Authors Notes:
Kairi: This fanfic is kind of coughalotcough insane so be prepared to not sleep right for a while... we will not be held responsible for your reading this highly disturbing (yet, entertaining) pornfest... er, fanfic... lol
Chloe: PLEASE FLAME US!!!!! We made this EXTRA screwed up just for you so the least you could do is FLAME! Those of you who give us good reviews will be honored in the Hall of Shame, along side the rest of the perverts like us! MWAHAHA! PERVERTS RULE!!!!!
Holiday Dinner Theatre
Hosted and Written by: Chlover and Kairi
Special Guests: Joe, God, ChibiShiva, and Link.
Part One - Introduction
Chloe: Yes, after a WHOLE YEAR and a few days, the dinner theatre has returned! And now I have a NEW host!!!!
Kairi: That would be me… (Tries to hide horns)
Chloe: SILENCE! I'm still Master Host!
Kairi: … Uh… I don't think so. I am here now, and I will not grovel at your feet like a mere serf. I refuse to be UKE!
Chloe: Yeah, you're right. That's Jin's job.
Jin: IS NOT!
Hwoarang: Is too. I would know… (Winks)
Jin: (blushes)… Lies… All lies!
Chloe: Jeez… You see what I have to put up with, Kairi?
Kairi: (Grins evilly)
Hwoarang: So when's my act? Can I go first?
Kairi: Did we even plan acts?
Chloe: … Sure we did… hehe… and, Hwoarang has conveniently been placed first.
Hwoarang: WOOHOO!
Kazuya: Great. Our beloved hosts haven't even planned.
Kairi: You're the dickhead that didn't show up for dress rehearsal!
Kazuya: Dress rehearsal? We didn't have anything to rehearse! I don't even have a goddamn act!!
Kairi: Yes you do! If you showed up, you'd know. You're in Act number three with… uh… RAVEN! That's why I bought you this delightful little gift…
Kazuya: What gift…?
Kairi: Well… I didn't want to give it to you until the gift exchange, but… I don't like fighting with you… kuz I… love you...
Chloe: Oh PUH-LEASE!
Kairi: SILENCE!
Chloe: Pffffffft.
Kazuya: Chloe! Don't start!
Kairi: I got you this… (Snaps fingers and Dr. B. brings out a brand new Purple Suit.)
Kazuya: (CHIBIKAZZY!) OMG!!! I'm sorry Kairi!!!! (Hugs Kairi)
Kairi: I'm sorry too!!! (Hugs!)
Hwoarang: Ahem… my act?
Chloe: Yes… his act?
Kairi: Oh… yeah… that. I'm supposed to introduce it, aren't I?
Chloe: Mm hmm. (Crosses arms and taps foot)
Act One - Hwoarang
Kairi: Ok, folks. Put your hands together for a special performance by Blood Talon and the Cat Claws!
Audience: BOOOOOOO!!!!!
(Hwoarang and his band walk onto a side stage with instruments set up, and he grabs the mic.)
Hwoarang: Once again (sighs) I'm not singing an original song; I'm singing a traditional Christmas song.
Audience: WOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: (Glares at Hosts) I will be singing… I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus.
Chloe: WHAT?!?!
Kairi: THAT'S NOT IT!! But… it does sound interesting.
Chloe: Don't encourage him!
(Music starts)
Chloe: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Hwoarang: (Singing) I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
when we Christmas shopped last night.
They didn't see me creep
into the John to take a leak,
they thought that they were all alone
and so a kiss they sneaked. (Oh,)
Kazuya: hehehe… I just scored dirt on that bastard Doo San!
Lee: Doo San's dead, you moron.
Kazuya: Oh yeah… Doo San is dead. Killed by Toshin. Dead. Gone. No more.
Hwoa: (Blinks back tears)
Kazuya: He kicked the bucket. Stopped breathing. Died a horrible slow and painful death.
Hwoa: I'll KILL YOU!!!!!! (Lunges backstage)
Kazuya: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chloe: Hwoarang. Finish your song.
Hwoarang: But... he… Chloe… please?
Chloe: (Sighs) Fine. Jin. Sing the rest.
Jin: Don't I already have an act?
Chloe: Probably.
Kairi: We're not sure.
Jin: You don't even know my act?
Kairi: Uh… yes we do. You're with King… doing a demonstration.
Jin: That's not very Christmassy.
Kairi: That's why you should finish Hwoarang's act while he does your dad in.
Jin: But I don't like his song. He made it dirty.
Xiaoyu: ME NEITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jin: Where the hell did you come from?!
Xiaoyu: I WAS HIDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: Christ that babe is creepy, but her skirt flying up makes up for it!
(A crash is heard backstage)
Hwoarang: AHH! Get off me, you psychotic freak!!
Xiaoyu: BULLLYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jin: You kinda do deserve that one, Hwoarang.
Hwoarang: Would you just shut up and get it off me!
Xiaoyu: IT?!?!?!?!
Hwoarang: You heard me! … OW!!!!
Jin: Come here, Xiaoyu.
(Scurrying backstage is heard)
Xiaoyu: JINNYPOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Jin: Ok… let go…
Chloe: Maybe we should move on to Act 2...
Kairi: What's Act 2?
Chloe: Act 2 can be… Tree Trimming?
Kairi: Heh… who's going to do that?
Chloe: Xiaoyu…
Kairi: And JULIA!
Act Two - Julia Chang, Ling Xiaoyu
Julia: Oh no. Why must you include me in your anti-environmental rituals?
Chloe: Huh?
Hwoarang: Wha…?
Xiaoyu: (Runs on stage) YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Julia: (Walks on stage) I don't see a tree.
Kairi: They're out back… (Walks on stage and hands Julia a chainsaw)
(Audience points and laughs)
Julia: You people are pure evil! No wonder you and Kazuya get along so well!
Kairi: Evil? Noo… (Adjusts makeshift halo)
Hwoarang: C'mon Julia. We ain't got all frickin' day. Chop chop!
Julia: You're so cruel. (Walks outside with Xiaoyu skipping behind)
Jin: Hwoarang stop touching me.
Hosts: OO
Hwoarang: I'm… oh come on! It's not like that you perverts!
Hosts: OO
Hwoarang: Bah!
(A screen comes down showing Julia and Xiaoyu outside.)
Julia: There's no way I'm cutting it down!
Xiaoyu: I'LL DO IT!!!!
Julia: You can't even lift the chainsaw!
Xiaoyu: YES I CAN!!!!!!!!!!!
Julia: (Hands Xiaoyu the chainsaw) Be my guest.
Xiaoyu: (Drags the chainsaw over to the tree) EAT DIRT, YOU LEAFY FIEND!!!!! (Tries to saw it like a normal saw)
Julia: Uh… Xiaoyu?
Xiaoyu: WHAT???????????
Julia: … Never mind.
Xiaoyu: THIS IS TAKING FOREVER! WHY DIDN'T THEY GIVE US ONE OF THOSE SAWS WITH A MOTOR?!
Julia: Let's just go back and say we won't do it!
Xiaoyu: (Rips a branch off the tree) I THINK YOU'D BETTER START CHOPPING JULIA!!!!!!!
Julia: I'm surprised you can lift that… and NO!
Xiaoyu: (Starts swinging the branch like a bat) HUT HUT!
Julia: That's football, you bimbo!
Xiaoyu: POOHEAD!!!!!!!!!
Julia: Come a little closer! I dare you!
Xiaoyu: YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!! (Swings and nails Julia in the head) MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Random Voice: KO! Ling Xiaoyu Wins!
(Back in the Auditorium)
Hwoarang: Can I finish my song now?
Chloe: No. Act one was finished a whole act ago.
Kazuya: You gave up your act to hold me to the floor. I'm honored.
Hwoarang: It's not like that! Goddamnit!
Kazuya: Hwoarang, who are you really trying to convince?
Jin: Ew! Dude, that's my dad!
Hwoarang: Dude! I'm not gay! And when did you start saying dude?
Act Three - King, Jin Kazama.
Kairi: Ok! Time for the Demo! Jin, you're going to be King's Dummy for a while.
Kazuya: I thought I was supposed to be in Act three with Raven?
Chloe: Raven hasn't showed up yet so there's a slight change of plans.
Jin: (Walks on stage) Perfect.
King: (Walks on as well) ROAR!
Jin: (Crosses his arms) So, what do you want me to do?
King: Lie on your back.
Jin: (Blinks) Excuse me?
King: Just do it.
Jin: What happened to the ROARS?
King: A roar wouldn't answer your question, now would it?
Jin: I guess not.
King: Quit avoiding my simple instructions and lie on your back.
Hwoarang: Oh I'm going to love this!
Jin: (Glares backstage) You just be quiet!
King: ROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRR!
Jin: Eep! (Lays down)
King: Now I shall demonstrate my "Head Bomber!"
Hwoarang: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Jin: What's the "Head Bomber?"
King: (Grabs Jin's legs and spreads them)
Hwoarang: WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Jin: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
King: This! (Pulls his head back)
Jin: MOMMY!!!!!!
King: (Slams his head into Jin's crotch) ROOOAAAAARRR!!!!
(Audience cheers)
Jin: Oh… (Rolls over onto his stomach, holding his crotch) That was really uncalled for...
Hwoarang: Awww... want me to kiss it better?
Jin: Not gay my ass!
Hwoarang: Heh.
Chloe: Get on with the act!
Jin: Are you serious?! I refuse!
Chloe: You? Refuse? I bet you can't even walk straight!
Kairi: AHHH!!!! Someone's touching me!!!!!!
Gon: skfalsdj
Kairi: … Oh… my… god…
Gon: errrreeeBEEE Greffal deebee
Christie: He said it wasn't him.
Chloe: Since when do you talk dino?
Christie: … I don't know.
Kairi: Well who's touching me?
Hwoarang: They're still touching you? Push them away!
Kairi: Why?
Kazuya: Want me to attack them?
Kairi: No… I mean… Yes! … I mean… not really.
(They hear some whacked out voice say something)
Kairi: Oh Yoshimitsu! It's you! Carry on.
Chloe: … Uh… anyway… let's move on.
Act Four - Miharu Hirano, Dr. B, Nina Williams, Special Guest
Chloe: Now on to our Christmas Story. Please give a warm welcome to our special guest, LINK!
(Link walks on stage, followed by Miharu, Dr. B, and Nina. They sit in a circle of chairs)
Link: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Nina: Shut up you elf bastard.
Dr. B: De stockings vere hung by da shimney kinda careful, because dat feller vit de red knickers vas supposed to be dere.
Miharu: And the KIDDIES They were sleeping all cute like me and Xiaoyu and JINNYJin do when we sleep, even though Jinny won't ever join our cuddle bed, cuz he's BORING!
Link: (Clears his throat) uh… And momma in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
Nina: Didn't I tell you to shut up? Chloe, why did you confiscate my gun, you bitch?
Dr. B: Ven out on the northrup King lawn dere arose one heck of a noise, Ay jumped out of may bed to see if it vas de boys.
Miharu: And then I, like, totally sprinted to the window and threw open the curtains… You know, just incase if it was a cute boy like Hwoarang… (Sigh)
Link: The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
Nina: What the hell is that Pervo talk?
Dr. B: And vat to my vondering eyes should appear, but a teeny-weeny sleigh and eight teeny horses.
Miharu: And I soooo Knew it had to be Santa kuz of the red suit and the stupid hat and all, and… He was lively and quick, or whatever! This story's stupid. Hwoarang should write the story.
Link: … (Glances at Nina and gulps) … More rapid then eagles his courses they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
Nina: (Turns to Miharu) You're annoying. I think I'll kill you along with the elf boy, just for good measure.
Dr. B: Now Hasher- now Trasher- now Vixer, now Prancer- on Cosmetics- On Stupid- on Visconsin- On Pittsburg!
Miharu: (Lunges at Nina) If you kill me with anyone, it's better be with my Blood Talon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: I QUIT!!!!!!!!!!
Nina: (Bitch Slaps Miharu) Don't touch me you hyperactive, psychotic twit!!!
Dr. B: To de top of de porch to de top of de wall, now pass avay, pass avay, pass avay for cat's sakes!
(Everyone pauses to blink at Dr. B)
Miharu: Did you just tell Santa to die?
Link: Chloe. Don't ever call me for a favor ever again! (Storms off stage)
Nina: May I?
Chloe: Allow me… Oooohhhh ERIC!!!!
(They hear a loud thud from backstage)
Lee: Oh the AGONY!!!!!
Link: Missed me!
Chloe: OMG!!!!! LEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! (Freaks out)
Kazuya: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Nina: Now may I?
Kairi: Just go before she squashes another favorite.
Nina: Gun?
Link: Uh oh…
Kairi: Honestly Nina, You don't need a gun. You've got that magnificent "Bad Habit!"
Link: Oh boy…
Nina: You're right. Thanks.
Link: (Runs back on stage and leaps out into the audience, running across people's heads) You'll never catch me!!!!!!!
Nina: We'll see about that. (Finds Armand under a loose plank in the stage)
Chloe: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! (Rushes out)
Nina: (Starts shooting at the Audience) MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Die!!!!!!
Bryan: (Cries) I hate you Nina!
(Amazingly, the only one harmed by the machine gun was Link, who now lays in a bloody puddle in the aisle, riddled with bullets)
Nina: Shall we get on with the show?
Hosts: (Glance at each other and blink) OO
Hwoarang: Shouldn't somebody help Jin?
Gon: bee beeboo bee bee!!!!!
Yoshi: Tequila!!!!!!!!
(Yoshimitsu and Gon start dancing)
Kairi: Was there even a point to that?
Jin: PAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!
Chloe: Still? Oh suck it up you big baby!
Hwoarang: (Glares) Chloe? Do I have to hurt you?
Chloe: Do you have to ask? (Winks)
Hwoarang: Goddamnit!
Kairi: Nice… (Laughs)
Jin: A PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!!!!!
Kairi: Awwwwwwwww... (Cries)
Xiaoyu: MERCUTIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eddy: Your life seems so meaningless.
Xiaoyu: … EH?????????????
Eddy: Not you! I meant Julia!
Xiaoyu: JULIA'S DEAD YOU UNSMART PERSON!!!!!!!!
Chloe: Unsmart?
Kairi: She's just knocked out!
Chloe: DAMNIT!!!!!!
Michelle: HEY!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: WTF!!!!! Aren't you dead?
Michelle: No… (Leaves)
(Everyone stares after Michelle)
Nina: Next Act?
Raven: I'm here conveniently in time for the only act that hasn't been planned!
Kairi: And we're adding Kunimitsu to your act.
Kazuya: … Why?
Kairi: Kuz I said so! DO NOT QUESTION ME!!!!! Now put on your new suit!
Kazuya: Why?
Chloe: To give us time to figure out what your act is…
Kairi: Oh shut up!
Chloe: Sorry….
(Kairi and Chloe huddle and whisper)
Kairi: Heh… Ok, we'll need, Jun, Yoshimitsu, and Feng. ASSISTANT/SLAVE PERSON! Come! You know what to do! Put them in the sound proof room backstage!
(Doctor Abel leads the said people backstage…)
Act 5 - Kazuya Mishima, Jun Kazama, Raven, Feng Wei, Kunimitsu, and Yoshimitsu
Chloe: Now it's time for "Get Drunk and Cheat on their Spouses!"
Xiaoyu: I'M GLAD JINNYKINS AND ME AREN'T IN THIS ACT!!!
Jin: Hehehe… heh…
Hwoarang: Heh…
Xiaoyu: WHAT?????????
Hwoarang: (Pulls Jin backstage) Don't need you in there being fondled by your drunken parents.
Jin: … Thanks for the concern. Oo;
Kairi: Have large amounts of alcohol been injected into their blood stream yet?
Abel: Yes Master.
Kairi: Ahhhhh... very good. BRING THEM OUT!!!!!!!!!!
(Kazuya, Jun, Raven, Feng, Kuni, and Yoshi walk out on stage, or stagger…)
Chloe: Ok… Jun and Yoshi make out, Raven and Kunimitsu make out, and Kazuya and Feng make out.
Kazuya: Wha? No… is noth goona hafen.
Hwoarang: The woman told you to kiss the man! Get to it!
Chloe: Thank you Hwoarang…
(Jun and Yoshimitsu blink at each other)
Raven: I'm not even drunk. I can hold way more alcohol then that. And I ain't with Feng so I wouldn't be cheating on anyone.
Kairi: NINA!!!!! He's ruining the mood!!!!
(Nina comes back out with Armand)
Raven: AHHHHHH Ok! I'm drunk!!!!!! I'm drunk!!!!! And ok, Feng and I are together! WHATEVER YOU WANT!!! JUST DON'T SHOOOOT!!!!!
Kairi: YAY!
(Kunimitsu passes out)
Chloe: … Uh… Hwoarang, go replace Kunimitsu.
Hwoarang: You'll take any chance you get to make me get it on with a guy, won't you?
Chloe: Pretty much. Now get to it.
Hwoarang: But I'm not drunk.
Chloe: When has that mattered in the past?
Hwoarang: Point taken… (Leaps out on Raven.)
Kairi: Where's my CAMERA?!?!?! Someone get a camera, QUICK!
Miharu: OMFG!!!!! HWOARANG!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU???????????
Raven: AHHHHHH!!!!!! GET OFF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: STAY STILL!!!!!!!! (Pins Raven down)
Feng: DECK THE HALLS WITH BALLS OF HOLLY!!!!!!!!!
Jin: Balls of holly?
FENG: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kairi: Wtf? Somebody slap him!
King: RRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRR (body slams Feng)
Kairi: Good kitty... (Pets King)
King: (Purrs) Mrrrrrow!
Raven: SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
Xiaoyu: AREN'T YOU A NINJA???????????????
Raven: WTF!!!!!!!!!
Xiaoyu: YOU LOOK LIKE A NINJA!!!!!!!!
Raven: HEEEELLLLLPPPPPP MEEEEE!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: Would you shut up! You're spoiling my concentration!
Nina: This is finally getting entertaining.
Anna: I disagree.
Nina: WTF? Aren't you dead?!
Anna: Where the hell did you get that I was dead?
Nina: Wishful thinking?
Lee: Is there any point to this dinner theatre show?
Hosts: OO … Yes…
Kazuya: Whelp, muh deeeer brofer… 'at wash random…
Lee: … Could you repeat that?
Kazuya: repot wha?
Lee: Repeat… oh never mind.
Kazuya: I'm an eveeel devil mwahheheheheeeee (giggles)
Jin: My dad's creepy when he's drunk.
Chloe: Let's get Jin drunk!!!
Jin: Uh… no…
Hwoarang: NO!
Kairi: OO
Jin: Let's get the hosts drunk!
Hosts: NINA!!!!!!
Jin: OK I'M SORRY!!!!!
Steve: OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI
Nina: Steve, darling, that's been done. And it was lame the first time.
Steve: OI?
Nina: No.
Steve: OI!!!!!!! (Explodes)
Audience: OO
Chloe: Sorry about that folks. Steve pulls tantrums like this every now and then.
Nina: Goddamn tube baby.
Lee: Since you were in Cryosleep when they had him, is the father some random sperm donor or did my darling brother offer his services?
Nina: How the hell should I know? I was in Cryosleep you bloody bollixed up ball-bag!
Lee: … OO I resent that…
Raven: Don't touch me there!!!!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: What about here?
Raven: AHHHH! That's even worse!!!!!!!
Miharu: HWOARANG! BEHAVE!!!!!!!
Jin: Yeah Hwoarang!!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: I am behaving!!!! Right, Raven? (Evil laugh)
Raven: No… wtf… what are you doing?… Oh god…
Chloe: I would have liked to keep this PG-13…
Kazzy: (Looks backstage) NUDIES!!!!!!
Miharu: AHHHHHHHHHHHH (Runs out into the audience) MY VIRGIN EYES!!!!!!!
Jin: Hwoarang put it away!
Hwoarang: No. You put it away.
Jin: ...Sicko.
Raven: … oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god.
Kairi: CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chloe: OMFG!!!!! MMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Nina: (Sighs) I think I'm going to leave now.
Raven: Please… stop… (Whimpers)
Xiaoyu: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Christie: This is getting out of hand. This is only my second line…
Jin: Actually, it's your third. Three too many if you ask me.
Christie: Well nobody asked you. FOURTH! AHAHA!
Raven: Oh god… Hwoarang…
Hwoarang: That's it. Say my name, big daddy.
Jin: I thought I was your big daddy.
Jun: WHAT??????????????????
Jin: Uh… hehe… nothing... (Blushes)
Xiaoyu: WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH (Sobs hysterically)
Hwoarang: (Pants) Someone shut her up. She's killing my hornyness.
Xiaoyu: GOOD!!!! NOW YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR FACE DOES TO PEOPLE!!!!!
Jin: I do believe that was a burn.
Hwoarang: I do believe you can kiss my ass. Oh wait! Too late!
Jin: That was really lame Hwoarang, even for you.
Raven: Oh yeah. That's the spot.
Lee: Let's all just pretend that I'm not enjoying watching this.
Chloe: (Pats Chaolan) It's ok, my lil bundle of androgyny. We can enjoy it together.
Lee: (Smiles) Androgyny… I like that.
Hwoarang: Wanna know what I like?
Kairi: YES!
Raven: OOOWWWWWW!!!!!
Hwoarang: THAT!!!!! AHAHAHA!!!!
Chloe: Let's get onto the next act.
Kazuya: wha ish a nex ac?
Lee: OO Come again?
Kazuya: NO
Lee: Mmhmm… ok…
Act 6 - Everybody
Chloe: EVERYBODY ON STAGE FOR THE GIFT EXCHANGE!!!! Everyone in Tekken 5 that is…
Gon: GISHIBOO NIRHOUSIN!!!!
Christie: That was just nasty, Gon… FIFTH! (Sticks tongue out at Jin)
Xiaoyu: BUT I BOUGHT JULIA A PRESENT, AND SHE'S DEAD!!!!!!
Kairi: She's just UNCONSCIOUS!!
Xiaoyu: (Walks outside and puts flowers down on Julia, as if in mourning.) … Rest in Peace… NOW… WHERE'S MY PRESENT?!?! … JULIA!!!!!!!!! …. WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Nina: Anna… I got you something…
Anna: Really?
Nina: (Shoves a dress in Anna's arms) Just take the bloody thing!
Anna: A Purple Cocktail Dress!!!!!!! OH I WANTED THIS COLOR!!!!! (Pulls out wrapped package) Gotcha something as well!
Nina: Better not be a fruitcake.
Anna: It's much better then a fruitcake. (Gives it to Nina)
Nina: (Unwraps it and eyes widen) OMG! A Vibrator!!!!! WEEEEEE!!! (Hugs Anna)
Hwoarang: Well that was only slightly OOC…
Chloe: Who's next?
Kuma: Growl growl growl.
Kairi: OO … Christie?
Christie: He said "Me."
Panda: Growl. (Gives Kuma a big screen TV)
Kuma: GROWL!!!!!! (Hugs Panda and pulls a blowup doll out of nowhere that looks like Xiaoyu)
Xiaoyu: (Blinks) I'm not so sure I like this.
Kairi: Now who?
(Nobody says anything)
Kairi: GRRR! NINA!… Nina… Where'd she go?
Anna: She went to the Loo.
Hosts: (Blink) Ok…
Feng: Got ya dye, man… (Gives Raven blonde hair dye.) Dude, your zippers undone.
Hwoarang: (Smirks) hehe…
Raven: (Clears throat and zips up zipper) Sorry bout that… here… (Gives Feng a bag)
Feng: Whats this? (Pulls out Black Speedo Bondage Undies) Oh… my... YAY!!!! (Puts them on)
Bryan: DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Yoshimitsu: (Says something real trippy)
Bryan: DDIIIIIEEE!!!!!!!! (Hands Yoshimitsu a Light Saber)
Yoshimitsu: (CHIBI YOSHI!!!) HAHAHAHA!!! (Pretends to slice off an invisible head while saying something really trippy and excitedly)
Bryan: DIE????
Yoshimitsu: (Talks trippily, and hands Bryan "DIE magazine")
Bryan: DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kazuya: (Steps up to Jin standing tall) Son, I have something for you. (Is talking serious)
Jin: (Stands tall as well) What is it, father? (Is talking serious too)
Kazuya: This... (Hands Jin a cute little fern plant in a pot) (Is serious)
Jin: (Chibified) Awwwwww, for cute! (Cuddles his new little fern plant) (Is… not so serious here...)
Kazuya: (Sweat drops) Well, he certainly does take after his mother, doesn't he?
Jin: Oh, I got you something too. (Hands his dad a present)
Kazuya: (Unwraps it) OO (Chibified) OH MY GOD... SNEAKERS!!! (Hugs Jin!)
Jin: You're... welcome. (Nervous laughter)
Craig: Uh… I got something for… uh… (Thinks) That guy in the mask…
King: Roar?
Craig: Yeah you, ya freak. Here. (Gives King a kitten mask)
King: ROAR! (Puts it on over the Jaguar mask)
King: ROARRRRR! (Hands Craig a razor) Dude. You're way too hairy. Here's a razor so you can go shave yourself.
Craig: Oo;
Paul: OH YEAHHHHHH!!! I'm FINALLY gettin' to appear in this damn thing!!!!
Nina: What ARE you talking about? (Holds up Armand)
Paul: Meep! NOTHING!!! (Runs and hides behind Marshall)
Marshall: Ah, just the man I was looking for. I have something for you. (Hands Paul "Spicy Pepper Beef")
Paul: WHOA, THANKS MAN!!!
Marshall: And if you say it's too damn spicy... YOU DIE!!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!
Bryan: (Glares) Why does everyone keep stealing my line?
Marshall: DIEEEEE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEEEE!!! (Twitches)
Paul: (Sighs) I was hoping to give this to you under better circumstances, BUT NOW'S AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! (Smashes Marshall on the head with a Frying Pan)
Random Voice: KO! Paul Phoenix Wins!
Nina: Hmpf. Serves him right. Idiot never did reach puberty anyway with all that damn high-pitched screaming at the tournaments.
Steve: Mom?
Nina: Yes, son?
Steve: (Chibified) You called me son... I'M SO HAPPY!!! (Cries)
Nina: Don't get used to it you fuckin' pansy.
Steve: Aw. Oh well, here's something I got for you for the gift exchange. (Hands her a new AK-47 rifle)
Nina: HOLY HELL!!! (Throws Armand in the trash) I ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THESE!!! (Grabs AK-47)
Chloe: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Goes to retrieve Armand) There, there. (Pets) That stupid bitch doesn't appreciate you like I do. (Kisses Armand)
Hwoarang: Yikes.
Steve: Did you get ME anything?
Nina: Oh yeah. (Hands him Pink Boxing Gloves with Little Red Hearts on them)
Steve: (Sweat drops) Uh, thanks?
Nina: (Smiles) You're welcome, dearie.
Lee: (Smirks) Well, isn't that sweet.
Kazuya: Heh... just like the present I got you.
Lee: Oooooo... whatdjya get me, whatdjya get me, whatdjya get MEEEEEEEE!!! (Hops up and down)
Kazuya: For the love of FUCK, settle down LEE!!! (Hands him a Chibi Unicorn Plushie)
Lee: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! (Violates Plushie)
Kazuya: Oh.............. my............... god.
Lee: Thanks Kaz! Here's your present. (Gives him a bag)
Kazuya: (Opens it) OO YES!!!!!!! MORE SNEAKERS!!!!!!!!!!! (Violates sneakers)
Hwoarang: Is that even possible?
Jin: (Shivers) And I share those genes.
Hwoarang: Heh, speaking of sharing. (Hands Jin a HUGE present wrapped in tinfoil)
Jin: Huh? (Unwraps it)
Hwoarang: (Tries to hold in his laughter)
Jin: Goddamnit Hwoarang!!!! That's not funny!!!!!
Hwoarang: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Hosts: ...What is it? OO
(Jin holds up a huge sign saying "UKE" on it with condoms stapled off to the side)
(Audience cracks up laughing)
Hwoarang: Heh... what the hell's wrong with it?
Jin: (Glares) You know very well what's wrong with it.
Hwoarang: No I don't. It's true. How can there be anything wrong with it, when what it states just happens to be the truth? (Grins evilly)
Jin: (Blushes)... Uh... um............... proof!!! You don't have any proof!!! (Smiles triumphantly)
Hwoarang: You want proof? I can give you that! (Rips a condom off the UKE sign and pounces on Jin)
Jin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Kairi: Hmmmmmmmm... this kinda reminds me of the incident with Raven.
Raven: (Twitches)
Hwoarang: Oh, you enjoyed it you spineless bitch!!! Admit it!!!
Jin: (Moans)
Hwoarang: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Asuka: (Smirks) Us Kazamas' certainly are sexy bitches, aren't we?
Jack-5: AiN't ThAt ThE tRuTh.
Asuka: OO
Jack-5: YoU aRe So BeAuTiFuL aSuKa, WiLl YoU mArRy Me?
Asuka: What.................. the..................... fuck? OO
Jin: Hwoarang, you should propose to me too.
Hwoarang: Why? Let's just enjoy the fucking for now. (Evil grin)
Jin: (Gasps) Good point.
Hwoarang: Point is right... hehehehe...
Jack-5: (Hands Asuka an oil can) ThIs Is My OwN pReCiOuS oIl ThAt I mAdE sPeCiAlLy FoR yOu. I hOpE yOu EnJoY iT.
Asuka: Uh, thanks?... but... I didn't get you anything.
Jack-5: Oh, ThAt'S aLrIgHt. A lAp DaNcE wIlL sUfFiCe FoR nOw.
Asuka: A WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Jack-5: YoU hEaRd Me!!! NoW gEt To It My SeXy KaZaMa MaMa!!!!!
Kazuya: Ah, yes. I remember calling Jun by that name.
Jin: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Hwoarang: CONCENTRATE ON ME, DAMMIT!!!!!
Asuka: Well... since you gave me a present... and I... don't have a present for you... I guess... I'll... do it... (Cringes)
Jack-5: WoOt!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sits down on a chair)
Asuka: (Shakes her head) I'm going to regret this. (Sits down on Jack-5's lap and proceeds to move around)
Jack-5: AhHhHhHhHhH yEaHhHhHhHhHhHhHhH!!!!!!
Hosts: OO;;;
Gon: sdhJKSkljdskSHO;DFHdfzvuhSDFdhFUCK!!
Christie: (Snickers) That's exactly what I was thinking...
Asuka: (Bounces up and down on Jack-5's lap)
Jack: Oh GoD i ThInK i'M gOiNg ToOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO... (Explodes)
(Asuka goes flying across the room)
Hwoarang: (stops mid-thrust) HOLY FUCK!!!!!
Jin: HARDER!!!!!
Xiaoyu: WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nina: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID MUNCHKIN!!!!!!!!!! (Smacks Xiaoyu in the head with her vibrator)
Random Voice: KO! Nina Williams Wins!
Steve: GO MOM!!!!!!
Christie: Yes, your mother is quite the role model, isn't she?
Steve: Yeah......... well... at least when she's not trying to kill me, kicking men in the nuts, bitch slapping people, swearing at me, causing mass destruction on the world, having...
Christie: ENOUGH!!!! I get the point!! Now...what did you get me?
Steve: (Smirks) This... (Hands Christie a see-thru bikini)
Christie: YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING PIG!!!! YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER MAN!!!
Jin: I'm not like that… ..
Christie: I know you're not Jinny, that's what makes you a good boy. (Smiles)
Jin: Yay!!!
Hwoarang: Don't you DARE call him Jinny, you SLUT!!!!!!
Christie: WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AND FUCK YOUSELF, BITCH!!!!
Hwoarang: BECAUSE I'M FUCKING JIN RIGHT NOW, SO SUCK IT!!!!!
Jin: I don't know whether to be offended or honored...
Hworang: Just get fucked and enjoy it, sweetheart. (Smiles)
Jin: ..............................ok... (Gets fucked and enjoys it)
Hwoarang: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Christie: Hmpf, I got you a present too Steve, but you're such a jerk I don't think I should give it to you. (Hides present behind her back)
Steve: Awwwwwwwwww, please give it to me?
Christie: Why should I?
Steve: Because I'm... cute? (Puppy eyes)
Kazuya: (coughbullshitcough) Ahem, excuse me, I must be catching a cold.
Christie: True, but that's not a good enough reason... (Glances at her fingernails)
Steve: I'll be your slave for a week!!!... err, a MONTH!!!! How's that?!
Christie: Ah, now we're getting somewhere! (Throws Steve his present)
Steve: (Unwraps it) A skirt?
Christie: Not just any skirt... a Hawaiian GRASS skirt. (Winks) NOW PUT IT ON, SLAVE!!!!
Steve: Oh well, at least it'll go nicely with my Hawaiian shirt from the 4th tourney... (Puts it on)
Chloe: Hehehehe... (Takes a picture) BLACKMAIL!!!!
Kairi: Mmmmmmmmm... that doesn't look too bad if I do say so myself. (Pervy smile)
Chloe: Oooooo, speaking of looking good, here's a little something I got for you. (Gives Kairi a Jin, Kazuya, and nakie Hwoarang/Jin key chain)
Kazuya/Hwo/Jin: ………. OO
Chloe: SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kazuya/Hwo/Jin: OO
Kairi: Wow, thank you!!! (Hugs Chloe) I got a little something for you also. (Hands Chloe Tekken Yaoi Doujinshi)
Chloe: YUMMAY!!!!!!! (Gropes)
All Tekken Men: … … OO
Chloe: Don't flatter yourself Kuma.
Kuma: (Cries)
(SIMULTANEOUS ORGASM!!!!!!!)
Chloe: Who the FUCK just orgasmed?!?!
Hwo and Jin: WE DID!!!!!!!
Hosts: Heh...
(Auditorium starts to shake)
Lei: What the hell is going on?!?!
(ChibiShiva and.................. Joe, appear out of thin air)
Everyone: OO
Nina: What the FUCK just happened? Somebody better speak up... NOW!!! (Equips herself with her AK-47)
Dr. B: Ahem, allow me to explain de circumstances of dis strange phenomena dat ve hafe just experienced. Ay belief dat vortex vas created between dimension, vich had been brought on by da force of dat heck of an orgasm dat de boys demonstrated…
Hwoarang: BWAHAHAHA!!! I'M JUST THAT GOOD!!!!
Jin: I helped too!!
Dr. B: Ahem, as I vas saying… da strengf of deir orgasm created a rift between two vorlds: da one in vich ve are in now, and da one in vich ChibidiShivi and Jov came from, and dat as dey say is dat. (Dies)
Yoshimitsu: (Says something trippy in a sad sounding voice)
(ChibiShiva and............ Joe looks around)
ChibiShiva: (Looks around warily) How did we get here?
Joe: (Looks around as well) I dunno.
ChibiShiva: (Shrugs) Here's a present. (Gives Joe "free-fondling Lee" tickets)
Joe: Awesome!!! (Cuddles them)
Lee: I don't know whether to laugh or be afraid...
Joe: Here ya go, Chibi!! (Gives ChibiShiva the limited edition of "Hours upon Hours of Unadulterated Hawt Kinky Tekken Fun," while sprinting off to fondle Lee)
ChibiShiva: (Gets a blanket, a pillow, pops DVD into PS2 and lays on the floor, drooling at TV, but suddenly gets up and huggles Joe) THANKIES! (Goes back to DVD-watching)
Joe: (Happily fondles Lee and sighs)
Lee: Would it be wrong, if I said I was enjoying this?
Joe: Nooooooooooooo... (Dreamy smile)
Hosts:
Bryan: DDDDDDDDIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Anna: Oh no, not this again. (Shakes her head)
Lei: Hey Bryan, I have a gift for you!
Bryan: Die?
Lei: Yep, enjoy it dude. (Hands him a small box)
Bryan: (Opens it)................................what the fuck?
(Everyone gasps)
Paul: YOU CAN TALK?!?!
Bryan: Err...................... die?
(Everyone goes back to what they were doing before)
Lei: Like your gift?
Bryan: (Whispers) Are you fuckin' stupid or something?
Lei: (Confused) No… why?
Bryan: (Holds up a "free-pass" to a tanning booth) Does THAT answer your fucking question?!
Lei: (Laughs nervously)
Bryan: DDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! (Whips a container at Lei's head)
Lei: Ow!!! Huh?... Hey! This is a present for me, isn't it?!
Bryan: (Nods)
Lei: (Pulls off the top to the container)
Bryan: DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lei: (Screams in horror at his present) OH MY GOD!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BRYAN!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: (Peers over Lei's shoulder) What is it?
(Lei holds up a dead squirrel with a nametag around its neck saying "Jin")
Hwoarang: Whoa... OO
Jin: Why the heck do you have a dead squirrel with my name?
Bryan: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Grabs the squirrel from Lei and fondles it)
Jin: I don't want to know!!! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!! (Runs and hides behind Hwoarang)
Hwoarang: (Smirks) Jinny sure is popular, isn't he?
Jin: I don't want to be popular... especially with him... (Peers over Hwoarang's shoulder at Bryan)
Bryan: (Leers at Jin and... "does stuff" to the poor dead squirrel)
Jin: (Shivers)
Craig: Look at it this way, at least you have Hwoarang to protect you.
Hwoarang: Yeah, Jin. You know you love having your big bad SEME here to protect you. (Winks)
Jin: (Glares at Craig) I don't need protecting. I won the 3rd and 4th tournaments, so I obviously can take care of myself.
Craig: Yeah, sure... (Shrugs)
(Jin runs up to Bryan and punts him like football)
Bryan: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?????????????? (Crash)
Random Voice: KO! Jin Kazama Wins!
Craig: Damn... nice kick. OO
Hwoarang: Dude, that was HAWT!!! (Drools)
Jin: (Smirks)
Kazuya: AH YEAH!!! THAT'S MY BOY!!!!!!!
(Kazuya and Jin high-five)
King: ROAR! Roar, roar roar!!!! Meow!!! Roarrrrrrrrrrr!! ROARRRRR!!!!! (Hands Jin a glass of beer)
Jin: (Confused) Huh?
Kairi: Uh, Christie?
Christie: He said, "ROAR! Roar, roar roar!!!! Meow!!! Roarrrrrrrrrrr!! ROARRRRR!!!!!"
Chloe: TRANSLATE!!!!!!!!!!
Christie: Oh, hehehe. He said, "Please accept this mug of beer as a sign of forgiveness for hitting you in the nuts earlier."
Jin: Uh, thanks.... but I don't drink. (Politely hands the beer back to King)
King: Roar... (Hands it back to Jin)
Jin: I said I don't drink... (Hands it back to King)
King: ROAR! (Hands it back at Jin)
Jin: I SAID I DON'T DRINK! (Hands it back to King)
King: DRINK, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jin: Eep!! (Grabs it and gulps it down)
King: (Grins evilly)
Jin: Whoa, I don't feel so good... Xx
Hwoarang: That's because you've never drank before, Jin.
King: Want me to help you lie down? (Grins evilly)
Jin: (Holds his stomach in pain while nodding)
(Jin leans on King as he helps him over to the couch to lie down)
King: Feel better?
Jin: (Nods)
King: (Massages Jin's stomach)
Jin: (Looks up at King suspiciously) What are you doing?
King: I'm massaging your stomach to help make the pain go away.
Jin: Oh, ok... (Relaxes)
King: (Unlaces Jin's karate belt)
Jin: (Tenses) What are you doing?
King: I need to reach more of your stomach to massage better.
Jin: Ummm.............. ok... (Relaxes once again)
King: (Rips off Jin's pants)
Jin: Ok, what the FUCK are you doing?!?!
King: ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pins Jin to the couch)
Everyone: OO
Jin: AHHHHHH!!!! I feel like I'm being RAPED!!! Nooooo, don't put your finger THERE!!!! (Gasps)
Everyone: OO
Hwoarang: Dude, just fight back!!!!
Jin: (Moans)
Hwoarang: Or not... (Drools)
Nina: Don't you care at all about your boyfriend at all?
Hwoarang: Yeahhhhhhhhh... (Drools)
Nina: Are you ENJOYING watching him get raped by a man in a kitten mask?
Hwoarang: Yeahhhhhhhhh... (Drools)
(Nina shakes her head and walks off in disgust)
Hwoarang: What? What did I say?
Lee: Come on, enough about these adolescent pre… (Swats Joe's hand away) wait a minute would you?
Joe: … I don't have to wait! I have the MAGIC ticket!!!!!!
Lee: Magic? (Sighs) Why do I bother?
Hwoarang: HA HA! Unlike you, you pathetic wretch! I DON'T NEED A TICKET! (Fondles Raven)
Raven: HEY!!!!!!!!!!
Jin: (Whimpers)
King: ROAR!
Chloe: This is getting GOOOOOOOD!!!! (Fondles Armand)
Nina: OO … Chloe, you get creepier by the minute.
Yoshimitsu: (Says something really trippy and pokes the unconscious people with his sword)
Kairi: Uh… Yoshi… Why is there blood on your sword?
Yoshimitsu: (Glances at sword and then at the puddle of blood collecting around Julia) Oh crap.
Paul: YOU CAN TALK???
Yoshimitsu: erm… (Says something really trippy)
Hosts: (Glance from Yoshi to Bryan) Hmmm…
Hwoarang: SAY MY NAME BITCH!!!!!!
Lee: Who the hell are you sexually harassing this time?
Hwoarang: Nobody… I'm playing dolls with Gon. Leave us alone… (Starts moving Bryan's mouth) Suck me!!!!!!
Gon: (Moves Julia's mouth) MeeebOOOOL
Christie: EWWWWW! You're dirty!
Hwoarang: … Whore!!!!! (Makes Bryan punch Julia)
Gon: GREEEEEEEEBA LFShlaaa AAAAAADEEELL BRRRRRING!!!! (Makes Julia rip her shirt off)
Hwoarang: (Makes Bryan rip his pants off) I hope you like it rough biatch!!
Audience: OO
Hosts: Uh… NEXT ACT!!!!!!
Lee: Finally.
Hwoarang: (Moves Bryan's mouth) DIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Act 7 – Lee Chaolan, Combot
Kairi: Uh, this last act is just a presentation. Nothing big. I'm sorry. No big finale.
Jin: OH MY GOD, IT FEELS SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!
Chloe: WOULD YOU STOP THAT?!?! KING!!!! Get the hell off of Kazama!!!!!
(Kyle appears)
Hosts: (Turn to Dr. Abel) Well?
Kyle: Someone called for me?
Jin: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH GOD!!! HARDER!!!! HARDERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Kyle: Yes? What would you like?
Everyone: OO
Lee: CAN WE GET ON WITH MY ACT??????? … Please?
Chloe: Sure. Knock yourself out.
Lee: Hopefully it will not resort to that. (Climbs on stage) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! I am here today to present my latest genius invention.
(Combot walks on stage and beeps a couple times)
Lee: Not yet, you moron!
(Combot walks back off)
Lee: (Sighs) Anyway… as I was saying, my pet scientists and I have been working very hard for a while now in secret, to create such a magnificent … creation.
(Combot walks out and glances at Lee)
Lee: I have named my invention, the LEEBOT!!!
(Combot beeps and explodes into a bunch of pieces that start moving around and building into each other to form a new robot that looks more like a cyborg with silver hair. A whole bunch of Leebots run out from back stage and the audience starts screaming and running around)
Lee: MWAHAHAHA!!!! You cannot escape my children!!! I have had all the exits barricaded!!!!
Hosts: OO
Hwoarang: WHAT????? (Breaks Bryan's finger off) oops…
Nina: (Reloads her AK-47) Bring the bastards on!
Jin: Oh god… I can't take it anymore… (Gasps in ecstasy)
Kyle: For the last time, what the fuck do you want?!
Leebots: BLLLLLLLAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
(Leebots start diving on audience members and tearing clothes right off. The whole auditorium gets completely chaotic with screams and people being "attacked" everywhere)
Chloe: … Uh… someone… hide me…
Hwoarang: Man… (Eyes widen) I'd love to but… (Pounces on a Leebot running by) MY KINDA ROBOT!!!!!!
Jin: (Looks around confused) Huh? What's going on?
King: He's starting to snap out of it! NEED MORE ROOFIES!!!!! RRRROOOOOOAARRRR!!!!!
Lee: MWAHAHAHA!!!!!! FEED MY CHILDREN!!!! FEEEEEEEDDDDDDD!!!!!!!
(Leebots start "ravishing" the unconscious bodies)
Leebot: BLAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! (Rips Xiaoyu's and Julia's clothes off at the same time) 3someBLAH!
Jin: ROOFIES?!?!?!?!?! YOU DRUGGED ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
King: Yeah, err… no? ROAR!!!!!
Jin: I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!! … in just a moment… oh god… harder...
Kyle: FOR THE LAST TIME?! WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU DO NOT WANT TO MAKE GOD ANGRY!!!
Leebot: I WANT YOU!!!!!!! BLLLLAHHHHHHH!!!!! (Leaps on Kyle)
Kyle: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! You can't do this to GOD!!!!!!! (Screams frantically clawing to get away)
Lee: FFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!
(Nearly 10 other Leebots leap on Kyle… including Hwoarang)
Hwoarang: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Joe: (Pours a bottle of water over Lee's head) Mmmmmmmmm... SEXAY!!!
Lee: WTF, (Snatches the tickets away) NOT NOW! Go wait in my office... I'll deal with you later...
Joe: … So dreamy… (Starts to faint but doesn't)
Kyle: SOMEONE HHEEEEELLLLPPPP ME!!!!!
(A Leebot leaps at Joe, but Lee smacks it away)
Lee: MY UKE!!!!!!
Kyle: OWWWWWW!!!!!!! …..Ow….. (Pants) oh, I'm bleeding… you … can't… hurt… God… like… this… I'm… pretty… sure… this… falls… along… the… lines… of … Blasphemy…
Hwoarang: (Smacks a Leebot across the face) You'd better take what's coming to you like the big ass dildo you are, or there's gonna be some problems!
Jin: Where'd King go?
(A couple Leebots drag King across the stage and toss him off into the crowd before proceeding to leap onto Jin)
Jin: .....................................not again... (Sighs)
Chloe: Hwoarang… how the hell did you make an uke out of a Hella Horny Robot?
Hwoarang: It's a gift!! … TAKE IT ALL IN, BITCH!!! Don't be a pansy now!!!!
Jin: I wanna be a seme!!!!
(Everyone laughs)
Jin: What?
(A random Leebot starts humping Link's corpse)
Lei: Now this is just getting disturbing.
Kairi: (Throws script across the room) I GIVE UP!!!
Lee: SHOW THESE INSIGNIFICANT MORTALS SOME LOVE, MY PRETTIES!!!!!!
Jin: I'm going to be a seme, dammit!
Hwoarang: Would you shut the hell up?? I'm working it here!!!
Kyle: I… am… suffocating… someone… help… meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
Chloe: … So… (Dodges a Leebot) YOU WANT SOME OF THIS!!!!!!!?????? (Reloads Armand)
Kairi: Is Jin still naked?
Jin: ................a little…
Kairi: WOOOOOO and I just found my camera!! (insert evil laugh here)
(A Leebot leaps on Kairi)
Kairi: (sighs) I was hoping it wouldn't come to this… KAZUYA!!!!!!!!
Kazuya: (turns into Devil and tears the Leebot into shreds)
Chloe: AHHHHHHH!!!!! Get your evil Robotic hands off me!!!!!! … Oh… Yoshimitsu… It's you? Carry on.
Kairi: (molests Kazuya) Thank you, Kazzy.
Kazzy: (purrs) Anytime, darling.
Lee: … (watches his Leebots continue to assault the nearly dead "God") This is taking forever.
(ChibiShiva continues to watch her gift, not noticing the things going on around her. A Leebot sits down next to her and eats some popcorn and such, watching also)
Lee: NO! You can't eat food!!!!!!!!!!
(The Leebot explodes)
ChibiShiva: WTF?… OO
Lee: (sobs dramatically) I was going to name that one HERMAN!!!!!!!! WAH!!!!
Kazuya: (suddenly finds himself chained up) I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy this.
Kairi: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (brandishes whip)
Jin: (pins Hwoarang against a wall) CALL ME MASTER!!!!!
Hwoarang: You fuckin' pansy assed brotha shagging bastard!! I was getting my groove on!! NOBODY takes the Blood Talon away from a giant dildo during a play session!!! NOW LET ME GO!!!!
Jin: (frightened Chibi Jin) Yessir!!
Joe: Lee, I'm… STRIP!
Lee: MY OFFICE! Now!
Joe: IT WOULD BE MY FRICKIN PLEASURE!!!!!
Kyle: (gasps) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…… hhhhhhhhh….hh (dies)
Random Voice: KO! Leebot Wins!
(Leebots climb off Kyle and leap on Dr. B)
Kairi: EWWWWW! Old man/Robot sex!!!!!! BAD MENTAL IMAGE!!!! Omg… it's not a mental image… it's really happening!!!
Chloe: OMFG!!!!! PAUL!!!!! HIDE ME!!!!!!!
Paul: I'm kind of tied up at the moment… (looks wearily at Kuma) Help me, Chloe…
Hwoarang: COME BACK TO ME, DILDOS!!!!!!!!! (chases a Leebot)
Lee: … They're actually running away from him… They weren't programmed to do that…
(More Leebots start to molest the remains of Jack-5)
Chloe: WTF…
Kairi: Say my name, stud muffin!! (snaps whip at Kazuya)
ChibiShiva: WOULD EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!! I'm watching something here!!!
Everyone: OO
Hwoarang: AHAHAHA!!! Gotcha!!!! (pins a Leebot to the floor)
Anna: Hwoarang, play nice...
Xiaoyu: (wakes up and rubs her eyes) GOOD MORNING… WAIT… WHY AM I NAKED? AND WHY IS THERE A LEE-LIKE ROBOT GROPING ME? JJJJIIIIIINNNNNNNYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
Jin: Dang, she's still alive… gotta somehow… hmmmmmm... let's see...
King: ROAR!!!!!
Jin: NO! Get the heck away from me, you demented NON-CAT RAPIST!!
King: (gasps) Well I never…
Jin: You'll get yours!! (charges at King in a flurry of punches and kicks)
Kazuya: Does he always pull hissy fits like this? If he does, he gets it from his mother.
Lee: LEAVE MY BABY ALONE!!!!! (leaps on Hwoarang)
Hwoarang: Oh, so you want some of this too, huh sweetheart?
Kairi: This is getting out of hand... I LOVE IT!!!!
Kazuya: Who told you to stop?
Kairi: Who told you to talk? Does little Kazzy need reminding of his ukeness?
Kazuya: No ma'am...
Kairi: What was that? I couldn't hear you! (whips Kazuya)
Kazuya: (yelps) NO MA'AM!!!!!
Jin: Father?… OO
King: ROOOOAAAARRRRRR paaaiiinnnn RRRRRROOOOOAR!
(A bunch of Leebots leap on Hwoarang)
Lee: Aww… (wipes tear away) They're trying to intimidate him through a gangbang. I'm so proud.
Hwoarang: THIS IS MORE LIKE IT!!!!!!! YEEHAW!!!!!!
Kairi: Poor Jin. No wonder he's uke… just look at his dad… (whips Kazzy)
Kazuya: (yelps and moans)
Lee: … Aren't they hurting you, Hwoarang? I mean… they did kill God that way…
Hwoarang: Hell no! I do this shit twice a day, just for the exercise!
Jin: He does, too… (pounces on one of the Leebots ravishing Hwoarang) MWAHAHAHA!!!! I'll give you something to BLAH about, you hunk of horny metal!
Hwoarang: Whoa, this seme side of you is turning me on...
Jin: (rolls eyes) You're so messed up right now, I'd bet a monkey on a skateboard would turn you on...
Hwoarang: That's it my big daddy. Talk dirty to me.
Jin: CHRIST! (tosses the Leebot aside and "pounces" Hwoarang)
Kairi: (giggles)
(Everyone stares at Kairi)
Kairi: OO I can't believe I just giggled. This show is doing weird shit to my brain. (laughs and whips Kazzy)
Kazuya: (moans) Oh, Kairi!!!!
Joe: OH, KAIRI!!!!
Kairi: What the fuck? Oo;
Hwoarang: OMG!! (shoves Jin) Where the hell do you get the dumbass idea of trying to make me UKE???
Lee: … Come to me, my pets. It's time to put you away!!!!!
(Leebots all beep and every single one leaps on Lee and rapes him)
Joe: (starts humping Lee's leg) I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
ChibiShiva: DO YOU PEOPLE MIND?!?!?!
Joe: OH LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts convulsing)
Lee: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe: (ORGASMS)
Hwoarang: (looks at Jin, then looks at Lee) How did the orgy get away from me?
Joe: (dies)
Xiaoyu: hehehehe hehehehe….
Jin: Oo;
Xiaoyu: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (explodes)
Hwoarang: It's about Goddamn time!!!
Jin: (shivers) No wonder I never dated her… well… besides the fact that I'm gay…
Kazuya: GAY?!? Gay isn't in our frickin genetic material!!!!!!
Lee: I beg to differ… AHHHHHHHHHH!! Too rough! BAD CHILDREN!
Kazuya: Again!!!! Kairi!!!! AGAIN!!!!!
Kairi: Yes… you're getting too ukeish for my tastes... I need a new unbroken UKE!!
Hwoarang: (looks around) Uh… Lei's unbroken!!!!!!!
Kairi: He's also a COP!
Lei: What about Yoshimitsu?
Yoshimitsu: (moans in sweet agony)
Jin: That's right. You know you like it, Space Bitch.
Hwoarang: OO
Kairi: (adjusts halo) Oh Jinny… I have something for you... (licks whip)
Hwoarang: I have a feeling I'm going to like this.
King: RRRRRRRROOOOAAAAAARRRRRR
Hwoarang: You said it! Rawrrr! (winks at King)
Yoshimitsu: (says something really trippy) ROAR!
(Kairi advances toward Jin with Hwoarang and King following close behind)
Jin: (backs away from where he was fondling Yoshi and gulps) Uh oh….
Kairi: Oh yes...
Hwoarang: Oh HELL yes!!!
Jin: Remember… I'm… uh… fragile… and… YIKES! (spins around and sprints the other way)
Kairi: Boys?
King: Roar?
Hwoarang: Yes?
Kairi: Fetch! (points her whip in Jin's direction)
(Hwoarang and King chase after Jin)
Yoshimitsu: (chains Jin to a wall with one of his spiffy Manji gadgets and laughs really trippy while fondling him)
Kairi: (suddenly appears in a dominatrix type cat suit thingy) MWAHAHAHA!!!
Jin: … Uh… I'm pretty sure there are laws against this…
Kairi: Probably… (whips Jin)
Hwoarang: (staples the "UKE" sign next to Jin's head) YOU SHALL FOREVER BE MY UKE!!!!!
Jin: I'M YOUR UKE!!!!!! I'M YOUR UKE!!!!!!!!
(hardcore fucking ensues)
Chloe: Um… there goes any slightly remote chance that I could have kept this PG-13…
(The Leebot that was humping Link moves over to hump Kyle's corpse)
Hosts: OO
(A couple Leebots leap off Lee, and join in on the "Jin Gangbang")
Chloe: I wanna rape someone too… (glances at Paul) Naw, too old…
Paul: (frowns) I resent that!
(Xiaoyu's remains twitch)
Jin: EW! (pants) Oh god… (moans) What was I ewing about?
Hwoarang: Shut the fuck up and scream, bitch!!!
Jin: OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
Hwoarang: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Jin: GODDAMMIT! That smarts!
Hwoarang: Smart this, Jinnafer!!!
Jin: OH FUCK!!!!! (screams)
Chloe: Uh… Is the presentation over?
Lee: My heavens, no! It's not over until everyone's unconscious! Oh god… (Passes out.)
(The rest of the Leebots ditch Lee and join in with Hwoarang and Jin.)
Kairi: … Oh… My… God… Jin's just a fuck toy now!! (Falls off the stage laughing)
Jin: HEY!!!!! (Moans) I resent… that… ah… (Moans again.)
Chloe: Could you get any Ukier? I mean, oh whine and moan and bitch and moan! Would you grow a goddamn spine, Kazama?
Jin: My spine has taken leave, indefinitely. Please leave a message after the… AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(Joe's corpse writhes in agony and pleasure.)
Kairi: … Sometimes I worry about that kid.
Chloe: This is carrying on in a pointless array of Pointlessness!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: I think you're confused, Madam bitchiehost!!!!! I just happen to be seeing plenty of points!!!!!!
Jin: (Grins devilishly.) Points? Like this one?
Hwoarang: OWWW!!!!! BAD UKE!!!! BAD!!!!!! (Spanks Jin)
Jin: (Screams)
Paul: And so the plot thickens… Someone get this bear away from me!!!!
Chloe: NO! We don't need any thickening!!!! I can't take this anymore!!!!!
Kairi: OO (Whips Jin out of confusion.)
Jin: (Moans) One of these days… I will be the seme. Mark my words!
Hwoarang: I'll mark something else if you don't shut the hell up and be a good uke!!!!
(RANDOM ORGASM!!!!)
Hosts: Who the fuck was it this time? (Looks at Jin and Hwoarang.)
Hwoarang: Wasn't us…
Jin: (Moans) Not yet…
Kairi: Then who? (Looks at Kazuya.) Where's Yoshimitsu?
Leebot: JJJJIIIIIIINNN!!!!!!!
Jin: Huh?
Leebot: JIIIIINNNN!!!!! BLLLLLAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! (Picks up the dead squirrel.)
Everyone: OO Uh oh…
(The Leebot molests the squirrel.)
Chloe: Oh… ah… AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (runs around in a circle screaming.)
Nina: (Smacks Chloe across the face.) Grab a hold of yourself, woman!!
Chloe: (Falls into Nina's arms, sobbing.) I'm disturbed. I'm so disturbed!! WahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Nina: Awww Chloe, It's ok. (Pets Chloe.)
Chloe: (Sniffle) Really? (gropes Nina.)
Nina: OI!!!! … (moans.)
Kairi/Steve: OO
Kazuya: I think we kinda got distracted. Now, Who had the Orgasm?
ChibiShiva: Paul Did.
Everyone: OO …………………… EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Kuma: GROWL GROWL!!!!
Christie: He said, "It wasn't me!"
Kairi: Then who was… AHHHHHH My bra snapped!!!!!!!!
Asuka: (Wakes up.) Really?
Kairi: … That's what I said…
Asuka: Let me help you with that… (Leaps on Kairi and starts molesting her.)
Kazuya: (Puts on his Sherlock Holmes costume.) Who screwed Paul Phoenix?
Chloe: (Rips off Nina's clothes.) Who cares?
ChibiShiva: This reminds me of a Movie I once saw…..
Kairi: Hey, Ya know, Lee is unconscious, so we could leave now.
Kazuya: No we can't. I have a mystery to solve. WATSON! Where are you?
Steve: (Abruptly decides to get naked.) Christie! Let's get it ON!
Christie: … Why do all the weirdos like me?
Yoshimitsu: (Grunts and says something really trippy.)
Christie: OO … Pig!
Kairi: I hear Yoshimitsu… But I don't see Yoshimitsu… HAVE I GONE BLLIINNNNNND??????
Hwoarang: Why the fuck was he grunting?
Kazuya: (Slams a hat onto Hwoarang's head.) You're my Watson, now!
Hwoarang: WTF! I'm BUSY!!! (Continues to be abusive towards Jin.)
Paul: HHHHHEEEELLLLLPPPPPP ME!!!!!
Kairi: Where are you Paul???????
Hwoarang: Are you people Dense, or something?????
Jin: Hey, What do you think you're doing getting distracted by those Dickwads?!
Hwoarang: Oh, Feisty.
Paul: WOULD YOU JUST GET THIS THING AWAY FROM ME?????
Hwoarang: Oh quit your yakking you fucktart!!
Kairi: Just what is a Fucktart?
Hwoarang: Fuck sex, and tart poptart.
Paul: A sex poptart? I THINK I RESENT THAT!
Kairi: I WANT ONE OF THOSE!!!!!!!!
Hwoarang: You want a sexual poptart?
Jin: Goddamnit! (Shoves Hwoarang away.) I need a more focused seme!
Hwoarang: Semes do not need to be focused, but ukes need to know their fucking place! (Backhands Jin.)
Kazuya: NOW WHO THE HELL IS WITH PAUL?
Hwoarang: WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM??
Kazuya: Shut the F up WATSON!!!!!!
Gon: BERLIEIEIEIEIEI OIOIOIOIOIOI
Kairi: Why was Kazzy's swear word censored? And what the hell did that ankle-biter just say?
Christie: Oh he's just talking gibberish now.
Kazuya: F M Fs!!!!!!!!!!! I'll show you to f disobey me you Dumba Watson, fwad!!!!
Hwoarang: ….. Uh… Dude. Not nice.
Kairi: Gon is turning into Steve…
Steve: OI!
Gon: OIOIOIOIOIOIOI!!!!!! GEEEEEEEVE!!!!!! (Snorts)
(A sexual poptart runs across the floor and out the door "SQUEEing" the whole way.)
Hwoarang: Just what the FUCK was that?!?!?!
Everyone: OO
Kairi: Jin King JING!!!!!! … hmm…
Jin: … Alright! I've had enough!!! Yoshimitsu and Paul are both missing, and Paul is getting raped by someone, so its obviously YOSHIMITSU! Now can we please get the keys or whatever from my pansy uncle and get out of here before something even more humiliating happens to me. I do not trust ANYONE at the moment, so everyone just stay the fuck away from me!!!!!
Hwoarang: Not even me??? (Puppy eyes)
Kazuya: You are no son of mine! … Paul Kuma PUMA!!!!!! (snickers hysterically)
Kairi: Where's Julia?
Feng: Does it matter? I made some… Chicken… Stir-fry! Who's hungry?
Kuma: Growl? GROWL!!!!!
Feng: (Feeds Kuma.) Yeeeeeessssss, that's a gooood boooooyyyyyy!!! (creepy smile.)
Craig: Heh… Julia tastes just like chicken… The OTHER white meat!!!
ChibiShiva: This is getting really weird! I wouldn't be surprised if Tim Curry came through that door right now in Drag!
Chloe: That won't happen. I'm not about to be repetitive in bringing a drag show into this one.
Leebot: BLAH! Help me!!!! BLAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Nina: Goddamnit. That kids banging the bot again!
Hwoarang: AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! You will never escape me!!!!!!! NO ONE EVER DOES!!!!!
Jin: (Quirks a brow.)
ChibiShiva: Hmmm (Thinks) … No I shouldn't think… Since when have I ever thought in the first place?
Hwoarang: SOMEONE HOLD IT DOWN!!!!!!
ChibiShiva: XD OK!!!! (Holds it down.)
Kazuya: (Takes off Sherlock Holmes hat) Since you bastards ruined my game, I suppose I can make Chaolan release you.
Nina: Make him? Well this little production has just about everything in it, might as well throw in a little incest too.
Kazuya: HE'S NOT MY BROTHER! And I'm not going to make him like that you pervert!
Asuka: Well get on with it. We don't have all day.
Kazuya: (Reaches into Lee's pocket.) Now where is that damn thing?
Lee: (Moans) mmm… Kazuya…
Kazuya: WTF! AHH! I guess that's not it…
Everyone: OO
Paul: (Leaps on Marshal) Since this is about to end, I gotta get a fuck in!
Kairi: But… I thought you and Yoshimi… ah never mind…
Lee: (Suddenly wakes up and grabs Kazuya's hand) No! Don't stop!
Kazuya: Jesus fucking Christ!!! (Yanks his hand away and checks the other pocket.) I gotta get out of here!!!
Lee: Oooohhhh (Moans loudly.) That's more like it!
Chloe: Ok… That's only kind of incest since Chaolan was adopted when he was like 12 or something… Now… I need more flames so Nina and Anna make out!
Nina: You've gotta be kidding!
Anna: I'll only do it if I get a kiss from… Raven!
Raven: OO … (Pounces on Anna.)
Anna: Yippy!! WOO!
Raven: MMMM baby!!!!!! Once you go black, you never go back!
Hwoarang: GRAB YOUR ANKLES, BITCH!!!
Jin: WTF! Let go of me! What happened to the Leebot you were raping?
Anna: Mmm, Raven you're so manly!
Chloe: OMG! Come to me, my big hunk of sweaty, hairy, bulging man flesh!
Kairi: OO Uh… What's going on?
Kazuya: Where are those KEYS?!?!? WAAAHH!
Lee: God I want to rip off that suit of yours.
Kazuya: (Slowly backs away.) Oh screw it. There must be another way out…
Jin: MOOOMMMMYYYYY!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!! (Runs)
Hwoarang: You can RUN, but you can't HIDE!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! (Chases)
Kairi: Ok, Anna, Nina. Come on.
Anna: Oh fine! (Kisses Nina)
Nina: (Shoves Anna away and slaps her.) EW!!!!! Someone give me some alcohol or acid or something to get any trace of that bitch off of me!!!!!!!!!
Kazuya: SCREW IT!!!!!! (Turns into Devil.) I'm gonna get us all out of here right NOW!!!!
Lee: NOOOOO KAZZYPOO!!!! DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING!!!!!!
Devil: (Shudders) You seriously need a shrink, Lee. (Crashes through the wall.)
Chloe: I suppose I'm going to be charged for damages. Oh well, that's life… (Cuddles up to Craig.) I just love your sweater, Craig.
Craig: That's not a sweater, baby. (Winks)
Chloe: OO … Dear lord…
Kairi: Well… I guess the show's over?
Hwoarang: NOT YET IT ISN'T!!!!!!!!! (Still chasing Jin.)
Jin: (Slightly out of breath.) YES IT IS!!!!! PLEASE BE OVER!!!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!
ChibiShiva: (Watching Hwoarang and Jin, eating her popcorn.) Looks to me like the show's just beginning.
Hwoarang: You're DAMN right it's just beginning!
Jin: (Hides behind a pillar and sobs.) Why are those people just standing there watching? Why won't somebody help me?
Hwoarang: Aww, my poor pitiful Uke! (Hops behind the pillar.) GOTCHA!
Chloe: (Plays with Craig's chest hair.) You're furry like a bear. You and Panda should hook up.
Craig: OO You really do want to be flamed, don't you?
Kairi: Well… Goodnight folks… (Looks over the remaining audience.) Please don't press charges!
Hwoarang: (Lifts Jin over his shoulder.) Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to fuck we go!
Jin: (Cries.)
Hosts: … MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!
Jin: Someone… please… Just shoot me.
Hwoarang: If you died, I'd give you to Bryan. (Pet's Jin as they walk out into the sunset.)
Jin: HEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP MMEEEEEEE….. (His screams fade into the distance.)
(The audience walks away, along with most of the conscious Tekken people, and the Leebots drag Lee away.)
Chloe: (Looks around the empty theatre.) We'll have to hire a cleaning crew tomorrow… You think we can hire a bunch of male strippers?
Kairi: YES! That would be soooo AWESOME!
ChibiShiva: (Goes back to watching her present.)
(The hosts turn off the stage lights and walk out.)
Nina: They're finally gone.
Anna: Yeah. They sure took their time.
Nina: I was waiting all night for this…
Anna: Mmhmm… Me too.
(Anna and Nina kiss and the Curtains fall closed, and off in the distance, the moaning of a young Kazama could be heard.)
ChibiShiva: OO
THE END
WARNING: If you are offended by any of the following, please do not read this fiction.
- Innuendos, Sex, Yaoi, Yuri, Rape, Incest, Necrophilia, Bestiality, Masturbation, Character death, Lack of plot, Character Bashing, and foul language.