Hi everyone! Wow, some really positive reviews there! Thank you! I'm glad the story keeps someone sane, writing it keeps me sane! The poem really seemed to appeal to a lot of people, that really touched me as I wrote the poem when I was feeling that way, like a big disappointment. It's very close to my heart so it being so popular is such an emotionally good thing, thank you again. The compliments make me blush! It's nice to know I'm good at my passion, and that you all like what I write! When the novel is under way I'll let you know, but it will be a while! Angst is good, I love it! I know it's all miserable and stuff but what reaches me is something I can't help, go angst! I will forgive those who don't review every chapter, I don't expect anybody too! It's great that you review at all! The reason I can post so many poem/ songs is coz I write one or two nearly every week lately! The story has actually encouraged me to write more. Your opinion on grey is all your own, so don't let what I say change that, just as my opinion on it is written down doesn't mean you have to agree, though those that do thank you! Just so long as you understand my reason for choosing it then it doesn't matter. As for the decision, you will have to find out..........
Another note, I won't be updating next week as I'll be away on holiday! I am sorry, but you will to wait for a while till next update! I was wondering when someone was going to link the poems I wrote to the ones in Kai's book! They are the sort of poems I would imagine Kai to have written, sort of like an extract from Kai's book each chapter! Thank you for figuring it out! The others did know what Kai was writing as they were around as the police were leaving, sorry I didn't make it clear, I should have! Samantha warned them away from the kitchen anyway, so they would have gotten the hint as well. I suppose I should do another disclaimer before someone does my arse over it, so here, I don't own beyblade, Tori, Samantha and other OC's are mine, the song in this chapter is My world by Avril Lavigne! i dont own the song either (obviously!)
Tadashi woke slowly, it was still early and she had had a very restless nights sleep. Her dreams were haunted by the thought of being chased and hunted like an animal. She shuddered and blocked the sleepy memories away before sitting up. Glancing around, her gaze took in the room in one sweep, resting on the two toned hair poking from a blanket. She smiled a little, glad that Kai had finally made it to his bed. Getting up silently, she walked with muffled yet sure steps with her bare feet over to him and knelt easily on the balls of her feet.
Kai was sweating slightly in his feet, murmuring away too quietly for her to hear. She smiled affectionately as she brushed a stray lock of pale blue hair from his tattooed cheek. She frowned at the markings, stroking the marked skin softly. Why had they done it to him? He would never be free of them; she knew that, she only hoped he had the strength to put his past behind him, like she was learning to do. He wrinkled his brow slightly and shifted in his sleep. She smiled again and left him to sleep, he needed it.
She stood up and wondered what to do now she was up and no on else was. She decided on a shower and then breakfast. Gathering up the pair of blue jeans and the black velvety shirt to go with it, plus the awkward underwear, she headed to the bathroom.
It wasn't long before she emerged, feeling fresh, her damp braids swinging as she hummed a tune. She seemed to dance as she walked, spending a moment on the steps to fold and unfold on her hands, holding the upside down pose for a few seconds, she then slowly and gracefully lowered her feet to the next step down, enjoying her flexibility to it's full. She had to bend her arms a lot to pull it off, but it was a great movement all the same. Feeling good she had done it, she decided to make everyone breakfast, she had heard of how to make pancakes, they couldn't be that hard, could they? She decided the time cooking would give her a time to think about changing their minds about Kai, she could be very persuasive.
Ray's nose twitched as the smell of something cooking reached his sensitive nostrils. He had been waking slowly, dozing up until now. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, what smelled so good? Seeing the others stir slightly he decided to wake them up, whoever was making breakfast had better have made enough!
Soon a small troop of teens were making their way to the kitchen, minus Tadashi, who Ray noticed was up, and Kai, who Ray had let sleep. The noises coming from the kitchen were interesting, Samantha? Grandpa? Tyson's dad? He soon found out it was none of them as they opened the door and were confronted by true chaos.
Tadashi was standing in front of the stove frying pan in hand as she flipped a browning pancake as if she had been doing it all her life. She was singing to the radio and swaying her hips to the music as she turned to pour orange juice into a jug with ice already in it.
"Can't help it if I space in a daze, my eyes tune out the other way............"
That wasn't the chaos. What was the chaos was the thick dusting of flour that seemed to coat all surfaces in the kitchen.
"I may switch off and go in a daydream......"
Tadashi herself was relatively clean, her nose had a white streak on it that reached to both her cheeks, and her jeans had smudged white handprints all over the thighs. She seemed to have evaded the invasion of edible powder so far.
"In this head my thoughts are deep, but sometimes I can't even speak....."
What appeared to be burnt discs filled the bin to almost overflowing point, and the heavy tang of burning hung faintly in the air.
"Would someone be and not pretend? I'm off again in my
World............"
She hadn't seemed to notice them as she poured more batter into the now empty frying pan and left it to get bacon out of another. She piled it onto a plate and went back to the pancake. They watched her, all to startled to say anything.
"I never spend less than an hour, Washin' my hair in the shower, It always takes 5 hours to make it straight, So I'll braid it in a zillion braids, Though it may take all friggen day, There's nothin' else better to do anyway....."
She turned to pace the new pancake on a plate piled with them and picked up the jug. Turning more she went to place it on the table and almost dropped it.
"Hi" she said sheepishly, holding the jug to her chest before realising and placing it on the table.
"I thought I would make breakfast!"
"So we see!" replied Max as he and the others sat down.
She placed a plate and glass in front of each of them and placed the pancakes, bacon and eggs she had already made in the middle of the large table. They began to help themselves. She herself began to tidy things.
Ray was cautious about eating, he could see the disaster that had happened in the kitchen, but after seeing Tyson shovelling it all in with relish, he had a taste.
"Damn Tad! This is good!"
She blushed slightly, "thank you, I've never made pancakes before, and it took me a while, but they turned out ok!"
The others could only nod as mouths chewed.
It wasn't long before the three adults joined them, and the food was appreciated by everyone, all except one.
Kai tossed and turned in his sleep. His bare feet peeked out of his blankets as it bunched around his waist. His dual t-shirt rode up slightly, revealing pale and scarred skin. Flashes of dreams haunted him, times of his abbey childhood. Images of lying in a pool of his own blood and sweat, of being starved and then poisoned, of tough training that almost killed him, the screams of others who couldn't handle it. In every image was his grandfather, towering in the background, cold eyes glinting.
Kai almost whimpered in his sleep, yet the sounds kept getting stuck in his throat to sound like a choking gasp instead. It was a long time before the dreams woke him. He just stopped moving and opened his eyes. They felt heavy and weary but he wasn't surprised since his sleep had been so restless. He sat up on his elbows and noticed the others were awake, their beds made and personal items stored neatly. He stood up and didn't bother to neaten himself as he walked almost drunkenly towards the door before his tired legs remembered the way they should work.
He landed up in the kitchen, where everyone else had seemed to congregate. They greeted him with smiles and friendly gestures with seemed overly done to him. It was like watching a badly acted play. He sat down and watched them all with sleepy, suspicious eyes. A large hand went to ruffle his sleep tousled hair and he pulled away with a small growl. They took the point he was in a bad mood.
"How are you feeling about tomorrow?" asked Tyson's dad.
"How do you think?" was the curt reply. They sat in silence for a while longer before they all decided there were better things to do.
"Wanna come train Kai?" asked Tyson cautiously, he didn't want his head bitten off and was visible relieved when Kai grunted a no in response. They left in hurried silence, leaving only Tadashi and Kai in the kitchen.
Tadashi placed a small plate of breakfast and a glass of orange juice in front of Kai and sat beside him.
"How are you really doing?" she asked gently.
He sighed and picked up a fork, "terrible, sleep was rough and tomorrow is something I'm not looking forward too. What time is it?"
She smiled a little at him, "about lunch time, the others just ate sandwiches, but I saved you some breakfast. I made it myself."
Kai couldn't help but chuckle, "you're a fast learner Tad, these are edible!"
She acted shocked and punched him lightly on the shoulder as he continued to eat. There had been times when Tadashi had tried cooking before, and unless she persevered her first tries were always bad. Kai pushed the half eaten food away and drank the orange juice in one long draught.
Before Tadashi could say anything Kai interrupted, "don't say it Tad, you know I wont eat any more".
She sighed and nodded, she could only try. "What are you going to do today? I know you have to get ready for the trial. I think the police will be round later again, sorry, but don't run off, please?"
Kai wished he hadn't eaten anything now, at least then the stomach rolling wouldn't be so nauseating. He wouldn't run away, not this time, he wanted Voltaire out of his life, for good.
"I'm going to get changed Tad, thanks for the breakfast."
She nodded after him as he stood up and left. She turned back to the table and almost couldn't hold the tears forming in her eyes. She had made a promise to the others not to tell Kai what they had decided, and she never broke a promise, but would this break what she had with Kai? Could she risk it? She concentrated on tidying up, she couldn't think about it when Kai needed her for the trial.
Kai walked away from the kitchen, it didn't take a genius or an abbey bred to see that everyone was hiding something from him. Maybe he was just being paranoid, maybe.
Finding life
I now stare into bleakness
As it stares back at me
Faded light my only companion
As my emotions are set free
Weary of the path laid before my feet
Of the walls that slow my passage
No one to hear my please for help
No one there to acknowledge the message
Lost in the sound of my own tears
I close my eyes to shut out the sight
Of the shattered remains of my identity
Nothing left with which to fight
My soul naked with no lies to protect it
Yet unseen by most the world as it goes by
Those that see pretend to understand
I'm passed along with knowing nods, a sad sigh
They will never comprehend the empty pain
The reflections shown in another's eyes
They will never look deeply enough
Never listen to a strangers cries
I looked into the mirror
Shocked by what I saw
What I thought was a shred of humanity
Was empty, there's nothing there anymore
Left as an empty shell by others
What was hidden inside now released
Broken shards of the image rain down
As I look on my outburst is ceased
Falling shards tear at my skin
Hot rivers run thick and red
I close my eyes to find peace
My blood the sign I'm not dead