So, Who Stole the Marshmallows?

By Pyrasi

Well, I'm on to the second chapter! Or the first, rather, since the last one was a prologue (hence the shortness). Gaspie, I got five reviews! Thanks guys! Though I'd like to clear up on something I said last chapter: no, I do not hate Harry Potter, I think it's a wonderful series, just… The movies kind of ruin it, in my opinion. You can't really imagine what any of the characters look like anymore without the actors of the movies coming to mind. And yea, it is pretty over-commercialized. I mean, just a few days ago, I saw Harry Potter BUBBLE BATH in the store. Bubble bath! For Harry potter! Ye gods! –shakes fist-

…Ahehehe. OK, sorry 'bout that. On with the story. Myep.

"HOLY SHIT!"

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

"Ahahaha! Take that, Slowy McSlowpoke!" K yelled in a frightfully deranged manner at a poor old man driving innocently along the side of Bad Luck's band vehicle. While the man was simply driving peacefully to his home three streets away, K (being well, himself) decided that the senior citizen was trying to race him, and sped the van right about ten above the speed limit, passing cars like mad and burning marks on the roads.

As a result of this, Shuichi was clinging to Hiroshi's shirt as if he just saw a ghost (or in this case, was about to become one). "K! STOP THE DAMNED VAN!!" he yelled hysterically, fearing for his existence.

"ARE YOU KIDDING?! I'M ABOUT TO WIIIIIN!!"

"Who cares about – AAAAAAAAAH WATCH OUT FOR THE STOP SIGN!!!" Suguru shrieked.

"…If we ever come out of this alive, I swear I'm going to murder you for making me come." Yuki said bitterly as the car took a powerful swerve. The novelist flinched and held onto the handle of the door tightly for dear life.

Sakano was in such a state of panic, he couldn't even scream.

But the ever-logical Hiroshi, who would probably stay sane even if the world was splitting apart and a giant taco was attacking his house, concluded that it wouldn't do him any good to ask his nutty manager to slow down. "K!! HOW LONG UNTILL WE GET THERE?!"

"…I dunno. Where are we going again?"

The guitarist slapped himself on the forehead. Stay come, Hiro, staaaaay calm… "The forest, K, the forest!! For the reality show!!"

"…Ohoho! I know where that is. No need to worry." K said lightheartedly. But despite his calmness, the others couldn't help but worry that something was about to go horribly wrong…

…Along with, of course, the whole we're-about-to-crash-into-a-freaking-car-and-die thing.

"Alright, now, I assume you've all been taught 'ta use a portkey, right?" Hagrid asked his class, holding up a bunch of old boots. "It's really simple, so no need 'ta worry if ya haven't. Each group of ya will stand around one of the boots and hold onto a part of it, and it'll transport ya to the camping site. Understand?"

The students nodded in unison, suitcases and duffle bags by their sides.

"Good!" Hagrid said cheerfully. "Now all that's left to do is divide ya into camping groups." He put down the boots and picked up a shabby old witch hat, much like the sorting hat Dumbledore had in his office, only… Well, smellier. "See, I've got some pieces of parchment with numbers on it. I'll pass it around 'ta you kids, and each of ya will pull out a piece of parchment. The number ya get is the number of the group you'll be in."

After finishing his little speech, so to say, the half-giant passed the smelly hat around, each student's nose crinkling as they reached into it and pulled out a scruffy piece of parchment. Immediately after, they rushed over to their friends excitedly to see if they were in the same group, Hermione, of course, being no exception.

"HARRY! I got a five!"

"Same here!"

"Oh, good! How about you, Ron?"

"Yep, five!"

"YES! Who else got a five?"

Harry looked around. "Hey Seamus! Dean! What did you guys get?"

They both looked rather dull. "I got a three," Dean said miserably. "Stuck with Crabbe and Goyle."

"Agh, that sucks! Give 'em both a kick in the nuts from me." Ron said grimly. "What about you, Seamus?"

"Well, I'm with Parvati and Ginny, so I'm okay, I guess." He replied, and turned to the chubby freckled boy to his right. "Which group are you in, Neville?"

But Neville didn't have a chance to reply, as Hagrid had called his students over.

"Okay, I'm going to call out the group numbers, and when I get to the group yer in, I want ya 'ta raise yer hand. Number one…"

"I simply cannot believe that out of all people to get stuck with on this idiotic camping trip, I have to get stuck with you, Weasel, and the know-it-all mudblood!" Malfoy groaned as he brought the group's boot (slash portkey) over.

"Oh, gee, and I suppose you think that we're all chipper and dandy about this, eh?" Ron said sarcastically. "Well, I've got news for you: you are, by far, the last people on earth we'd want to go camping with. Got it?"

"WELL AT LEAST YOU'VE GOT YOU'RE BLOODY FRIENDS WITH YOU!!" Malfoy yelled at the redhead. "I've got fucking no one! No one!" he shook his fist angrily at nothing in particular.

"You deserve it." Hermione stated coldly.

Malfoy scowled at her, and was just about to reply when Hagrid cut him off.

"Everybody, gather around your boots and each place a hand on them! The portkeys are about to be activated!" the bearded half-giant declared merrily, clearly very excited.

Harry looked at the portkey and hesitantly placed a finger on it, his other hand gripping his suitcase tightly. Since his experience with the trophy in the tournament two years ago, he never quite came around to trusting portkeys fully. As the portkey was activated, he felt his feet lift off the ground as the world around him spun and spun, slowly disappearing into nothing but a blur…

"Oof!"

"ATCH ERE OO UT OR EG!!"

"Whaaaat?!"

Malfoy pushed the weight off his mouth and coughed. "I said, WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR LEG, WEASEL!"

Said 'Weasel' spit out a chunk of dirt. "Well, it isn't my fault that you don't know where to land, dumbass!!"

"Ugh, for Merlin's sake! Stop fighting you pair of dunderheads!" Hermione scolded the two boys and scanned the area. "Harry! Harry! Can you hear me? Where are you?!"

"I'm right here!" a voice from above was heard. Was it god? No! It was the boy who lived, helplessly stuck in a tree.

Hermione looked up in horror. "Oh my god… HARRY! Don't worry, we'll get you out of there! …Eventually!" the bushy-haired girl started pacing around recklessly. "Oh, heavens, what're we going to do now?!" she muttered to herself.

"Calm down, Herm!" Ron held her shoulder tightly to stop her from tripping over a tree branch. "We'll get him out of there! …Eventually! Um… It'll be fine! Just fine… Yea…" he didn't seem quite 'fine' himself.

Malfoy smirked. "Yes, I mean after all, now that Potter's stuck in a tree, we won't have to bear his reckless habit of being noble and feeling obligated to save every damned person on the planet! Sounds fine to me!" he added cheerfully. "Think of the positive outcomes!"

"SHUT UP, MALFOY!" Hermione retorted heatedly. This was not good, definitely not good at all. As she looked around, searching for a way to reach her friend up in the tree, she realized that aside from him, Ron, and Malfoy, she was completely alone. No Hogwarts students in sight.

…Well, it appears that things have gone from not good at all to worse. And as you may have already concluded yourselves, this didn't do her panic attack much good.

"Oh no! No no no no NO! …RON! WE ARE COMPLETELY ALONE!" Hermione took hold of her redheaded friend and shook him back and forth by the shoulders.

"Agh, get off me!" Said redheaded friend (who wasn't feeling all that 'friendly' at the moment) pushed her off.

..And then the words finally sunk in.

"…WHAT?!"

Apparently, he had just noticed as well. Oh, what sillies they are.

Hermione racked her brain for a solution to this… slight malfunction. "Harry, can you see anyone from up there?! Any Hogwarts students at all?!"

"…Nope."

"LOOK HARDER!!"

He jumped from the sudden harshness of her voice (surely that can't be good; he was in a tree, after all), then squinted his emerald eyes in an attempt to find anything living and non-furry in the area. "Um… No… I don't see… WAIT! There's this square thing back there... A van, I think… and there are people coming out of it! But… They don't seem to be from Hogwarts…" He squinted his eyes more. "In fact, one of them has pink hair…"

"Pink… Hair?" Hermione was utterly confused.

Ron was equally perplexed. "Hermione, what's a van?"

"I'll explain later." She replied hurriedly, and turned her focus back to her prisoner friend. "HARRY! Do you think you can call those people over here?!"

"I can try!" the tree's captive yelled back down, and proceeded to fill his lungs with as much air as humanly possible.

"We're heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!" Shuichi yelled as he opened the door to Bad Luck's band vehicle and got out of the car as fast as not only humanly possible, but animally possible, in fear that K would start the van again.

Sakano was almost in tears. "K… Please… Please… Don't ever, ever drive. Ever." He took a breath of fresh hair. "Ahh… Sweet, sweet freedom..."

"How the hell did you guys manage to hit success with that lunatic for a manager?!" Yuki yelled frantically, pointing at K.

Hiroshi sweatdropped. "Oh, we get by… Somehow…"

As the group was recovering from a near-death experience in the hands of K (and as K himself was searching for butterflies, for some unknown reason… Secret butterfly admirer, perhaps? Sure had me fooled), the Nittle Grasper vehicle entered the small clearing they were in, and out came Tohma, Ryuichi, Noriko, and... Tatsuha.

…Yes, Tatsuha.

Yuki was surprised, to make the understatement of the century.

"Tat… Tat… TATSUHA?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Ryuichi grinned happily, oblivious (as usual) to the other's frenzied state. "He's the guest I brought along!" he said.

Now Yuki was really confused. Pulling aside his dear, sweet brother, he asked him, "So, what's the deal, eh? Bribe, blackmail, or torture?"

"…Er, what?"

"How did you manage to get Ryuichi to bring you along with him?!"

Tatsuha smiled widely. "I asked!"

"…You what?!"

"I asked!"

"You… Asked…"

Tatsuha nodded.

Yuki groaned. It was so characteristic of his brother to take advantage of another's innocence. What would his sadistic sibling do now? For all he knew, he could turn Ryuichi into his sex slave. Well, I guess there really isn't much I can do at this point, the novelist thought to himself bitterly. I'll just have to keep an eye on the little criminal…

Suddenly, a voice was heard from a near part of the forest. "HELLOOOOO?! CAN YOU HEAR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and listened.

"Is that… English…?" Hiroshi questioned.

"OVER HERE! OVER HEREEEEEE!!" the unknown voice from above (nope, still not god) called.

"Must be the camera crew," Tohma said knowingly. "Maybe one of them was recruited from America. We'd better get over there."

Since Tohma was usually freakishly right about things, the rest of the group followed him to wherever he was going. However, when they got there, they were surprised to find not a camera crew, but a pale, blonde boy fighting a redheaded, freckled one fiercely, a girl with bushy brown hair pacing back and forth, clearly in a serious state of dread, and a voice coming from a tall tree.

…Luckily, pretty much everyone spoke English (or at least, some mutated form of it)(1).

"Umm… Excuse me?" Suguru looked at the group of teens in front of him, clearly more than a little confused.

Said group of teens froze. "Ahehehe… Erm, sorry about that…" Hermione chuckled nervously. "Uhh, my name is Hermione Granger, these are Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley," she pointed at the two boys who were previously fighting, "and, uh, the person who was yelling from up there is Harry Potter… He's, erm, kind of stuck in a tree."

That, obviously, didn't really help clear up the situation, something that was pretty evident due to the other group's blank stares.

Seeing this, Hermione continued. "We were supposed to go camping with a bunch of other people from our school, but… Something went wrong in the… Um, transportation," she hesitated a bit after remembering that the people in front of her were most likely all muggles, "and now we're pretty much lost."

"Lost?!" abruptly came a cheerful voice from a cluster of bushes to the far back. "Oh my gosh, then we can like, totally help you!"

"Yea, man, just chill…" came a somewhat out-of-it voice from the same direction.

Moments later, a young, blonde, blue-eyed, and impossibly pretty girl appeared seemingly out of nowhere, an older girl wearing a bandana and tye dye galore by her side.

"Hi! My name is Marilyn-Susana!" said the blonde girl, jumping up and down as she spoke. "And this is Squirrel Greenwood! We're like, gonna have so much fun! Hee hee!"

...Well, what an 'interesting' situation we have here.

(1) – hey, Tohma, Yuki, and Ryuichi all lived in America at one point, and I heard that the English language was part of the Japanese curriculum, so I can get away with them speaking the language. XP put away the torches, please and thank you.

Well, 'tis the end of our chapter! Cheers! –sips her martini- oh, the joys of writing this fanfic. It's great fun, I assure you. Great fun indeed. Again, I would like to thank everyone for their reviews! You guys are the ones that give me that extra bit of motivation I need to actually update! –hands reviewers cookies- chocolate chip. You like? If you're lucky, I might hand out lemon tart in one of the later chapters. I gotta make some lemon tart for my French project (don't ask, please).