My Dearest Pallas,

Why is it the words we most want to say are the ones spoken into the past?

It has been one full year since I lost you, but who can count the days when all I can see is your face smiling at me? Even though I've grown a lot since then and things have become very different in the world. The night seems longer, but the fire is warmer. Do you know what I mean? Sorry, I guess I'm rambling.

I'm still traveling with Orphen. Things between us have gotten so - I can't even explain it and I guess you wouldn't want to hear about that kind of thing. Or maybe you're the only person who can truly understand the workings of my heart. That's what makes it so difficult, I think. Despite the things I feel for Orphen and the nights we've spent together, I can always picture you in my mind so clearly when the room is dark and the fire seems so far away. I get so cold, but your smile still warms me, Pallas. I could never ask Orphen, but I've often wondered if I've ever whispered your name into the darkness instead of his. It was only a matter of days that you and I were together but those few days made me happier than I could remember.

I'll never really know why you left that night, when the cool night air was blowing in your window but you held me tight, like you were defending me from some terrible shadow. I can still remember the feeling of your hand over my skin, the way it made me shiver and melt into the very sheets. I would have done anything you wanted that night. Why did you leave me, Pallas? Was it something I did? Was it something I said? I've tried to figure it out every night for a year and I just can't understand why you left without a word and then went on to do such horrible things. The only reason I can think of is the sword was already affecting you. Orphen told me the entire story and why you did those terrible things. Was it that sword - the sword that clouded your mind and took you away from me? Did it make you leave me alone and frightened? Why aren't you here to answer me?

I know I'll never know for sure what happened, but it's okay. Since I know you loved me, it's okay. You could have killed Orphen or Majic or even me, but you didn't and I know why. Because of that, I can live with the fact that the Pallas that I fell in love with is the same Pallas that cut that armor from his wrist and let himself be stopped. I don't blame Orphen for your death. Only a great man like you could have mastered a cursed sword as long as you did and done such wonderful things with a dark relic.

I guess I can tell you really quick what this place has become. People come from all over to see the resting place of the Rune Fighter of Balloria and the famous sword that guards his tomb. No one but us knows the real story, but it makes me smile to hear everyone talking about how great you were and the things you did. The secret of the Salt Abbey sword will go to the grave with all those who know it. And the sword itself will never be used again. Every year they try and pull the sword from the stone but no one has even been able to touch it, much less pull it out. Even after you died, you made the world a better place.

I've wanted to come back here many times, but I could never bring myself to do it. I guess after one year I'm strong enough to face the fact that I will never be able to love you like I want to or have you love me. The things I felt for you were so confusing that I don't know how my life would be if you were still here, but I guess we'll never know what could have been, will we? I'm writing this letter to you to say the things I've wanted to say for a year but never had the courage or time to say them.

Maybe that's why words are pure in a letter - why they come unhindered from the soul and right to the heart of things. Maybe I could have never said these things to you in person. I guess I'll have to settle with leaving this letter here for you to read, so you really understand what you meant to me and how much I miss your smile. This letter is my penance to you for whatever I did to make you go.

I'm going now. Orphen still has somewhere to go and I have to go with him, because I really do love him, Pallas. The last year has taught me that. I won't come back here again, but I will just cherish my memories with you. And when I'm lying alone in the night, when the stone walls are cold and the shadows are moving in the dark all around me, I'll just close me eyes and you'll come out of the night, your eyes open and your smile brightening the stars...and you'll save me from all of the things that frighten me.

My love for you always,

Cleo