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X Character Profiles
Sakurazuka Seishirou
Stage I, Age 15 to 32
…………………………………Part I…………………………….
Snow. Red snow. A corpse lay on the ground.
Who was it?
It didn't matter. It was a corpse, so it might as well be nothing. The new Sakurazukamori smiled. His first kill had been too easy. She would have presented a small challenge if she hadn't turned weak by loving him. But was it really love? Yes, it was, even if it was twisted, it was still love.
Seishirou smiled. "Such foolishness that love can bring," he mused. "It is a lovely thing to be killed by the one you love most, so the person who will kill me will be the one that I love most."
"Did you not realize, mother," he kneeled down and said to the beautiful corpse, "that by letting me be the Sakurazukamori, I will always be alone? Your logic confuses me indeed."
He brushed a kiss on her cold lips, then turned and walked away, never bothering to wipe the blood off his hands.
…………………………………Part II…………………………….
The child had broken through his maboroshi. It was quite rare for a kid his age to have so much magical powers. Wouldn't it be fun if he were older?
The child looked up at him, large emerald orbs filled with curiosity and concern. His pale ivory skin contrasted deeply with his raven black hair, but they formed a smooth balance. Even the few drops of dark red blood on his innocent face only served to make him more ethereal looking. The miniature set of shikifuku he wore only made him seem more like a porcelain doll. A doll that would break upon touch.
"Beautiful," Seishirou thought, "such a beautiful and fragile object."
And he pushed the corpse away from him and down the tree. The child still stood there, eyes wide, as if unconscious of the things transpiring in front of him. A normal kid would have long bolted away, and Seishirou would have killed him without a second thought. But this child . . . did he not run because he was too sacred to move? Or that he was too innocent to recognize what was happening? Either way, he was different.
"This is the first time someone has seen me kill. What to do with him?"
With a swift motion, he leapt off the tree and blocked the child's eyes, promptly sealing up his memories.
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The child in his arms woke up. He blinked, registering his surroundings, then scrambled up immediately and started apologizing. "I'm sorry that I fainted. I must be very heavy. Thank you fro taking care of me."
Seishirou stared at the boy, and for the first time since he grew up, surprise rippled across his features. He had never thought that this child would be so trusting towards strangers. Especially when he was in a foreign place and with a corpse on the ground beside him. It was still a ridiculous reaction even if his prior memories had been sealed up. Interesting . . .
"The sakura are beautiful . . ." the child exclaimed.
"Do you like the sakura?" Why not make an experiment? Such a prey was hard to come by, and to break it now seemed such a pity. "Do you know that there are corpses buried under the sakura trees?"
"Then don't those people buried under the trees feel pain?" Tears welled up in his expressive emerald eyes, which were now contorted with pain, as if he could really fee the agony of the spirits locked up in the trees. And for the second time that day, Seishirou was shocked. He never would have thought that such a pure creature still existed in the world.
"Let's make a 'bet'. We have the opposite 'hearts'. You are gentle and kind, pure and honest, and you definitely will stay this way, with this beautiful 'heart', until you have grown up." It would be fun and would probably make him less bored, to see this pure thing slowly be tainted, and break into pieces. He would still die eventually, though. Even with the bet, he was sure of it. But could such purity touch him? That was the main thing he wanted to know.
"These marks will show that you belong to the 'Sakurazukamori'." And the unconscious boy fell into his arms.
He realized that by creating this mark, the boy would be bound to him, belong to him, but never did he realize that it was also vice versa, until it was already too late.
Maybe he did realize that, only that he chose to ignore it.
Maybe he was hoping for something.
Who knew?
…………………………………Part III…………………………….
Do you like Tokyo?
The city, like Babylon, filled with riches and luxuries, of which the people were still not satisfied with. They longed for more, and wanted to be with the God, to live like the God, and so, God abandoned them. Slowly, their resources depleted, due to the great demand for luxury, and then, the city will someday turn into a heap of trash.
And even though the people knew what would happen, they still didn't' change. What that greed? No. Stupidity? No. Selfishness? No. Perhaps it was because they no longer cared if they were living or dead. Perhaps they wanted destruction, so that they could escape. But escape what?
"Yes, I like Tokyo, because it is the only city in the world that walks happily towards destruction."
He knew what they were running away from. It was the darkness in everyone's heart. Wasn't it always the most horrible thing? Weren't humans the most fearsome creature? So was killing a crime, when the whole world was already worthless? Such was his mindset, as he watched more and more people lay dead beneath his feet. So what? They were nothing.
But there was one person who was different from them all, in that his heart had no darkness. Would he also be nothing, or would he be special? It was time to start the "bet".
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He knew, at first sight, that the boy chasing after the shikigami was the prey he had marked a long time ago. He was wearing gloves, but honestly, did the former Sumeragii Clan Head really thought that those would stop the Sakurazukamori? If so, then she had underestimated him greatly. Don't ever underestimate you enemy. It could kill you.
But what about your prey?
Seishirou's predictions had been correct. The boy, Sumeragi Subaru, 13th Head of Sumeragi Clan, was just as pure as he was when he wept for the spirits under the forever-blooming sakura tree seven years ago. So innocent that it because absurd. So king that it made him weak. Seishirou despised that, but found it highly amusing in the same time. The way that Subaru struggled to ensure that everyone would not be hurt, even if it meant he had to use his life to exchange for that, was entertaining.
Just like what Hokuto had said, "Subaru has a bad habit of making other people's emotions his own. When others are sad, he would be sad too; when others are in pain, he would feel even more painful. This isn't hypocritical. This is just how Subaru is. He ahs good feelings for everyone except himself. He treasures anyone and everyone, but he never takes good care of himself. To him, being nice to others come just as easily as breathing. But . . . one day, if Subaru really habours that special king of love towards someone, and that person ends up betraying him . . . then he wild definitely die."
Would he really die? Seishirou would like to find out. Perhaps that, and the bet he made, was the sole reasons as to why he still kept pretending to be the friendly vet. He wanted to know just how far he could push Subaru before he finally broke. So many live had been broken in his hands. Why? Because he enjoyed it.
He always loved fragile things. He loved it even more when he broke them, like dropping a glass ball. It did not mean anything to him when it was perfect in his hands, nor when it lay in pieces on the ground. What he loved was when the ball first came into contact with the ground, the satisfying crack as it began to break, and the moment when it froze, all broken, but not yet falling apart. That was when it was most fragile.
He loved fragile things.
He loved Sumeragi Subaru.
He loved Subaru the way someone would love his possession, the love people would give to an object. But no matter what kind of love it was, the Sumeragi was still his. His prey, his possession, his toy, his obsession . . .
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He had lost his eyes in order to protect Subaru. He lay in the hospital bed and asked himself why.
First, Subaru was his prey, so nobody could hurt him except fro Seishirou himself. It would not do to have someone breaking you toy, would it? Second, he promised that during the bet, he would protect Subaru with all his might. The bet we not over, and that was just part of his act. Because of this bet, he was with Subaru; because of this bet, he never saw Subaru as a person. He was but a form of entertainment, something of slightly more interest than others. And third, Subaru would be more attached to him, so when the promised day finally came, the Sumeragi would break into even more pieces. It always hurt more if you like the person more. That was the sole purpose of the bet, so that someday, he would taint the purest pure, then crush it with his own hands.
That was all there was to it. He thought so, and believed so. But somehow, he didn't blame or hate Subaru for it. It was something he had expected the Sumeragi would do, also he knew pretty well what was going to happen beforehand. Besides, Subaru was not worth him hating.
There was a light knock on the door, and Seishirou sensed Subaru. Time to act again.
"Come in," and like pulling up a mask, he put on his usual friendly smile.
Through his now flat vision, Seishirou observed that Subaru was much paler and frail than when he last saw him, and his eyes reflected his guilty, pain, fear, uncertainly, showing them just as clearly as looking through glass. He was far too innocent and uncanny, totally oblivious to the dangers around him.
Of course, he acted just like how Seishirou though he would. His caring hmade him predictable, his innocence made him gullible, and his kindness made him weak. If this was what total purity looked like, then the bet was getting boring. He might as well get to the best part and end it soon. Besides, Hokuto was getting suspicious.
"Thank you, Sei-chan," she said as she came in, after Subaru rushed out to buy him donuts.
"Why are you thanking me?"
"Because you forgave Subaru."
"But Subaru-kun didn't do anything at all! What is there for me to forgive?"
"You're becoming more and more of a puzzle. I always thought that you are those type of people who usually wears a smile on their face, but when they want to ignore someone, that smile vanishes completely."
"What makes you think so?"
"Your eyes. Although your eyes are always concealed behind the spectacles, the aura of your gaze is not normal at all. Also, even though that now your eye is wrapped in the gauze, I can still smell the reek of blood. So I really thought that Subaru was going to be eaten by you this time. And Subaru thinks so too, but he has already decided that no matter how you are going to treat him, he will always be willing to bear with it."
Seishirou smiled secretively. But how much could Subaru bear? That was all there was left to find out.
"This is the first time I've seen Subaru so frantic and anxious. Subaru has always been obedient, honest and very soft hearted, and this is the very first time that he panicked to the extent of almost losing himself."
"Subaru-kun is too kind, and no matter what happens, he'll think that it's his fault, and so he blames himself too much. Actually, he will also be this anxious if anyone gets hurt."
"You are wrong! It's only you!"
Seishirou's eyes widened a little. He didn't really think that Subaru would fall in love with him. Who would ever love the Sakurazukamori? Perhaps the boy was just too naive. Perhaps he only loved the mask of the friendly vet Seishirou had made. Yes, that must be it. How could anyone ever truly love the Sakurazukamori?
"To Subaru, you are a very 'special' person. The way he treats you si totally different from the way he treats others. But as for why you are special. I don't think even he himself can tell. But Subaru is about to change . . . So promise me! Don't ever take Subaru far away from me."
Subaru was about to change. Subaru was about to break . . .
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"Sei . . . Seishirou . . . san . . .?"
As soon as Subaru was swept into the maboroshi, things rolled along just as he planned. There was no backing away, no stopping now.
Subaru was breaking, the first piece, as simple as that, when Seishirou showed him the memories.
The second, when he struggled like a trapped bird in Seishirou's arms, trying to deny the truth. His wings were cut by the harsh edges of reality that made up his cage, but he still tried to escape into the illusion, only ending up tattered and torn, with wings bleeding so much that they can no longer fly.
The third, when the pentagrams glowed to life.
The fourth, the fifth, the sixth . . . piece by piece as Seishirou hurt him more and more, both mentally and physically. And yet, Seishirou watched, impassionate, as Subaru's tears sank into the maboroshi, while his blood dripped down Seishirou's hands he was lying there, by the sakura tree, like a broken doll. It was the way he was supposed to be. A perfect, yet broken doll. Seishirou's doll.
This was what Seishirou had been waiting to do for seven years, but now, somehow he couldn't even stir up a trace of excitement in himself. It was even worse than killing. At least there was still adrenaline in the latter, a kind of thrill as he punctured through the warm and beating chest. It was the only thing he could feel, because it was the only thing he was born to do, that reminded him he was alive. But everything ebbed away just a quickly as the muscles encasing his hand hardened.
But now, even as he broke Subaru's arm, stepped and kicked his body, watched as blood seeped through the Sumeragi's fingers, and listened as Subaru uttered his name with so much pain his voice, he still felt nothing.
He was hollow, as if even the last of his emotions was sucked away, and that his love for an object, his love for Subaru, had vanished altogether. He was left with nothingness.
So he continued to smile that empty smile of his.
The tree had engulfed half of Subaru's body, holding him in an upright position, facing Seishirou. Tears and blood had tainted his porcelain cheeks, but still failed to mar its beauty. Instead, the tears only served to make his clear emerald orbs seem even smoother and brighter, and so much more fragile. Beautiful.
This was what Seishirou had wanted to see, had worked towards to see, yet still, he felt empty.
"Why do your eyes contain such sadness?" he asked, with that wonderful smile that meant nothing. Perhaps if there were one thing that he could feel now, he probably would be curious as to why Subaru never retaliated, and only looked at him with eyes that spoke all his pain, sorrow and desperation, yet nothing at all. Subaru had found out about his true identity, so shouldn't he feel hatred, and have all traces of his love swept away? Then why did he not hate, but only torment himself with more anguish? Seishirou didn't understand. But there was no time to anymore.
"Of course, I don't hate you, but neither do I love you. You are just an 'object' that happens to be there, that's all." That must be the reason to his emptiness, because no matter how Subaru reacted, he was still and "object". That must be it. "Goodbye, Sumeragi Subaru."
He poised his hand as magic gathered on his fingertips, and he was ready to strike, to feel blood again.
Crack! A corner of his maboroshi broke, and he saw that all the other members of the Sumeragi Clan had gathered, and were rushing their way to the ward.
He couldn't afford to deal with the whole of the Sumeragi Clan just yet, but he still had enough time to drive his hand through Subaru's chest. It would be over in less than a second.
Yet he jumped out of the window, bringing the maboroshi crashing down with him.
Perhaps it was a hallucination, he retreated into the shadows, he thought he heard the barest whispers of Subaru, carried into his ears by the wind.
"Sei . . . Sei . . . shirou . . . san . . . I really was . . . in love with you . . ."
And he felt something inside him flicker to life.
But it was too late, wasn't it? He smiled.
……………………………………………………………….
Subaru had gone within. He could feel it through the bonds that he tied to the boy seven years ago.
The bet was over, and he had won, but Subaru was still alive. That would not do, would it? Of course not. The Sumeragi was his, and someday, he would kill him. Not now.
He sensed her presence, but neither was he surprised that she managed to find her way to Ueno Park, nor was he shocked as he saw her come in her twin's white shikifuku.
"Didn't I say it before? Don't ever take Subaru to a faraway place."
"Subaru-kun should be in his room right now."
"But . . . you have taken away his heart, and he can never recover again. So I will cast a curse on you, and you can kill me now."
"As you wish." It was a trap, but he didn't care. Without a second thought, he plunged his hand through her chest. If this was how he would feel if he were to kill Subaru, then he had won the bet indeed. But no matter how much she looked like him, she was still not Subaru.
"I . . . wish that . . . Subaru will go on living . . . I wish that . . . both you and Subaru will live . . ."
Why would you want someone who killed you to live? He didn't understand, just as why Subaru did not hate him. Did not only hate him.
"So, I am using my last efforts to create this curse. If you . . . want to use the same method as you killed me to kill Subaru, then the actions will reverse . . . and you will be killed instead . . ."
He smirked. People would always put their trust on anyone when they were desperate, like a drowning person grasping onto a straw for his dear life. And most of the time, he sank even faster. Sometimes, it is hope that leads you towards you destruction, when you hope for something beyond your reach. The more you hope, the greater is the aftermath of despair, and when your hopes are aroused once more, you will only fall even harder. It is like a never-ending cycle of torture that heals you only because it wants you to suffer more pain. And yet, people cannot survive without hope. Such an exquisite torment it is, to hide itself in fake benevolence. That was hwy hope was in Pandora's box.
"Remember . . . there are unredeemable sins in the world . . . but there never is someone who cannot love, Seishirou . . ."
He smiled, empty and bitter. Even if he could love, that could not pay for the sins he had done, and heal the wounds in Subaru's heart. Even if he could love, he could never change who he was, what he was born to be, and dial the time back and pretend that nothing ever happened.
Love was not everything; love was not almighty.
So what if he could love? It was already too late, wasn't it?
He watched as Hokuto died in his arms. Subaru was never going to forgive him for this.
It was too late. He smiled.
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If the whole world were grey, of nothingness, then Subaru would be the only speck of white, the sole remainder of purity; if the whole world were grey, then Seishirou would be the single spot of black, the one that would forever remain in the shadows. It was no surprise that they would be attracted to each other, to marvel at how something so different from themselves could still exist in the world. Each was what the other could never be, and so, they longed for each other. But they could never be together, because they were black and white; and so they fell in love, because they were black and white. And thus, were bound to hurt.
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