AN: dont own anything and not getting paid for this but do feel free to send me gifts of money wink wink nudge nudge ... this would be ... ahh.... for .. ahh... my money making scheme... not for .. ahh... yeah :D
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IN THE EYES OF A GRAY
EPISODE NINE
Greetings earthlings and fellow grays. I am Prime 388 and my partner is Prime 387. Our main purpose to be here on planet Earth is to help agents Mulder and Scully discover that aliens do exist. So far all of our attempted missions have failed. But the 'force is still with us'.
I am Prime 388, for our species, the grays, my superiors say that I have a very big mouth.
Yesterday, I unfortunately proved this to everyone when I asked Prime ! and Prime 2 why Diana Fowley wasn't dead yet. The Primes got really hyped up and threw a report at me. They told me that it would answer all my questions.
It was a 'Diana Fowley' article. The Primes said that to make sure that I had read it, I would have to do another report on the 'Diana Fowley' incident and that it would have to include when she came about, who's idea it was to make a 'Diana Fowley', how many times it took us to get her programming right, why we decided to kill her last year, why she's a stupid 'bitch', and any extra information I might come upon.
I left the office castrating myself for having such a big mouth.
So my report begins.
Diana Fowley:
Diana Fowley was one of the things that had escaped one of our gene vats. She was a test trial for a 'Dana Scully' project that went by unsuccessfully because we didn't have any of her DNA. So, Dana Scully was unsuccessful and we had accidentally created a Diana Fowley. Because she had escaped we have figured that becuase she could escape from us that she was almost invincible. From then we decided to take her in as one of our own because we did after all create her. Even though it was in a Frankensteinesque way. When we were around her we had to be in our human forms so that she would not be able to betray us if anyone ever broke the code to her genetic build up, like those Russians who know everything.
The creator of 'Diana Fowley' is now dead but he was a great man, or gray, he created many things such as the disguise of our mother ship, which by the way still looks like a damn blimp, the first flying saucer, which crashed killing half the population of the grays in 1013. The great gray, was Sir Edward Gray, Prime 3987, who was a great inventor who was hinted to become Prime 1 the day that he died in an unfortunate accident in which he fell out of the mother ship and was mistaken for a flying plate and shot at.
To make 'Diana Fowley' it took us 7890 times to get her right. The first time we attempted the 'Diana Fowley' our programmer made a mistake, which was unfixable, so we disposed of her. The second and third times the Diana Fowley developed an ageing problem, needless to say she disposed of herself those times. During those experiences we encountered diseases such as the elephant man disease, the shit happens syndrome, the cows are coming disease and the extra idiotic syndrome. Most of us wish we had stopped with her.
There are many reasons why we attempted to kill the 'Diana Fowley' prototypes.
The first reason is: because she touched agent Mulder and made agent Scully cry, this doesnt include the time she touched his man berries. Although that was distressing too.
The second reason is: because she came back when we gave her direct orders not to.
The third reason is: because we saw the future and she sides with the colonists and works for the Cigarette Smoking Man in his pathetic schemes.
The fourth reason is: we saw the future and she tries to get onto agent Mulder in ... which is, come to think of it, really disgusting... He's so hairy!
The fifth reason is: we just simply did not need the 'Diana Fowley' so we needed to dispose of her so that she wouldn't interfere with our plans, which leads onto the last reason.
The last reason is: we did not like her anymore, because she was not interesting, she was just disgusting.
The reason why the 'Diana Fowley' is such a bitch is that when she was made we tested her and we were supposed to change some of the programing in her system and when we came around to doing that the bitch ran away, and when we found her we were so overjoyed that nobody had found her and we were too busy celebrating and it just slipped out of our minds at the time, and when we had remembered it was too late to change the programing because if we did then it would have killed her. we should have done it. We later found out what the problem was. The problem with the 'Diana Fowley' was that it had to much bitch and slut mixed in with the genetic coding in too large proportions.
Other information about the 'Diana Fowley' is that the original reason that she was sent to 'meet' agent Mulder was to help him discover the x-files. The unfortunate consequence was that after some time she believed that agent Mulder was her play thing. A while after that we decided that enough was enough and we hid her in a dark hole somewhere.
This morning I went to Prime 1's office to show him. He said that it was okay. I asked him why he said 'okay' since 'ok' is only two letters put together to make it soudn like 'okay'. He just looked at me and laughed. He explained to me that 'okay' meant taht he finished product was good or to say it when you tell someone that they had been given the go ahead on something.
This afternoon I was walking down the corridor with Prime 387, she asked me why I had not been around for the past few days, I told her about the Diana Fowley assignment and she said that she hoped that I had learnt something from that experience. I told her that I had learnt something from that experience truthfully. We continued walking. Some time later while we were walking we crossed Prime 2. He wasn't looking that happy. I guessed he had just eaten his daily meal of 'ausi-mite'.
He stopped to talk to me. I asked him if he was 'okay'. He drew a blank and told me that I was a stupid idiot for putting two of the letters of the alphabet together to make a new word. As if coming to my rescue, Prime 1 walked around the corner to greet us and he told Prime 2 that he had found out that the humans used the word 'okay' very often. Prime 387 picked up easily, but Prime 2 still drew a blank. We used the word a lot that day, Prime 2 said it was a stupid word and Prime 1 said that the humans made it up and the humans are not stupid and Prime 2 said that humans could be stupid and pathetic for all he cared. Prime 1 told him that he could not take a simple joke and he ran to his head quarters to start crying. A distant part of me felt a pang of sympathy for him but then I remembered all those times he had made fun of me and the sympathy faded away. And I knew to have the most fun that I could get away with when I have the chance.
END OF PART NINE
that was shocking... sorry, but you'll live.
If you care, drop us a review :D
The big crazy one liner? castration... he didnt really castrate himself.... oww.