"Hello? Still animate in there?" Rodney waved a hand impatiently in front of John's eyes, and John flinched, tearing his gaze away from the glistening sword blade.

"What do you think?" John snapped indignantly. "Do I look dead to you?"

"No," Rodney sighed. "I was just wondering whether you could stand to relinquish your new toy for a little while so we can look it over in a proper laboratory. Like I said—we had a hell of a time finding the thing in the first place, and there's probably a good reason why."

"Yeah . . ." John shook his head slightly as if trying to clear it. "Yeah, of course. Here."

The blade vanished, and he passed the handle back to Rodney, who looked closely at it before tucking it safely in his vest pocket. "Thanks."

"No problem." There was an inexplicably uncomfortable silence for a moment.

"We should report to Dr. Weir," Teyla said at last, and everyone else nodded hastily in agreement.

-----

"A sword?" Elizabeth repeated, astonished. "Why would the Ancients have hidden a sword here?"

"We don't know, ma'am," Ford told her. "There doesn't seem to be anything written either on the sword itself or in the room where we found it."

"Compared to Ancient technology, it would be a very primitive weapon indeed," Teyla mused. "I cannot understand why the Ancients would wish to preserve it at all."

"Well, it's not exactly your everyday kind of sword," Rodney pointed out. "The blade is composed of finely focused energy, rather than actual metal."

"Like a lightsaber—but more accurate," John completed.

Ford and Rodney let out snorts of laughter, and Teyla frowned in confusion. John made a mental note to explain Star Wars to her later on.

"That still doesn't answer my question," Elizabeth said sharply. "What is this sword doing here in the first place, and why do we care?"

Ford considered this for a second. "There might be more of them somewhere. A sword by itself is strange, but the Ancients might've been stockpiling a lot of them for some reason."

"First things first," Rodney argued. "I want to take a good look at this one sword first and make sure it's not dangerous. If it turns out to be something totally different masquerading as a sword, we don't want to have an enormous pile of them sitting around nearby."

"Even then, what good would it be?" asked Ford. "Like Teyla said—we've gotten way past using swords. Even if it turns out that we can use it, how would it help us?"

John answered immediately. "Hand-to-hand combat, Lieutenant. We carry knives routinely, but a sword can reach farther."

"A sword is also much heavier than a dagger," Teyla objected. "It is far less efficient."

"Not this one," he contradicted instantly. "I got a couple swings with it, remember? It's practically weightless. Just enough heft that I could control it."

Elizabeth looked sharply at him. "Major, do you seriously think that this sword, or whatever it is, could potentially be a useful weapon on offworld missions?"

"Yes, ma'am," John said without hesitation, and then held up a hand to stem Rodney's protest. "If our self-appointed customs officer approves, of course."

Rodney shot him a dirty look, opened his mouth, thought better of it, and settled for simply nodding in agreement.

"All right," Elizabeth said at last. "If, as you said, Dr. McKay thinks this sword is safe to use, by all means go ahead and try it. But please report to me right away if you find out anything that might explain where it came from and why. Dismissed."

-----

Rodney expected that John would show up in the lab at some point that evening; in fact, he was surprised that it didn't happen for nearly two hours. At last, however, a familiar voice came from the doorway: "So . . . has my quote-unquote new toy been passed yet?"

:Looking up from his worktable, Rodney rolled his eyes. "Almost, actually. I've run pretty much every scan or test I could think of without damaging it. It's just solid metal—I don't recognize the alloy, but it's totally inert. It couldn't explode if it tried. I haven't even been able to determine how the blade is produced. There should be some kind of emitter array embedded in the hilt—an immensely powerful one at that in order to channel the energy necessary to comprise a blade of the dimensions and intensity it's demonstrated. There ought to be a focusing mechanism as well, considering the sharpness of the blade—not to mention an energy source. But none of that's there. It's all just solid."

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down." John raised his hands in surrender. "You win—you know more big words than I do. Now, all I want to know is this: is this thing safe to use? I'm looking for a yes or no here."

Rodney smiled faintly. "Does 'probably' count for anything?"

"Sure, why not." John shrugged. "But it does imply 'possibly not.' In English, please?"

"That was English, whether or not you recognize it as such."

"In simpler English, then."

"Honestly," Rodney said finally, "I don't think it can be anything besides a sword, because I don't even know how it can be a sword in the first place."

John took this in. "So what are we gonna tell Elizabeth?"

Rodney looked at him in momentary confusion, and was suddenly struck by the color of John's eyes. He'd never paid all that much attention to them before, but he could've sworn they were just a little bit darker than usual. He shrugged the thought off as a random irrelevance. "I think you can bring it with you on our next mission if you want, as long as you're careful with it. Which is exactly what I'm going to tell Elizabeth tomorrow morning."

"Great." John flashed a unexpected wicked grin. "I'd love to try that thing out on a couple Wraith necks."

"I'd rather we didn't get that close, thank you." Rodney glanced over, suddenly apprehensive. "Be careful."

"I always am," John assured him in a cheerful tone that quite obviously meant What? Me, careful? Are you nuts? "Night."

"Good night," Rodney answered, his attention already returning to his computer screen. A few seconds later, he heard the lab door close.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yay. Knives. Wait! No! I'm not a serial killer! watches all her readers run away screaming

So! Who else watched CSI: NY last night? I loved it. It's a lot darker than the other two shows. Vegas and Miami both have reputations as party cities, so all the cases set there had the vaguest undertones of "Haha, this is what happens to stoned horny people, serves 'em right." New York is just . . . sad. And the color scheme's so much more muted. It seems to fit the show better. But the music's still amazing.

And Gary Sinise was one of my favorite actors already. He has a new movie coming out this week, too. bounces up and down impatiently (My mom saw the preview and said, "Does he ever sleep?")