TITLE: Tie-ing Things Up

RATING: PG-13 for the hell of it.
PAIRING: GSR (duh.)
SUMMARY: Grissom's thoughts at the very beginning of 'Formalities' when he's struggling with that stupid bow-tie.
A/N: uhm...pointless and written for fun. Enjoy!

And the rabbit goes through the hole, and up and around the....Damnit!

I hate ties. I hate ties worse than I hate politics or idiotic political functions like this one. Worse than I hate Conrad Ecklie...though not by much.

Ties have been the bane of my existence since I was six. I think it was some Great-Aunt's funeral, and my mother decided I should look as pristine as possible, which meant I had to wear a tie. Damn near choked myself to death. I'd wrapped up the mangled silk knots so tight, my uncle had to cut it off my neck with some scissors. I can still hear him laughing.

Alright, try this again. This stupid diagram makes no sense at all. Pull the ends up through the loop to...Oh for Christ's Sake!

She told me how to do it. A dozen times at least. Too bad I was watching her hands and having inappropriate thoughts instead of paying an attention.

This is stupid. It's a mockery of my work and my dignity, that's what it is! And what's worse, I'm wearing this pathetic monkey suit in honor Ecklie. That bureaucratic SOB has been ruining my life since day one.

I've just got to keep smiling, tonight, that's all. It'll look good, and it fights the gagging reflex, which will come in handy when I'm spouting words of praise about a man who could jump off a bridge and I might take a picture when he fell.

Ok, that was a little mean, I know. Completely out of character for me, but, what can I say? Honestly, what can I say about Conrad Ecklie? What won't come out like I actually mean it to?

I sigh, dreading the impending speech I have to give. Indeed, What can I say about Conrad Ecklie? No, I'm not asking, I've just given you my speech. Yeah, I'm in huuuuge trouble, and I know it. She tried not to laugh when I confessed, giving me suggestions while she straightened my bow tie. I didn't really listen to her words, just the sound of her voice soothing me. And now I still can't get this damn thing tied!

I never should have let her out of this. I never should have let her have the night off, but she was tired and I decided to go easy on her. She's never asked for time off before. Of course, I doubt she's ever been reamed through the mattress like that before either...

Bad thoughts, Gil! Bad thoughts! Now my fingers are shaking and fumbling and the poor piece of silk looks like a drowned...something. I take a deep breath.

OK, OK, give this one more try. I can't remember the bunny in the burrow thing she kept saying, so let's work with the diagram. Put it around the neck, and even it out...ok, good...Now cross the ends and pull it up and over and through and...Oh to hell with this!

I throw the tie down with an angry curse. I don't want to have to go drool over Conrad in public when I could actually be working and I don't want to wear this goddamn tie!

"What's wrong, Gil?" Catherine's voice sounds behind me, and I see her amused face in the mirror. Ha. Ha.

"I can't understand the stupid diagram," I mutter, sounding like a petulant eight year old. She grins, and I sneer at her.

She shakes her head at me and grabs the bedraggled scrap of fabric, sliding it around my neck from behind. I can feel her hold in a laugh as she looks at the diagram in distaste. "You don't need a diagram, Gil. What you need is a woman."

I frown at her, wondering if I should look any deeper into that comment. Is she suggesting that she knows about the two of us? I glance into her face in the mirror, and see only a hopeless sort of affection for me and what she obviously thinks is my eternal 'bachelorhood'

As her nimble fingers making quick work of the desired figure, without any aid from instructions, there are only two thoughts running through my mind. She smooths out the tie, confirming my first thought: It looked better when Sara did it.

Her consoling little smile reaffirms my second.

It's a damn good thing she didn't notice the lipstick on my collar.

Checking myself in the mirror once more, I sigh. Time to grit my teeth and go face Conrad Ecklie.

Next time, Sara's gonna tie my tie.

So, feedback is muchly appreciated. My muses seem to like making me write stupid things, but...hey, what can you do? Thanks for Reading!