Part Two: Reyes v.s. The Pop Tarts!

(Disclaimer: I do not own the x files OR Richard Simmons)

Reyes slowly approached Grocery Garden, and slipped through the magical opening doors that always amazed her lazy eye, sending volts of excitement through her.

She passed the dairy aisle, noticing smoothies and yogurt all over the floor. Being the mind numbingly stupid, but KIND person she was, she let out a whale call, and her sea friends came and cleaned the mess in a very British-comedic like way. When they were finished she clapped lightly, and walked on.

Richard Simmons ballad, The Way Your Thighs Jiggle, was playing in the background, and Monica was playing air guitar to his sexy MALE HUNK voice.

"The way the baby blue spandex brings out your eyes!" She mimicked to the blasting music. But she stopped dead silent (oddly when the music stopped.) and turned around.

"You." She whispered, shooting a dirty look at the new whale-free pop tarts. (The Pop tar company had recently admitted to using whale skin as an ingredient, after an ANNONYMUS crazy lady raided their main headquarters in Oklahoma city, Canada.)

Reyes slowly approached the shelf, eyeing the rainbow sprinkled treats. She slowly reached into her back pocket and pulled out a plastic spork. Not a spoon, not a fork, but a spork.

"It's time to DIE!" Reyes whispered in a high-pitched voice.

-Cut to: Pimply Teen Joe cleaning up what seems to be whale pee in aisle four. Reyes screams can be heard in the background, and Pimply Teen Joe looks up in horror.

-cut back to: Reyes lying on the floor, a spork in her left eye, screaming in pain.

Joe arrives and shoots Reyes in the head to release her of pain. This of coarse did no damage, because the dark gray matter in her head triggered the bullet and dissolved into purple dust.

Joe pulled the spork out of her eyes, and went back to mopping up the yellow massacre.

"Ahh, so that's your game, aye?" Monica asked, in a very Canadian way. "Well, we'll just have to FIX that." She continued, putting on her mad face.

After 27 minuets of spork eyeing, brain shooting, whale piss cleaning upping, Reyes claimed her prize, and Pimply teen Joe rang up her prey. She threw money in his face then ran through the magical doors, laughing like a Goth Christian. (Don't' ask how that is possible.)

-Cut To: Monica's apartment, we see Save The Whales wallpaper and a blue Hello Kitty Television lined with Keep On Truckin' stickers. On the screen we see Mulder in an orange prison jump suit.

"I did not have sexual relations with that orange smoothie." Mulder stated proudly, before Monica shut it off.

"That sick twisted monkey." She replied to her hello Kitty television.

She then spun around and used her evil eye rays that she had received after the 12th bullet to carefully seal open the pop tart box. She stepped closer to the increasingly irritating box, and began to sing the Canadian national anthem. Like she predicted, the pop tarts let out a high-pitched squeal and exploded in to TINNY WINNY PIECES!

"MUAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!" Monica yelled before gobbling the pop tarts ALL UP! Then she looked up in fear, as the Pepto-Bismol theme song began to ring through her ears.

"UPSET STOMACH, DIARIA!" She screamed n horror, and dragged her over stuffed whale lovin' body to the bathroom.

End of Part two

Watch out for the next instalment: Krycek vs the bananas!