A/N: I've tried to avoid it. I even attempted to use them for songfics, but in the end, even the best authors succumb to its evil grasp. Yes, this is a Hogwarts karaoke/American Idol ficcie where the characters sing and dance and get voted out. But just to spice things up, I'm going to have some more obscure categories like Cole Porter, Musicals, and the 80's! Oh, and all the characters are dead, so I can mix worlds
Rating: S for shitty attempt to make a really bad fic good. Actually, I have no idea what to rate this, I guess PG-13 for lyrics and maybe some mad hot monkey love snogging fests. But I guess we'll see what happens.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not the plot idea, well except for the dead part, this is a cliché plot that I'm using. I don't own the characters, except for a few made-ups that might make an appearance. I don't own the songs; they were written by others and sung by others too. So in other words, don't sue me, for I'm broke.
Couples: You're going to have to read this if you want to know. Well, here are some obvious ones. Lily/James, Draco/Hermione, Harry/Ron all others are a surprise!
It was just another day in the afterlife. People were coming and going from heaven to hell and vice versa, the met in Limbo and had a cup of tea or something to that effect. Limbo was famous for it's Afterlife Suicide, a drink served only at the Angels and Devil's Bistro. Yet things had gotten stale lately. Nothing to interesting was happening in the mortal realm. No wars, no Dark Lords on the rise. No, it was in a state of peace, much to the dismay of the souls. I mean, what were they supposed to do all day? Sing alleluia? Burn in fiery pits? No, that was only amusing for the first century here in eternity. Now you got drunk and placed a bet on who would win the war that was occurring. Only with nor war, their was not betting, which meant no drinking.
Yet during these slow times, one person always found a way to liven things up and get them dancing again. Literally. His name was Albus Dumbledore, the most famous Headmaster Hogwarts School had even seen. But he was long since dead, along with most everyone else. The final battle was won and lost with a single explosion. The US had bought the land and decided to use it for testing nuclear bombs. Let's just say that wizarding world didn't get the memo. At least Voldemort was no more, but so was everyone else. Kinda ironic if you think about it. But that was beside the point. For today marked the beginning of the annual Afterlife Idol competition. Where lost spirits came from many cloud nines away to get a chance at this once in an afterlife time opportunity to sing and hopefully win. The winner got a free pass to earth, where they could do whatever they wanted for an entire year. Past winners included Penelope Flamel, who spent her year vacationing in the Bermuda Triangle. Rowena Ravenclaw also won, and she decided to haunt a house, until she was exorcized out of the house. She doesn't spend much time in the spotlight anymore. And the most recent winner was Dolores Jane Umbridge, Surprising, yes. But the last competition was going for the worst singer, not the best. Little leap year joke. But she didn't know that. She spent her year in demon possession. And now was one of the judges for this year's competition. Along with Lord Voldemort and Michael Jackson, who it seems, is Tom Riddle's long lost brother, who happens to be a squib. Who knew?
We start this off with our host, Albus Dumbledore himself!
"Welcome, friends, Romans, Country Men!" A laugh spread through the crowd and Dumbledore winked at an old Elizabethan man, who happened to be William Shakespeare. He grunted and took a drink of his beer. Everyone's a critic.
"No, I won't make a big speech today. I want to welcome you to the 699th annual Afterlife Idol competition!" Another cheer went through the crowd and he held up a hand to silence them. "I know, it's been a long and hard run, but we're still going strong! Even the mortals have jumped on the bandwagon. Something called American Idol...but they won't bother us. I think it's time to get this show on the road, and what better way than to introduce our judges! First and foremost is Dolores Umbridge, who was out winner in last years competition!" A squat, toad-like witch waddled onto the stage, the crowd jeered and booed her, but she just smiled that hideous smile and took her seat.
"I want to thank you for this honor." She said in her sugary-sweet voice that made you sick. Dumbledore just gave her a weak smile and continued,
"Our next Judge is one who we all love and cherish. Just Kidding! Please welcome, Lord Voldemort!" A tall, transparent, snake-like man walked onto the stage, also met with boos, except for a small section, who were chanting 'Voldemort! Voldemort! Voldemort!' He sneered and whipped out his wand, "Avada Kedrava!" He said, sending the killed curse out over the crowd, who just laughed. Can't kill the dead! He grumbled and took his seat next to Umbridge.
"Well, that was nearly kind from our favorite Dark Lord. Now our last judge is someone who most of you don't know. But for the selected few, you will probably pee your pants when I announce him. He is a rather famous singer and his death was mourned by many, and rejoiced by a lot more! Please welcome, the King of Pop, Voldemort's long lost twin brother, Michael Jackson!" A man identical to Voldemort walked out on the stage, waved to the crowd and took his seat. The people, muggleborns, who knew who he was, were crying from laughter. Dumbledore merely grinned,
"Not a man of many words. But he had a voice to die for. Now that the judges are here, let's move onto phase one of our show. The auditions!"
The crowd cheered and a screen appeared and the initial auditions started. It was a rather short video, maybe fifteen minutes. The audience jeered and laughed at the really bad people, and applauded at the good ones. The last guy was particularly bad. He did a horrible Elvis impression; even Voldemort had a small grin on his face. The screen disappeared and Dumbledore took the stage again.
"Well, needless to say, he did not make it in. But I'm sure you all want to know who did! Well, do you?" The crowd cheered and cheered. Albus smiled,
"Here they are!" He motioned to the right, "First off, We have Cho Chang!" A cutesy oriental girl came out from stage right, gave them all a hurried wave and stood next to the Judges.
"Now, before I introduce the next lady, I just want to say that this year we have the most redheads ever. Four or five I believe. Please welcome, Lily Evans!" The first of the Redheads walked out onstage, her green eyes brilliant. She stood next to Cho and Voldemort glared at her. Albus gave her a wink and continued,
"Next we have one of the 'Golden Trio'. She was Hogwarts best student since Tom Riddle and is very pretty, give it up for Hermione Granger!" Whistles and cheers erupted from the crowd as the bushy-haired girl took the stage; she blushed slightly but took her place. Umbridge frowned at her and Voldemort was near color with rage.
"We seem to have quite a lot of estrogen among us." The crowd chuckled, Dumbledore gave the audience a knowing smile and continued,
"Now, I want you all not to discriminate, our next contestant is a charming young lady from England, Miss Luna Lovegood!"
Luna proudly walked out onto the stage; she smiled at the sight of so many 'Quibbler' posters around. Umbridge frowned again,
"The Quibbler was banned from Hogwarts Dumbledore, why do you endorse it so?" But no one pain her much mind. Albus was already onto the next one,
"Our favorite Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Mr. Remus Lupin!" The crowd cheered as he took the stage, looking tired and worn out, but still charming. Luna blushed slightly as he stood next to her, he too was rather pink. Hmmm...
"Now we have the outcast, a traitor to Voldemort and never liked on in the Order, possible the most hated Professor Hogwarts has ever seen. And certainly the most made fun of student. We have Severus Snape!" The weird and twisted people in the crowd cheered him while the others booed. He just sneered and took his place next Remus, looking rather disdainful at the thought.
Dumbledore smiled and went on,
"Now I ask that you remain calm as our next guest appears. He's very shy and doesn't do well with crowds, please welcome Sirius Orion Black!" But nobody came. The audience stopped their cheering and applause. Dumbledore looked puzzled,
"Sirius Black!" He said once again and the crowd cheered, still no one. Albus tried once more,
"Sirius Black!" Muffled sounds came from back stage; Sirius charged his way onstage, his hair tousled and what looked suspiciously like the traces of lipstick on his neck. The crowd went wild when he flashed his smile and he stood next to his cousins.
"Blood traitor." Muttered Voldemort, but nobody heard him. They were too enthralled at Sirius' beauty.
"Now our father/son duo, quite possibly two of the most famous people in the Afterlife, we have James and Harry Potter!" Cheers like no other echoed on the stage. The two came out, near twins, but Harry had his mother's eyes and Voldemorts scar. Speaking of Voldemort, he had his wand out, ready to kill; yet Michael calmed him down by singing to him a lullaby. Families certainly weren't what they used to be.
"The Potter's aren't the only Family here! Next I want to bring out the Weasleys, Fred, George, Ginny and Ron! Come on out!" Flaming red hair hit the stage like fire, Ron was blushing, Ginny was basking in the light and Fred and George were their usual selves. The audience loved them. They each waved and took their place in the line.
"The next girl is one whom I won't soon forget. She was quite a handful at school and even more so afterwards. Rumored to be dead for the longest time, many forgot her, but please welcome Miss Rachel Madison Kerrington!" She walked out onto the stage as if she owned it. Not a stranger to the spotlight she waved and gave the audience a charming smile, instantly winning their affections. The applause grew as she took her place in the line. Even though her appearance was great, her hair was rather frazzled. Any connection to Sirius' state?
Dumbledore quieted the crowd, they had obviously pieced two and two together and were rather encouraging.
"And last but definitely not least, give it up for Blaise Zabini!" The girl walked onto the stage and she was received warmly. She waved and took the last spot next to Rachel.
"Here they are! All sixteen of the contestant here to compete against each other for that pass to earth for a year! We'll start the contest next week at this same time. Each contestant will sing a song of his or her own choice, receive comments from the three judges, and then you, the audience will vote for your favorite. The one with the least votes will be eliminated and we'll move on. Please join us next time!"
The lights went out on the stage and they disappeared. The audience clapped for a few minutes, then disappeared them selves. Backstage, the contestants were milling about, the golden trio were in one corner, the Marauders in another, both with their following. Lily and Rachel were watching the two groups, snickering to themselves, Blaise was with Severus being very Slytherin-esque, Luna was reading the Quibbler and the twins were charming a sleeping Draco's hair to change colors.
During the contest, these twenty people would be forced to live with each other in a house just near the stage. Like Big Brother, you get two reality shows for the price of one! How many more brain cells can we kill today?
In the next chapter, we'll see the house and the contestant's songs. See you later!