I sighed. Not long ago, I would have come as close to laughing as ever I did at the thought of the invincible, arrogant Harry Potter falling apart at the seams.
Partly because the concept would have been ludicrous. And partly because it would – well, yes, I will confess: it would have amused me.
I thought nostalgically back to those happy times. And now here I was, wrestling earnestly with a pastoral dilemma revolving around that very same Harry Potter.
I wanted, quite urgently, to go and see Dumbledore. And yet, I didn't dare leave Potter on his own. I half-rose, then sat down again, then fastened my gaze on the object of all this unaccustomed indecision.
I tapped my fingers on the arm of my chair and brooded
I looked up to find Potter regarding me steadily.
"It's all right, you know," he told me. "You want to go somewhere, don't you? You can leave me. I won't… I mean…"
"I suppose I could call the house-elves," I murmured, half to myself.
"No!" Potter said indignantly. "I told you. I'll be OK. Really, I'm not going to do anything. I feel….better now."
So he said. But what if…. I tapped my fingers some more, mouth twisting.
"Give me your wand," I said abruptly.
"What?" He was incredulous. His cheeks flushed hot, with humiliation or anger.
"Your wand. Give me your wand."
"You're joking."
"No, Potter, I am not."
I rose, and stalked to the kitchen. I set powerful sealing charms on the drawers containing knives.
Likewise, I spell-locked my potions cabinet. Just in case he decided to get more creative in his quest to cause himself harm.
Short of stripping my chambers completely bare and padding the walls, I could not think of any other measures I could reasonably take.
He was furious. His eyes snapped at me. Something relaxed inside me; the universe was settling back into far more comfortable and familiar shapes. Potter mad at me. Me mad at Potter.
This was more like it.
"I said it was all right to leave me!" he said angrily. "You're not my jailor!"
"Your wand," I repeated. My teeth were beginning to hurt, so hard were they clenched together.
Fuming, he slung it at me. It hit my knuckles as I caught it, and I winced. Satisfaction flared in Potter's green eyes.
"Are you going to lock me in as well?" he demanded.
"That was the general plan," I agreed, smoothly. "Now, Potter-"
"So you're going off to have a little chat with Dumbledore about me, are you?"
He was quivering with annoyance.
As it so happened, yes, I was going to have a little talk to Dumbledore about him. But not on the topic he so palpably feared… although it would not surprise me to learn Albus had already come to certain conclusions about the bandage on his arm. Knowing practically everything was one of the Headmaster's less agreeable habits, ranking alongside his infernal obsession with dispensing tea and children's sweets.
"So everyone will know I've finally flipped!" Potter flung at me.
"Potter –" I said between gritted teeth. My head was starting to ache. He was infuriating. And I didn't dare say to him all the scathing comments poised on the tip of my tongue.
In case I upset him.
"Right," he said huffily. "Fine."
I growled in my throat. What did the boy expect? A few hours ago he had locked himself in my spare room and bled all over my best fluffy towel.
"I want to go to the Owlery!" he announced.
I considered, and sighed rather heavily. I supposed I couldn't really keep him locked in for a week. And perhaps it would do him good to get out of the castle. Merlin knew, I wanted to do so enough.
And nearly all the staff were back now…for the first time in my entire life I regretted the absence of the moronic Hagrid. At least I could have entrusted Potter to his care for a few hours, secure in the knowledge that disembowelment by one of Hagrid's pet monsters was the worst that could befall him.
"All right," I said grudgingly.. "But I keep your wand."
We glared at each other. Then I turned on my heel and marched away.
Harry spent quite a lot of time in the Owlery. Hedwig nestled on his shoulder and occasionally pecked him gently when she wanted her head scratching. She seemed to realize all was not well; she had gazed at Harry very intently with her great amber eyes, hooting softly, before taking up her customary position on his shoulder.
Harry felt a rush of affection for her.
Finally, he pulled some letters out of his pocket.
"Here you are, Hedwig. One's for Ron and one's for Hermione. They're both .. you know where. Could you hang around for a bit when you get there? I've asked Hermione to send me something back."
Hedwig hooted again as Harry tied the messages to her leg. She was clearly reluctant to leave.
"Go on," Harry said to her. "It's OK. I'll be all right."
Hedwig gave a final disbelieving hoot before soaring off into the distance.
Harry wandered outside and sat on a bench by the lake. It was quite cold; although it was still summer, nights were drawing in. He didn't mind, however; it suited his mood. The lake reminded him of how he had sank his thoughts away from Snape when at last succeeding in Occlumency.. He practised letting his thoughts and emotions go…there was a restful, but rather chill, emptiness about it…
The cold became too much in the end. He stood up, cradling his sore arm. It is just how I feel, he thought dully. Like there's a gash inside that won't heal…
He made his way back to the dungeons. Humiliation washed over him; Snape clearly thought he was not fit to be alone. How Snape must hate having him there, he thought glumly. Considering the dearest wish of Snape's heart for years had been to set eyes on Harry as little as possible, it was rather ironic that the man now hardly dared to let Harry out of his sight…Harry sighed. Ron would collapse of apoplexy if he knew: but Harry rather wished Snape actually liked him. At least a little bit.
Dumbledore did not look surprised to see me. He wore an expression of unusual gravity.
"Severus. Thank you for taking care of Harry during this difficult time."
I said nothing. But it sounded as though my surmise was correct: Dumbledore somehow knew what had happened.
"I see matters are worse even than I had suspected."
Still I said nothing.
"I am sure I can trust you to help him through it, however. Where is he now?"
"He's gone to the Owlery," I said grudgingly. "But Potter's state of mind is not why I am here – "
Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "You seem distressed," he observed. "May I fetch you something?"
"No," I said curtly. "Actually, you may tell me something." I leaned in across the desk."I have heard the prophecy."
Dumbledore froze momentarily. "Ah, yes," he murmured. "Occlumency lessons. I should have foreseen this."
It was his turn to say nothing. He merely gazed at me sorrowfully, and waited for me to continue.
"The Lay of Halbert and Taveon," I said, stonily. I bored my eyes into his face.
The Lay of Halbert and Taveon was an epic poem, part of ancient wizarding lore. Muggles have their Robin Hoods, their King Arthurs, and their Beowulfs. Wizards have Halbert and Taveon.
The tale concerned rival princes, who became mortal enemies. They were cursed by the mother of one died as a result of their personal war: enmity would forever lie between them, but their souls would be tied one to another in this life and beyond.
"You noticed," he sighed. "Yes. The similarities are quite striking, aren't they?"
He waved a hand, and summoned one of his books. It fell open at a certain page. I suspected he had examined that particular page very many times.
He probably knew the story by heart, anyway. But his eyes were on the book as he slowly recited one of the final verses.
'Mightily they strove;
Did Halbert
Did Taveon
As the suns sank on the Plains of Temathia
For either must die at the hand of the other
sang the sparrows
As the world reddened with the blood of the heroes
Sinking down to that long dusty shore.
For neither can live while the other survives
cawed the ravens.
And still they strove, till the rivers
Ran red, and the earth
Ran red, and the skies
Ran red, with the setting of the suns.
But both must die if the one is to perish
mourned the seagulls.
Yes, mightily they strove.
Died Halbert
Died Taveon
On the crimson plains,
The crimson Plains of Temathia."
Dumbledore's voice trailed off. "Yes," he said again. "As you say, the parallels are most striking. We were interrupted, you know…when Sybill delivered the prophecy. We were in the Hog's Head. There had been an eavesdropper, and the bartender came to tell me he had thrown the individual off the premises…"
"So," I continued, relentless. "There could have been another line to the prophecy. As in the poem. You got 'For either must die at the hand of the other...for neither can live while the other survives.' We might be missing the rest of it. 'But both must die if the one is to perish…'."
"Yes," Dumbledore agreed. "We could. It seems, in fact, rather likely...."
We were silent for a long moment.
"Does he know?" I demanded.
"No. I thought…it best if he remained ignorant of this for as long as possible. He might, if he knew, lose all hope…"
I groaned, and closed my eyes. I was irresistibly reminded of lambs gambolling merrily along to the slaughter.
"Well, that makes it all very convenient, doesn't it?" I said finally, examining my fingernails. "Since there is no doubt about the outcome, you can plan the funeral in advance, can you not? I, of course, shall wear black. What about you, Albus? What are you planning to wear?"
"Severus –"
"So have you written your funeral oration yet?" I continued, in conversational tones. "Perhaps Potter would care to help you out. Since he is to meet his end for the benefit of the wizarding world, it seems only fair he should have some say in how he is remembered by us."
"Severus – "
"Or we could invite Rita Skeeter over for an interview. I am sure the readership of the Daily Prophet would be fascinated by an article on the topic. 'So how do you feel now, Harry, about being the Boy Who Won't Live Much Longer'? "
"Severus!"
I subsided. Dark fury possessed me.
"I realize this is difficult, but do try to understand," Dumbledore said quietly. "None of this was my choice. You must see that. The prophecy was not of my making, and I wish more than I can express that circumstances were different. But…they are not…."
"I know," I grated out, after a long pause. "It just….."
" ….it just doesn't seem fair. I know. I have wrestled with this since before Harry was born. And it is very hard, not only on Harry, but on all of us who care for him..and yes, Severus, I do include you in that category, protest it as you might."
I could not even summon the will to dispute the issue. Certainly the prospect of the brat's certain death in the near future was having a most unpleasant effect on me.
"What if we send him away?" I asked, casting about for alternatives to the grim scenario laid out before me. "To some country in a different part of the globe where the Dark Lord has no agents?"
"Then," Dumbledore sighed, "Lord Voldemort will rise in power, as near to invincible and immortal as any human being can attain. And all the horrors that took place last time he held sway will seem like the first tentative steps of a child…"
"So, then," I said flatly. "Potter must die. We are all agreed."
I allowed my words to hang in the air between us, as though I had sketched them there with my wand:
Potter must die.
Dumbledore said nothing. He looked stricken.
"Well. As we have said. Potter must die. Are we not, therefore, colluding in his death?" I asked, my voice very soft. "Do we have the right to make such a decision? That was the way of it in ancient days, wasn't it? When one person was chosen as sacrifice to the gods or to dragons for the prosperity of all. Don't we now consider that a barbarous way to conduct human civilization?"
"Yes," Dumbledore whispered. "We do. It is barbarous. But : it will not be our choice, at least. It will be his."
His choice. Oh, yes. His choice. "How can I kill myself when I'm supposed to be the one who kills Lord Voldemort?" he had demanded, blood dripping from his arm.
"You have trained him well," I said thinly to Dumbledore, with an ironic bow.
I strode away. I think if I had come across the boy there and then I would have gathered him to me, and personally transported him to a remote corner of Australia.
But, I had to concede - with the greatest of reluctance - I could see Dumbledore's point. How could one choose the suffering and deaths of the many, the many….to protect one idiot boy?
And besides: were I to send him to the other side of the world for his own protection, Potter being Potter, he would quite certainly just come back. The willing lamb to the slaughter.
Despite his very best efforts, he might not manage to plague me entirely to distraction through his life. But this was not important. He would, I thought bitterly, achieve his end very amply through his death.
I took a deep breath, and concentrated on stones.
Stones were unbending. Stones were indifferent. You could not hurt a stone.
No, a part of my brain breathed to me in a whisper, You cannot hurt a stone.
But you can smash it, if you hit it hard enough.
Yet again thanks to reviewers................
Sakia Ishida TY!
ShadowedHand Sorry you found it disturbing..well no I'm not….I take it as a compliment that you are into the story…………
cdkobasiuk thanks! riveted is good....
Charliepotter thanks, again for reviewing
Pure Black ah, well you know some of that now…Vyxagallanxchi thanks lots again.. I love your reviews..they are so thoughtful and long!!!!.
Padawan Jan-AQ And I love your reviews too, because you always say something interesting. Thank you.
mysticalpanther Thanks loads for the enthusiasm! It certainly encourages me to update.
Read300300 Aww you're so nice to me, and you review so regularly.
Moon Lace Hello, Serry. You thanked me for responding. Believe me, it makes my day when those little bot fan fiction things pop into my inbox, and you are so good at that…
BeldaranCara. Thank you. I'm touched you think so.
lucidity. Ah what can I say? Reviewer of the week. Definitely.
Silverthreads Hehehe. Poor Snape. Yes. And antacids aren't working quite as he hopes.
rosiegirl Thanks, I'm so glad you thought so…..well..we'll see…
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Oya Thanks and thanks for recommending me to others!
kelley writing as fast as Harry and Sevy whisper in my ear….
BlackEyedGirl Thank you for long and thoughtful review. When you put thought into something, it is nice when someone has obviously reflected
monica85 you say nice and thoughtful things, thank you.
Lady Lynn Time? Time ? I just don't sleep…..
Catti glad you like it! Hope you still do!
athenakitty ah well questions like that can only be answered as plot develops….
Jaws hehe, you have spotted a plotline…which will recur