Over 800! Over 800! Yay, so good! I'm getting that much closer to the 1000 mark I can taste it, and I tell you, it's sweeter then sweet. I really can't thank you all enough for reading this, liking it and reviewing it. All the advice and compliments bring a tear to even the most hardened soul. I'm babbling again but you get the idea!
I'm glad people can understand what Kai is going through without obviously going through it themselves, to be able to connect to the character is a key component to a good story and its good people can connect with mine. You all seemed to really like this chapter! That surprised me because I didn't feel the chapter was as good as some of the others, it just seemed lacking somewhere (apart from the spelling, it was terrible! It was kinda rushed, Gomen nasai!)
What you saw from the poem is very much what I saw when I wrote it, it started when I felt like people weren't listening and that I had to fight from the shadows, and it sort of went into what Kai was going through, what he felt.
As I said before, the story encouraged me to write more poems, and that has been such a relief as writing helps me relax and to get my point across. It's a relief. It's also made me look around more to find inspiration.
As for Kai and the hidden secret and the trial, you will all have to find out! Mwahaha! I think the others know the trust they have with Kai is at stake, hence why they feel awkward about it and have some doubts, but you will have to wait and see what it is, it's a good one! It paves the way to the sequel splendidly! Now, onwards, to victory!! (minor note, what I wrote about sighing after crying actually happens nearly all the time to everyone, that or yawning. It's because crying is a human response to emotional stress, it's a release of that emotion, so the sigh at the end [or yawn] signifies the relief you feel afterwards. It's such a cool fact I had to share it!)
By the time Kai stopped moving, the sky had turned a peaceful dark blue, even darker grey clouds lined the horizon like a wave, ready to spill down on the unsuspecting town. He stood, sweating and still apart from the laboured rising and falling of his chest as he tried to drag breathes into his ragged lungs. It had been way too long since he had last done that, but doing so again, and getting it right, felt like relief. Like the sigh that inevitably came after crying.
His breathing quickly regained itself to normality, a thankful sign he was still physically fit, and he walked back to the house slowly, he didn't want to strain tired muscles after all that. As he passed a shadowed wall he glimpsed a flash of amber glowing in the dark before it was suppressed. Why did they underestimate him so?
"I see you Ray" he said sharply, making one of the shadows jump.
"Shit Kai! Don't scare me! Wait, what was that?" said the rather sheepish shadow as it emerged.
"I said I see you, if your referring to the fact I said it in Chinese, like I'm still doing, I speak it remember?"
"Oh yeah.....look, I waited out here to speak to you. More of an apology really, about the way we've been acting around you. We are worried about you, that's all. The trials gonna be tough and we want you to know that we're behind you."
Kai sighed as he looked into the golden orbs. They screamed sincerity, but there was also a dark spark in there.
"I know, I figured it was that. Look, I need a shower, see you in a bit."
Ray nodded at Kai's back in response as the bluenette strode into the house and headed to the stairs. Ray couldn't explain how he felt about lying, and somehow he knew Kai recognised the fact they were hiding something for him. But for Kai's safety, and maybe others safety, what they decided was essential, he just hoped Kai would see it that way. Something told him they had a fight on their hands.
In the shower Kai let the warm spray envelope him. He loved the sensation of being held close by something, whether it was water, a breeze, or the wings that protected him so often now. He guessed being embraced by another person was as good, but then at least the water, wind and wings wouldn't hurt him the way people do. What Boris did to him was an example. What was done to him was the same thing that people did to express love, the action of it anyway. Instead it was used for power and pain. How could he trust people when what they did to show love they also did to show hate?
He sighed again as he stepped out of the warm hold of the shower and into the chillier caress of the air. Tomorrow he had to convince a room full of strangers how he was a victim, how he was tortured. He had to destroy all that was left of his family, a man he couldn't even call 'grandfather'. When did he get so confused about his feelings? Probably when he let himself feel them again. He was so frustrated by himself he could only glare at his image in the mirror. Would they believe him tomorrow? Touching the tattoos on his face, he never felt so uncertain as now. He tidied up and dressed, he would go straight to bed, he suddenly felt very, very tired.
Tadashi watched from her seat in the dojo as Kai entered, blanked her, and climbed into his blankets. She wasn't hurt by it; this was the way he was. When he was hurting, he wouldn't let anybody in. she let him be and left the room as quietly as she could, which was almost silently. She knew he had noticed her going, but he wouldn't do anything. Besides, he needed his rest for tomorrow. She entered the lounge to see the teens watching TV in various ways. Lying on the floor, sitting against or on seats, and cuddling up with each other. She sat herself on the floor, she was more comfortable cross legged then on a chair anyway.
Ray spoke up in a soft voice, "is Kai ok?"
"He's sleeping. He's more worried about tomorrow then we know."
Ray nodded and then wrapped his arms tighter around Mariah. Tadashi suddenly felt very cold and alone in a room full of friends. She was still the stranger here, however much they made her feel welcome. Her thoughts were broken when Samantha declared dinner was ready.
They seated themselves in relative silence. Lack of noise seemed to be the theme for the night. Small talk made it's way into silence soon though. It wasn't long before the conversation hit Kai as a topic.
"Do you think he'll be ok tomorrow?" asked Hilary to everyone listening.
Tadashi was the first to answer, "I don't know, it could make or break him so to speak. If he makes it, will he survive after?"
"What do you mean" asked a suddenly worried nurse, was Kai's health compromised?
"What we are doing, what we decided! Will Kai be ok when it's done?"
This time Kenny took over, "it's for his own good Tadashi, he's a hazard as he is. It'll be tough for him, but we cant risk him being the way he is."
Tadashi nodded, though she didn't agree. She couldn't back down now she had agreed, but she had to wonder, was it really for Kai, or because they were scared.
Kai lay curled under his blankets. Lying on his side like he customarily did when he wasn't fitting from dreams, he couldn't sleep. However weary he was, however tired, sleep wouldn't come. He knew why. He couldn't stop thinking about the trial. It was time for some more training. Just like the sequence acted out in the garden brought relief, breathing deeply and clearing his mind brought him sleep.
When the others came in for bed later on, he was deeper then he had been for a long time.
The next day dawned, and Kai was already awake. He was sitting by the fish pond, watching the koi as the expensive oriental fish become active as the rising sun warmed the sparkling clear water. He was already washed and dressed in his smart blue jeans and black shirt, and had been ready for almost and hour now. He wasn't hungry, his stomach instead feeling tight and clenched. He couldn't go on a mission with a full belly anyway, it only slowed him down. And yes, this was just another mission. If he told himself that, he could do it. He had succeeded every mission so far, even the ones he hadn't wanted to. Only another mission.
It was eight by the time the others began to rise. Kai barely noticed them as he seemed to ghost around the house and garden, never settling in one place long enough for anyone to talk to him. By the time they had uttered a simple 'morning', he was gone again. No one followed him; it wasn't the right day for making him stay and talk just for a morning greeting. Kai was grateful for that, if he had to speak before he was ready; he wasn't sure what he would say. One thing he knew, it wouldn't be nice.
He was finally approached by Tadashi. "Kai? Are you ready to go?"
A nod and an "hn" was all he answered before following her to the minibus. Seating himself down away from them all, he now knew how people felt on their way to the gallows. Nothing would change the fact this trial felt like a death sentence, yet he'd still rather confront Death itself. But then he'd already looked Death in the eyes, and seen things no other had. He knew he would survive, he and Death had a deal, and no one breaks a deal made with the personification of people's dreams and nightmares. Kai smiled, one that didn't reach his eyes, but a smile all the same. It all suddenly seemed very funny.
Ray glanced at his stoic friend, and looked away just as quickly. Where fire usually lit those mahogany eyes, they were now cold, icy and as hard as coloured diamond. What was he feeling to smile so grimly? Ray hoped deeply that wasn't the smile of someone accepting fate and giving up.
"Please keep fighting Kai" he whispered, "If you give up, I don't think I could believe in anything again."
Ray gasped and hurriedly looked away from his seemingly frosty team mate. Kai had heard him; maybe he should have remembered Kai could speak his language. It was so easy to forget when no one else but Mariah did, and she wasn't always here. There were just so many facets to Kai; it was hard to remember what he really was capable of. Ray hoped one or more of those facets would help Kai now.
Something about what Ray had said plucked a heartstring in Kai, and surprised him. He had almost forgotten how to feel with his heart. Battle mode left little for emotional feeling. Maybe there were still things worth fighting for. Maybe. They were still his team mates, friends, and all the family he could count on. He hoped the now numbed feeling of betrayal was just paranoia.
It wasn't long before they pulled up outside the huge state building. Ornate scrollwork was built into the stone that supported the giant tile roof. Statues of justice and famous judges lined the large granite stairway. It was impressive, despite the shadows cast by the growing dark clouds. Maybe the storm Kai felt was coming.
Waiting in the marble floored hallway, Kai had been introduced to his lawyers. There were two of them, one male, one female. Kai was starting to see a pattern here. The male, Seko, was a specialist in cases around abuse, and the woman, Rowan, was an expert in child cases. It seemed everything was ready and well thought out.
Time ticked by quicker then Kai thought possible, but the clock struck the time he was dreading. It was time to do this. Clearing his mind, everything seemed suddenly clearer, sharper. His heart paced itself; his breathing took on a steady, slow rhythm. It was time to face his next mission.
"Dude, how can you handle all this? The tension is giving me the heebie jeebies! And I'm not the one on trial! How can you look so calm?" whispered Tyson before they went to the public stands and were separated from Kai.
Kai looked at them all, smiled his last warm smile, and answered with his age old comeback.
"Practice."
He was ready.
Once held
Why can't you understand me?
Or what I'm going through
I would die for each and every friend
Just as I would for you
Do not make me choose
All I've done is sacrifice
Just to keep you happy
All you've done is give back lies
Just because we disagree
We don't see eye to eye
You want to give up
When I refuse to say goodbye
You've given the ultimatum
One I can't accept
So now I'll go my own way
A decision I won't regret
I wish I could be angry
I'm hollow there instead
When you couldn't comprehend
Numbness ruled my emotions, my head
Do I think you'll miss me?
Maybe when you notice I'm really gone
By then it will be too late
The deed has already been done
You betrayed my trust and my instincts
You just couldn't let me be
So now you're left to mourn alone
Of what you once held, me