Love & Hate: The Collection

My Heart Will Go On

The only way she could honor his memory, was to live. That's what he wanted. He begged of her to continue, to marry, to be happy with someone else. He showed his devotion to her the moment he stepped before Naraku's attack. How could she die? How could she drag his final wish behind her, by mourning his death?

After thirty seven years of marriage, Higurashi Kagome spoke for the first time. Her wild tales of adventure, love, heartbreak and emotion had countlessly brought her daughters to tears. She'd cry with them, a distant fog in her eyes that whispered to some truth behind her ludicrous tales. After all, who could love someone like the imaginary Inuyasha, a dog-demon with a dysfunctional family and shady past?

The book publisher had come unannounced, banging on her door one Sunday morning. She had been halfway out of the door, on her way to evening mass when the balding man burst into her living room.

"Spare me a moment!" he begged of her. "Tell me your story!" he demanded. With a sigh, she recognized her eldest daughter's second husband, and decided that a moment of her time would not kill anyone.

"So, Jack is it, would you like to hear about Inuyasha?" she asked in a motherly tone. His face contorted in a disgusted smile, but he sat the small recorder on the coffee table between them.

"It's come to the attention of The A.R.G.J.F.A has-"

"That what?" she interrupted tapping her fingers lightly on the sofa. He cleared his throat and struggled to readjust his tie.

"The A.R.G.J.F.A-"

"And what is that?" she cut in for the second time. He gritted his teeth, fighting with the tie a bit longer. She smiled at him, almost laughing, brown eyes twinkling mischievously.

"The American Research Group of the Japanese Feudal Age is a group of college students studying the truth behind Japan's history," he quickly bit out. Kagome grinned at him one last time before a light, airy chuckle escaped her painted lips. She stood from her chair, clicking off the recorder before resettling herself.

"Look, Jack, it's been ages hon. Let's be civilized, breathe, relax, you can't be in that much of a hurry-"

"Actually I have to meet your husband in an hour," he complained looking down at his watch.

"Hojo? He'll be alright if you miss a meeting. I'll explain it to him later," she rose once again, turning the machine back on.

"So, some truth has been found in my wondrous little narrative, has it? Does someone actually believe in my fantasies of demons, monsters, magic and mikos now?" she whispered playfully. A ghost of a smile played on Jack's features, but he hurriedly scooped it off.

"I just need you to tell me what you've told Sango all her life," he whispered referring to her eldest daughter. Kagome's eyes lit up again, and she leaned excitedly towards the younger man.

"Those stories shall take years to take, child, but" she waved her hands in the air, seemingly trying to conjure up something "I can afford to give you the condensed version," that tell-tell sparkle had her entire physique appear to be glowing. Ease flooded his body, and he found himself relaxing in spite of his deep hatred for anything connected to his ex-wife.

"I would greatly appreciate it, ma'am" he answered moving the recorder closer towards her. Her youngest, little Kelilya, took that moment to come in with the coffee and chicken nuggets. After all, her mother believed the food was the best thing about living in America.

With greedy hands she piled a plate sky high with nuggets, pouring honey mustard and hot sauce on top. Jack looked on, highly amused, helping himself to the processed meat. He allowed her a few moments of intense snarfing, before shuffling briefly to make his presence re-known.

She looked up with mildly surprised dark orbs.

"I'm so sorry, I forgot all about you dear. Let's see, where do you want me to start?" She popped another piece into her mouth, careful not to smear her lipstick.

"Um, let's see" he shuffled through a stack of notes, skimming over them all until he came to a light blue page, "Oh, yeah, um.......the bones of unnatural large animals have been found. Some familiar, like goats, cats, and insects, but we've also found some that can't be identified. They're strange, unknown, and unheard of. There was also the discovery of this," he handed her a yellowed book.

With large eyes, she recognized the journal she'd given Inuyasha for Christmas. As sheltered as he was about his 'uniqueness', the little book was his friend when he couldn't express himself. It was where he could write all day, and he did, treating it like a comrade during a war. It supposedly harbored his deepest, darkest, secrets, his daydreams and nightmares. She knew that every time she made him mad he scribbled something down. She was sure references, negative or not, were also made about those around herself.

She'd always wanted to poke her nose inside of it, see what went through is head all day and all night, but he protected it as ferociously as he ever did her. And it stayed tucked in his haori, away from any greedy hands or wandering eyes.

She smiled down upon it. Now she had the chance, the time to get to his core, over 500 years too late. But there was also something else in there she was sure of. Heartache. Betrayal. Her heart had healed in the years pass, it had separated Inuyasha from her time, the place she really belonged. And that separation helped her say yes to Hojo when he proposed, and enabled her to love him as deeply as she once did a young, bitter youkai prince. She thrived on the memory that he had really cherished her. She survived knowing that something did exist once upon a time, and that belief didn't need to be challenged by page upon page upon page of hateful words written in her name, comparisons to the woman she was reincarnated from, and most importantly, warm feelings towards her original copy.

Before the tears could come, she moved to place it on the coffee table, distancing herself from the temptation of infinite peace or suffering. She had greatly atoned for her sin, of her devotion to a demon. There need be no more anger. There was no need for any more hurt.

As she turned to thank him, he was already armed with more dead memories. A single piece of papaya parchment rested in his paw. "When I saw your name I immediately wondered if what you've told your children as bed time stories could've miraculously been actual events." She took it into her quivering hands, unable to deny herself a little peek.

Kagome stared incredulously at the old sheet. Hasty, messy scratch marks that she vaguely made out to be HORRIABLE Japanese became readable.

Kagome,

It read. Her dark brown eyes filled with tears so suddenly, it actually moved Jack to silence. Soft as the dewy dawn sky, she cried once recognizing the chicken scratch Inuyasha liked to call words.

When you get this, you will be back home. What can I say? I survived.

It took all her strength not to drop the letter to the ground. With a startled squeak, she sunk back against the chair, her silver streaked hair flowing gently around her.

Stupid girl, you should've known I don't die so easily.

She could almost hear his voice, chiding with good humor. She could almost feel the warmth in his quirky, gioconda smile. Her smile was forced back into a grimpse as she noticed his usual bad grammar.

I know I never got around to saying it, but I love you. Now don't go crying, because I know you like to do that, what happened is for the best. There are no mistakes, remember. Besides, you promised me something once upon a time. Dead or alive, I will hold you to it.

She was able to wipe away the tears long enough to actually laugh, though chocked and half forced, it was still a laugh.

I miss you Kagome. I miss your smile and spunk. I miss the way your eyes shine in the moonlight and the way your hair waves in the wind. I miss your optimistic attitude. I miss getting 'sat'. I miss that flame in your eyes you used to get when I chased down the runt. I miss the sunshine you brought. I miss the fights we had. I miss protecting you and watching you sleep at night. I miss Shippo's insistent nagging of how to be nice to you. I miss your beauty. I miss not having to miss someone.

She instantly felt guilty. Inuyasha's wish was for her to live with no regrets, but he didn't do so himself? She wished to hold him and comfort him, but that wasn't possible.

Live Kagome. That's all I can ask. Have pups and rear them well. Hunt down life's evils. Give someone the peace and happiness you gave me. You heart will go on without me.

It hadn't. Oh, if only he knew how much she missed him as well.

Forgive this, I know it's not like me. I can't yell at you all the time can I?

But I believe that if for a day you become sad.

For a moment you sink to the times that we had.

If your mind betrays and the memories flood.

Remember, for your future, I gave my life and my blood.

As I shall go on living, and you shall too,

There won't be a second between us I'll rue.

You gave me the chance to open my heart.

You stayed by my side, loyal from the start.

You loved me unconditionally, with all you possessed.

Showering me in your love and tenderness.

Forever will be a reminder of a lifetime of love.

You were given to me like an angel, above.

And each time I wake to the passing dawn,

My only hope is that your heart will go on.

I want you to love me, and keep me forever.

I refuse to leave you, not now and never.

For you knew me then, and still gave your all.

Smiling with real sweetness and always standing tall.

We weren't promised eternity, but I can promise this,

My every breathing moment will be spent to reminisce.

With a grin of pleasure and a spark that's just for you,

I can look back on the times where you took me through.

I love you with everything that I could ever give.

But if you share my feelings, all you can do is live.

She couldn't finish reading. Not through the tears, not through the pain. The paper was shaking, and then it was falling, resting between her tables, where her cat sat quietly. Kagome covered her face with her worn hands, crying shamelessly for the sincerity, for the purity. Inuyasha wasn't able to open up to her, not with such a wounded spirit. That she knew. But in his time of need, he'd called, and through the curiosity of the human mind, his need had come to her through a 500 year old letter.

For him, she accepted her husband's proposal thirty seven years ago on the day of her 25th birthday. Since then, six children had been born to her: Sango, Kagura, Kelilya, Souten, Keade, and Ayame. Her husband, dutiful and sweet, had allowed the slightly offbeat names and made no quarrels. For her, they brought a sense of completion, as the constant use of the voices of the past kept her memory sharp. She wished to remember until she died, the names and faces of those that knew her so well. Her soul had been left in Feudal Japan forty five years ago. She thought it had died once, after being struck a vicious blow by hanyou Naraku.

The proof they all were mistaken, laid on her floor, next to Pooky the cat. They had buried their friend when he had lived after all. It was enough to cause her tears to roll anew. She grieved for the pain he must've gone through. She grieved for all the years lost, that her six daughters didn't have silver hair and golden eyes.

She grieved.

Once Kagura had given the signal, Inuyasha, as well as hundreds of allies against the hell-raised Naraku charged the phantom palace. Valiantly they all fought. Many died. Many suffered. In the end, Naraku had been banished from the earth, and delivered back to hell where he came from. To Kagome, the lives of Sango and Inuyasha were the cost. After their demise, she cut her ties with feudal Japan.

When Hojo came to her at work, excited over his promotion to a prestigious American company, she had no qualms over packing up and leaving. Walking pass the well house every day had taken its toll on the healing process, and leaving it behind was too easy. Her mother had been enthusiastic. Her grandfather cackled with joy of the prospects of more children in the family. Her teenage brother whined about his sister abandoning him. But still, she left.

With the tears finally coming to an end, she tried to stop the blame game. Yes, she moved, but there was no way to know Inuyasha had lived.

Guilt and anger, sadness of overwhelming multitudes bathed her in the reminiscence of the silver haired boy that became her all. At night she dreamed. During the day she smiled, she danced and sometimes sang in genuine joy. But it wasn't done because she'd forgotten, but because she remembered. Each smile was smiled for him. Each song was sung for him, and each dance knew that somewhere, he watched.

The weeping stopped as suddenly as it started. With a little laugh she wiped her eyes, peeking at Jack from beneath her spectacles. He looked quite the uncomfortable one.

"I apologize for being rude," she whispered wiping her eyes with one sleeve. With a sniffle, she turned her aged eyes on him. He looked solemn, his eyes glued firmly to his pale hands.

"No problem at all," he muttered clicking on the little machine again. Kagome cleared her voice.

"I don't know where you want me to start," she absentmindedly spoke to herself. Jack raised his hand, as if in a classroom. She nodded her approval, used to being a teacher and used to him being a student.

"I remember the stories starting out with...I was fifteen when-"

"Yes, you're right. I was fifteen when I first met the hanyou deemed Inuyasha. My brother, Souta, was afraid that the cat had gotten in the well house. It was my birthday, and I was feeling charitable to the little runt. I had gone, ignoring the tingling in the depths of my soul. Suddenly, as I turned to leave, long, ghostly feeling limbs pulled me back into the old Bone Eaters well-"

"I'm sorry," he clicked off the annoying, whirring machine. He suppressed his annoyance, squeezing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Kagome stared patiently, wondering why he'd stopped the story. "This research is on the demon, Inuyasha. Apparently, records taken during the feudal age marked him a young demon lord. Written accounts of anything during this time are rare, but it seems an uprising about him was emphasized. He was given the credit for destroying a great evil, and his disappearance from these records marks the time around the reemergence into the more civil times, when humans took over." He stopped, obviously further annoyed by her baffled expression.

Noticing his ruffled feathers, she immediately ruffled her own. "Well, you asked me to start and that's the beginning. But, if you want the rushed version-"

"I didn't mean to offend-"

"Too late pup," she growled at him. Hackles up, her Kagome glare burst through, and she regarded him with some annoyance of her own. "I was getting there, child, now be quiet!" she finished.

"Yes ma'am," his face flushed in embarrassment. With a little 'Humph', Kagome waved her index finger in the air, seemingly trying to call back her patience.

"As I was saying-Don't you want to turn the thingy on?" she asked sharply. He turned a bright beet red, fumbling with the buttons until a resounding click announced that it was running again. "Better. Well, Inuyasha was sleeping......."

Alone, at last.

With a little smile to no one in particular, Kagome closed the door behind Jack, waving through the curtained windows as he sped off in his car. With a tired sigh, she realized that she utterly and completely missed mass. No matter. Christianity wasn't really her thing, she knew that. After hearing so many scriptures and preachings based on fearing, and realizing demons were Satan's puppets, she knew that to the Christians, she was damned. Far gone. She'd lost her heart to one. If associating with one was a sin, than what she'd done went against every commandment. No, it wasn't truly for her.

Still dressed in the soft brown skirt and camisole, she returned to the sitting room, to rest her weary flesh. As she sank, gratefully into the cushion, the book caught her eye. Jack had insisted she keep it, they had photographed the entire thing, and even the Japanese linguist couldn't make out such awful written work making her wonder.....

She grabbed it without really thinking, to think was to return it to the table and stay curious. She caressed the cover, brown, moldy, and telling of its age, it meant no less than a chunk of diamond or gold.

We weren't promised eternity, but I can promise this,
My every breathing moment will be spent to reminisce.

With a soft whisper for courage, she opened the first page, ignoring the groan of protest from its rusty hinges and the dirt marring up her best Sunday dress. The first page was adorned with a simple doodle, a hilarious drawing that couldn't have been made by anyone but Shippo himself.

With a smile she looked down upon herself in a pink, cat looking costume with ears. Her mouth was opened wide in a scream, and Inuyasha was biting the dust, a little furry creature, also know as Shippo, sat laughing on a rock close by. She chuckled to herself, flipping the page yet again.

In eloquent, practiced letters My World, was written on the cover. The letters, noticeably mature and older, brought her attention to the little note added to the bottom. To Kagome.

With a knot tight in her belly, she flipped again.

I can't believe that damn wolf came sniffin around again! Aint he got something else better to do? And why is Kagome always encouraging him? Is she mine or what? Confusing wenches.

Miroku and Sango disappeared last night and came back smelling like each other. Wish they'd stop sneakin around like I can't figure out what's going on.

Kagome stifled a giggle. She noticed their disappearance several time in the first few weeks after Christmas.

However, the words continually grew harder and harder to make out, smear marks and years of wear had taken its toll. She flipped through dejectedly, waiting for the words to clear up, and finally it did.

Ever since Kagome left, a hole in my heart won't heal. I told her to live, but can I?

She felt her heart skip a beat; the time span between these clear, honest, readable words must've been quite some time.

Sango had Kyokai today, cute kid. I was surprised when she reached for me, and not her daddy. Miroku asked me how it felt to be an uncle. Damn good. Damn good.

She would've been surprised if it wasn't something bound to happen. The name was beautiful, fit for a little girl.

Kyokai hid this, couldn't find the damn thing. Haven't written in a wile. Too painful. If Kagome was here, she wouldn't believe it. Shiori the little bat demon, sought me out. She's gotten pretty, now she's eighteen and needs someone to help her fight of the lusting demons.

The doorbell jarred Kagome from her journey through time. With quick movements, she briskly walked to the door, pulling it open with a sweet smile. Her middle child, Souten, walked in with large shopping bags in hand.

"Mommy! Hi! I expected dad to be home, he asked to pick up a few new things for the ball this year......" Kagome's mind drifted to the little insights to Inuyasha's mind. The short, uninformative sentences sounding enough like him it almost scared her, as if his voice and personality jumped from the page.

"......I sent Yume and the baby to Joseph's parents, they're taken care of. Oh, I found this at the store and thought you might like it, with your wild stories and all," she pulled out a band of purple beads. With wide eyes Kagome ran her fingers over them. They belonged to several different necklaces, adornments of some sort, but the ones at the end jumped out. They were the same one's Kagome removed from Inuyasha's neck in his last moments with her.

"Where did you get these?" she whispered. Souten looked up with confused eyes.

"The antique store got in a shipment of artifacts deemed useless from Japan, I got a lot of things mom. They're just things not old enough to be worth anything," she passed her the large brown bag, letting her sort through the junk. There was nothing else she recognized. With the beads and the book trapped tight in her embrace, she slowly walked up the stairs to her room.

The darkness soothed her headache. Too much action for an old woman. She placed the book on her nightstand and the beads around her neck.

"Kagome?" Soft like summer rain, the voice called her from the dark. She whipped around towards the door, and made herself hold back a scream. Against the light in the hallway, a murky, cloud shaped Inuyasha stared back at her. She felt her knees become jello, as she used the bed for support. He moved closer.

"I missed you," she shook her head. It was another dream, right? It was just a dream.

"Who are you?" Dumb question, she knew who he was. The cloud became clearer, and the translucent figure of Inuyasha stared deftly at her. She felt her body tremble, a rush of emotions.

"Stupid girl. You know who I am." His ghostly fingers, abnormally long, reached for her own. He was beside her before she had a chance to think, leaning down and embracing her. The warmth that flooded her body removed the theory of this being nothing more than a figment of her imagination. This was real, and it scared her.

"Inuyasha? Really, is it you?" Timid and quiet, she pulled herself to her knees, her old face close to his.

"Please come with me," he whispered. "I can't stand to be without you any longer. Nirvana has reserved a place for us. Come with me, please."

No more waiting. No more crying or wondering. She chanced a peek at the rusted journal on her bed. When she turned, he was gone.

The tears came with a purpose, a vengeance, twisting the room into a colorful blur. He had asked for her to live, to be great. He had begged she honor his memory by being strong. She wiped her eyes and forcefully smiled.

For him her heart went on. For him she'd breathe again.

(End)

BGLI

I loved this. By far, out of every one-shot I've ever attempted; I like this one the most.

Please, tell me what you think.