Setting: Abyss, Alternate Universe, Character Death, Mirror Universe.
Pairings referenced: Sam/Jack, Sara/Jack Archive: Yes, whatever.
Notes: Hit me while walking to work on Tuesday. Three-fourths of this was actually written there until A came by and told me not to type (even when I have nothing else to do... sigh. Hate my job). The rest was written that night, and then edited tonight because I needed the distance (and time to plot out what else is going on). The title and chapter titles are ENTIRELY stolen from the Pet Shop Boys' song of the same name which is a NICE song. Sigh. Damn them.
Up Against It Chapter 2: Breaks Without Pity by Ana Lyssie Cotton
There are hours after that, where she has time to re-think her plan. But mostly she spends the time in pain.
It's not something she's used to, and the first time she wakes up after death, she almost is thankful to feel alive. But then it all comes rushing back, the sardonic and evil face peering in at her plucking at her nerves. "Welcome back, Major."
She wants to tell him it's almost Colonel, now, but that promotion probably isn't going to go through anytime soon.
At the beginning, she thinks, as she wakes for the seventh time, it had seemed such a simple plan.
Get captured.
Wait for him to make a mistake.
Kill him.
But he's good. Too good, she has decided. And she's so very tired of resisting his demands. Of not telling him the gate codes and how to destroy the SGC from the inside out.
The only thing that makes her hang on is the memory of the broken and bloody body the Tok'ra recovered after Yu's forces decimated the stronghold. After Ba'al fled.
She snarks at him, sometimes, says angry, sarcastic things that she learned from the Colonel, and from the pain in her own mind.
And heart, but she is ignoring the heart.
The fifth time she dies, he wakes her up with his customary smirk, and says, "You remind me of someone, Major Carter. But he didn't last so long as you."
Eight. Nine.
And then he finally does it.
The simplicity of it staggers her (or would, if she weren't nearly dead). He gets distracted -- by politics, by a servant. She doesn't care how. But he doesn't make certain she's dead. And as they cart her into the sarcophagus, she reaches for the kife buried in her side. It's slick with her own blood (all of them are, and so is her skin, but she doesn't want to think about paint by numbers). It takes longer than she'd like to pull it free, and there's more pain. They drop her into the machine, roughly pulling the serrated edges from her skin. She has no voice left to scream.
And they don't miss the one she has in her hand, don't stop to count them before the lid closes.
It is enough. It has to be enough, because she's going to tell him everything this time. She can't handle more pain and death and pain and death. Never-ending moebius loops were never her best friend.
Because she wasn't dead, she wakes early, this time. Is aware before the lid opens. There are only seconds, milliseconds, she could count them in pairs or turn them into a quadratic equation.
"Hello again, Major."
The hand is moving, instinct driving her, up and in, thrust, twist, the knife buries itself into his neck, scraping at the spinal column, and then curving up and slicing into the symbiote.
Blood, hot and warm and wet sprays out, covering her instantly, but she ignores it, moves and lunges for the device on the body's belt. Ba'al may not have worn a ribbon device often, but he carried one, considering it a fine decoration. Her hand closes on it, and she is scrambling to pull it on, the blood making her hands slicker, making it easier.
The first concussive blast knocks the jaffa to the ground, but only stuns them, and she has time to scramble out of the sarcophagus before using it again.
This time, the energy and force is enough to kill some of them, and keep the rest unconscious.
It's a simple matter to find the control room, to cross a few wires and splice in the gravity generator. And then she simply rings herself outside the palace, moves to a hilltop, and waits.
As implosions go, it's probably large. But there isn't much to see. Just the building warping and twisting and finally falling in on itself.
"Was it everything you hoped for?"
Daniel would be here, now. "I guess."
She attempts to shove her hands in her pockets, and frowns. Ah, yes. Ba'al had ripped them out, at some point. Most of her clothing is in tatters, really. And he took her boots.
"Now what?"
"I kick myself for not stealing a pair of boots, and then walk to the gate."
"You really think the SGC will take you back?"
She shrugs and starts walking in the direction she'd come from. "I'm not sure I care if they do, anymore."
"What?"
A laugh escapes her, soft and bitter. "One more time, Daniel. It's all it would have taken. If he hadn't made that one mistake, I'd be in there now, spilling my guts."
"Oh."
They walk in relative silence for a while. She has to be careful where to step, the ground carrying too many sharp things that make her wince.
"You know, that ribbon device can produce a shield against any weapon."
"Except a well-thrown knife."
"Well, yeah."
But the point is taken, and she pauses, focuses on the metal still attached to wrist and arm. For a moment, there's nothing. And then a small trickle, pooling at her feet. She steps onto it. It gives, slightly, but she can't feel the dirt underneath anymore. "Look, ma, I found a new use for the ribbon device."
Silence descends, and her progress speeds up. Even as tired and worn as she is, she makes the gate in nine hours. It's still there, shining and solid on the horizon. The energy expended by the ribbon device makes her consider simply curling up and sleeping. But it's cold, and she has dried blood covering a large portion of her skin. It's tacky and smelly and annoying.
"Where to?"
"Locker room, please."
Daniel chuckles.
"I was thinking I'd head for Cimmeria. Contact the SGC with Gairwyn's help."
"Sound thinking."
"Besides, that way they can't make me go through to test Thor's Hammer." And they would probably want to, considering she could have been implanted. The time she'd set on the program on her computer was nearly up and soon Jonas, Teal'c and Summers would know exactly what she'd been up to. If Jonas hadn't already figured out the backdoor, at least.
"Ah."
"This is goodbye, isn't it." The glyphs are cool underneath her fingers, but she waits to push them.
"Yeah. And I would have said, I might see you later, but Oma..."
"Tracked you, did she?"
"Take care, Sam. Don't do anything stupid again."
"Yeah." She doesn't point out that he didn't answer her question. Instead, she pushes down the first glyph. "I'll try not to."
The journey through the wormhole is cold, but she was prepared for that. Her body's reserves are almost spent, now. She lands on the platform amidst the cheering of the locals, some of whom still think Thor is an all-powerful God who put them on Cimmeria to eat, drink and be merry.
Sam wonders, as the light from Thor's Hammer spills over her, what they make of her.
"Hello?"
The voice is uncertain, and Sam doesn't blame the woman standing before her. It's not everyday a tattered and blood-soaked member of the Tau'ri appears on your gatestep. "Hi, Gairwyn."
"Major Carter." Her face clears, although the concern is still there. "You look--"
"Like hell. I know." Sam starts to reach up to scrub a hand over her face, and discovers the ribbon device still there. She pulls it off, thoughtfully, "I don't suppose I could borrow some clothes, get cleaned up?"
"Of course." Gentle hands touch her and help her down from the platform. "You are shaking with exhaustion."
"Haven't..." it's hard to speak now, to even think. "Eaten in... a while."
Darkness finally spirals in, and Sam has just enough energy to pull the device from her hand. "Keep this... safe."
Sam awakens to firelight and the feeling of being clean. Like someone had boiled her for a little while to remove all of the grit. There were clean (slightly scratchy) sheets surrounding her, and the scent of herbs.
"You're awake. Good." Gairwyn's face appears nearby, and she smiles softly, "I have contacted your people. They were... disturbed, I believe is the word, when I told them of your condition."
"Thank you."
"As was I." A hand touches her cheek. "Major Carter, there was so much blood..."
"None of it was mine." She tries to ignore how nice it is to be touched so gently. "Ba'al is dead."
There should be victory in the words, happiness, joy. There is only the sense that she has nothing left to do now. A hopeless, empty feeling.
Gairwyn's hand stills. "I have heard of this Ba'al." Her face darkens, and she looks away, "It is said he kills men and brings them back to life merely to kill them again."
"Yes." And suddenly, Sam wants nothing more than for Gairwyn to leave. Now. Before the careful gentleness shatters the control that has seen her through everyday life. "Gairwyn, I--"
A knock from the door saves her. A knock, and she can shove it all down again, bury it beneath steel-toed boots and concrete.
"Come in."
"Gairwyn." The boy bows, and Sam wonders if she recognizes him. Possibly. "The Tau'ri are here, they wish to speak with you and our guest."
"Major?"
A slight smile touches Sam's lips at the protectiveness of Gairwyn. "It's all right."
"Send them in, Leygo."
General Hammond leads the group, and Sam barely has time to be astonished about that before he bellows, "What the HELL did you think you were doing, Major?!"
"Sir--"
"No." His hand comes up, and his eyes glare at her. "You risked your life, and your career, and for what? Some stupid suicidal mission? Revenge? Major, you assured me you were perfectly sane and capable of being in control of yourself and your team. I assured the President AND the Pentagon that you were!"
She takes the chance when he pauses to breathe. "Ba'al is dead." There is no triumph in her words.
"Be that as it may--"
"General Hammond." Teal'c's calm voice interrupts him. "I believe Major Carter requires rest."
Again, kindness is almost her undoing, but she did not falter under torture, and she won't give in now. "I assessed the risk, sir. I risked no one's life but my own."
"What would have happened if he'd taken you alive and tortured you, Major? Your brain contains a lot of valuable information!" He isn't done yet.
"In the event of my capture, sir, I would have," memory flashes through her, pain and acid-edged knives, she gulps, "I would have told him nothing. Or killed myself."
"And if he'd revived you?"
Waking up to white light that never ever ended, and she couldn't stop it, couldn't end it. "I would have kept dying. Sir."
A hand touches her cheek, and she flinches away. Teal'c looks up. "General Hammond, I would appreciate you allowing Major Carter to rest now."
Gairwyn has been watching, Sam thinks, watching and the knowing look in her eyes echoes the one in Teal'c's. "Indeed, kind sir. Major Carter is my guest, and I will not allow you to berate her for what has already occurred. Friends of Thor or not."
Hammond eyes the woman, then nods. "Major, this conversation is not over."
"No sir."
After he's gone, she looks at Gairwyn. "Thank you."
Looking strangely unreadable, Gairwyn nods towards the door, "I must attend to him. Do not upset her," she adds as she steps past Jonas and Teal'c.
"We'll try not to," Jonas mutters.
"Hey." She isn't going to apologize to them. Not yet, anyway. Not until it stops hurting.
"Um, look, Sam, there's something..." Jonas glances at Teal'c, as if for help, and the jaffa half-smiles, but shakes his head. "Sam..."
He's saved the trouble of actually telling her, when Summers arrives, another man behind him. "Hey, guys, General Hammond said I should just go ahead and bring our surprise in to see Major Carter."
"You're dead." It's the only thing she can say to the man standing next to Summers, hands in his pockets.
"Actually, Major, I'm very much alive, aren't I guys?" And a grin lights his face.
Please let this be a nightmare, she thinks, "I saw your body, sir. You're dead." Her voice cracks, slightly, but she ignores it.
"Actually, you saw his body." The man replies. The grin shifts, and he looks at the other three men. "What, you haven't told her? Guys..."
"He's from a mirror universe, Sam. The joint chiefs have already approved him staying here, leading SG-1." Jonas sounds almost miserable. And probably with good reason. This Colonel O'Neill seems to vibrate with vitality and humor. And he's probably ten years younger.
"A mirror universe." She repeats, and now she's numb. Numb, because she can't think further than this. From point A to point B. And from there to point C. And, hopefully, she wouldn't scream.
"Yeah." Jonas shifts, awkward. "His universe is over-run, and he says his... people... sent him through to try and get help, but we can't find it anymore."
People. Right. She narrows her eyes, "The Jack O'Neill I know would never allow himself to leave people behind. How many did you leave?"
"Whoa. They bred you feisty, in this universe." His eyes spark with appreciation. "I like that in a woman."
"Get the fuck out of here. Now."
"Now, listen, Dr. Carter," and there was insolent emphasis put on her name, as if it was lower than he cared to comment on. "I--"
"Jonas. Teal'c. If you do not get him out of here, I will not be responsible for my actions." She was trembling, standing and shaking in the middle of the room her hands clenched tightly to avoid the irresistible urge to reach out and rend him limb from limb. She remembers enough technique from Ba'al that she could probably make it hurt really good.
Even if Summers has only known her for five weeks, he recognizes the tone (if not the easy capacity for violence, and she feels sick again). His hand closes on the Colonel's elbow. "Come along, sir, I'm sure General Hammond would be fascinated to hear you."
"Hey--"
"I believe." Teal'c looms (as only Teal'c can, and for that, she is grateful) over the man, "That you will remove yourself from our presence. Now."
Then he is gone, and she sinks down onto the bed, trying to stop the shaking in her hands. "That is... That is not..."
"Sam." Jonas's hand touches her shoulder, and she flinches. "Sam, we know he isn't ours. But we're kind of stuck with him."
"Stuck?" Her voice squeaks, and she jerks her head up to stare wildly at Teal'c. "I did not kill Ba'al for Jack so that he could be replaced by that.. that..." Words fail her, and she slowly drops her head into her hands.
"Major Carter." Teal'c knows better than to touch her, but his voice is soft. "O'Neill would have--"
"Fuck that. I will not work with him, Teal'c. And I can't believe you will, either."
He sighs, "Indeed. I find myself missing O'Neill triply with every micro-second spent in this man's company."
A chuckle escapes her at his words. "God. Have I told you how much I love you, Teal'c?"
"Not recently, Samantha Carter."
She stands and hugs him, her grip careful. "Thank you."
"Hey." Jonas sounds almost miffed. "What about me?"
"C'mere." She reaches out and drags him into the hug, relaxing into the embrace of the only two men she will probably ever trust again. A hard-won trust, at that. This time, she doesn't stop the tears. "He's really gone."
Jonas gives a soft sigh, and his face settles into the side of her neck, his arms around her and Teal'c.
"Indeed." his voice even softer, Teal'c bends slightly and kisses her forehead. "But we will survive."
"What is this, a new team-bonding technique I don't know about?"
Both men stiffen, but neither is prepared for her moving out of their grasp, and calmly looking at the interloper. "Let me guess. General Hammond thinks you're going to be the leader of SG-1 again."
"Hey, I knew you scientist types were smart."
"Colonel," Hammond is a half-step behind him, his tone chiding, "I told you to ease them into the idea."
"Oh, come on, George, this is SG-1, this is where I belong."
"You're not giving him my team."
"Major, you're not in a position--"
"I may not be, General, but if you hand over command of SG-1 to this asshole, I guarantee I will not be on it. Nor will I be a member of the SGC. I might," a grim smile took her lips, "Even desert and join the Tok'ra and the rebel jaffa."
"Major, I don't think you understand."
"Oh, yes I do, General. You don't think I'm fit to command, but you think he is. That's fine and dandy with me, but I will not be there to watch him destroy everything I care about."
Hammond holds up a hand, "We'll continue this discussion back on Earth, Major."
A laugh escapes her, and she recognizes it from the seventh time Ba'al demanded to know all of her secrets. "I don't think so, sir. I might respect you, but I definitely do not respect your intentions."
"Major Carter, I believe you are acting irrationally."
"Really." She doesn't bother looking at Teal'c. "Tell me, Teal'c, that you can look at that man, and take orders from him."
"Oh, the jaffa'll take orders from me. That's what he's for, ain't it?"
"Major, you're acting irrationally."
"Oh, I'm irrational?!" But something is wrong, now. Something pricked her skin seconds ago, and she turns oh so slowly, to stare at Teal'c. The jaffa is silently holding a needle. "How..." It must be good stuff. Janet probably told them exactly how to knock her for six.
Jonas catches her, "I'm sorry, Sam."
"No. Don't bring me back again, please. Let it end." The words are slurred, but the face in front of hers is Ba'al's, the betrayal of her own body sending her tumbling down into darkness.
tbc