Getting To Know You
Chapter 19
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Previously: Jed and Abbey gave in to their passion and made love for the first time.
Summary: Abbey comes to a decision while Jed is in London.
Jed and Abbey lay in each others arms under the colorful glowing lights of the Christmas Tree. Their silence spoke volumes. They listened quietly to the sound of the other's heartbeat as Judy Garland's rendition of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas played softly in the background.
"I love you," Abbey whispered.
"I love you too," he said, planting a kiss on her forehead.
She strengthened her hold on him and closed her eyes, praying the moment would never end. But a car engine snapped her out of her fantasy land. They both jumped up, realizing that Abbey's parents were home. Jed began frantically searching for his clothes. Abbey slipped her skirt back on and pulled her sweater over her head, then threw Jed's pants at him. She laughed at the sight of him tripping over his own two feet in his desperate attempt to jump into his pants.
By the time the door opened, both were fully dressed, though a little disheveled. Fortunately, James and Mary were too busy hustling an armload of shopping bags upstairs to notice.
But someone did notice.
"Hi, you must be Jed. I'm Kate." Abbey's sister extended her hand.
Jed took the young woman's hand and tried to lose avoid her intrusive gaze. "It's nice to finally meet you."
"You too," she replied.
Kate looked at her sister and a small grin framed her face as she discovered what they must have been doing. "Abs," she whispered, "I'd get the tinsel out of your hair before Mom and Dad come back down."
"Oh God." Abbey furiously ran her fingers through her hair. Jed reached up to help her, carefully scrutinizing every strand.
"Oh, and your skirt's on backwards," she added.
Abbey pulled her skirt around and glared at her sister, who seemed to be enjoying the moment a little too much. Kate turned to leave the couple alone, but Abbey stopped her.
"Kate!"
"Yeah?"
"Take our picture."
"Abbey, now?" Jed asked.
"It's for the locket," she replied.
Kate picked up her parents' abandoned camera in front of the tree and snapped the photo. Jed was turned slightly, his arm coiled around Abbey's waist. Abbey's hand rested against his chest and her head tilted towards him. Only three people knew how truly special this photograph was, for it was taken moments after Jed and Abbey had consummated their relationship.
When Abbey walked Jed out later in the evening, she knew she'd only see him once more before he left for London. She would be the one taking him to the airport the following morning, but saying goodbye that night was more painful than it ever had been before. When she watched him back out of the driveway, tears burned in her eyes and when his tail lights lit from a distance the second he turned the corner, one of those tears trailed down the soft skin of her cheek, unchecked and uninterrupted as it fell to her sweater.
She couldn't explain the feeling of emptiness that suddenly washed over her, cleansing her of the earlier emotions that seemed to grip her soul while they were making love. Something incredible had just happened. Something that had never happened between her and anyone else. Something that sealed the bond of her relationship with Jed, and yet, she was miserable.
"Jed seems awfully nice," Kate said as Abbey walked inside.
"Yeah, he is," Abbey answered somberly.
"Dare I ask what was going on tonight?"
Abbey narrowed her eyes. "Mind your own business."
"Abbey, I was joking," Kate assured her. "What's the matter with you? You'll see him tomorrow."
Abbey lowered her head and ignored her sister, heading for the long stairway that led to her room. She walked inside, closing the door behind her, then sat on her four-poster bed and clutched her pillow to her chest
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked herself.
What should have been the happiest night of her life, seemed like the worst. She was feeling things she had never felt before, things she never wanted to feel again. She despised girls who felt they couldn't continue with life unless they had a man in their life. Now, she was feeling the hopelessness she had heard others complain about. It was just any man. This was Jed Bartlet, the person she had fallen madly in love with, the person she couldn't imagine living without.
She didn't want to return after a long day of work or school and not have him waiting for her. She didn't want to come home without knowing he would soon join her. She enjoyed cooking for him. She enjoyed it when he cooked for her. She enjoyed just sitting beside him, no words spoken, just the sound of the old Grandfather clock in her parents' house ticking quietly and the steady, rhythmic sound of Jed's breathing echoing in her ear.
She didn't regret what she had done, but the thought of him taking a step towards a move to London terrified her. She may have said it in the past, but she never knew what being in love really meant until she faced the reality that he could soon be gone.
An hour later, Mary knocked on her door. "Abbey, Jed's on the phone, Dear."
Abbey didn't respond. Mary slowly opened the bedroom door and peeked through the crack. Abbey was perfectly still under the covers, her eyes shut.
"Kate, Honey, tell Jed that Abbey's asleep," Mary called out as she closed Abbey's door.
Realizing her mother was no longer there, Abbey opened her eyes. A single tear trickled out of the corner and fell on to her pillow. She would call Jed back later that night, she reasoned. She just needed to pull herself together first.
The next morning, Jed and Abbey walked hand-in-hand through the airport terminal. She had managed to put on a strong face, but she refused to look at him, for looking at him would put her carefully constructed façade at risk.
"I'll call you," he said. "I'll be waiting."
He leaned in to kiss her and Abbey grabbed his head, holding his mouth to hers. "Abbey?"
"I'm sorry. I guess I don't want to let you go."
Jed replied with a smile and lifted her hand to kiss her fingers tenderly.
"By the way, you were wrong," he said. "Your gift wasn't selfish. What you gave me last night was the best gift I could have asked for."
He tenderly stroked her cheek, then pulled her in for a final hug that nearly took her breath away. After several minutes, he reluctantly separated their bodies and walked away. Abbey stood there, watching him silently. There were so many things she had wanted to say. Her heart screamed at her to beg him to stay, beg him to forget London and make a life with her here, in New England. She could picture them having an elaborate Catholic wedding in Boston. Her father walking her down the aisle, putting her hand in Jed's.
She imagined what it would be like to dance as husband and wife, to go to sleep that night in each other's arms and wake up in the morning still entangled in a sweet embrace. She had visions of preparing his breakfast for him, of him preparing the morning coffee. Maybe one day, they'd even have a child together. She could see him as a father, so tender and gentle, so loving and sweet.
With one statement, she could possibly stop him from erasing all those thoughts out of her mind. With one statement, she could reach out to him and let him know without a doubt that he was the man of her dreams, the love of her life.
But she couldn't do it. She couldn't bring herself to form the words.
When she returned home, she was pleasantly surprised to find Millie waiting for her. It was so like her best friend to know Abbey was taking Jed to the airport and want to be there to cheer her up. The two girls walked upstairs to Abbey's room.
"Oh my God!" Millie responded when Abbey finally told her about the night of passion she shared with Jed.
"Shhh! My parents will hear you."
"You really did it?"
"Yes, we really did it."
"Abbey, that's great! I'm so happy for you two." Millie hugged her tightly and as Abbey's frame tensed up, she realized something was terribly wrong. "Why aren't you bouncing off the walls?"
"I don't know."
"When Steve and I made love for the first time, you thought I was going to explode with excitement! You've just taken your relationship to a whole new level! This is a huge deal!
"It's not like that, Mill."
"What's wrong?" Millie asked, certain she wouldn't get a response. "Abbey, what's the matter?"
Abbey turned her head to face Millie. "We did it and he left."
"Well you knew he couldn't spend the night."
"No. I mean, he left. He went to London."
"Oh, Abbey. Tell me you didn't make love with him to keep him here."
"Of course I didn't. I wanted to do it. I wanted it more than anything in the world, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope that he'd change his mind afterwards."
"You know how important this is to him."
"What about me?" Abbey asked. "Shouldn't I be at least as important to him as London? He's more important than anything in the world to me, Millie."
"He'll be back in a few days."
"And then what? We all know he's been accepted. This meeting is just a formality. So he comes back for New Year's and then he goes to Indiana and I don't see him again until Easter Break. Then he's home for a couple of months over the summer and then it's off to Europe, for good this time."
"Abbey, there's a lot of time between now and then. Don't waste it being upset."
"I can't do it. I can't continue being with him, knowing he's going to leave. It's too hard. It hurts too much. I don't even know why I'm so attached. I mean it was never like this with Ron."
"You weren't in love with Ron."
"Maybe that's a good thing, Mill. I don't want to feel this way."
"You're scaring me now. Please don't do something you're going to regret."
Abbey listened to Millie's words, but she'd be lying if she said they deterred her, even slightly. She had been thinking about Jed all night and she already made up her mind. She just hoped she wouldn't regret what she was about to do.
She waited patiently for Jed to return. They talked on the phone only twice while he was gone, both conversations cut short by her somber mood. When his plane touched down in Boston and she showed up to greet him, a spark of fear ran through her. What she was about to do was going to change her life forever - and his - and she prayed it was the right decision.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Jed asked when they arrived back at her house.
Abbey took a deep breath, then began. "You were gone less than a week and I missed you so much that it tore my heart in two."
"I feel the same way." Jed picked up her hand, but Abbey shrugged out of his hold.
"I don't think I can stand to be with you for the next several months, then watch you leave again. I can't be this close to you when I know that it could all be over by the end of the summer. And this time, it might be for good. I can't do it. You may be able to, but I can't. It's too hard, too painful. I love you too much."
Jed stood in front of her, nervously rubbing his hands against one another. He hoped he was misunderstanding, that she wasn't about to crush him with rejection. "Abbey, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that the past year has been wonderful. But it isn't enough to take this feeling away."
His heart was racing now, unsure of where this was leading. "I don't understand."
She closed the space between them and grabbed his hands as she braced for his reaction to one question that would make or break their relationship.
"Marry me, Jed."
TBC