Neil was whistling as he opened the door of his dorm room. In his hands he held the notebook that Rachael had entrusted him under pain of death. He had wanted so terribly to read her works, and after promising her passionately that he would never let them fall into the wrong hands. They had laughed and parted after spending the day in the field out by the woods together. She would be leaving the next day.
"You seem happy," Came a voice from Todd's bed, where he sat, as Neil set his coat and notebook on his desk.
"Oh, I am," Neil replied throwing himself across his bed and lying with his hands behind his head and staring at the ceiling, "I am, Todd,"
"Does is have anything to do with Rachael, perhaps?" Todd asked, pretending to be uninterested.
Neil chuckled slightly and looked over at Todd, "Have you ever been with a girl, Todd?"
Todd looked over at his friend with narrowed eyes and arched brows, "Me? I can barely make conversation with one,"
At that Neil let out a loud laugh, "You know, you're pretty funny Todd,"
"Thanks," Todd mumbled with a grin looking back down at the notebook, and rubbed his hair out of the way.
"Oh, Todd," Mused Neil, kicking his shoes off and into the air before they landed with a thud, "She's unexplainable, incredible, smart, talented,"
"Beautiful," Todd injected, looking up at his friend.
"Yeah," Was all he replied.
Todd stood and walked to his desk, setting his notebook on the top and picking up his coat.
"Where are you going?" Neil inquired, raising his head slightly.
"Just for a walk," Said Neil closing the door and walking down the hall.
He couldn't be in that room anymore. Neil was his best friend and he was happy for him. But Rachael was so blind to Todd. She had caught his eye from the first. Before Neil even started to talk to her so often.
But he wasn't like Neil. He wasn't the outgoing leader, he wasn't charming, or funny, and he could barely even speak with Rachael when he had gone into the library that day. Neil had suggested that Todd get to know her, but he didn't know how hard it really was.
"Your face and hands fall like rain
Parched the ground is and I am dying
I can't keep on looking away
Pretending that you are
I can't keep on like this, or I may lose you to the sun
You are my secret, my seeker
The gift that stands unopened and haunting
Like the moon
And I can't breathe and talk
And you disappear
from my view."
He had written many words for her that
he hadn't told a soul
He walked past the guest house, his cold hands stuffed in his pockets fighting off the winter. He looked up and saw her window lighted. And he wished so hard he had been the brave one, holding her in the field like Neil had that day, weaving his fingers through her hair. He shivered and looked away, biting his tongue.
And coward was the only word that came to his mind.
Coward.