Part 3 of 3 in the One and One Make Two Arc
Note: I think it took me longer to find a song that would work JUST right for this chapter than it did for me to actually write the chapter. XD Oh well. This part is done to "Changes", by 3 Doors Down. Took me forever to find something I like, blame my OCD for that. XD
Schuldich stared blankly at Brad as Farfarello and Nagi slid past him into the house. Brad stood holding the door open patiently, waiting for Schuldich to take those last few steps inside. Up until this moment, Schuldich had just planned on throwing himself on Brad and asking questions later. Now though, he just had to ask. "Test?"
"If you would come in, I could explain it to everyone at the same time." Brad's face was neutral, and Schuldich couldn't read a damn thing from his mind. After a few seconds Schuldich quickly stepped into the doorway, but stared at Brad for a few moments before he continued on to the living room where everyone else was already making themselves comfortable.
"So Brad," Schuldich turned back to their leader after he got comfortable on the sofa. "Tell us about this test, or whatever."
"Crawford." Brad commented dryly, never showing any more emotion then what he had started with. "And the test of which I speak of was done by Esset. They wanted to see what would truly happen if they were to break up Schwarz."
"So they just decided to test it out without a second thought?" Schuldich was pissed at the mere thought of that. "Dammit Brad, we aren't some puppets to just be used in experiments by them! We're fucking people!"
"But you all came back to me." Brad pointed out once Schuldich had stopped.
"We didn't come back to you," Schuldich fumed, standing up and taking a step closer to Brad. "We came back to Schwarz, because we didn't know any other way to live." Even though Schuldich knew that was an out and out lie. What he had come back for…
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands
"My mistake. My statement was poorly worded." Brad nodded his head in agreement with Schuldich, but that was it. Schuldich just shook his head and stormed out of the living room and off to his own room, making sure to slam the door behind him.
"Should I go see if he's okay?" Nagi offered, but Brad just shook his head.
"Schuldich just needs some time to sort everything out. I get the feeling that something happened while you were all finding your way back here that didn't set well with him."
"You could say that…" And so Nagi explained everything he really knew about what had gone on, mentioning only as many details as were necessary of Schuldich's break down. When he was finished, Brad nodded and stood, walking calmly down to Schuldich's door and rapping lightly on it.
"Schuldich, are you in there?" Brad called lightly, hoping Schuldich hadn't taken any sort of drugs.
"No Brad, but fuckin' Santa Claus is." Schuldich snapped as he opened the door quickly. Brad merely stepped into the room, waiting patiently for Schuldich to either close the door or go back to what he had been doing. "What?" Schuldich snapped irritably after a few moments.
"We need to talk." With a calmness Brad really didn't feel, he crossed the room and sat down in the chair by Schuldich's bedside table.
Schuldich stood holding the door open a few more moments before closing it, although without slamming it this time, and then quickly crossed the room to sit on the edge of his bed. "Yeah we do." He agreed bitterly. "We need to talk about the limits Esset has over our team."
"Schuldich, Esset has few limits over anything, and you know that." Brad stared at Schuldich like he was a little kid being told that eating too much candy would make him sick for the seventh time in one day.
"But they should Brad, they should! They should not be allowed to just throw us around anywhere they want just to see if we'll make it out alive or not!" Part of Schuldich's anger came from breaking Martyr's mind, but most of it came from the rage of Esset using them. "We aren't just soldiers in a war Brad; we're not replaced that easily." Schuldich paused for a moment before adding, "Or are we?"
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb
"No, Schuldich. Schwarz is not so easily replaced, but Esset needed to know where our loyalties lied; with them or with our team. If we would have followed their orders, they wouldn't have reinstated our team. But the fact that we all managed to find our way back proves to them that there is more to us than simply being a team." Brad smiled suddenly, and Schuldich mentally noted that his smile was very hansom. "In some strange and twisted way, we're like a family. A dysfunctional family, but a family none the less."
"So if you had a family, you'd just let Esset split you up to see if your 'family bond' was strong enough for everyone to just come back?" Schuldich stared incredulously at Brad. "If that's the case, I want to move out; unless you have something you need from me."
"You can't move out." Brad pointed out suddenly, almost too quickly for Schuldich's likes. There was an awkward pause before Brad went on. "What would you do if you did?"
"I'd have a life Brad, something outside of killing people, outside of breaking people's minds to get back to the life I thought I had. To get back to the people I thought cared about me." At the last comment Schuldich stared down at his hands in his lap, feeling extremely guilty for some odd reason. They sat there in silence for a few moments as Brad tried desperately to grasp some logical words to say.
"Schuldich, all of us would give everything just to have a normal life, but we have to face the fact that we'll never have a normal life." Brad's voice was calm and quiet, and if Schuldich hadn't known better, he'd have guessed it was masking fear, or maybe pain.
"But we wouldn't give everything to care about each other, because that's a weakness, right?" The cynicism in Schuldich's voice almost killed him, and an emotion flashed through Brad's eyes for a split second, but was gone before he could read it.
"Schuldich, that's not true." Slowly Brad removed his glasses and set them on Schuldich's night stand as he rubbed the bridge of his nose carefully.
"Then what is true Brad? You tell me, right here, right now, what is true." Schuldich knew he was pushing it, could tell Brad was worn out about something, but he wanted to know. He just had to know before he could rest in peace.
They can't help me 'cause no one knows
"You want the truth Schuldich?" Brad leaned forward so that there was about two inches between the two of them before he continued. "The truth Schuldich is that I love you." And before Schuldich could think of anything to respond with, Brad had closed the distance between them, and the kiss erased anything coherent that Schuldich had been thinking from his mind.
"Dinner's ready, if you two care." The kiss was abruptly broken at the sound of Nagi's voice from the doorway, and Brad almost had the grace to look embarrassed. Schuldich nodded mutely at the boy, who just rolled his eyes and went back towards the kitchen.
"I am really hungry." Schuldich commented after a moment of awkward silence, and Brad sighed.
"Your hunger is always first on your mind Schuldich." Brad smiled weakly as he started to stand up, but Schuldich quickly reached up and wrapped his arm around Brad's neck, effectively pulling his leader back down towards him.
"Trust me Brad, food was the last thing on my mind when I woke up as part of someone else's team." Receiving a faint smile, Schuldich let go of Brad and followed him out of Schuldich's room. Smirking as he shoved his hands into his pockets, Schuldich couldn't help but hum merrily to himself as he half walked, half skipped down the hallway after Brad.
What he wanted, what he really wanted…
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes
"Schuldich, why don't you just learn how to use chop sticks?" Nagi watched with idle amusement as Schuldich speared some food off his plate and shoved it in his mouth.
"Because," Schuldich made sure to chew and swallow the food before he continued talking, "chopsticks are highly overrated. And where I'm from, we use forks."
"So? That hasn't stopped Brad yet."
"Brad's a precognitive. He probably saw this coming, and thusly didn't waste his time meandering over how to use silverware properly. In college, he probably ate pizza every day like in the movies." Grinning, Schuldich speared a piece of meat off of Nagi's plate and stuffed it in his mouth before the younger boy could protest.
"I'll have you know I did no such thing." Brad commented dryly as he ate his supper, attempting to ignore Nagi's sudden protests at Schuldich eating his food. Finishing his meal, Brad stood up and took his dishes to the sink, and then turned back to others. "Nagi, it's your night to clean up, Schuldich, make sure Farfarello is secured for the night before going to bed. I've had a rough day, but I'm behind in work. I don't want anyone to disturb me until tomorrow." With that said, Brad quickly left the room, Nagi and Schuldich watching as he did so.
"You'd think we had never been thrown out on the street." Nagi replied, highly irritated. "At least you have to take care of Farf."
"Yeah well, taking care of Farf is quite a bit easier than doing dishes and cleaning up after me you know." Schuldich smirked, waving a speared vegetable at Nagi, who just shook his head.
"Whatever, you heard Brad, don't bother him until tomorrow." Nagi rose, and the dishes levitated after him and into the sink. Rolling his eyes at Nagi's sudden interest over whether or not he bothered Brad, Schuldich got up and ushered Farfarello off to his room and made sure he was secure for the night before heading to his own room.
Schuldich's room was the door down from Brad's, and on the way he chanced a glance at the tightly closed door. Brad had specifically said that no one should bother him, which meant of course, no one.
Granted that didn't stop Schuldich's urge to go in unannounced and wreck Brad's current working mood. With his hand on the doorknob Schuldich stopped. If Brad had wanted to see him that night, he would have gone to Schuldich, not locked himself inside his room. Sliding to the floor beside Brad's still closed doors, Schuldich stared at the ceiling. Life just wasn't fair. He was still staring at the floor some time later when a mass of brown hair suddenly blocked his view.
"You should get some rest." Nagi's voice was quiet, so as not to disturb anyone else. Schuldich just nodded mutely, but made no attempt to move. Nagi shook his head, standing up straight again and frowning. "Maybe Brad was wrong, maybe he's not ready for a relationship, and maybe, neither are you."
Watching as the boy left, Schuldich was left to contemplate the thought until he drifted off to sleep, still sitting by Brad's door.
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone
I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn
It feel like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world
Schuldich woke with a start the next morning, pounding his alarm clock until it stopped. He really needed to get it fixed, but just wasn't in the mood to take it to the shop. Getting out of bed, he stretched, and then realized with a start that he hadn't changed clothes since the other day.
And then he remembered that he had fallen asleep outside of Brad's door. Rising slowly, Schuldich changed clothes while still pondering the thought. Maybe Nagi had come back after he had fallen asleep and floated him to bed. That would explain why he hadn't woken. If in fact someone had actually carried him, Schuldich was pretty sure he'd have woken up. Of course, he had been rather tired.
Making his way down the hallway, Schuldich was happy to smell the freshly made coffee. His only reward for waking up this god damn early every morning was drinking coffee with Crawford. Of course, this morning might be a bit different than others.
"Morning." Crawford greeted Schuldich without looking up from his paper, and Schuldich merely grunted in response. Right now, he wasn't too sure if he could trust his voice. For some odd reason, he suddenly remembered Lok and Martyr and how they couldn't touch each other. Right now, he felt the same with Crawford. He was there, but Schuldich just didn't dare reach out and touch him. And suddenly, he wondered if he would go insane not being able to have what he really wanted…
"Is something the matter?" Crawford's voice shattered Schuldich's thoughts, and he quickly realized he had been staring.
"Oh sorry, no, nothing." Quickly turning back to the coffee maker, Schuldich poured himself a cup full and sat down at the table.
They can't help me 'cause no one knows
"Would you like a section?" Crawford offered the paper as he did every morning, and Schuldich knew damn well not to ask for anything Crawford was still reading. Not feeling much for reading, Schuldich shook his head and sipped at his coffee. It was surprisingly strong today.
"Did you put more coffee grinds in today? This is awfully strong." Schuldich snatched the cream and sugar from the center of the table and loaded his coffee down.
"Two nights ago I didn't sleep. I guess I just forgot to change the amount of grinds I put in." Crawford continued reading his paper like it was no big deal, but Schuldich quickly put two and two together.
"You were waiting for us to get back?" Schuldich noticed a brief moment of unguarded weariness as Crawford slowly folded the paper and set it down on the table.
"Indeed, I had no fear that you would all overcome whatever challenges were set before you and would make your way back here. It was only a matter of time." Crawford's voice was quiet, void of all emotion. If only Schuldich could have been void of emotion as well.
"Whatever challenges? You make it sound like a game Crawford. We aren't your damn puppets you know." Schuldich specifically used Crawford's preferred name, letting him know he wasn't on as friendly of terms at the moment.
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes
"Schu please…" Crawford rubbed the bridge of his nose as he set his glasses aside. "It's early; I'm not in the mood for your mood swings. I didn't mean it like that. I merely meant that, well frankly you are all assassins for crying out loud, I had no doubt you'd be able to make your way back here if you saw it fit."
"Dammit Brad, it wasn't that simple." Schuldich quickly turned his attention to his coffee, watching the liquid swirl around in his mug. He lowered his voice, suddenly not wanting to wake anyone else up. "You don't understand what we went through out there. Nagi got the shit beat out of him, Farfarello killed the people who beat him up, I broke another telepath's mind…" Pausing, Schuldich turned to Crawford, the first hint of tears welling up in his eyes. "Brad, when Nagi found out I broke another's mind… the look he gave me… it was fear. It was disappointment, fear, anger, and somewhere down in the bottom of his heart, for those few seconds, I think he hated me."
Schuldich turned his attention back to his coffee, willing the tears not to fall. They sat in an ever growing awkward silence, before slowly Schuldich stood up. Brad's eyes followed him slowly, a heavy guiltiness hanging in them unhidden. Carefully Schuldich set his mug by the sink and headed towards the front door.
"Schuldich, where are you going?" Crawford's voice called after him, but Schuldich didn't answer. He didn't stop walking.
He didn't slam the door behind himself either.
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all these changes
"Crawford…" Nagi stepped around the corner from the hallway into the kitchen, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I don't hate Schuldich, really I don't." He paused, trying to catch his breath. "Where's he going?"
Crawford sat still, watching the vision play out in front of him. When it finished he quickly got up, crossed the room to the door, and pulled on his coat from where he had left it by the door earlier. "I'm going to get Schuldich, Nagi stay here." Opening the door, Crawford turned back to Nagi, half smiling in reassurance. "Everything will be fine." With that, he quickly exited, closing the door tightly behind himself and heading out into the early morning chill.
Schuldich tossed the cigarette butt into the air and watched its slow descent down towards the water below. His fingers were stiff from the early morning chill, and the tears that had leaked past had frozen tiny rivers down his face. All he could think of was that it was cold. Oh so cold. This wasn't what he wanted; it wasn't supposed to end like this.
What he really wanted… all he ever really wanted…
Brad pressed his foot down further onto the gas pedal. He wouldn't get pulled over, that he was sure of. Why he had felt the need to crank the heater on full blast he had no idea, but something told him to do it so he did. However, the heat was starting to get to him, considering he was still wearing his coat. Not wanting to waste a second, Brad didn't give it a second thought. Instead, he stayed focused on where he was going.
As his car neared the bridge, his heart skipped several beats.
Slowly, as if in a dream, Schuldich took the final step off the bridge's ledge, never looking back. Brad slammed on the brakes, the car skidding sideways. He was out of the car and running down the steep incline towards the river before the car had even stopped. He shed his coat as he ran, eyes frantically searching the water. Without a second thought, Brad dove into the icy water as soon as he was close enough to even guess where Schuldich was.
The freezing and slightly polluted water burned at his eyes, but Brad fought to keep them open. He needed to see Schuldich, needed to pull him out. At such extreme temperatures, his body would start to shut down within minutes. Finally spotting something red in the water, Brad reached out and grabbed, being rewarded with a fistful of the telepath's coat. Kicking furiously against the weight of his waterlogged clothes, Brad slowly fought to get them both to shore.
Upon reaching shore and finding Schuldich to have no pulse, Brad quickly set about to performing a few rounds of CPR, until Schuldich finally awoke, spitting and sputtering a few mouthfuls of water onto the ground beside himself. But his lips were blue and his body had stopped shivering, so Brad quickly picked up his chilled body and trudged back up the hill towards the car.
Completely thankful no one else was on the back road this early in the morning, Brad all but dumped Schuldich into the passenger seat and buckled him in. He retrieved his coat from where he had left it, and threw it over the telepath's body. Then he climbed into the car and headed towards the penthouse.
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it
"Crawford, what happened?" Nagi's worried voice ambushed the precog the moment he walked into the penthouse carrying the telepath, who was still wrapped in Brad's coat. Brad quickly waved the ambush of questions away as he headed towards the bathroom. Closing and locking the door behind himself, he set Schuldich on the bathroom counter as he slowly started to work at pulling off Schuldich's clothes.
Finally turning his full attention to Schuldich, Brad grasped the telepath's face within his hands and met his eyes. "Schuldich if you can hear me I need you to respond in some way, shape, or form." After receiving no response, Brad pressed his eyes shut tightly, his fingers twitching involuntarily as he quickly added a mere, "Please, Schu…"
"Brad…" Schuldich blinked suddenly, his voice quiet and hurting as fresh tears swelled up in his eyes. "Why the fuck did you save you?"
Brad never answered; he merely finished pulling Schuldich's clothes off. He needed to get the telepath dry and into something warm before his body temperature dropped any lower. Grabbing the nearest towels, Brad quickly set to drying Schuldich's body off, and then wrapped a towel around his hair to keep it off his skin. Grabbing his bathrobe off the hook on the back of the door, Brad quickly wrapped Schuldich up in it, and set to removing his own wet clothes. He dried off carelessly but efficiently enough before grapping another bathrobe and wrapping up in it. He scooped Schuldich up in his arms again and proceed out of the bathroom and off to his room. Once again locking the door behind himself, Brad gently laid Schuldich under the covers of his bed and crawled in beside him, carefully spooning him to add more of his own body heat. He had no efficient way of warming Schuldich back up. A warm bath would have sent him into shock, so this was all he could think of. Just add more layers. Crawford had picked his own bed for obvious reasons. For one, it was cleaner. Two, it was warmer than Schuldich's room. Third, Schuldich's room was a mess and Crawford probably would have killed them both in an attempt to get to Schuldich's bed.
After what seemed like forever, Schuldich rolled out of Crawford's embrace to lie on his side so they were facing each other and no longer touching. "Why?" Schuldich's voice was quiet, almost harsh. "Why didn't you let me die?" Fresh tears welled up in his eyes, and he didn't bother holding them in.
Crawford reached over tentatively and brushed the tears off the telepath's face. "We don't hate you Schuldich. And frankly, I've given up so much to keep you alive that there's no way I could let you die on us." A faint smile traced Crawford's lips as he continued. "When you fell asleep at my door, I put you to bed. When you couldn't find drugs to overdose yourself on, I had hidden them. When you attempted to jump off that bridge the first time, I caught you. When you wanted to put a bullet through your head, I took the bullets from your gun. When Takatori knocked you out…" here Crawford paused, a look of sadness on his face. "Although I can never stop the initial attacks for fear of our jobs and lives, after he knocks you out, I always take the remaining blows for you."
"Brad-" Schuldich started to speak, but was silenced when Crawford laid his index finger across his lips.
"No, let me finish." Crawford removed his finger, brushing his hand along Schuldich's cheek. "You know me, Schuldich. You know I don't admit to things such as this lightly and without meaning. What I said earlier was true." Crawford paused, fighting for words suddenly. "From the bottom of my heart, Schuldich, I love you, and I could never bear to face a day without waking up and having you join me for coffee."
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, I hate this
"I never got to tell you how I felt earlier." Schuldich smirked suddenly as he snuggled closer to Crawford's chest. "I never got to tell you, Crawford- no- Brad. I never got to tell you just how much I love you as well. But I have one thing to say."
Crawford stared down at the telepath, suddenly afraid of what he was about to say. After realizing Schuldich was waiting to be questioned, Crawford quickly prompted him with a mere, "What?"
"All I have to say, Brad, is that…" Smiling at Crawford suddenly, Schuldich fought off laughter.
"You were late." Schuldich pointed out, to be rewarded with a smile from Crawford and a small chuckle.
"Yes, I know. Forgive me." Crawford kissed Schuldich lightly on the forehead, and the telepath smirked like he always did.
"You know Brad…
…all I ever wanted…
…was you."
Note: Oh I know that was a really super bad ending. :( Forgive me. I am tired, and it's 11am and I have church tomorrow and ugh. I didn't get a chance to proof this final chapter, so I'm just hoping everyone enjoyed it and can work around my mistakes. If you want to read something by me that's worthwhile- go read Turn Your Back or Fade to Black. Those are actually worthwhile. Gomen. BTW, the new editor thing is really super crappy and is throwing me off. So um, yeah.