Death By Margaritas
Chapter Two: Stories of Old
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Here we go! Another chappie for the Goku-bashing chronicles. Hey! I should
have used that... Oh well, that'll be the section on my website after it's up
and running. I hope you enjoy this one. I wrote part of it a long time ago
and it got deleted on accident.
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Vegeta watched as his three little grandchildren scurried around the living room. Andromeda, the six-year-old with the attitude of her grandmother, ran with her black curls bouncing on her shoulders, chasing her cousin, Skyler. Skyler was Vegeta's second grandson, at ten, with flaming red hair that stood up, much like his own. Taka, in being the oldest, chased after his brother and cousin with a net. Vegeta laughed at his grandson's struggles.
Taka stopped running, running his fingers through his mahogany hair, "Grandpa, I can't handle these two, can you please do something? I'm only thirteen! I can't die yet, I'm still a virgin!"
Vegeta laughed at the adolescent before him, "Tell them that I have a story for them."
Taka came back, carrying the two kicking brats underneath each arm, "What story are you going to tell this time?"
"Ooh!" Andromeda squeaked. "Tell the one about when you met Grandma!"
"No! The one about fighting the evil psychics!" Skyler suggested, making karate motions with his hands.
"This story is a special one about a foolish king and his stupid family," Vegeta began. "And like all good stories, it is neither romantic or sappy."
"Once upon a time in a land somewhere in the general area of Europe, there was a very peaceful kingdom. Everyone in the community was intelligent, educated and well groomed. The king was a powerful fighter, although he hardly ever fought. One day, the king fell ill with leprosy. Everyone wanted to help the king get better, but the king left the kingdom to live in solitary confinement so his kingdom could not get infected."
"Although this king was a very wise man, he chose a very unwise decision. He put a man named Kakarott in charge of the kingdom. The king had not known how challenged this man was by everyday things. He had picked the man because he was the husband of his niece. He had never really met Kakarott, but he had no other heir. The day after Kakarott had taken the throne, the kingdom had begun to fall apart. The stock market crashed, the banks went bankrupt and people were beginning to lose jobs. People wanted a new government, but had no plans of how to overthrow this bumbling ball of stupidity. One man named Augustine suggested that if these people were as stupid and uneducated as they seemed that they would overthrow themselves."
"Finally, about a week later, Kakarott decided to take his family on a walk around the forest nearby. His vicious wife, ChiChi, who was tearing apart a sofa with her teeth, nodded and walked over to stand by her husband. She called over her insane children as she picked bits of cotton stuffing out of her teeth."
"Gohan, the eldest of the two, seemed mostly normal. He had a college degree in Finance, but really needed to study Psychology for his extreme fear of small, furry animals like squirrels and gophers. Goten, the younger of the two was a major crybaby. Don't take the crybaby thing too lightly because he cried at the sight of mustard packets. As I'm sure you can tell, ChiChi was extremely vicious. She tore apart sofas, chairs and practically anything she could get her teeth into. People could tell that she needed a rabies shot, but no one could get close enough to inject her. Kakarott was just a plain out fool and I don't think I need to go into much detail there."
"Anyway, when the family set out, they greeted the people at the gate and left. The drawbridge snapped shut behind them and Goten wept as he clenched tightly onto the edge of Kakarott's cloak. Kakarott reached his hand back and patted the child's head as they walked into the marketplace. Yes, people were throwing food at them, but they kept walking with their heads held high. They took it as a compliment, suggesting that the people were merely out of confetti and they used tomatoes and boiling soup as substitutes. Goten cried harder and ChiChi leapt into maternal mode, jumping on a lady and biting her ear of as she tossed a chicken at the small boy."
"When they made it into the forest, Goku pointed out berries and pine trees. Goten had detached himself from his parents and was walking about ten small paces behind his older brother. He was crying when a mountain lion jumped in front of him. He froze in fear for about twenty minutes while his family had kept going. The lion snarled and the boy began to cry. He cried so hard that he randomly exploded. The poor lion was very confused, seeing only a metal crown left behind."
"About a mile ahead, Kakarott was acting out the mating dance of the long necked walrus. ChiChi cocked her head to the side and clapped. Gohan clapped a little, but was sidetracked by a chirping in the bushes to his left. He snuck away while Kakarott imitated a swan fighting to its death. On his hands and knees, Gohan crawled under some shrubs and found a baby birds nest. He smiled warmly and placed the nest on a tree branch. It was then that he looked up to see huge birds with guinea pigs on their backs. Gohan didn't have time to scream before the birds picked away at his flesh, killing him immediately."
"It had been about two hours until Kakarott had finished his fight with an invisible swan. While his wife clapped, he took her hand and they went walking into an opening in the thick trees. He offered her to dance and she snarled and ran off into the distance. Thinking it was a game of hide and seek, he ran off to find her. Unknown to him, she had wandered into a llama farm near Spain and became a sheepdog. Because he didn't know that, he ran straight into a building. He walked inside to find a large group of men, dancing in tight pants. He smiled and threw off his cloak to join them. He danced with that group of drunk men until the day he died of exhaustion and heart failure."
The three small children clapped as their grandfather finished the story. It was then that their grandmother came through the front door carrying groceries. Vegeta righted his chair and got up to help her.
"Grandma! Guess what!" Andromeda sang.
"What sweetie?" Bulma handed the groceries to Vegeta and picked up the child with the sparkling purple eyes.
"Grandpa told us the best story ever!" She said excitedly.
"Yeah!" Skyler added, "It was about some idiot king and his stupid family!"
Bulma set her granddaughter down and glared at her husband, "Vegeta! I need to have a word with you!"
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Heh heh heh! I liked that one! I have been planning that one forever! I hope you liked it. Please review and remember, NO FLAMES! It's just for fun, not to offend anyone.
May the Schwartz be with you!
3 Aikenlicious
Vegeta watched as his three little grandchildren scurried around the living room. Andromeda, the six-year-old with the attitude of her grandmother, ran with her black curls bouncing on her shoulders, chasing her cousin, Skyler. Skyler was Vegeta's second grandson, at ten, with flaming red hair that stood up, much like his own. Taka, in being the oldest, chased after his brother and cousin with a net. Vegeta laughed at his grandson's struggles.
Taka stopped running, running his fingers through his mahogany hair, "Grandpa, I can't handle these two, can you please do something? I'm only thirteen! I can't die yet, I'm still a virgin!"
Vegeta laughed at the adolescent before him, "Tell them that I have a story for them."
Taka came back, carrying the two kicking brats underneath each arm, "What story are you going to tell this time?"
"Ooh!" Andromeda squeaked. "Tell the one about when you met Grandma!"
"No! The one about fighting the evil psychics!" Skyler suggested, making karate motions with his hands.
"This story is a special one about a foolish king and his stupid family," Vegeta began. "And like all good stories, it is neither romantic or sappy."
"Once upon a time in a land somewhere in the general area of Europe, there was a very peaceful kingdom. Everyone in the community was intelligent, educated and well groomed. The king was a powerful fighter, although he hardly ever fought. One day, the king fell ill with leprosy. Everyone wanted to help the king get better, but the king left the kingdom to live in solitary confinement so his kingdom could not get infected."
"Although this king was a very wise man, he chose a very unwise decision. He put a man named Kakarott in charge of the kingdom. The king had not known how challenged this man was by everyday things. He had picked the man because he was the husband of his niece. He had never really met Kakarott, but he had no other heir. The day after Kakarott had taken the throne, the kingdom had begun to fall apart. The stock market crashed, the banks went bankrupt and people were beginning to lose jobs. People wanted a new government, but had no plans of how to overthrow this bumbling ball of stupidity. One man named Augustine suggested that if these people were as stupid and uneducated as they seemed that they would overthrow themselves."
"Finally, about a week later, Kakarott decided to take his family on a walk around the forest nearby. His vicious wife, ChiChi, who was tearing apart a sofa with her teeth, nodded and walked over to stand by her husband. She called over her insane children as she picked bits of cotton stuffing out of her teeth."
"Gohan, the eldest of the two, seemed mostly normal. He had a college degree in Finance, but really needed to study Psychology for his extreme fear of small, furry animals like squirrels and gophers. Goten, the younger of the two was a major crybaby. Don't take the crybaby thing too lightly because he cried at the sight of mustard packets. As I'm sure you can tell, ChiChi was extremely vicious. She tore apart sofas, chairs and practically anything she could get her teeth into. People could tell that she needed a rabies shot, but no one could get close enough to inject her. Kakarott was just a plain out fool and I don't think I need to go into much detail there."
"Anyway, when the family set out, they greeted the people at the gate and left. The drawbridge snapped shut behind them and Goten wept as he clenched tightly onto the edge of Kakarott's cloak. Kakarott reached his hand back and patted the child's head as they walked into the marketplace. Yes, people were throwing food at them, but they kept walking with their heads held high. They took it as a compliment, suggesting that the people were merely out of confetti and they used tomatoes and boiling soup as substitutes. Goten cried harder and ChiChi leapt into maternal mode, jumping on a lady and biting her ear of as she tossed a chicken at the small boy."
"When they made it into the forest, Goku pointed out berries and pine trees. Goten had detached himself from his parents and was walking about ten small paces behind his older brother. He was crying when a mountain lion jumped in front of him. He froze in fear for about twenty minutes while his family had kept going. The lion snarled and the boy began to cry. He cried so hard that he randomly exploded. The poor lion was very confused, seeing only a metal crown left behind."
"About a mile ahead, Kakarott was acting out the mating dance of the long necked walrus. ChiChi cocked her head to the side and clapped. Gohan clapped a little, but was sidetracked by a chirping in the bushes to his left. He snuck away while Kakarott imitated a swan fighting to its death. On his hands and knees, Gohan crawled under some shrubs and found a baby birds nest. He smiled warmly and placed the nest on a tree branch. It was then that he looked up to see huge birds with guinea pigs on their backs. Gohan didn't have time to scream before the birds picked away at his flesh, killing him immediately."
"It had been about two hours until Kakarott had finished his fight with an invisible swan. While his wife clapped, he took her hand and they went walking into an opening in the thick trees. He offered her to dance and she snarled and ran off into the distance. Thinking it was a game of hide and seek, he ran off to find her. Unknown to him, she had wandered into a llama farm near Spain and became a sheepdog. Because he didn't know that, he ran straight into a building. He walked inside to find a large group of men, dancing in tight pants. He smiled and threw off his cloak to join them. He danced with that group of drunk men until the day he died of exhaustion and heart failure."
The three small children clapped as their grandfather finished the story. It was then that their grandmother came through the front door carrying groceries. Vegeta righted his chair and got up to help her.
"Grandma! Guess what!" Andromeda sang.
"What sweetie?" Bulma handed the groceries to Vegeta and picked up the child with the sparkling purple eyes.
"Grandpa told us the best story ever!" She said excitedly.
"Yeah!" Skyler added, "It was about some idiot king and his stupid family!"
Bulma set her granddaughter down and glared at her husband, "Vegeta! I need to have a word with you!"
=================================
Heh heh heh! I liked that one! I have been planning that one forever! I hope you liked it. Please review and remember, NO FLAMES! It's just for fun, not to offend anyone.
May the Schwartz be with you!
3 Aikenlicious