God, my first chapter was so screwed up...STUPID FANFICTION TOOK AWAY ALL THE EMAIL ADDRESSES AND ADDED THESE WEIRD SYMBOLS EVERYWHERE! GAH!

Y.Y I apologize very much...can you guess who these email addresses belong to? Muahaha...

Soz about the long wait etc...

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Chapter 2

August 2

2: 03

Today is that miserable, worthless useless bastardly scum Potter's birthday. Die, Potter, die.

It makes me feel funny, that potter and Evans are both dead, though. Even though I wanted both dead numerous times.

2:04

Like when Potter turned me upside down and everyone saw my knickers.

2:05

Or when Potter cursed my skin blue for a week.

2:06

Or when Potter pushed me into the lake and Evans laughed.

2:07

Or when Potter and Evans went together to the Yule ball.

2:08

Or when...well, you get the point.

I permanently stopped having a crush on Evans in fifth year when I saw Potter kiss her. Yeah, she screamed at him and slapped him a bit, but still. She was tainted by slimeybastardyness.

Not that I ever had a crush on her or anything.

Well, I didn't.

Don't look at me like that.

Yes, you. Stupid journal.

What? well, so was your mother. And your mother also ate shit from your ass!

I am arguing with a journal.

Shower time.

3: 45

Ahhh. I love bubble baths.

I blow dried my hair. It made it worse than usual, though. At least it's dry now.

3:46

Btw, I am getting strange emails from hooch. In Hogwarts, she was two years below me. She asked me out to the Yule ball. I sneered.

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Just thought you wanted to know.

....................................

God, I love sneering.

Sneeeeeeeeeeeeer.

It was a bit embarrassing when McGonagall caught me practicing my sneering techniques in the mirror. Within 13 hours, the whole staff knew about it.

I hate that wench.

I sneer in her general direction.

Sneeeeer...hehehe

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August 3

Bored.

I am so not going to be a reporter/type ministry dude for Dumbledore.

Sorry, blonde randomness urges.

That was random.

And weird. I am worrying for my sanity.

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Oh well.

5:37

The reporter type folks are going to mess around the classrooms. Sit in on things.

5:46

They'll probably ask me to demonstrate potion things to them.

5:50

And sit in on staff meetings and at the meals.

I hope a teacher volunteers.

5:56

Maybe I should volunteer.

WHAT AM I SAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

I will NOT volunteer. Not if my life depends on it.

5:57

I would get to spy on other teachers and students.

Hmmmmm.

6:00

I think I will go out and see that new muggle movie "Zobieoids: Attack of the Goo Creatures." I have never seen a muggle movie before.

(a/n: time passes...n.n)

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12:06

How lame. Sneeeeeer. A waste of muggle money. Muggle money is a waste anyways...who cares.

Zombieoids screwed with my sense of reality. I mean really, big, gooey mummies oozing down a street, and everyone screams and runs away, but nobody hears of it internationally and the press doesn't write anything and 11 people die, but don't even get a funeral? Muggles are weird.

End of topic.

12:07

But still. When the Zombies took over New York, the surviving pocket of humanity hid in the mall. Then they made a break for the outside world.

Why? They were perfectly safe in the mall! They could have lived there for the rest of their lives! And when they did go out, they ran outside in cutoffs and t-shirts. Zombies could jump behind them and suck out their brains in those skimpy clothes. I mean, they were holed up in the mall, for crying out loud. They could have stalked up on leather, helmets, and armor, for god's sakes. Feh. Sneeeeeeer.

Feh. Stupid muggles.

What? I like to rant.

Don't look at me like that, journal.

I can have opinions too.

Must shut up.

I think that when I retire from being a proffesory type person, I will make a decent muggle zombie movie. I think that I have better ideas on plot than those stupid directors who wear berets and yell things through tubes. For instance, I noticed that certain people always die or do not die in the movies, like those who smoke. The one sidekick to the main character (a female blonde who always wore high heels, even when sprinting away from zombie goo), a man named Billy Bob or something was a heavy smoker. When I saw him, I mentally went "Bye bye..." He died painfully, obviously. Moviegoers have a thing against smokers, I guess. Have you noticed that the main characters are always either men with crew cuts, or women with eating disorders and great hair? I would think that the human to lead civilization to war with zombiekind would not be an Arnold Swartznegger clone, or an anorexic blonde with good hair voulumage, but a tall, dark man with long, silky locks, intense eyes, and magical prowess...like me. A career in acting doesn't sound too bad...hell, many directors starred in their own plays. I think.

I will consider this matter further.

Bed time.

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From: a secret admirer (wizardwheezes:admirerstogo.cm)

To: (Snapesybaby:hogwarts.ed)

I really like you, sevvie. I think about you all the time. I have my shirt off now. My bra size is a DD. My tits are all hard thinking about you.

I want to meet you. I know you. Meet me in the park on rosedale ave. and we will join our bodies in the harmony of nature.

Love,

Secret admirer

From: (dumbledoreasaurus:hogwarts.ed)

To: (Snapesybaby:hogwarts.ed)

Greetings, Severus. How is your summer?

You are the only one who hasn't told me that you are unavailable for secret reporter status. Are you interested? Btw: a raise might possibly be involved ;)

Attached to this email is the digi-curse file. Enjoy!

From: (ifyoucantplaycoach:hogwarts.ed)

To: (snapesybaby:hogwarts.ed)

Re: Die

Ooh someones a little mad, hmmm? n.n i now you really like it. Btw are you busy, mabe we can go see that movie zombieoids.

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To: (wizardwheezes:admirerstogo.cm)

From: (snapesybaby:hogwarts.ed)

That sounds like fun. I sent you an attachment containing a photo of me naked.

Attachment: Digi-curse generator

To: (dumbledoreasaurus:hogwarts.ed)

From : (Snapesybaby:hogwarts.ed)

How much are you willing to pay? I might possibly consider.

To: (ifyoucantplaycoach:hogwarts.ed)

From: (snapesybaby:hogwarts.ed)

Re: re: die

Too late, wench. I have already seen it.

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12:23

Grrr. How did the Weasly twins get my email anyways?

Oh well. I relish the fact that as soon as they open that attachment, their skin will turn a neon yellow, their hair fall out, and mushrooms grow on their eyeballs. Also, the Barney theme song will be stuck in their heads for a week. Sneer. Mwahahahahahaha. I am the master of torture.

Why is that idiot Hooch emailing me? I loathe her.

Sports were never my thing.

Why did she offer to go to a movie with me?

!2:25

I hope she doesn't like me.

12:26

Oh god.

Responses:

Please forgive for the crapness of these past two chapters....-.-; I swear the quality WILL improve...once my muse kicks in...

Muse: Nyah! Pbbthpbbb....(blows raspberry)

Do you feel my pain!!??

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Darkfire180: Hey you! Thanks for reviewing my new story...marmar is too lazy...:( Email this story to missy and jenny etc!

Harleythecat: You are so cool! :) Yes, the emails were screwed up...(sighs) Thanks for putting me on author alert! This is like a first! (huggles)

Sierra's Darkness: Heya Hanna! Thanks for reviewing!

Tan mx: Hi! :) I read your bio! We are both MONKEYS!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Fast Talking Johnny: Thanks for reviewing! n.n I luuuuuuuuurve your name! :D

Roae: Heya! Thanks for the support...re upload? Huh?

Not pervy, eh? It will be soon...muahahahahaha...

Yami no Marik: hey! I'm honored that my fic is the first HP you've read...there's lots of good ones out there! Like 'Laminations of a starry eyed twit". Its in my profile.

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Kuddakuddapaw!!!!!!! XD Review, pretty please, or no updation!!!!