Disclaimer: I dont own any of the characters mentioned in this fic, nor Hogwarts (well, who in my mind is a character). Jk Rowling does. She and warner brothers and whoever else has any rights to Harry Potter books. This is not intended for profit, only for fun, and I in no way claim to be talented.

Character Pairings: Severus Snape/Nymphadora Tonks

Warnings: Mild use of language, adult situations, possible slight ooc (though i try desperately to avoid that)

This contains no overly complex plot, and is written mainly to make people smile while hopefully avoiding being overly cheesy although I do NOT mind cheesy, so..yeah

A/N: I grew fascinated with (after reading several that made me shudder) the idea of if a Snape-Tonks romance could be pulled off even halfway believably, without going horribly ooc on the characters or making it gag-a-maggot sweet. I dont know for sure if everything is going to work out in the end, it may not do so. Keeps it interesting for me. If you spot any errors in any of the chapters, please leave them in a review so I can correct them (thanks to my beta for suggesting this--revised note May 9,2004)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can."

"Can not."

"Can too."

"Can not."

"Ca-Nymphadora Tonks if you do not get your derriere in that room with me, I will personally bend you over my knee and tan your hide."

"One, you spanking me is sort of a kinky thought, therefore likely to make me MORE disobedient, and two..." She looked up and grinned cheekily at him. "I'm a Metamorphmagus, Sev. I can tan my own hide, thank you very much!"

"Toooonks..." he growled in semi-frustration, trying not to dwell on the "kinky" image she'd put in his mind. "It won't kill you. It's just a restaurant."

"Pfft! No one needs to attempt to kill me, I do that to myself on an every day basis." She worried her lower lip."It's nice," she said finally.

Snape raised a brow. "Did you really think I'd take you out on our first public date to a low-scale...eatery?" He practically sneered the last word, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"That's not what I mean, booger. I mean it's nice as in expensive. Meaning by the time I get done breaking things we'll have to pay for half the restaurant."

"Nymphadora, I have aske...do you..." The black-haired man took a deep breath, got his tongue under control, and began again. "Booger should not be used as a pet name. You shouldn't use any on me as it is, I detest them, but must you use one so appalling in imagery?"

Tonks smirked at him, and he reflected then that he'd been a bad influence on her. Already she was becoming a master of stares, glares, and smirks. Although, according to her, it was a good thing. It helped bring his Slytherins in line when they were misbehaving. To him, and most other people, it was a bad thing. It felt like he was corrupting her, and to them, he was ruining that particular brash innocence that Tonks had.

He snorted. If there was one thing he'd learned from spending time around the Metamorphmagus, it was that she didn't have an innocent bone in her body. The girl could give Fred and George Weasley a run for their money with pranks, and had a mouth that could make a sailor blush if she had the want to. Innocent, his ass. He'd learned new curse words from her. However, she did have her moments. Like the time he'd walked up on her and Hagrid when he'd been showing her a puppy he'd gotten that he was going to raise "as a lady fer fluffy. If fluffy would take ter a one-headed lady like Maybelle."

At six weeks old the dog already stood half-calf high on her. She'd adored it, flopping down and cuddling it close. It was enough to make a man sick. Not that he'd ever say that to Hagrid. The half-giant was a bit too large for Snape to risk insulting his "pets". Nor, now that he thought about it, would he say anything about them ever again to her. His ears had burned for a half hour after she got done dressing him down for putting down the "poor puppy." Apparently, she'd been taking lessons from Molly Weasley in temper.

She was eyeing him strangely now, and he realized he'd been caught up in his thoughts. Recovering quickly, he leaned down and gave her an extremely swift and light peck on the cheek. Perfunctory, but it served its purpose, without having to embarrass him for public displays of affection. "You'll be fine. You won't break any...more than one or two things, and I CAN afford it." A light blush stained her cheeks, but she made no more protest and let him lead her into the restaurant, watching as carefully as she could, where she was going. Her eyes on her feet, she proved she trusted him, by letting him lead her straight to their table without hardly ever looking up.

He pulled back her chair while she was looking down, casting a death-glare at the waiter who'd went to do it, and then said calmly. "It generally helps to eat if you're sitting down." Her eyes snapped up, and she flushed before taking her seat, which the waiter scooted in for her.

Snape seated himself, and after the waiter had placed menus down for them, and walked away, said softly. "Now, have you had any experience with proper dining utensils?"

"Eh...yeah? Spoon, fork and knife. Everyone uses them." She frowned at him, wondering where he was going with it, and then followed his gaze to the tabletop, where there were several different forks and spoons. "Oh bloody hell."

"Nymph-" She HAD gotten good at those glares. "That is not the type language one uses in an establishment such as this."

"What's wrong with a good bloody hell every once in a while?"

Snape groaned, and resisted an urge to palm-slap his forehead. "Just...don't...do...it," he gritted out slowly with his eyes closed, and she repressed a snigger, not wanting to give him a heart attack.

"Alright, alright. So. Why all these forks and spoons?" He opened his eyes then, and started explaining.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, you mean to tell me in all these years, you've never once at least ja-" He coughed pointedly and she grinned impishly. "Well, have you?"

"How in the world you got this topic from me admitting to your question that it's been a while since I have been intimate-"

"You HAVE!!" She burst out, covering her mouth with her hands and giggling madly.

"I am a ma-. I do get lone-. Aargh! I don't need to justify my actions to you!" He snapped, and her eyes danced as she returned sweetly.

"I never said you did, Severus."

'Blasted witch! I must have had a feverish moment when I developed even the slightest bit of respect for her.' 'Oh stop your grumbling, Severus. You just don't like it because she can one-up you without even trying.' 'Shut up!' The voice in his head faded, and he nearly sighed in relief. Conscience was a most annoying thing. Especially when it began arguing with you. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the expected familiar pale-blonde hair coming their way, and lightly kicked her under the table. Not hard enough to make her yelp, but hard enough to make her aware. She picked up her soup spoon, and as she was raising it to her lips, muttered, "I know," then drank it. She was just patting her lips with her napkin as Lucius finally got within polite speaking range of their table, and looked up at him with a surprised expression that was tempered forcibly with less than her usual amount of dislike. "Wotcher, Lucius."

"Greetings, Lucius."

"Hello Severus...and...Nymphadora? What a surprise to see you two here together!" His eyes implied it was nothing of the sort. Her eyes darkened at her proper name, and Snape kicked again under the table.

'Going to hurt that man.'

"I trust all has been well?"

"As well as can be expected, old friend. Are you here with Narcissa or friends?" Severus thought he already knew that answer, but he was also smart enough to know that you didn't get on the bad side of Lucius Malfoy. Sometimes he thought if Voldemort passed gas hard enough, Lucius would blow up like a Muggle balloon and zoom away. That rather entertaining thought made his lips twitch, and it was all he could do to stifle a grin.

"With business associates, actually. Things that needed discussing." Lucius' pale eyes met Snape's with meaning, and Snape nodded curtly, thinking to himself, 'and a Potions Master that needed watching to make sure he was complying to the Dark Lord's latest plan.' He had no doubt that Lucius had been sent here to spy on him as soon as Snape had told Voldemort that he'd arranged a date with the girl. "So..." Lucius turned his attention to Tonks and smiled, "are you enjoying your date with Severus?"

Tonks had used the time during their conversation to look around the restaurant Severus had brought her to, and her eyes widened slightly. It was just as posh as she'd thought it was, if not more so. 'Oh Merlin! I'm going to break something. I'm going to break something. I'm going to break something. I don't care what he says, I know I'm going to break something.' It registered then that Lucius had been speaking to her, and as soon as she pieced together what he had said, she answered. "Isn't it quite rude to ask that in front of said date?" He flushed, and she smirked. 'Score!' "But yes, Lucius, I am quite enjoying myself. Severus is a very...entertaining..." Her eyes met his, and he knew she was recalling what they were talking about before Malfoy had approached, "companion, and a delight to be around."

Swallowing back his anger, the blonde-haired Slytherin rejoined, "Most excellent. Well, do enjoy yourselves. Don't do anything I wouldn't do?"

"Oh don't worry, tor-" She glared at Snape. "tormenting Severus is something I know you'd never do, but I have no compunctions about it." Ashamed after it happened, that she shared any amusement with the Death Eater, both she and Lucius smirked before he walked away. Instantly, as soon as it was safe, Tonks snapped her head back to look at Severus and bit out. "You didn't need to bloody kick me so much."

"Oh really?" He just stared at her, and she flushed for the umpteenth time that night.

'Bloody annoying git. Always pointing out the''...The obvious?' 'Shut up!' Conscience was the most annoying thing, especially when it developed its own mind and started arguing with you! "Oh shut up."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I was going to do more, but this just seemed appropriate to end it here. What did everyone think? I noticed number of reviews have dropped off, so I'm afraid I'm doing something wrong. If I am, please tell me.

There had to be SOME plot in here ya know, lol.

Thanks to Trenidy, sugarbomb53086, ella palladino, and my beta for reviewing :) :) :) :) :)