"Circles"
Chapter 9
"YOU BOUGHT A HOUSE WITHOUT TELLING ME??"
"No need to yell. You've been hanging around Lin too long."
"You bought a house without telling me??"
"I had to. You were off-world, it wasn't like I could call you. Anyway, they were about to accept an offer from another couple and I swooped down and outbid them." She beamed, proud of herself. Sam O'Neill, real estate magnate.
"I have a new house that I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN?"
"Yep."
He covered his face with his hands. He guessed he knew who wore the pants in this family.
"Jack, trust me. You'll love it. It's perfect."
He glared.
Yeesh, she thought. Grouchy Jack. Grouchy Jack was NO fun when he actually had good reason to be grouchy. What Sam O'Neill, real estate magnate, needed was a good distraction.
"Uh, would you like a back rub? A beer? Oral fun? Anything?" she offered.
His eyes were boring holes into her skull. "Oh, no, you're not getting out of this THAT easily!"
"Jack, it has a hot tub."
Silence.
"AND a Jacuzzi tub in the master bath."
Silence.
"And a wet bar in the rockin' rumpus room."
Silence.
"Well . . ."
She smiled. "It really is perfect. I swear."
And, of course, it was. How could it not be?
It was two stories, had five bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a rumpus room that RAWKED. And it cost a fortune. Good thing they were getting all those huge bonuses for saving the world all the time.
Jack added his name to the contract Sam had already signed, and the ungainly lopsided process called 'closing' began.
He stood in the middle of the living room, trying to take it all in. Soon this huge, kick-ass house would be his. And Sam's. With a baby in it.
Whoa.
"Well?" said Sam, coming in from the kitchen. "What do you think?"
"I am NOT mowing that huge lawn," he said, still sulking.
"We'll hire someone."
"And I am NOT taking care of the pool."
"Fine. We'll get a pool boy. I've always wanted a pool boy." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
He glared, then sighed. "You were right. It's perfect."
"You don't sound too happy about it."
"Oh, I'm happy about the house. I just hate it when you're right." He glared.
She grinned. She knew just how he felt.
She went back to work a week later, happily getting caught up, reading mission reports, continuing her work with Siler, and getting a front row seat to the ongoing Daniel vs. Lin Travelin' Idiots Show.
Jack hadn't exaggerated. They fought a LOT, and not just over work-related stuff, but stupid stuff. Incredibly stupid stuff.
"Dr. Jackson, you should use blue ink instead of black when you're taking notes."
"I'll use whatever color ink I like, thank you."
"Blue is easier to read."
"I like black."
"You should use blue."
"Let me get this straight. You're ordering me what color ink I should use on my own personal notes that my own personal self will be reading."
"Not ordering. Just suggesting."
"Lin, I suggest you go fu- . . ."
"Daniel . . ." This from Jack.
"Dr. Jackson, just use blue."
She threw a pen, blue ink, across the table and hit him in the head.
"Dammit, Lin, just let me take the notes!"
"Don't curse at me, Dr. Jackson."
"Then get off my back, Major Lin."
"Blue is better."
"For God's sake!"
Weary sigh. "Shut up, kids." This from Jack.
"Dr. Jackson, you're putting too much coffee in the coffeemaker."
Gritted teeth. "This is the way I ALWAYS make it."
"Too strong. Nobody will be able to drink it."
"Everybody's BEEN drinking it!"
"It's unhealthy."
"Being in your general vicinity is unhealthy."
"No need to be rude! I'm just trying help!"
"Go help somebody else. Like the Goa'uld."
Gasp. "There's no call for that, Dr. Jackson!"
Weary sigh. "Shut up, kids." This from Jack.
"Man, you weren't kidding," Sam said, leaning back against Jack as they sat on the couch.
"Nope."
"I've never seen Daniel get so riled up. And over ink."
"Not just ink. Coffee. Politics. The Rolling Stones. Geology. Chaos theory. The Beatles. Cats versus dogs. The food in the commissary. Rocks."
"Rocks?"
"They fought for half an hour over what color a rock was. Brown or sepia."
She laughed. "Oh, for God's sake! Must be true love."
"And it wasn't even an important rock, just some rock Daniel picked up to look at, although I wonder if he might not have been thinking of throwing it at her. And he keeps calling her tiny. She hates that."
"What are you going to do about it?"
"I have NO idea. I yell, they shut up for five minutes, then it starts all over again."
"You'll figure out something."
Sigh. "I hope so."
Poke, poke, poke.
"Mrs. O'Neill, I'm a bit tired . . . eeeeeeeeeek!"
She was in the lab when it happened.
She paid no attention to it at first; her body from the neck down had become all-new terrain and she never knew quite what to expect of it.
But it kept happening; an insistent, squirming nudge low in her belly.
She gasped when she realized what it was.
Siler and Lin looked at her oddly as she stood there with one hand shoved down the front of her pants.
She could feel it.
It was creepy. It was scary. It was WEIRD.
It was beautiful.
She turned to Lin and Siler and grinned. "I'll be right back!"
They looked at each other as she rushed out of the lab, Lin puzzled, Siler smiling slightly.
"What was that all about?" Lin asked.
"The baby moved."
Siler was a lot smarter than he looked.
Sam rushed up to Jack's office, the grin on her face almost maniacal. He was at his desk, staring up at her as she hopped up and down.
"Jack! Jackjackjackjackjackjack!"
"What? Whatwhatwhatwhatwhat?"
"Come here! HURRY!"
He got up and moved to stand next to her. "Are you okay? Why are you shoving my hand down . . ."
He was silent. For a long time.
She watched his face carefully. "Can you feel it?" she whispered.
"Yes. Oh, my God," he said softly.
They looked at each other, eyes wide; both stunned, overwhelmed, overjoyed, and scared shitless. This, somehow, made it more real. And more frightening.
He held her tight. "Wow."
"I know," she said, smiling, wiping away tears on her shirt sleeve.
"Jack, I got that report . . . oops. Am I interrupting something?" Daniel stood at the doorway of Jack's office.
"No, no! Daniel, come here!" Sam said.
He did so, looking at her uneasily. "Sam, you okay?"
She grabbed his hand and shoved his fingers down the front of her pants. His eyebrows shot up. "Sam, I thought we agreed, not in front of the old man . . . OW!"
Jack had reached around Sam to smack him on the back of the head.
"Shhh, just be quiet," she said. "Can you feel it?"
He didn't, at first; but when he did it brought him to his knees.
He pressed the side of his face against Sam's belly and imagined. He imagined that he could hear, see, even feel the life that should have been his. Memories buffeted him, and they all hurt. Memories of losing Sha're, of watching her die. Memories of the happiest he had ever been, with Sha're, on Abydos, before Apophis; their plans for a huge family, of living together and dying together, their children and grandchildren surrounding them.
The most treasured memories are those that are the most painful, sometimes.
Sam and Jack looked at one another over Daniel's head, puzzled. Then he stood abruptly and they could see that he, too, was crying. From grief.
He rushed out of the room.
"Oh, God," Sam said as comprehension dawned. "Jack, of all the thoughtless . . ."
"Don't worry," he said. "I've got this one."
He found Daniel hunkered down against a wall in his office, head resting on his knees.
He knelt before him and reached out, taking Daniel's hands. Sam stood at the doorway, watching
"Daniel," he said softly. "Look at me."
He did. "Jack, I'm sorry, I'm really happy for you guys . . . it's that . . . I've just been so . . . lonely for so long . . ." He was trying his damnedest not to look as vulnerable as he felt and was failing miserably.
"Shh, stop it. It's okay, we understand."
"It's just that . . . you never really get over it, when dreams die."
"I know."
Daniel looked at him, glasses off, eyes still bright with tears. "Yeah, I guess you do, don't you. You know that better than anyone."
Jack was silent for a moment. "You're right. You never really get over it." He paused. "But sometimes, you get a second chance."
Daniel waited.
"See, Daniel, life's like this. It's like a carousel, going in circles. And when things turn to shit the first time around, like they did for you and for me, you get another go around. A chance to try for the brass ring again. I know it sounds trite and clichéd . . ."
Daniel nodded and Jack smiled and smacked him again, but much more gently this time.
"But look at me. I never, ever expected to feel this good. Ever. I thought any chance at happiness I'd had had died . . . when Charlie died. But, now, here I am; married, baby on the way."
He reached out and brushed away the tears streaming down Daniel's cheeks. At the doorway, Sam brushed away her own.
"I guess what I'm trying to say, Daniel, is that if an old son of a bitch like me can be this happy in spite of all the odds," he said. "Then someone as sweet and sensitive and . . ."
"Hot," Sam interjected, grinning. Daniel blushed but smiled.
". . .and . . . hot, apparently, as you are is bound to get another shot at happiness. You've got the best karma of anyone I know. You will be happy again."
"You can't promise me that."
"I just did."
Daniel sighed, then smiled faintly. "Will I have to wait until I'm as old as you are?"
Jack grabbed his hands again and hauled him to his feet before smacking him again.
"You're turning awfully smart-assy," said Jack. "Been hanging around me too long."
He put a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "You gonna be okay?"
Daniel wiped his face on his sleeve. "Yeah, yeah. Thanks."
Jack hauled him into his arms, hugging him briefly.
"And you say I'M the one who's gone all touchy-feely?" Sam asked, smiling at Jack.
"Your hormones are rubbing off on me," Jack said. "Literally."
Sam walked toward Daniel and hugged him tightly, then started whispering in his ear. Jack couldn't hear it, but whatever it was it was making Daniel's eyes pop out of his head.
"What?? You've gotta be kidding me! I hate her, she hates me . . ."
Sam shrugged. "Whatever you say."
"I mean, seriously, I cannot STAND her!"
"Fine."
"She is the most annoying woman on the face of this or any other planet!"
"I believe you."
"I hate her!"
"So you've said."
"So . . . just get that thought out of your head!"
"Will do."
"And don't say anything to her about your crazy ideas!" His tone hinted that maybe he wouldn't mind THAT much if Sam said something about her crazy ideas.
"Oh, won't say a word. I swear."
"Fine, then." He sounded a little disappointed. Sam knew what she had to do.
Teal'c appeared in the doorway. "Is everything all right?"
Sam spun around.
"Hey, Teal'c! Come over here and shove your hand down my pants!"
"Boy or girl?" he asked.
"Oh, it's a boy."
"I think it's a girl."
"And how would you know?"
"Manly intuition."
Snort. "Names?"
"Danielle?"
"We can't name him after just one – we'd have to name him after everybody."
"Her. How about Danielle Teal'caletta Georgia Thorlana O'Neill?"
"THAT'D go over great in middle school."
"Maybe it's twins. A girl and a boy. We'll name the girl Jackie and the boy Sam!"
"Oh, ewww. That would be just too cute and contrived."
"Contrived?"
"Just trust me on that one."
"The musical."
"No, 'The Body!'"
Sam slid into the chair next to Jack. "Now what?" she whispered.
He sighed. "Which episode of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' was the best."
Sam hid a giggle behind her hand.
"Dr. Jackson, you are so . . . Xander!"
"What are you, 12, Anya?"
"I am NOT like Anya!" Lin said, sounding very much like Anya and stamping one foot in a very Anya-like manner.
"Did you just stamp your foot? Like a racehorse? Like a TINY racehorse?"
"I am NOT TINY! I'M PETITE!"
"Whatever you say, Tiny."
Weary sigh. "Shut up, kids." This from Jack.
"Hey, Lin, are you seeing anyone right now?"
"You're not propositioning me, are you, Colonel? What will Gen. O'Neill think?"
Sam stared, then laughed. A joke. Lin had just made a joke. Progress!
"I was just thinking, you know, Daniel's not seeing anyone right now . . ."
"DR. JACKSON? HA!"
"Not interested, I take it?"
"No. Not at all."
"Ah. Forget I said anything."
"He's insufferable."
"Oh, he's all right."
"Impossible to work with."
"If you say so."
"Completely close-minded."
"I see."
"No wonder he's single."
"Mmm."
"You did say he's single, right?"
"Yep."
"No wonder." Lin sniffed haughtily.
Outwardly Sam was working hard but inwardly she was rolling on the ground, laughing her ass off.
Jack was preoccupied. Anxious. Scared. And he felt guilty. Feeling the movements of the baby had thrilled him, but it also resurrected a lot of those old ghosts.
He hadn't lied during his conversation with Daniel; he was happier than he'd ever been in his life.
And that was exactly the problem.
Did he deserve all this? Somehow, he didn't think he did. And being so happy about this baby . . . was it wrong, after what had happened to Charlie? He felt, sometimes, that he was cheating on Charlie in some way, or trying to replace him.
Teal'c found him in the training room, sitting on a bench, head in his hands.
He sat down next to him. "O'Neill."
"Uh, hey, Teal'c," he said tiredly.
Silence.
"You are concerned about something."
Jack stared at the floor. "Yeah. Kind of."
Silence.
"O'Neill . . . I know what it is like to have a son. I know what it is like to fear for your son. But I do not know what it is like to lose your son. I can imagine it, but I cannot know it."
Jack nodded, staring off into the distance at something only he could see.
Again, Teal'c was silent. It wasn't his intention to offer unwanted advice, but he could tell O'Neill was punishing himself about this child. O'Neill was strong; a warrior; and a hero, and heroes tended to take responsibility for the world and then shoulder all the guilt that came with it.
"As I said, I can only imagine what losing a son so tragically must feel like. And I can only imagine the conflict having another child must cause."
"A lot," Jack sighed.
Teal'c bowed his head. "It appears to me that there IS one person who may have some idea of what you are going through."
"Sarah." He'd been thinking of Sarah a lot lately, actually.
"You told me that Sarah had remarried and adopted a child."
"Uh, yeah. A girl."
"The rest of us might want to help you, might try to help you; but I believe that she is the only one who actually can, since she experienced the same loss that you did."
"You think I should talk to her."
"I think you should do what you think is best for your family."
Jack nodded and was quiet for a while. Then he stood and clapped a hand on Teal'c's shoulder. "Thank you," he said quietly, not quite meeting his eyes, and headed off to the locker room.
Teal'c watched him go, wondering if O'Neill would ever let himself or his soul rest.
"Hey, Sam . . ."
Sam looked up. "Hey, Daniel. Need something?"
Daniel wasn't looking at her, she noticed, he was looking at Lin, who had decided at that precise moment to stretch and arch her back, showing off her chest to its best advantage. She turned back to Daniel, who was now standing with his arms crossed and flexing those biceps for all he was worth.
Oh, God, she thought, trying her damnedest not to giggle. I have got to get out of here before I lose it. Her gaze flicked over to Siler, who was hiding his face in hands and LAUGHING, hard.
Siler was a lot smarter than he looked.
A snort escaped before she could stop it but neither of them noticed. They were too busy glaring, flexing and arching.
Sam straightened up. "Uh, Daniel. Did you need something?"
He looked at her, startled, as if he'd forgotten she was there. "Uh . . . yes . . . but I seem to have forgotten what it was." He flushed.
Sam tried to avoid looking at Siler, who was silently laughing so hard it looked like he was having a seizure.
"Oh, well. Come back when you remember?"
"Right. Right." He turned on his heel and left the lab.
"If you'll excuse me, I'll be right back," Lin said, grabbing a stack of papers and following him.
If either one of them heard the sound of howling hyenas coming from the lab, they pretended they hadn't.
"Dr. Jackson, I've come to discuss your translations of these . . ."
"Don't even start. They're perfect."
"They're NOT."
"They are. I know what I'm doing, Lin."
"Your syntax is wrong."
"No, it's not."
"Your translation of this particular symbol is incorrect."
"Get out of here, Tiny."
"Your work needs clarification! AND DON'T CALL ME TINY!"
"No, it doesn't. Shut up and go away."
"I will NOT shut up!"
"Then go away, at least."
"Dr. Jackson, I'm trying to HELP . . ."
"I DON'T NEED ANY HELP! I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS!"
"ARE YOU SAYING YOU HAVEN'T MADE ONE MISTAKE? EVER?"
"WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT I DON'T NEED YOU 'HELPING' ME!"
"QUIT SHOUTING!"
"YOU QUIT SHOUTING!" he shouted, and flung the stone tablet he'd been translating against the wall, where it shattered into a million and one pieces.
"Now look what you made me do! A priceless alien artifact! And YOU made be break it!"
"Pfffffffffft! I didn't make you do anything! And I know a replica when I see it!"
Ah. She had him there. And it just pissed him off even more.
"Get out, Lin! NOW!"
"You are unbelievably unprofessional!"
"For someone so tiny you are an unbelievably huge pain in the ass!"
"I am NOT TINY! I'M PETITE! And YOU are driving me insane!"
"THE FEELING IS MUTUAL!"
"I CAN'T STAND TO BE ON THE SAME PLANET AS YOU!"
"THERE'S A STARGATE OUT THERE! YOU'RE WELCOME TO USE IT!"
She growled in frustration and threw the sheath of papers she was holding at him. He stood glaring as a snowdrift of paperwork piled around his feet.
"DAMMIT, LIN! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO DINNER?"
"YES!"
"I'LL PICK YOU UP AT EIGHT!"
"NO, 7:30!"
"EIGHT!"
"7:30!"
"EIGHT!"
He picked her up at 7:30.
This is ridiculous, he thought on the drive to her apartment. They hated each other. They could barely even work together. She drove him nuts, made him yell, made him say things he'd never thought he'd say. And now they were going on a DATE?
Lin looked at herself in the mirror. This would never work. Not only was he a co-worker, but they didn't even like each other. How had this happened? He yelled whenever she was around. Everyone seemed to yell when she was around. She stared at her reflection gloomily. Maybe she was a lot more like Anya than she thought.
"Lin and Daniel are going out tonight."
Grunt. "I feel sorry for their waiter."
Sam looked up at him. "Are you all right? You seem distracted."
"Just tired. Someone's been keeping me up all night."
"Oh. Sorry."
"Don't worry about it." He leaned down and kissed her.
She pulled away, putting one hand to his face. "Are you sure you're okay?"
He kissed her again, trying to distract them both from the thoughts that were weighing him down.
In the car they fought over radio stations. At the restaurant they fought over what wine to choose. She told him what to eat and how to eat it. He started to tell her to go fuck herself but couldn't bring himself to do it, because he just didn't say things like that, so instead he told her to go to hell. She told him he was an asshole, shocked at herself. She never cursed. The wine, however, was flowing, and although this meant the volume of the bickering went up to 11, it also meant that there were actual brief periods of conversation and, even, laughter.
They left the restaurant and hopped into his car, fought again over the radio. She told him how to drive and the quickest way to get home. He told her to shut up and quit messing around with the radio. She told him to put on his seatbelt. He told her he had a gun under his seat and wasn't afraid to use it. She asked if it was loaded. He coughed and said no. She laughed.
He pulled over.
She told him that he shouldn't park here, then she shut up, because he was mashing his lips all over hers.
He pulled back, staring at her.
"Daniel, you need to . . ."
"Don't tell me what to do," he said, and kissed her again, much more thoroughly this time and with great finesse. She had no idea it was possible to use one's tongue in such a way.
He pulled away again, reluctantly.
"Daniel, I'm trying to tell you to . . ."
"Don't. Tell. Me. What. To. Do." He kissed her again, and this time there was some touchy-feely involved.
He pulled away yet again, eyes almost black with desire, both of them breathing heavily.
"Daniel . . ."
More kissing, more touch-feely and very enthusiastic responses on both sides. By the time they came up for air they were both halfway out of their clothes and she was straddling his lap and his hand was up her skirt.
She pulled away, leaping back into the passenger seat, panting.
"No!" he howled, reaching for her. "More!"
"Daniel, no," she said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let it get that far."
He watched her closely. Damn. She meant it. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the headrest, breathing deeply, trying to calm his very excited body down.
"I'm sorry," she said again. "It's just that I . . . don't like to rush into things."
He nodded, eyes still closed.
"Dr. Jackson," she said.
He opened his eyes and turned to look at her.
"I was trying to say, earlier, that I'd like to go out again," she said bashfully. "But you kept kissing me."
He grinned. He couldn't help it. She was awfully cute when she was embarrassed. And then he couldn't believe he actually thought such a thing. About Lin. Huh.
He took her hand and kissed it. "Tiny hands," he said deliberately, and swooped in to kiss her briefly when she started to complain.
"Friday night?" he asked.
"Friday night," she said.
He smiled at her, then started up the car to take her home.
Jack sat on the back deck of the house that was now his, staring at his cell phone. Behind him, inside the house, Sam was directing the movers and generally having a ball.
Finally, he dialed.
"Sarah? It's me."