Inside that old envelope/
Now though, well, we might not always get along, but I'm not about to go too awful far without them. Even if I lose everything else, Cheza, paradise, all of it, I'll still have them. Right? Then again, maybe I'm not so sure.
When you get lonely, call me, anytime at all/ I'll be there with you, always, anywhere at all/
"Hige?" Maybe I do wnat to talk, just a little. "I'm right here." His way of saying he's listening. For a moment I'm tempted to ask when he couldn't say that, but I don't. "If we don't find Cheza, or paradise...." He's finally looking at me, "go ahead." I know he won't push me to continue, that's probably all he'll say. I sigh, "if we don't find them, will you guys stay with me?"
There's nothing I got that I wouldn't give/ And money is never enough/
He's smiling, "I'm not gonna say anything for Tsume or Toboe, 'cause it's not my place. Speaking for myself though, you mean you actually have to ask?" I look up at him, surprised. Did he just....? "I guess I thought I did." He rustles my hair, "I've been following you how long? I'm not goin' anywhere. You should know that. You're stuck with me, and Blue too."
Here's a penny for your thoughts, a quarter for the call/ And all o' your mamma's love/
I give him a thin smile, "thanks." Always there when I need to talk. And usually when I don't too, I remind myself. Another couple years of this and I'll have to avoid making him mad. He'll know too much about me. Wait, is that possible? Hmm-Hige mad. Not sure I've ever really seen that. Then again, I'm pretty sure I don't want to.
Oh it's been years since mamma's been gone/ But when she holds the coins she feels her love/ Just as strong..../
I've spent years by myself, and even more without any of my own kind. I've asked myself, so many times, why'd I survive? Why am I still here? It's been a long time since I last saw mother. The better part of my life, in fact. I was so little then. Ever since then, I haven't had a family. There's been no one to take care of me; no one for me to take care of. And suddenly now there is.
When you get lonely, call me, anytime at all/
"Hey Hige." He's leaning back on the rail now, watching me. "Yeah?" There's something that's been bothering me. "Where'd Tsume go?" Have to patch things up sooner or later. Might as well do it sooner. "I thought you might ask that. He went the other way. Blue and Toboe went to look for him." And Hige came after me. Three one way, two another. Divided we fall, right?
I'll be there with you, always, anywhere at all/
"Hey." We turn to see Blue, standing in an alley, Tsume and Toboe behind her. "Are you two coming or what?" Hige laughs, "or what. Nah. We better go Kiba. She's not the kind I'd want to make mad." I start laughing a little myself. The thought of someone like Hige afraid of Blue... "Yeah, we'd better."
There's nothing I got that I wouldn't give/ And money is never enough/
We jog over to them. Tsume seems slightly uncomfortable about something, "hey Kiba, I-I'm..." I smile. Neither of us is used to saying it, so I understand. "So am I Tsume. Let's just forget about it." He shrugs, "whatever."
Here's a penny for your thoughts, a quarter for the call/ And all o' your mamma's love/
And so everything's all rigt again for awhile. Knowing us, Tsume and I will get in another argument at some point. At least now I have someone to fight with. Before there wasn't anybody to do anything with. I hated that feeling.
Here's a penny for your thoughts, a quarter for the call/
I may not know why mother left, but I know she loved me. And slowly I'm learning that having someone who cares for you is the best feeling you can have. I've gotta say though, this is definitely the craziest family I could possibly have. Not that I love them any less. "Kiba!" Huh? Oh, they're waiting for me. "I'm coming!" I run to catch up with them.
And all o' your mamma's love.....