"Circles"

By Aeryn

Chapter 2

He found her lying on the floor in front of the fire, wrapped in an afghan. He lowered himself beside her, reaching out to touch her face. She smiled in greeting, then her eyes widened.

"Three dozen?!"

"Hey, a guy's gotta eat."

Donuts were the only thing she could handle, and last night she'd eaten an entire dozen before he'd even had a chance to change out of his uniform. Everything else made her hurl: anything with meat; broccoli; the smell of coffee. (He'd made the mistake of kissing her after drinking a cup of coffee and had ended up cleaning the bathroom floor for half an hour.) And now jellybeans, apparently. So at home he ate what she ate; that is, if there was anything left.

He'd found himself spending a lot more time in the commissary than usual.

He made sure to grab two donuts before she dug in.

"Better?"

"Mmf," she said, nodding slightly. She swallowed. "Better for now." She scowled, dreading the next morning.

"I'm sorry," he said, feeling like this was all his fault.

She waved him off. "I'M the one who screwed up with the birth control."

He smiled slightly. "You make the BEST mistakes."

"I hope you still feel that way after you talk to Hammond," she said, licking at a cream-filled donut.

He stared for a minute, looking at her longingly. Suddenly he wished she were feeling better for purely selfish reasons. Down boy, he told himself.

"I mean, you have to tell him that you've been having an affair with a subordinate, promptly knocked up said subordinate, then married said subordinate."

"Well, if you're gonna break the regs, break the HELL out of 'em, I say."

She sighed. "I REALLY don't like the retiring part, Jack."

He rolled his eyes. "Sam, we've talked about this. And talked and talked and talked . . ."

"I just want you to retire for YOUR reasons, because you want to, not because I screwed up."

"Stop doing that."

"What?"

"Stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?"

"That thing you're doing with your tongue there."

"You're changing the subject. You mean this?" She flicked her tongue into the center of the cream filled donut.

"Uh. Yeah. That."

She looked at him slyly, then scooped out some cream with one finger and licked it off slowly, and, seemingly, with great pleasure.

"Sam . . ."

"I'm just eating a donut."

"You're giving me a hard-on."

"Donuts give you hard-ons?"

"Shut up. And yes. And stop it."

"Pervert. Any other desserts make you horny? Pudding? Pineapple upside down cake? Twinkies?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Just donuts."

"Why just donuts?"

"Donuts have HOLES," he said, leering.

She made a face. "You can be so disgusting sometimes."

"That's why you married me, ain't it?"

"Yep."

He grinned and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. She turned into him and kissed him more thoroughly, tongue darting between his lips. He pulled back and eyed her warily.

She laughed. "I don't think I'll puke EVERY time you kiss me."

"Thank God." He nuzzled her neck.

"Mmm. Maybe I'll have to help you out with your donut problem later."

His eyebrows shot up.

"Well, the rest of me might not be cooperating, but my hands still work."

"Oh, boy!" he said excitedly, panting heavily in her ear. "I haven't had a hand job since I was 17!" He paused. "Well, that's if you don't count the hand jobs I've given myself."

Snort. "Knock it off. Best I can do under the current circumstances."

"Oh, I'm not complaining. Believe me, I am NOT complaining."

He got up and retrieved his cell phone from his jacket pocket. She looked at him in trepidation.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked.

"No."

"Me, neither. Let's do it."

"Sir? It's O'Neill. Sorry to bother you at home but . . . no, no, everything's fine, I just wanted to . . . yes, everything's goin' great, I . . . yes, I took care of that . . . sir . . . no, I haven't gotten around to that yet . . . yes, sir, I understand . . . okay . . . okay . . . okay . . . writing it all down as we speak . . . okay . . . anyway, sir, I called to tell you I'm retiring."

He held the phone away from his ear so she could hear Hammond laughing. She smiled, even though her nerves were frayed.

"No, sir, seriously . . . I know . . . well, I don't think I've said it THAT many times . . . yes, I'm serious this time . . . why?"

He looked at her and smiled slightly. "Because I've gotten married."

He waited. Silence.

"Sir? You there? Hello? George? . . . Oh, thought I'd lost you . . . what?"

He looked at her again, his eyes widening. "Yes, to Carter, how'd you know . . ."

He winced and held the phone as far away from him as he could get it. Sam could hear the bellowing from across the room. She hid her face in her hands.

Jack tentatively brought the phone back to his ear. "Sir . . . yes . . . I know I'm an idiot . . . sir . . . sir . . . sir, I'm sorry that . . . moron, yes, sir . . . I realize the position this puts you in . . . yes, sir . . . yes, sir . . . yes, sir . . .yes, sir . . . yes, sir . . . stupid idiot moron, I understand, sir . . . I . . . I . . . I . . . right . . . sir? . . . yes, sir . . . what? Yeah, she's right here."

He looked up at her and she backed away in horror.

"Sir? Yes . . . all right . . . just a sec."

He held the phone to his chest. "He says to tell you you're in big trouble and congratulations."

She didn't know whether to laugh, cry or puke. Maybe some combination of the three.

He returned his attention to Hammond. "Yes, sir . . . yes, sir . . . yes, sir . . . what? . . . all right, we'll be . . . hello? Hello?"

He stared at the phone and sighed, then clicked end.

"Well, that went well!" he said, smiling brightly.

"Ugh. What'd he say, besides all the name calling?"

"Well, he called me more names, there was some stuff about the regs, a few choice words about my mother, which I thought was a bit unnecessary, that he'd do what he could for us but only God knows why he should even bother, and that he'll be here on Saturday and are we registered anywhere."

Her jaw dropped. "Is that good or bad? And I didn't even think about getting registered."

"Well, he's pretty damn pissed, but, all in all, I think he'll come down on our side. He always does."

"Maybe we SHOULD get registered. At Williams-Sonoma!"

He got up and slid his arms around her waist. "Yeah! Who cares about a court-martial when you've got the best cookware EVER!"

"Yeah!" And in spite of herself she was laughing, hard.

He grinned. "What's so damned funny?"

"He said things about your MOTHER?" She could barely get the words out.

"Well, his exact words were "Jack O'Neill, I've always known you were one stupid motherfucker.'"

"No!"

"Yep."

She doubled over, she was laughing so hard.

"I don't see why this is so funny. He didn't call YOU any names."

She was wiping away tears. "He likes me better."

"Everybody does," he said, kissing her on the forehead.

She sighed. "Well, that's one obstacle out of the way."

"Yeah, well, we'll have to wait and see what he has in store for us when he gets in this weekend."

"More yelling."

"Probably. And this time, you'll get to enjoy it with me!"

"Oh, boy. Yippee," she said glumly.

He held her tightly, pressing his face into her neck. "It'll be all right. It'll be more than all right," he whispered.

She leaned into him heavily. "I'm going to have a baby," she said, as if it had just occurred to her.

He smiled against her skin. "I know. As a matter of fact, you're going to have MY baby."

"Wow."

"You can say that again."

"And I'm MARRIED. I'm a WIFE. I have a HUSBAND."

"Check, check and that'd be me."

She looked up at him. Her eyes were wide. "This is WEIRD."

"What?"

"Well, weird in a good way, but . . . WEIRD."

"Are you on something? Why are you talking in CapsLock?"

"Just trying to take it all in, I guess."

"It did kinda happen all of a sudden, didn't it?"

"Yeah."

"It IS a little weird."

She flung her arms around his neck. "Kiss me, you donut loving weirdo."

"Gladly. Those hands still ready for action?"

"Kiss me and let's see," she whispered.

The headily anticipated hand job did not occur, however, as the hands involved were clutching a pillow and the person to whom they were attached was softly snoring, having fallen asleep before she even touched the bed.

Jack sighed, a bit disappointed. He ignored the parts of him that were still at attention and watched her. She looked awfully tired. He'd tried to get her to go ahead and take leave, but she refused. She wasn't going to leave the SGC until she knew everything was under control. Considering her high standards, the kid would probably be in college by then.

He felt a little sorry for Siler. He felt a LOT sorry for Siler.

He looked at the clock and decided to turn in, as well. If the past three nights were any indication, he'd be up and driving about town looking for donuts around 2 a.m.

He kissed her lightly and turned off the light.

Poke.

"Jack?"

Poke, poke.

"Jack."

Harder poke.

"Jack!"

He was up and had his keys in hand before he was even awake. He stared at the floor, bleary-eyed, looking for his shoes.

"What are you doing?"

He looked at her, wincing at the light from the lamp on the nightstand.

"Donuts?"

"No."

"No?"

"Deviled eggs."

"Deviled eggs?"

"Lots of mustard. Matter of fact, ALL mustard."

"Mustard?"

"Jack, wake up."

"I am, I am."

"I would like some deviled eggs, all mustard," she said, adding the word please as sort of an afterthought.

"Deviled eggs, all mustard."

"Please."

"Got it."

"Thank you."

"Welcome."

"Do you know how to make deviled eggs?"

"Of course. Everybody knows how to make deviled eggs."

He found himself staring at a pan of boiling water, cookbook close at hand.

Deviled eggs with all mustard. He wondered absently what this would mean for the general atmosphere of the bedroom later on.