Chapter One - Every Time you Misspell a Name, a Mini Psycho Witch is Born

Karen awoke the next morning, feeling refreshed, but extremely hungry. Only then did it occur to her that she hadn't eaten any dinner, and had left her half-finished snack on the table. It was probably attracting flies, ants, and who knows what else. She went into the dining room and cleaned up. She was going to have some breakfast, when she heard a loud bang on the door.

She had almost forgotten her dream. Almost. That bang on the door had brought the memories rushing back. "Hold on!" she shouted, realizing that she was still clad in pink with bunnies and carrots. She hurriedly dressed, not paying much attention to what she was putting on or in what direction it was.

She ran to the door and opened it. Kevin's fist was poised to bang on the door again. It was only then that she noticed he was wearing black leather gloves. His attire had also changed from what he was wearing previously. That shouldn't have surprised her. Instead of a black Chinese silk shirt, the one he was wearing was maroon. Other than that, it was the same.

Jess smiled brightly. "We brought coffee and doughnuts," she said, sounding somewhat mischievous. It was only then that Karen realized that she had written a fanfic about Robin, Michael, and coffee and doughnuts. Karen took it that Jess was an Amon/Robin shipper.

She let the pair in, slowly realizing that what happened yesterday was no dream. No, it was painfully real. Her arm, which had sprouted a bruise, attested to that. Jess set the doughnuts on the table, looking around Karen's quaint apartment.

"With the way your spelling and grammar looks, I can hardly believe that you're really a college student," she remarked. Karen's cheeks burned hotly. She took a bite of her glazed doughnut in order to avoid having to say something. Had Jess read her fanfics? She mentally kicked herself. Of course she had! How would she have known about her abysmal spelling and worse grammar? How would she have known about the coffee and doughnuts? Then again, that could have been a coincidence. Maybe Jess and Kevin just liked having coffee and doughnuts for breakfast.

Between the three of them, they ate all one dozen doughnuts. They had also drank all of their twenty ounces of coffee, in relative silence. Jess looked rather smug for some reason though. Karen didn't know why, nor was she sure she wanted to.

Kevin stood and put his sexy black leather gloves back on. "Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yep," Jess said, sounding chipper.

Karen followed the two outside like a cow to the slaughter. She let Kevin open her door for her, and he was even kind enough to help her into the large black SUV. Jess had opened her own door and climbed in herself. Karen was sure she wouldn't have let Kevin open her door for her, or help her inside. She seemed like the independent type.

Kevin started up the black SUV with a mighty roar from its V10 engine. With that, they were on their way.

---

Karen must have fallen asleep. When she opened her eyes, she felt groggy. She looked out the window. They were driving through the country side. Everywhere she looked, there were verdant rolling hills and the endless expanse of blue sky. She had never seen anything like it. She looked forward and noticed that they were approaching what appeared to be a very large castle.

"Welcome to SFU," Kevin said. Karen gawked.

"It's...more beautiful than I had expected," she said.

"SOLOMON likes to hide behind beauty," Jess said, not looking back. "It hides its true nature." Karen was sure there had to be an evil grin on the red-headed hunter's face. She sighed.

As they approached, she saw what had to be the staff parking lot. There were a multitude of black cars in all shapes and sizes. Except for one bright red car. It looked suspiciously like Doujima's. Parked next to it was a car that was unmistakably Amon's, and parked next to that was...Karen blinked. A Vespa. Robin's Vespa. Her brain hurt. She looked around and found what she was looking for. Sakaki's motorcycle parked on the sidewalk next to...she sweatdropped. The handicap parking.

Kevin pulled into a space near the back, complaining that he wasn't important enough to get a space near the front. Jess was patting his arm comfortingly. Karen wasn't sure of what to expect once she got inside, nor was she certain she wanted to know. She realized that there were suddenly a lot of things she didn't want to know.

Kevin opened her door for her and helped her out. He was incredibly nice for a hunter. What was that she saw in his eyes? Pity? Shit, she thought. Kevin lead her inside. Jess was whistling merrily. Karen could only guess that Jess was going to enjoy what was about to happen.

That was when Karen caught her first glimpse of Amon. The dark hunter swept by, his coat billowing after him like he was followed a perpetual breeze. His hair was blowing mysteriously. Karen realized belatedly that she and several other girls were coating the floor in drool. Jess merely rolled her eyes. Karen looked around. Seems Amon disappeared shortly after she had begun her lusting. She pouted in sudden extreme disappointment.

She suddenly looked up at Kevin. A thought had just entered her mind, and surprisingly enough, it had nothing to do with lusting after Amon. "Kevin," she said to get the hunter's attention. He looked down at her. "Why do you and Jess wear Orbo necklaces?" she asked.

Kevin fingered his Orbo pendent. "It protects us," he said, "from badfic authors." Karen tripped. She should have known. "Yes, the Orbo in our guns is specially designed to incapacitate badfic authors," he said, anticipating her next question, "and no, we don't create Orbo from captured badfic authors." He smiled, but in no way was it friendly-looking. "That's what the Sues are for," he said.

"Sues?" Karen asked, completely befuddled.

"Yes, Sues," Jess said, entering the conversation forcefully. "As in Mary Sues. The bane of the badfics. You'll learn all about them during your stay here." She gave Karen a smile that was very much like the one that had touched Kevin's lips just a while ago, but hers had more malice behind it. Karen decided she didn't like that smile.

Finally, the trio reached the chapel. It was an extremely large chapel that seemed to be able to seat a couple hundred in the main section, and another hundred more in the balcony. Karen wondered how many students SFU normally got. Kevin directed her to sit down.

"Unfortunately, we have to leave you here," he said. "If you need anything, I'm your guidance counselor. The other members of the faculty said we'd be coddling the students if we had one, but I insisted, because I actually feel some sympathy for you lot." He looked back at Jess. "She's the course coordinator, but um . . . don't come to her if you have any problems. She tends to enjoy the suffering of the students." They walked away, and Karen could swear she heard Kevin mutter: "Even if she was one herself."

Karen sat nervously as the pew she was sitting in soon began to fill. She saw others, like herself, being escorted in by hunters, but where Jess and Kevin had joined the rest of the staff on the stand, the other hunters left after depositing their charges.

She was startled when she heard a loud bang. Like the rest of the students, her head turned toward the source. Nagira was striding in, and unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. Doujima was attached to his arm. Karen's mind reeled. Since when were Doujima and Nagira together? She was going to write a fanfic and him and Mika. She cringed. Even thinking about writing fanfic probably wasn't a good idea. She sighed.

Once the staff was situated (Karen noticed that Jess was sitting next to Amon), Father Juliano approached the pulpit. Karen noticed that a lot of the future students gathered in the chapel seemed rather confused by his presence. Okay, she might not be the best fanfic author by SOLOMON's standards, but at least she had troubled herself to watch the whole show before writing fanfic. Not that she didn't blatantly disregard canon, but that was beside the point.

Father Juliano regarded the group assembled before him critically. Karen thought his face looked like a gnarled tree branch or something and quietly sniggered. Juliano's eyes found her in the crowd, and it was then that she learned to never snigger at him again.

He cleared his voice. "Welcome, future students, to SOLOMON Fanfiction University," he said, gravely. His hawkish eyes scanned the congregation. For in fact, they did seem to be a congregation. After all, they were gathered in a chapel. "You have been informed by your hunters of the charges set against you, and Inquired by one of the school's Inquisitors," he continued. "You all know why you are here."

Everyone nodded silently.

"This school is meant to educate you on the proper application of writing skills to better you as writers. You may say 'I didn't sign up for this,' but you in fact, did." He held up the enrollment forms. Students looked amongst each other.

"Once you have completed your studies at this University, you will be given a license and will be authorized to continue writing fanfiction. You will be returned to the moment before your hunters took you to your Inquisitions, but I assure you, you will remember your time here." He gave them solid glare. "Classes are to begin next week. Until then, you will have the opportunity to settle into your rooms and get acquainted with your roommates. Should you need anything, Kevin here," he said, indicating the black-haired hunter who stood and bowed, "will be your guidance counselor. You will be acquainted with the rest of the staff at dinner tonight."

With that said, Juliano dismissed them to find their room assignments at the tables set up at the back of the chapel. They were arranged alphabetically A-M, and N-Z. Karen got her room assignment and found that she was rooming with three other girls, Meg, Carla, and Susan. She went to the dorm building and found room 467.

Carla was already there, and had already claimed a bunk...for that's what they had to sleep on. Bunk beds. They were wooden and actually looked rather comfortable. Karen thought the beds might be the only comfort given to them at this place.

Carla had claimed a lower bunk, so Karen took the one above it, glad that they didn't need to fight over who got the top bunk. "I'm Karen," she introduced herself.

"I'm Carla," her roommate replied. She was tall and rather athletic with blonde hair and blue eyes. "What class are you?" she asked.

Karen blinked and tried to remember what she had written on her registration form. "Seed," she replied after a moment's thought. Carla shook her head in sympathy.

"I've heard rumors that classes here can be so traumatic, they can cause Seeds to awaken," she said. Karen feared. Not for the first time.

She and Carla were acquainted with Meg and Susan, and they spent some time talking. They discussed things like the kinds of fanfiction they wrote and their Inquisitions. It sounded like for the most part, Inquisitions were the same. They were told the charges against them and scared into submission by the Inquisitor.

They got to discussing who their Inquisitors were. When it was her turn, Karen said, "High Inquisitor Koushon." The other girls shook their heads sympathetically.

Suddenly, they heard squeals coming from the hallway. They poked their heads out to see Amon striding down the hall. Karen tried to suppress her drool reflex, but being in such proximity to him, she couldn't. It was okay because the other girls were also contributing to the river of drool...until they saw what was trailing behind Amon. They were small, about up to Amon's thighs. They wore spiked collars and Amon was leading them along. As they passed, they snapped at the fangirls. There were two of them. They were hideous little creatures, but Karen didn't know what the hell they were.

Amon looked at them through his curtain of silky black hair. "They're mini psycho witches," he said, answering the question they all must have been thinking about. He turned around to face them, bringing the mini psycho witches around so they could see them. "These ones are still in training," he said. They snarled at the girls. Amon pointed to one. "This is Kaki, and this," he pointed to the other, "is Katasuma."

The girls looked at each other. "Kaki and Katasuma?" Karen asked. Amon nodded.

"Every time you misspell a name, a mini psycho witch is born," he said, sounding like he was quoting something. With that, he turned on his heel, yanked on the mini psycho witches' chains, and walked off. The mini psycho witches slipped on the river of drool.

Karen and the girls went back into their room. "Oh my God," Carla enthused. "That was Amon."

Karen rolled her eyes. Honestly. "Yes, Carla, that was Amon," she said, patting her new friend on the shoulder. Carla looked at her like she had grown another head. "Yes, he's just as sexy in real life as he is on a TV screen, and no, I don't blame Robin for wanting to molest him," she said as she plopped down on the bed. "We're going to see him every day. Don't you think the novelty will wear off?"

The other girls shook their heads. Karen rolled her eyes again. "Don't you think that if Robin caught you eying her man, that she wouldn't hesitate to burn you?" The girls shook their heads again. They're in denial, she thought. Yes, she lusted after Amon, and yes, she was a stupid fangirl that had contributed quite a bit of the drool in the still-drying river of drool in the hallway, and no, she wouldn't hesitate to hop in bed and make sweet, sweet loving with him if given the opportunity, but that was the problem. She was sure she would never be presented with such an opportunity.

She was also sure she had learned her very first lesson at SOLOMON University: Casting yourself as a character in WHR and having Amon fall desperately and passionately in love with you would never work, because you would never be presented an opportunity by the real Amon to jump into bed and make sweet, sweet love.

After all, some guy that looked like Amon wasn't really Amon, and it was his brooding angst that she loved most about him.

So while she wouldn't participate in trying to stampede him, she would quietly lust and watch the other fangirls make complete fools of themselves.

---

Dinner was to be held in the Great Hall. When Karen stepped inside, she could have sworn they had suddenly been transported to Hogwarts. (Yes, she was also a Harry Potter fan.) There were four long tables situated in the large rooms, but instead of floating candles, there were torches in brackets along the walls. In the front of the room, there was a long staff table, where the members of the staff were already seated. Father Juliano was in the center chair. Amon was sitting to his right with Jess sitting beside him. Robin was on his left with Kevin sitting beside her. Karen wondered how they had gotten so lucky.

She saw many familiar (and not so familiar) faces at the table. Doujima was engaged in conversation with Jess. Nagira was sitting beside her, listening to them. There was also Zaizen, who was chatting with High Inquisitor Koushon. Karasuma and Sakaki were also there, as was Michael.

It hit Karen again that the members of the STN-J were indeed very real, and all of them were in the same room as her. She looked at her roommates, who were frozen on the spot, watching Amon, who was sipping some water from his glass. Karen nudged Carla hard in the ribs. "Let's grab a seat, okay?"

Everyone was making a scramble for the seats closest to the staff table. Karen again rolled her eyes, especially as several fangirls launched themselves at Amon. They were suddenly floating in the air before being unceremoniously dumped on the ground. Karen looked down and saw a mini psycho witch standing protectively in front of the table. Jess tossed him some bacon, which it snagged in its mouth midair. It scrambled under the table next to Jess' foot and ate it.

Karen should have figured that mini psycho witches had powers. She vaguely wondered what that one's name was. Amon had mentioned that Kaki and Katasuma were in training, and that psycho witch wasn't on a leash. She watched Jess lean over and affectionately pat the mini psycho witch's head.

Father Juliano stood and gently tapped his goblet to get everyone's attention. "Before we eat, I would like to start with a few notices. First of all, upon returning to your dormitories tonight, you will find a list of things to avoid in your writing. If you commit any of the sins therein, you must Confess."

The students looked at each other quizzically. What, are we Catholics now? She wondered. Yes, her brain answered. Yes we are. It was about that time that she remembered that they were at a university sponsored by SOLOMON. She suppressed the urge to start hitting her head on the table repeatedly.

"You will also note that the staff section is restricted to all students," he said, looking pointedly at most of the girls sitting in the front row. "In addition, the boys' dormitories are restricted to girls, and vice-versa." Karen could almost hear hopes being smashed as the words left Juliano's mouth.

The Father then went over the rules, which included witches not using their powers in the halls between classes. He also mentioned that there was a student store where students would be allowed to purchase anything they required. After all the announcements, they were allowed to dig in.

---

After dinner, Karen felt comfortably satiated. She and her new friends were chatting . . . more like they were talking about Amon and she was listening, throwing in a few comments here and there. When the object of their Lust walked by, Meg, seemingly having forgotten the demonstration at dinner, tried to glomp him . . . only to have a mini psycho witch glomp her.

"Ow," she muttered as she fell to the floor. The mini psycho witch was sitting on her back and nibbling on her skull. Amon walked on. Karen shook her head. Meg wrestled the mini psycho witch off of her. When it saw Jess, it, it bounded to her happily, leaving slobber in Meg's hair. Jess gave it bacon and patted its head. It happily followed her out of the Great Hall.

Karen decided she should leave too. There was a huge castle to explore before the week was up, and she was sure she'd want to know where her classes might be . . . or suffer the consequences.

As she walked through the halls, she passed several canon characters. She was starting to get used to their presence. It was odd, walking among the characters that she watched (or drooled over) on TV. The fact that they were anime characters now starkly real . . . she was surprised that she had gotten used to it so quickly.

She turned a corner, and saw Amon. He was completely alone. Not even the mini psycho witches were there (that she could see, anyway). She didn't know if she should risk it . . . and she had told herself that she was just going to lust from afar. She knew she couldn't possibly get him to love her, especially because she couldn't sit there and write him out of character.

As she was battling with her inner luster, she heard something that sounded vaguely like a battle-cry. "Amoooooon!!" Amon turned around. Karen wasn't sure exactly what happened, but a girl (Karen was sure her name was Raven . . . how original), was lying on her back with Amon staring down at her. A mini psycho witch popped its head between Amon's legs, tongue lolling out of its mouth.

"That's a good girl, Dojima," Jess cooed as she exited a room. In a flash, Dojima was sitting in front of Jess, looking like she (apparently) was begging for food. Jess gave her (it?) Something that looked like raw steak.

Karen gulped. She was glad she hadn't listened to her Inner Luster. Jess walked off with Dojima trailing after her. Amon looked at her--and nodded, before following Jess and Dojima. Karen fainted straight away.

---

When Karen came to, she found herself in a completely unfamiliar place, and she didn't quite remember what happened. The she remembered. Amon looking at her with what passed as a smile on his face. She almost fainted again, but was able to get a grip on herself.

"Are you okay?" a male voice asked. A familiar male voice. She looked to where Kevin was sitting beside her in a wooden chair. He held out a glass of water for her. She sat up and gratefully took it.

"Yeah, I'm okay," she replied, taking a drink and hoping she wasn't blushing. She was going to remember that forever. She would make sure of it.

"You gave Raven quite a fright. She ran to find a staff member. Fortunately, I was nearby. You've got a rather nasty bump on your head, but I'm sure you'll be alright," Kevin said, sitting back and crossing his legs.

"Is this your office?" she asked. Kevin nodded.

"I'm the only staff member who doesn't have an office inside the staff section. Incidentally, you weren't very far from the staff section."

"Really?" Karen asked.

Kevin nodded. "But I trust you not to use that information. You remember what Father Juliano said, don't you?" he asked, his voice sounding rather stern. Karen nodded. "Good." A smile returned to his face. "Besides, we have means of keeping students out, many of which involve the mini psycho witches and special wards."

Karen shuddered. "I'll gladly stay away from anything involving mini psycho witches," she said. She drank down the rest of the water and handed the glass back to Kevin. "I . . . wasn't out long, was I?" she asked, feeling rather embarrassed.

"No, not at all," Kevin replied. "Only about half an hour. I'll escort you back to your dorm if you'd like," he offered.

Karen stood. "Well, seeing as I don't have any idea of where we are, I'd like that," she replied. Kevin inclined his head toward the door, and Karen followed him out. The hallways were mostly deserted. The only living thing Karen saw were the mini psycho witches, out on patrol. "Umm . . . Amon said that mini psycho witches are born when you misspell a name," she said.

Kevin nodded. "One of the many effects badfics have on this university." He shook his head. "One of the tamer ones, I might add." Karen stared at him, not sure if she wanted to know, but knowing she would find out eventually. "They seem to have random Crafts, not related to the character that they sprang from, but from what we see, they tend to share personality traits with their canon counter-parts. Amoon broods about and is very protective of Robin . . . and Ribin."

Karen laughed. "Someone managed to misspell Robin?" Kevin nodded, joining in on the laughter.

"We've seen some very interesting and creative ways of spelling names," he said. "I'm glad I didn't see any creative spellings in your fics . . . but we're really going to have to do something about the slash."

"You've . . . read my fics, huh?" Karen asked, feeling her cheeks burning. With her new views on Amon, she was sure that if and when she returned home, she was going to delete that fic.

"Yeah, it's part of being a hunter. We're supposed to read the fics that our query wrote so we know what sins have been committed. I believe that in one of your classes, you'll be presented with the Seven Deadly Sins of Writing Fanfiction."

Karen gulped audibly.

It wasn't too long after that they got to her room. Karen and Kevin said their goodbyes, and Karen went inside to find her two roommates already sleeping. There was no way Karen was going to tell them about what happened. She changed into her own nightclothes and laid down. This had turned out to be an extremely interesting day. She closed her eyes and soon fell asleep.