May 19th, 2005: Deep into the work

Yes, it's Friday, and everybody's looking forward to the weekend off. We're now deep into the routine. Everyday we've been training and dancing almost non-stop, and Gill is getting stricter and stricter about the perfection. We've already gotten the "Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats" and "The naming of cats" down pretty well, and Jessica has been painfully keeping up with her solo at the beginning of "The invitation to the Jellicle Ball". Everyday she's been complaining about soreness in her legs and lower back, for Gill has really worked her up with her routine. And oh, dear Jessica… every time when it's Darren's turn to come out and join her in the small dance at the invitation, she just can't help cringing and shaking when he run his hands down her. And well, Gill, being the perfectionist she is, never gets satisfied with doing a routine only once. Oh, poor thing… Although Gill kept telling her that it's just an act, part of the dance, not real, etc. But everyday at the end she was always like "oh God, he has to put his hands on me and run them down me like that…" I had a good time teasing her about being so prissy. But oh well, despite little things, we're only loving what we're doing more and more, and everything we're doing, we're doing together!

Finally, today we get to do the exciting tap sequence of "The old Gumbie Cat". Unfortunately, Shonn had to be out of this scene, so Trevor took him to another room to work on some singing and other stuff. And sadly, this is also the end of Kelli dancing with us. Aww! But it's still good to have Kelli sitting by watching and encouraging, and we also can't wait for her to be on stage doing Grizabella's part. Well, Julie has been so excited about her big number, and well, after some simple staging and voice practicing, it was finally jazz shoes time, which unfortunately excluded me, Pia, Steve, and Ann. We get to tap without tap shoes! Many of the dancers in the cast owned jazz shoes, and since I happened to have brought my pair along, I lent them to Cecilia. Well, I have to say that it's a bit… funny to watch poor Jessica, a ballerina who's never even put on a pair of jazz shoes in their entire life, going helpless so quickly. Her jazz shoes were taken care of by Gill, and poor Jessica probably did more in complaining about the weight and the noises of her shoes than tapping the whole time. I kept telling her that these were much more comfortable to wear than pointe shoes, but she still seemed to be unable to walk without looking at the bottoms of her shoes every five steps.

Well, apparently Julie was the happiest when her big tap number finally came up. It wasn't that hard for Pia, Ann, and I to pull our little dance at the beginning together, and the three of us had great fun doing our little part. And well, guess Julie didn't mind when Gill was forced to give extensive tap training to those who have never had a day of tap lessons in their lives. Those of us who grew up with tap being a part of our lives were more than happy to help in the instruction, and I had to step on Jessica's feet at times to stop her from pointing them at the wrong time. So, the first couple of hours into this sequence were completely dedicated to tap lessons. And of course, being the perfectionist she is, Gill wouldn't just allow us to get by with a mere "ok, I know how to tap now, let's move on"…

Finally, we were able to do some tapping together as a group, and could actually start working a little on the big beetle's tattoo tap routine. Pia, Ann, Steve, and I had fun tapping in our soft-shoes, whereas the noises behind us kind of made our ears ring. But Julie was having such a good time that her feet wouldn't stop when everybody did. And the best part came when Gill called for a run through up to the tap sequence, just when Steve was finishing his last "and that's what makes a Gumbie cat", when Jennyanydots was supposed to slide underneath his legs. Apparently Julie got way over excited, and she made the biggest slide across the newly waxed floor from the back, and knocked the totally unprepared Steve head back over and landed hard on his bum, and Julie herself kept sliding ahead while screaming until eventually crashing into the wall. Well, guess that really caused a great uproar. We didn't know whom to laugh at first, Julie or Steve. Gill and Tom helped the two up, one rubbing his behind and the other rubbing her head and hands. And yeah, I guess that kinda taught the two a good lesson… lol!

Anyway, that was enough before lunch. The poor new tap dancers were totally worn out, and Jessica just sat on the floor not wanting to get up. She was more than happy to take off her tap shoes, and I had to pull her up from the floor and drag her out of the studio. Finally, I lured her out with my repetition of burritos, and our group again went to the Mexican restaurant that we went to the other day. Jessica ate faster than usual today. Poor dear, she must be starving! Then she ran to the bathroom at least 4 times, and I joked with her, saying that tap dancing is giving her diarrhea. Well, we finished lunch earlier than usual, and Jessica asked if she could talk to me in private. So the two of us excused ourselves and took a walk to the nearby park. Poor thing, after a long while of hesitation, asked if she could move in with me, because her roommate's got a new boyfriend and she feels she can't stand them anymore. They wouldn't allow her to switch rooms until she gets back from the tour, and she thought about asking Gill to help her with an apartment, but she is scared to be alone. Well, I hugged her and told her that of course she's welcome to move in any moment. And then we walked a little longer, mostly about little things. She finally told me, that she's really starting to fall for Darren, that she can't stop thinking about him now. Yet she doesn't know how to get him to pay attention to her more than he does now. To tell the truth, if I say that I haven't felt anything for Darren, I'd be a big fat liar. But I'd think that Jessica is more suitable for Darren than me. And also, Shonn, I can feel, is now trying to get closer and closer, and I'm also beginning to feel that it's getting harder and harder for me to stay far away. Gee, what a good match we got now: Tugger and Bombalurina, and Munkustrap and Demeter. Would Mistoffelees really go for Victoria someday? I'm greatly hoping so. Darren is such a great person, so talented, so sweet, and so good-looking. Jessica needs a guy like him.

After lunch, we did some more Gumbie Cat dancing. Gill repeated for the 20th time that "we are going to be performing this phenomenal show for people all over the world and that we must bring a good impression of Cats for people from places that have never seen it." Well, not like any of us ever gets tired of listening to her anyway. We loving hearing her talk her thick British accent and address us as her "darlings" and her "sweets". And then we worked some more on the blocking and singing stuff with Trevor, and later John did some more explanations on the staging and gave us an update on our costumes. He had brought our head makeup artist, Elaine Dawning, whom he introduced as "someone still rather new to the job but has already made good accomplishments in her newly started career". She is indeed very young, in her mid 20's the most. After that, we returned to the training with Gill, and finally, everyone's gotten a good grip on the tapping. We went on with the Gumbie Cat routine, and were able to at least somewhat slip through it. Gill did some further instructions on the choreography and made another little speech before we were dismissed. And for some reason, I felt more tired today than the last few days.

Well, I have to say, my body was more than relieved when I walked out of that studio. Gee, regardless of how much I'm enjoying this, it's still tiring me out more than anything has ever in my life. Our group decided to go have some partying after dinner to celebrate our accomplishments so far, and Rebecca asked to come with us. We had dinner at Taco Bell's, and again, Jessica ran to the bathroom probably twice before we left the restaurant. Gee, poor girl, maybe Gill shouldn't have made her tap so much…

Well, despite being so tired, we were all still very in the mood. To celebrate a Friday night, we went to a very well known club called "The Nightly Cools" and yeah, joined the fun right away. Though I've been to a club probably only once in my life, I found it easy to blend in and enjoy myself. It was a huge place, with a lot of lights, a lot of tables and chairs, and huge dance floors. People in there were nice and fun to hang around, and the dance floor was filled with happy folks shaking and singing along with the loud music. Jessica did not seem to be enjoying this much, and hoping to cheer her up, I asked Darren to take her for a dance. Darren at first was hesitant, but eventually gave in. I watched them from afar, having a nice glass of strawberry shake and chatting with Shonn and a few other guys at the same time. Darren didn't seem too comfortable with Jessica, and Jessica was way too shy, too. She wouldn't even look Darren in the eye while they danced! And I could tell that Darren was much better at hip-hop dancing than she was. Oh well, I think they both tried. I don't now. Darren doesn't seem to be getting the picture at all, and Jessica seems is unable to do anything to make him take a hint.

Well, I'll leave Darren and Jessica for a while. What else happened tonight? Yeah, the club was quite fun. We met some really interesting people, who were impressed by us being in Cats and asked us a lot about it. Shonn and I had a great time showing off with a period of salsa, and Cecilia was dancing with one guy after another non-stop, totally flaunting her high-tech booty-shakes and leg-twists, and seemed to be more than enjoying being in the center of attention. Steve and Pia danced on the side, and the two seemed to be more quite as far as conversation with strangers. Also, of course, it didn't take long for Darren and Jessica to both "escape" toward us.

Well, due to Jessica's plea, we walked out of the club earlier than we had expected. Shonn again volunteered to walk us home, and I could not refuse. On the way, we discussed about our day and our progress so far, and Jessica complained about stomachaches from all that shakings and stuff. Shonn told me that he is very excited about his big number coming up, and Jessica is excited about the costumes. Of course, we joked about the tapping all the way to my apartment. Shonn carried Jessica's big bag for her, for it was heavy with all her things like PJs and toothbrush which she had brought along, like the last time, hoping I'd agree to let her stay at least for the night. Well, the poor tired little thing. And yes, Shonn really has a big heart!

Shonn seemed unwilling to say good night, and I again allowed myself to be given a hug. Jessica dug out some left over blueberry pie from my refrigerator and gulped it down as a night snack, and went to the bathroom again as I sat down with my dairy. Gee, I'm worried about that girl's fragile stomach now.

Well, and as I was writing, Jessica and I were sort of chatting at the same time, with the TV on showing some useless commercials. To tell the truth, I really think that Jessica is mystifying me more and more as I'm getting to know her more and more. She seems to be filled with secrets that only she herself knows that she even possesses them, and now, what she says sometimes puzzles me. But it's a joy talking to her. In so many ways, she's just a little girl.

"So, in all honesty, how do you like what we're doing so far?" I asked her.

"Having the time of my life," she replied, smiling. "When I first tried out, I never expected to have this much fun with so many great people."

"Yeah, I think we are a very special group," I said with a giggle. "So, I know that you're a dancer, but why don't you do more things with theatre, too?"

"Too much dancing, too little time," she said.

"I don't think I've asked you this yet, but what was the real reason why you tried out for Cats?" I asked.

I could notice her expressions change.

"Well," she kind of swallowed. "I admit that I do want to be an actress as much as a ballerina. But ballet has to be my priority, because that was my mother's dream."

"Your mother?" I asked.

She nodded, suddenly looking sad. "Yes, my mother. Before she died, she had me promise her that no matter what, I would try my hardest to become a prima ballerina, and nothing should ever stand in my way. I promised her right before she closed her eyes, and now I can never break it."

"Your mother died?" I nearly jumped.

She nodded. I could notice her holding back tears. "Yes, when I was 16. And that was when I resolved to do everything to get into Julliard. By then, I've already been dancing for 13 years, and was already well known by people around me as a ballet dancer. Only, nobody really knew how much I loved theatre, too. Due to dancing, I've never really had the time to participate in any drama activities in school, and after my mother died, I just totally decided to forget everything else and concentrate on ballet alone, and I just had to reach the ballet dream."

I had to go over and give her a hug.

"I never expected that you'd be motherless at such a young age," I said, "I'm so sorry. Is your father still around?"

She nodded and sniffled a little. "Yeah, my father's been trying his best to give out two parents' love in one person, and feels bad that he can't. Sending me to Julliard was something that he could do the most to help me in life, despite it almost draining all his money. And now I can't be with him, he feels worse because he thinks he can't be there for me when I need him. It was he who encouraged me to audition for Cats actually, and he seemed to be even happier than I was when he found out that I got a good role, and a good dancing role, too, because now I can do both theatre and dancing in one. I think he knows well how much I love musical theatre. But I have to say, he's more worried than ever now because soon, I'm gonna be out of the country all on my own and he won't see me for a year."

"He sounds like a very caring father," I said.

Jessica smiled. "Well, he is. That's why my mother's death did not cause too many breakdowns in me. At least I still have my father who loves me. But now, though I know that he's still in my life, he cannot be near me. And without the only person that truly cares for me in my life, for the first time, I really feel lonely."

"I think I know what you mean," I said. "I miss my parents, too, who are in California. Washington D. C. is too far for me to just go home any time I want, and soon, I'll be even further. Although my parents weren't that hot about me going all over the places with a world tour, they knew how much something like this would mean to me. They were supportive in every way, and did not object much to me deferring my junior year in college and graduate a year later than I should. They've always known that if I had the choice, I would have a career in theatre rather than forensics, and of course, my obsession with musical theatre all through high school was too obvious to hide anything from my parents. Now that I'm old enough to be on my own, they're willing to let me do what I want. But well, not like I wouldn't do Cats if my parents said no, but I still want to listen to them. My parents have always been like my friends."

"You have many friends in college?" Jessica asked.

"Not that many, but enough, I guess," I said, "I'm also still in touch with my friends from high school."

"Oh," Jessica sighed.

"Why, what is it?" I asked.

"I'm envious of you sometimes," she said, sounding like she wants to cry. "People like you are always so easily liked everywhere you go, and so easy to fit in and make friends right away. Just look at you now. It seems as if the moment you start talking, the entire group likes you right away."

"Well, actually, I don't know about that," I said, "I don't always fit in right away everywhere I go, and I don't just make friends with everyone, and not everybody always wants to be friends with me."

But of course, I immediately knew what she meant. She doesn't have many friends, and that is what she needs the most in her life. Any outgoing person would seem lucky to her. She's really too shy, too innocent, and too naïve.

"I'm sure people like you, too, Jessica. Maybe you just don't know it," I said, trying to sound as gentle as possible. "I mean, don't you think that we all like you very much, and that you're fitting in with us fine right now?"

"If I haven't met you, things probably would not have been this well this soon," Jessica mumbled and fiddled with her pillow.

I really didn't know what to say to her.

"But hey, Darren asked you to dance, didn't he? And you two seemed to have had much fun!" I said, trying to cheer her up.

"Well, sort of. But he didn't seem that comfortable," she said. "And please, don't make me go to a place like that again. I don't like loud noises and big groups of people. I'd rather be some place where it's quiet and peaceful."

"All right, if you want, of course," I said.

"You know," she said, "I haven't had people who are so close to me for a long time."

"What?" I asked.

"I've never had people who are so close to me and care about me so much since I left home. It feels… so weird now," she raised her head to look at me. I noticed that her eyelashes were already wet.

I again hugged her and this time, held her in my arms for a while. Holding her felt like holding a 10-year-old. Gosh, poor thing, I feel so bad for her. She really needs more people to love her and be with her.

"Hey, you know what? It's late now," I patted her back. "We both need some good rest. Tomorrow's gonna be another big day."

"Yeah, I really am tired," she smiled and wiped her eyes. I let her go to my bathroom to wash up while I finished writing.

And there, another day's over. Dancing all day long, and then clubbing all night. Geez, talk about worn out! But well, my first week with Cats has come to an end, and I'm looking forward to a new week! By the way, next Friday I'm getting my first paycheck, woo hoo! And well, I think I have plans for this weekend, and yeah, tomorrow I better call Mom and Dad. And what am I gonna do tomorrow? Go to a salon, go to the mall, or see a Broadway show? Well, anyway, enough said now. What a crazy week, but what a fun week! And I've again written a little too much. Gee, so tired. Maybe I should save my strength a little from now on and only write a page a day.

Mel