Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die
Night after night, pain and violence came through the open door. Days folded to weeks and weeks quietly turned into months. But it was all the same, every night. The pains of failure danced in both, but so were pride and want that acted as support to carry on.
Kenji's skin was cold and pale that day, and he was not feeling well. He tried to keep up his usual image to cover it up. Hardly anyone noticed. He was quite a good actor.
After spending the remainder of another wasted night in a bathtub of freezing water, this is what he felt. Numbness of the body to the pain, and numbness of the mind. But never the numbness of the heart.
Toru watched him intently during basketball practice. Hardly any of the three-pointers he made was successful, and his stamina was less than usual. Now this is a thing he cannot force his body to make. He can't cheat anybody with this one now.
"Hey, Fujima. What is happening to you?"
"Yo, are you ok, man?"
"Is something wrong? Are you not feeling fine?"
Kenji always answered with the signature smile. Toru just watched.
The boy was wearing an armband on both wrists today, when he usually wore nothing. Toru smirked. Clever bitch, he thought. The reason? The marks of abuse.
--
"Lay down."
Kenji was always an obedient boy. Especially when he obtained bruises just to be one, like this time. He laid down the bed.
"I want to have some fun tonight." Toru said as he approached where his friend lay. He straightened out Ken's collar. "Don't you want to have some fun?"
The brown-haired boy did not speak, just staring at Toru.
"Don't you?!"
"…Yes…" He breathed, frightened. Toru was the only person who can scare him. He did not know why, but he never failed to flinch even at the slightest rise of the deep voice.
The tall boy smiled grimly as he started to undo the buttons of his friend's uniform. He gently slid the shirt off his friend, followed by everything else he wore.
He closed his eyes. As far as Kenji knows, half his closet was filled with broken and ripped clothing. What was happening? Perhaps Toru had…
He heard ripping sounds.
He reminded himself that it was, as always been, foolish to think that Toru can change the way he treated him. He always ended up frustrated everytime he entertained the idea.
He just let his arms be hauled away from his frame and onto the bed's corner, and realized that it was being tied way too firmly to the bedpost, followed by his other wrist and both his feet. Toru had tied him up with his own clothes.
"There. I know you won't resist, but I've wanted to try that. You look way cute anyway."
Tears silently started to slip from Ken's closed eyes. He haven't got used to being treated as a toy, even after so long a time. This was the worst game so far.
"I said you look cute, but you're crying again."
"I'm sorry." The boy replied, trying to stop.
Toru wiped the side of his friend's beautiful face gently. "It's ok…" The tall boy stood up from his bed and started to take off his clothes. "…You just be a good boy for me." He returned to his bed, straddling Kenji by the abdomen. "So, what do you want to do?" He asked, smiling.
"…Anything you want to do."
"Really?" There was amusement in his voice. "Would you take it then?"
Kenji closed his eyes shut, for they were beginning to well again. If Toru loved a good show, it was when he humiliated him with Ken's own will that he be his toy. Toru could have just acknowledged Ken's usual unspoken acceptance, but he loved asking him, crushing further than sexual degradation. He did not speak.
"I thought you'd be a good boy for me tonight."
"Yes."
"Would you take it then? Like this?"
"…Yes."
"Open up then."
He did become a good boy. He opened his mouth. Toru did not move at first, just staring at Ken, smiling. Humiliating his friend really was his favorite show. He traced the tip of his middle finger on Ken's pink, tout lower lip before plunging it in, wrestling his friend's tongue with his fingers. Ken squinted his eyes.
He took out the digits after some moments of play and put them in his own mouth. "Mm, your mouth tastes like candy. Trust me, I'm sweeter. You'll see." He said as he leaned forward and rammed himself all the way inside his friend's sweet mouth. Ken was unconsciously fighting against the bonds, almost tearing the skin of his wrists.
Toru's knuckles turned white against the headboard as he came, slight tremors of release coursing through the whole of his body. He pulled out and straightened his back. Ken swallowed and tried not to vomit or else he would choke to death, tied flat like that.
"Good boy." Toru smiled sarcastically. He moved down to Ken's. He held him in his hand and pumped him for several times, arousing him fully. Then he stopped. He glanced at his friend's wincing face. Obviously, Ken was hurting down there.
"So… you want me to make you come?"
Kenji almost couldn't speak from the frustrating pain. "…Yes…" He breathed, cringing.
"What? I didn't hear you."
"…Make me come…" He breathed again. He did not want it, but he, nevertheless, was male. And it was hurting so badly. And he couldn't move.
Toru chuckled snidely. "Beg."
"Please…it hurts…"
The taller boy bended down, and for a second, Ken thought that his friend would actually take it. But then, Toru just smiled and moved up towards him. Before the smaller boy could remind himself that he, after all, was the bitch, the pain of being entered and the pain of his head suddenly banging on the headboard, not to mention the sudden wrench of his wrists against the bounds, slapped him in the face with the fact.
Two more head-banging thrusts and the smaller boy came, and it was another half a dozen times or so before the taller one did. He pulled out and rolled onto the bedside, panting heavily. Ken was desperately wishing the bands off in silence.
"So, ya wanna get out of those, eh? Why don't ya call your friend Aoyama to untie them for ya?" Toru said angrily and lazily at the same time.
Ken stopped his wishing, and realized why he got his punishment. At the least.
--
Toru had freed him from the binds at the end, but it took him a lifetime to do so. Ken glanced at his wrists. Ugly rings in a mix of black, blue, purple and reddish-pink colors, almost bleeding, marked them. He could tell that his feet were nowhere far while he practically can't walk himself to Toru's bathroom.
He turned on the bathroom lights and washed his face by the sink. After some moments of staring blankly down on the marbled sink, he plugged up the drain and let the water basin in. He then plunged his head in the water, getting out only when he was at the pit of drowning himself. He glanced at his face on the mirror, and the glance turned to a stare. He started crying unconsciously, and then touched the mirror.
This is what he had become.
The tears started to become audible, and he just ran towards the tub. He almost tripped flat on the cold flooring on weakness, but he managed to grip the edge of the tub. He weakly reached for the water knob, turning the cold water on. He tried to stand up and barely succeeded then dropped inside. He gathered his knees and kept them close to himself as he continued to cry.
The man lying on the bed was only half asleep then, and the sound of the cries and sobs lulled him to sleep.
--tsuzuku