Notes: I like Snape, he's fun.
Responses to reviews: Gosh, I'm sorry I haven't been answering you bunch of reviewers. And then yesterday or so, I woke up and thought 'let's answer back, woohoo!'. So I know it's gonna be a little odd to answer reviews old of 6 months from the first chapters or so but hey, better late than never...I think.
(Previous chapters)
CuriousDreamWeaver: Yay, you were my first reviewer on this one. And you always did make me smile with your reviews. You're a cool one! M'glad you liked them...Gosh you reviewed almost all of them! I'll give you a cookie, gah make that a dozen
JackSparrowsLass: Gosh, I'm so honoured of so much praise I'm almost blushing here I hope you're still reading this even though my lack of updating :S
Star and Pixie: Here, it took me a while but there's more. Hope you like them.
driven to insanity: Draco is going crazy, mate. But I guess you'll understand why later...hinthint
My Slytherin Mind: I'm glad you liked it. Keep reading, I'll keep 'em coming!
ScarletSerpent: He's in character? Oh good! I wasn't sure how I was doing on this side; m'glad you think I did a good job.
beth: Thanks so much...but I have to say: just you wait if you thought that was intense!
Beloved: Confused? Good! So am I...Uhoh, that's not good, is it? Having the author confused, that really can't be that good...:S But thanks anyways!
ct: Slash? Yeah, I'm working on it. I ain't working fast but I'm working on it. I tried something slashy earlier but it kinda turned vulgar. Wonder where it's gone? Down the garbage! Oh! By the way, I'm happy you enjoy it.
Siren of Darkness: Thank you. And split personality? Nah but you're close though, real close. And Malfoy? There's a lot going on with this cute boy too. Still, ain't spoiling it :P
Sand3: I like you, I like a lot. And I do do some self-editing but not as much as I'd want to...or as it would need to. Missed words? Homonyms? Extra words? Gosh :S But at least, you like it a bit! And you compared me to Rowling herself : Thank you, thank you, thank you!
(Chapter seven)
CuriousDreamWeaver: Hey you're back and I still love you! And yes, Sev's pretty much down Despair Lane. He's always so composed, so calm and I wanted to write him some other way. And somehow, I still think I kept him in character. I mean I can totally see him like this, though given a proper situation and I thought this was pretty much a proper situation for him to lose his self-control, innit?
Sand3: I know what you mean. I was going for something different with Harry but it didn't turn out that great, did it? I guess I was heading for a more mature, more calm Harry because I really can't stand the angry, childish Harry and I realized it was turning out like this. And I guess the Albus didn't help many too. I'm glad you spoke up because it was really bugging me too. Oh well. Thanks again for your reviews!
Chapter seven, You Were Made to Hate Me.
A voice so soft, so pure it could sing to the angels above...if it didn't belong itself to an angel. I knew that flowing voice from somewhere, I was sure of it. It was so familiar and yet, I felt I'd never heard it as gentle as it was now. My eyes wouldn't open my sight on the stranger, they'd seal shut tighter and tighter as I tried to blink them open. Alas!
"They're coming, I hear them."
It was definitely a masculine voice.
"I won't let them hurt you."
Shrugging, I shook my head as best as I could manage and nuzzled even more in his neck. Just thinking about thinking about all the boys who could be here holding me right now made my head spin around hectically so I might as well make myself comfortable...And If I'd been anywhere near conscious, I would've never even thought of doing so but right there, I didn't give a damn and carried it out dreadfully unashamed. Don't you dare start on me with the Malfoy name!
"I'll watch over you, I promise."
He promised, he promised again. He spoke to me in such confident words, with a firm enough tone to let me know he was talking serious business yet still managing to keep his voice kind and soothing. And it killed me. I thought I would but I just couldn't let go of who this enigmatic boy was. It was almost literally eating me by the inside! I had to think, I had to know who he was, I had to know who was seeing me in this meagre state, I had to find out. I just had to.
Facts, facts? Facts! Alright, he was a boy...He had a masculine voice.
Wait. Emerald green, something was emerald green. Not a lawn green, not a bottle green, not a pine green, really an emerald green. There'd been two orbs, a pair. Eyes, could they be? Who had green eyes? That green of eyes? There was a bunch of kids with green eyes but that green? An Aveda Kedavra green? Almost as if they'd seen the Killing Curse fly right by them...As if they'd survived it...As if they were survivors...
Or worse, The Survivor...!
No. Don't tell me. Don't fucking tell me. Bloody hell. Goddammit! Not him. Anybody would have been better but him up to the point I'd rather have that Half-Breed, oversized, clumsy teacher find me instead. And to think, I actually thought I liked being there, held by him, comforted by him. I actually thought I had enjoyed it. I actually...felt protected. I wanted to laugh myself crazy. Merlin, I'd lost it bad, real bad.
There were a pair of footsteps coming angrily towards us with robes flowing. And another set of footsteps, quick, dry ones pursuing the firsts. It sounded like heels? Must be a woman then. She sighed deeply. Was she relieved? Afraid? I could almost hear the man seethe and feel the steam coming out form his ears. I had the feeling she was holding him off from whatever.
It made me kinda edgy all these bad vibes. I really wanted out of this room. It was becoming too crowded for my taste. But somehow, the arms around my body managed to soothe and calm me. Against my will, I sighed contently and snuggled closer to him, of all people! My mind was repulsed but my body had a idea of its own and it didn't seem it was inclined to get away from...him. Ugh.
"Mr Potter, please, allow us to bring Mr Malfoy to the infirmary. You can come along, if you wish, but I'm afraid he truly needs professional help, "McGonagall told him gently.
Potter didn't seem disposed to let go of me, he just kept repeating he wouldn't let them hurt me.
"Harry, I know how you I feel and for his sake, let us take him to the Hospital Wing."
"You'll hurt him."
"We just want to help him, don't we, Severus?"
Snape just kinda...growled?
"Let us take him, "she said at last with a certain finality.
"Alright, Professor, "he sighed at last as he made for us to get up.
"Go up ahead, we'll catch up."
"Of course, "he nodded against me. "Can you stand? "he whispered to my ear.
I faintly mumbled my agreement against his shoulder as he slowly got up, bringing me with him. He had his hands on my hips and his lips on my neck and nothing I had ever felt before felt this right. Stepping back, he took my hands and gently led me towards the door. I took small, uneasy steps under his watchful eye. I was exhausted, I feared I wouldn't be able to reach the Hospital Wing. It seemed so faaar...
"Severus, please go get the Headmaster and meet us in the infirmary, "McGonagall said to Snape.
I was sensing a lot a bad vibes from him and it made me quaver a bit. To which Potter gracefully sprang up to prevent me from falling and held me tighter.
"Look at what he did! That...Potter! He did this to him. He tried to kill him, he tried to kill Draco, "he exploded furiously in short, icy words.
"Oh, come off if, Severus. Why would Potter try to kill only to take care of him after?"
"I know him! I know them all, them Potters, "he spat. "He's feeling guilty now."
"Come on, Draco, "Potter beckoned me gently, as if he was oblivious to the row.
"You don't know anything, Severus. Go get the Headmaster, now, "she repeated dryly.
"It is you who don't know him and his kind. You're blind, Minerva, you don't want to see him for anything other than the Boy Who Lived. He's got you wrapped all around his little finger, all of this wretched school!"
"Severus Snape! "she snapped back. "This will be enough. Potter?"
"Of course, Professor."
"Now, Severus, will you behave? Fetch the Headmaster at once...for Malfoy's sake."
Ha, this ought to get to him.
"Fine, but he'll pay for this, Minerva. You hear me, Potter? You'll pay for this!"he shouted.
Still, I barely registered their quarrel. It was so faraway, so forlorn. His embrace took all of my attention to him alone, I wouldn't have had it any other way...I think. I felt good and I didn't want him to go away, even if this was indeed Harry Bloody Potter. I didn't care. Well, i think I just wasn't realizing it anymore...I just wanted to stay this way forever. But he had to take me safe and sound to the infirmary, ever the noble Gryffindor.
Gently, as if afraid that I'd break, he slowly took his arms from around me. He wasn't even holding my hands anymore. I felt cold with his warmth gone. I shivered. I could almost hear him frown before he mumbled the Attraction charm (or did he even?) and in the blink of an eye, a blanket was covering my shoulders. I nodded as clearly as possible and tried to smile at him. But I just couldn't.
I felt his hands grasp mine and holding them tightly in his, as if afraid I'd vanish. Oh no. Even if I wanted to, which I didn't, I couldn't have gone away. I was glued to him. Even if this was Harry Potter we were talking about. He lifted me up from my knees. They quivered again at bit but I stood still. When he took a step forward, or backward as he was leading me, I didn't follow. My feet were well anchored in the ground. I didn't move, I just couldn't.
I felt him tense through his hand, he gripped a little tighter. I heard him curse again. I flinched. He cursed again. I thought he was angry at me, I thought I made him mad because I didn't follow him. When he saw me cringe, he released the tension a bit. I felt him soften as he moved to rub my back and shoulders. To tell me it wasn't my fault, to tell me he wasn't mad at me.
He mumbled another charm and I suddenly felt light as air. I remember looking down my feet. I remember gasping. I was bloody floating, he made me bloody levitate, that wanker. Buuut as long as he didn't drop me dead on the floor, I guessed it would be alright. Yeah, it would have to. I remember a faint smile in the moonlight still with two orbs almost smiling at me.
If eyes could only smile, they'd have.
And before I knew it, I was awaking in a comfy bed, sore everywhere. But curiously enough, I felt good. Waking up from a well-deserved, well-used, long, dreamless rest. I must've been given a Dreamless Draught. It had done me well at least. I stretched out lazily, sat up in the bed and looked around. Bright coloured walls darkened by the night, flowers pots everywhere, a warm, inviting ambiance. Hospital Wing. Most certainly.
But how the hell did I end up here? I couldn't remember just exactly how although I could remember that pathetic, Christmas diner attempt but then nothing. I was pulled out of my thoughts as a dispute began in another room nearby. Pomfrey, McGonagall, Snape, Dumbledore and a voice I couldn't quite replace. Snape was out of control, the man usually so composed, so cool had completely lost it.
"Do you know what happened, Mr Potter? "Pomfrey said.
"What do you think happened!? I'm sure he did it! He hexed Draco! He was trying to kill him, plain and simple."
"Severus, we are all aware of the rivalry between those two but for Harry to attempt murder? Don't you think you're taking this a bit too far? "Dumbledore tried to reason with him.
"Of course, he's the Boy Who Lived! "he snapped back.
"Don't you think you are a bit overreacting, Severus?"
"No, Albus, you shan't let this pass! This is the last straw."
"Now, now, Severus, calm down, please let Mr Potter tell us his side of the story, "Albus said quietly but firmly.
A soft snort came after that. Oh so that was the final person.
"Thank you, Albus."
Whoa! First name basis?
"During diner, Malfoy fainted for no apparent reason and when I tried to question him as to why and how he was feeling, he rebuffed me so I dropped the matter. Later that evening, I thought he was looking a bit pale and I asked him again if he was feeling well..."
"This is rich! As we all know you and Draco are the greatest of friends..."
"Severus. Will you please, I repeat, give the poor boy a chance to explain!"Dumbledore said rising his voice a bit. "Go on, Harry "he said more softly.
"And I asked him if he was alright and he said to, leave him alone. He stood up and he walked out in a rush. I pondered a bit on if I should follow him or not. Finally I got up and trailed after him but he got too fast to the entrance. Of course, I didn't know the password, thus I couldn't enter the Common Room..."
"Then how did you bloody get past the statues? "Snape sneered.
"For the last time, Severus! I will need to ask you at once to leave the room."
"Fine, Albus. I'll behave, "Snape said, his voice a low growl.
"I told myself I couldn't leave like this..."
Snape snorted loudly as he resumed his furious pacing.
"...yet I had no idea how to access the dorms. Defeated, I'd started heading back to the Great Hall but, then, something caught my attention. It was faint, very weak but at the same time, there was no doubt about. And I could tell it wasn't something material, something with a substance. I felt...I just felt. It was odd; I can't really describe it though.
"Perhaps it could be referred to as an instinct, as if someone was pulling the strings from above...But I felt adamant on it, I knew I needed to trust myself on this. And this...I somehow...I just knew...It just opened."
"Do you think us as such fools we would believe this ridiculous tale? "Snape hissed.
"No, sir, not at all. It is simply hard for me to try to explain something I don't quite understand myself. I know it seems rather farfetched but it just is. I'm sorry I couldn't say more but I just don't know, I just don't know..."
"Foolish boy."
"I remember I felt there was no way I could help him if I didn't get in. I remember feeling frustrated, defeated but also worried of his fate. And almost literally, the next thing I knew I was holding him in my arms as he was clutching to me as if it was a matter of life or death. I did feel a bit different though. However, different on which base I can't tell you for I do not know myself."
"You mean to tell us it was as if you were being possessed by some unknown power guiding you in though you don't remember any of it?"
"Well...I, you see...Yes."
"The boy is not on trial here, Severus."
"Don't you see he's making this along? And I can't say his creative skills are impressing me so far, "Snape sneered. "As for the boy being on an actual trial, we'll see about that, Minerva."
"Is that a threat, Severus Snape? "she asked as if she was scolding a little boy.
Ouch.
"If the two of you are quite finished, perhaps Harry could conclude his account?"
"As I entered the Common Room, I felt something rise in me, wrap around me like a veil. But it wasn't something dark, not something Evil. It didn't feel as if it was trying to suffocate me. No, instead it felt Light and pure. It felt Good. And somehow the room didn't feel quite as cold and daunting as it was. It was as if my aura chased harm and gloom away..."
"Of course it was. You're Harry Potter."
Somehow, I didn't think it was a compliment.
"...I made my way to the dorms and that's about when I heard loud shouts and high-pitched cries. At first, I thought there was a big fight; it sounded as if there was a load of people in there but then again, I was fairly sure there wasn't. There were thuds and thumps and it seemed a lot of furniture was being thrown around against the walls. I reckon I even heard broken windows in there.
"Again, I know for certain you won't believe me, Professor Snape, but it happened once more. Unfortunately, I didn't have my wand with me and the door was locked and magically sealed; clearly, I couldn't get in. Then, it felt as if a great flood of free energy flowed through me. Next thing I knew the door was breached enough to let me pass.
"That's when I saw him. Curled in a ball, arms wrapped around his knees, head bowed down, shoulders trembling from sobs, he looked miserable. Then I took a look around: the room was in shambles. It held a sad air about it. But Malfoy, he just looked utterly miserable. And I know he wouldn't like it but, I felt pity for him...I wanted to help him."
Why?
"...yet more than anything else, I identified myself with him, "he finished in a quiet voice.
But you hate me.
"Why wouldn't finish him off, Potter? You hate him, don't you?"
"Hatred is such a vague term, sir. I hate pickles, I hate Divination class, I hate the Dursleys and I hate Voldemort...Which kind of hate is which? What kind of hate is truly hate? What do you genuinely hate?"
Another snort, graciously offered by Snape.
"Oh, alright, I won't deny you that, at some point, I'd have Malfoy on my hate list in a heartbeat but...not anymore. You possibly won't believe I've changed too but I have. And I truly can't say I hate Malfoy."
"Is that so, Potter?"
"It is. I don't hate him. And perhaps I never did, "he added mostly for himself, I presumed. "You don't have to trust me on this and honestly, I don't care about what you think. I just want to get this war over and done and not have anything to do with it ever again."
I want this over too.
"Relation?"
"No matter what you say, I don't believe Malfoy has what it takes to become a Death Eater. I don't believe he sincerely wants to become one."
"Why such high faith in him, Harry? "Dumbledore asked him.
"Because he's just like me, "he answered in a dull, dead voice. "Now, if you'll excuse me?"
How are we alike...?
"But you hate him! "Snape pleaded.
I could tell he was getting desperate. He couldn't understand, he wouldn't. I'm not even sure I really understood what was going on there. Potter saying he was possessed, Potter saying he didn't hate me anymore, Potter saying he pitied me, Potter saying he didn't believe I would become Voldemort's minion, Potter saying he didn't hate me anymore, Potter saying he had changed, Potter saying he hated pickles, Potter saying he didn't hate me anymore, Potter saying we were alike, Potter saying he didn't hate me anymore...
"I'll answer you this, Professor, though I know you'll probably mock me. I truly believe that hating someone, even as much as you think I hate Malfoy, doesn't give you the right to take away that person's life. Not even if he deserves it or if you owe him. And hitting someone who's already down and defeated makes you as bad as the one who first did this...
"Because even if you can doesn't give you the right to. Power is a privilege and must be used wisely. I know I hold that power, I do, and I know I could crush Malfoy even before he could even raise his wand at me but it still doesn't give me the right to hurt him. Do you understand me, sir?"
But you hate me.
"Well said, Mr Potter, "McGonagall praised him warmly.
"Truly well said, Harry, "the Headmaster agreed.
"But you hate him!"
"Once again, Professor, I do not hate him. Though I can assure you, for your heart's happiness, that I certainly do not hold a great liking for him."
You said you didn't hate me anymore.
"But you helped him!"
Yes, you helped me.
"This evening has been rather eventful, not to mention quite tiresome, so if you could excuse me, I'd like to rest a bit, Professors, Headmaster."
Wanker.
"You hate him!"
"Of course, Harry. I'm sorry we've kept you this long. We'll leave you now."
"Thank you."
"But you hate him!"
"Yes, I reckon you've already established that, Severus, "she said patronizingly.
"Good night then, and merry Christmas to you Harry."
"Thank you, Albus. Merry Christmas to you too, "he said with a phoney yawn..
"Come now, Severus. You've already exhausted the poor boy, no need to smother him with questions , "Dumbledore chuckled as he led Snape and McGonagall out of the infirmary.
"Oh and Harry?"
"Yes?"
"You may go see Mr Malfoy for a while if you wish. I'll keep Poppy away, "he said, amused.
"Thank you, Headmaster. I won't be long."