Then she came, a mess of tears and wrinkles. She threw herself in my arms like she did the last time. She was crying, sobbing, her body thrown up against me. Words were lost against my chest, sorry, Black, won't, leave, kiss. With every word I made out I felt better. It wasn't her fault she never came, it was his. Then it turned to anger, he had to have her no matter what the cost, like she was some prize to be won. I held her tight, stroked her hair, and kissed her head until she settled down to a soft sniffle. When she was calm I steered her into my room, leaving my rounds to finish themselves. Whatever students wanted to snog that night had a free pass, tonight for the first time someone needed me. I set her on my bed and kneeled in front of her, lifting her face to meet mine.
"I'm not upset," it was all I knew to say to her. I had no idea how to calm an upset woman.
She leaned her head against mine," I tried"
"I believe you," my hand was stroking her hair, twirling around my fingers. The strands danced like fire against my pale skin.
Her lips met mine for a second glorious time. This time it was slow. She would later describe it as an old movie kiss, American girls. My hands never left her hair, it was soft and silky. I could have lost myself in it. I could taste her tears mingled with the butterbeer she had had for supper. To my surprise her hands became tangled in my hair, pulling me closer. It was the first time anyone ventured into my hair, the constant source of ridicule.
It seemed all too quickly that we were coming up for air. Her forehead returned to mine," You are amazing."
I pulled back to gaze into her eyes," Me?"
She smiled, took my hands and pulled me up toward the bed. I got up slowly; making sure it was what she wanted. I was too slowly for her taste and she tugged so hard that I stumbled onto the bed. As soon as I regained balance and sense I sat up, then she was in my arms, her body against mine, her arms encircling my waist, her head pressed against my chest.
"Yes, you," she let out a happy sigh as my arms looped around her. 'I want to stay here with you, please don't make me go back to them."
I laid my head on tope of hers," you can stay tonight, but you can't hide from them." My fingers were drawing small circles on her back.
"Do I have to tell them?" Her voice was heavy, her breathing was evening out.
"No, they never have to know. No one does." I wanted to tell everyone. I wanted to make it known that Severus Snape had managed to attract a girl, a beautiful, sweet girl.
"MmmK," she mumbled as she fell asleep in my arms.
The next few weeks were a rushing of color and life like I had never felt before. She would smile at me in the rush of the halls, or at meals. She would grab my arm and pull me into some secret closet or hallway for a quick kiss. Most nights she snuck down to the dungeon where we would study, talk, or snog. It was exciting, something I had never felt before. The more I was with her; the more I never wanted to be apart from her. She was becoming my world. A day without her seemed like a thousand endless years. It didn't take long to find myself completely in love with her.
She was always adventurous, taking risks we never should have. I loved that about her. But somehow I felt it would lead to our downfall. Something so dynamic can't be kept a secret for long. Her friends had noticed the change, she was more alive then she used to, and disappeared for hours or minutes, returning with swollen lips and mussed her. She had lost her interest in Black and most things childish. They all knew she was having something; with who or what it was they could not even begin to guess.
The hardest times for us came in potions, when both houses had class. She sat in the back, I sat in the front. We did not look at each other, or dare acknowledged that other was even breathing the same air. She was stoic, not doing anything but concentrating on her work. She needed to, for her potions work left something to be desired. But things could never stay that way through all of class. Potter and Black liked push me; they tried to see how long it would take to break me. I knew it was hard for her to watch it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her clench her knuckles white. It was all her restraint that kept her from lashing out at them. She was brash and hot tempered to a fault. That flaw started our downfall.
It was Friday, one day before Hogsmeade weekend. We were both looking foreword to it. We had devised a scheme to spend it with each other, along in the empty castle. Hogsmeade held little fun for me and for her the thought of a good snog and cuddle was much more appealing then the antics of Black and Potter. They had been particularly incorrigible that day. They would not leave me alone. The night before she had tried a new charm on me, it ungreased my hair. It now fell along my face, instead of being slicked back. I was proud, and I showed her that night. We must have been a little rough because at the base of my neck was what she called a hickey. Potter and Black leapt on these two abnormalities. Trying to figure out who I could possibly be snogging and what on earth would touch me. Then they started to insult, imaging all the things she was, ugly, greasy, stupid, pale, and every other derogatory word they could think.
My blood was boiling I wanted nothing more then to hurt them. I could see her as she passed by me; her whole body was flushed and shaking with anger. Just as she brushed by me, Black pulled her down into his lap. That day I had never seen her so angry. She snapped up out of his lap and slapped his face so hard it echoed in the hollow dungeon room. The room went silent, and looked at the two.
"Don't you ever touch me again, Black," her voice was quivering in anger. I was already standing up from seat, my hand on my wand, ready to hex him if he dared touch her again.
He was shocked, but laughed it off with Potter. "Oh come on, Elle, you know you miss me. Whatever sort of git you are carrying on with can be no match to me." He stood up and pulled her body to his. "Its time you come back. We all miss you." He indicated with his head toward his friends, most of which who stood shocked. Lily and Avery look appalled, ready to give him a good go over after class. Peter and Potter where about to die from pride and laughter, Lupin was unreadable.
Tears came to her eyes, I couldn't stand it, I couldn't watch him do this to her, not the one I love. Before I knew what I was doing my wand was out, Black was on the floor, and everyone's eyes were on me. I closed mine, what was I going to do?
"You should mind you own business Snape, especially when it has nothing to do with you," Black growled, pushing himself up from the floor and reaching for his wand.
She moved in front me," It has everything to do with him." Her hand reached back and found mine, never taking her eyes off of Black. "If you so much as lift your wand toward him, you will regret it for the rest of your life," her voice dropped to a low and dangerous tone.
"So this is him, the one you've been carrying on with," he snorted. "I was too good for you anyways."
She glared at him, dropped my hand and fled from the room. All eyes were on me, asking me to deny that story to say it wasn't true, that we hadn't betrayed our houses and our friends. I swallowed hard, picked up my books, then her bag, and followed after her. I could hear the dungeon behind me erupt into chaos.
I found her shaking on the stairs. I dropped what I was carrying and pulled her into my arms. She started sobbing, so hard it rocked my body as well as hers.
"Its okay, El, its okay, its going to be alright," I knew things wouldn't be the same ever, but as long as I had her, it would be okay.
"I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm so sorry."
"It's both our faults. I should never have interfered like I did," I couldn't bring myself to look at her.
"No." She put her hands on either side of my face, "No one has ever done anything like that for me before." She stroked my cheek with her thumb, "Severus, I love you."
Those words were magic, they made everything suddenly better. It didn't matter any more whatever had happened was okay as long as she loved me and I loved her.
That night I got an owl. It was from my parents. I don't know why I didn't think before they would find out. I didn't have to open the letter to know what it would say. I bit my lip; they had finally found it, the leverage they needed to get. I took the letter and burned it in the fire place. I could hardly feel anything, that night. I went through motions and routines. From now on I wasn't allowed to feel anymore. It was that night I became cold, hard and sarcastic. It was that night that part of me had to die, the part that loved. I killed it for her, so that she could live.
The next day was the worst of my life. The school was obsessed with the incident. I spoke to no one, nor did I acknowledge they were alive. I ignored her to. I did not catch her eye in the hallways, I sat with my back to her for meals, and I avoided the usual places. It was only two weeks till Christmas Holidays. I could make it until then. At home I could better seal up my emotions.
It went this way until the last day before holiday. She cornered me in the hallway. She looked a mess, like she had not slept in since that day. I wanted to pull her into my arms, to put my lips on hers and lose myself in her, but I couldn't.
"What's going on?" She looked desperate," Why are you avoiding me?"
I just looked at her, putting my most uncaring face on.
"Severus, why are you doing this?" She stepped toward me, I stepped back.
"Its over, Elle, go away." I felt sick inside, but I would not let it show. I refused to let it show.
"But," she stepped forward again.
Why did she have to make it hard? If she could only know that I wasn't doing this to hurt her, I was doing this to save her.
"Its over, go back to Black, I'm done with you," with that I turned and left her. As I walked away I could hear a small yelp, then sniffling. I bit my tongue as I felt tears stir in my eyes. I had done to her just what he had. I had killed her.
Christmas Holidays were nothing short of hell. I returned for my last stint as student there with a new mark on my body. I felt sick every time I thought of it. She returned to back in the arms of Black. They must have made up during the holidays. For the rest of the year I watched her from afar. Every time I even thought about going to her, the mark on arm seemed to smart. This was one accident that I could prevent.
I gave it up for her, I gave up everything. I just wish she could know what I had done for her. She left school, and I never saw her again, never in person. I heard from snippets of conversation that she had gone back to America, where she born. That was the last I heard of her. That's all I know her. That's all I will ever know.
Fin