Toward Dawn

By xMutedFaithx

Chapter Ten - The News

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Baring his teeth which weren't really his since he was trapped in the body of a woman and the woman in the body he possessed now lived inside his head. It was extremely confusing and even more difficult to explain, and Dracula could only bare his teeth and look like someone had impaled him or was torturing him because of all the things that were going wrong in his afterlife. But the worst thing Dracula couldn't ever imagine before was Gabriel snuggling up with him. He'd rather rot away painfully and terribly in the sun or in a locked coffin. And the real shitty part of it was, Dracula mused, Gabriel wasn't as bad as in bed as he had thought even though Gabriel was a virgin. Though he would rather snuggle and cuddle with Gabriel which was the equivalent of death to a mortal than ever admit that to Gabriel. And being held in Gabriel's strong arms wasn't really that bad and his masculine scent tasted better than his Brides feminine scent had…oh no, he thought miserably, it could get much worse.

Dracula grimaced and made a face, wrinkling his nose and shutting his eyes closed, as he picked up Gabriel's hands on the breasts of the woman's body he was trapped in and moved them off. Still tightly closing his eyes, he rolled on his side to face Gabriel and forcefully shoved him off the bed without first noticing that not having vampire strength was terrible. Gabriel yelled bloody murder when his face hit the floor waking him up instantly and swearing his arse off. Dracula grinned sadistically and cackled at the pain stricken face of Gabriel. Gabriel was swearing and rubbing his face when he saw the person who had violently shoved him off the bed.

"You!" Gabriel yelled, pointing his right index finger at Dracula while rubbing his face with his left hand.

"Yes, me?" Dracula mocked, pointing at himself.

"ARE!"

Dracula lifted a blonde eyebrow. "Are? What am I?"

"A!"

Dracula rolled his eyes. "A what?"

"PYSCHO - "

Dracula grinned and his eyes gleamed -

"HARLOT - "

Dracula was bending over, cackling evilly, and had a stomach that was beginning to really hurt.

"BITCH!"

"Hmmmm…you know what I think? No 'course you don't -" Dracula said as Gabriel was about to answer "But I think big clumsy beefy Van Helsing was so stupid and fat he rolled over on the bed and landed on the wooden floor with a big thud which surprisingly supported you. Unfortunately, you didn't end up going through the floor and falling to your death and doom."

"I don't know what or who the hell you ARE but I know most women AREN'T like you!" Gabriel yelled.

"But Gabriel Van Helsing, you've never slept with another woman before tonight. You've never BEEN with a woman. You're GAY. REMEMBER?"

"How? Wha -" Gabriel gapped at him.

"Yes, it is what you are thinking. It's me."

"How?"

Dracula shrugged and grinned. "I don't know but let's get to the point." Dracula's face turned grave and serious, "last night I switched places with the bartender you were sleeping with during the middle of your -" Dracula waved a dainty feminine ivory white hand in the air "night off or whatever you want to call it. And you didn't pull you out you - " Dracula started saying things in a dark voice in a foreign language and then continued "and now I'm with your child because we both know Lucifer wouldn't pass on an opportunity like this! And the king of vampires, the infamous Dracula, and etc. etc. is pregnant, who is a male, or was one until now, with the child of Van Helsing, the Left Hand of God."

Gabriel's look of confusion and disbelief quickly turned into horror and fear and then he passed out.

Dracula pursed his lips and muttered incoherent things that had the words "son of a bitch," "bastard," and "stupid sick fuck" all rolled into a sentence and then finally, there was a pause of silence, before Dracula lost it and started yelling at Gabriel for being a unsupportive father and not having to deal with having to worrying about weight gain, maternity clothes, morning sickness, and giving birth.

[It's ok.] And Lucifer/Bartender began saying baby talk that only females could possibly do to Dracula. [There are a LOT of single mothers and fatherless children! But let's look on the bright side of things! Your child will have a mom and a dad all rolled into one!]

"AND YOU AREN'T A BIGENDER EITHER GABRIEL!" Dracula screamed.

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Author Notes: Ok, I'll get it if no one wants to read this fic any more. I can quit it and go back to writing a lot of Harry Potter fan fiction.