To Err is Human
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Welcome to the honeymoon from hell!!!"
Oh yes, more comedy time. Originally, I was going to leave all knowledge of Forge and Storm's honeymoon in the first few chapters, which showed their final day. But then I watched the hilarious movie, 'Just Married'...and I decided to make it a little more...interesting. You'll notice a few 'modified' scenes from said movie. Incidentally, bar the hotel, all places mentioned are REAL and on the island of Tortola, as are most of the situations that can happen there.
Chapter 21 - The untold story of the Munroe honeymoon
With most of the kids at home on their holidays, the mansion was a quiet place...well, when Tabby and Ray weren't arguing, that was. The snow had continued to fall, leaving huge snowdrifts in many parts of the town, with good chances of it not clearing until Febuary. The adults of the mansion were enjoying the rare peace of an almost empty home.
"It's too quiet", muttered Logan, "I wish there wasn't so much snow, I don't want to be here for the holidays. I hate stinkin' festivities"
He shot a look at Storm, who didn't flinch.
"I can't control my powers at the moment, Logan", she said, for perhaps the fiftieth time that day, "if I tried to clear the snow, I could end up making a hurricane or something, and I KNOW you do not want that"
"Harumph!", muttered Logan, sulking and crossing his arms.
"At least you can go outside", pointed out Shortpack, "one step out there, and I'll be burried alive".
"That would be a real shame", said Logan dryly.
"I'm just a daydreamer, walkin' in the rain, chashin' after rainbows I may never find again.." [1]
The adults glanced up as Forge walked in, singing happily to himself.
"Oh my God, he's joyfull!", said Hank, "....that's not right, is he drunk?"
"No", said Forge, walking in, giving his wife a kiss, "I'm not allowed to drink. If 'Ro can't, I can't".
Storm grinned.
"Lookit, Honey, I taught her a brand new trick!"
Storm put a Malteaser on her swollen belly. Then held out a finger in a gesture to wait.
"Okay, now!", she said.
He bump moved, causing the chocolate ball to jump off her belly.[2]
"Ta-daaaaaaaa!", said Storm with a grin.
"Well, SOMEONE had a productive day", said Forge with a chuckle.
"You haven't had to spend all day with her", said Hank with a shudder.
"Yeah", added Shortpack, "she wanted to see if 'baby' could toss 'Unkie Shortpack'".
"Well, you wouldn't let me try!", protested Storm, then smiled at Forge, "how'd it go with the scary big cheeses as SE?".
Forge smirked.
"Well, with Tony 'visiting' a rehabilitation centre, they needed someone else to come up with this whole new quant...."
Storm cut him off.
"No big words, Forge, just say gizmo, or gadget..or something, then you won't lose our attention"
"Oh, sorry", said Forge with a cough, "anyway, they want this big new gizmo to take on Oscorp's new gizmo, and Tony isn't in the 'correct mental state to do it'. They wanted to give the job to Banner, but he was put on sobatical for his 'rage issues', Octavius had a little...acident involving those creepy arm thingies of his and Richards is too up himself to bother. So they gave the job to me" [3]
"So...you're only being used because everyone else has lost the plot?", said Logan, blinking.
"Shut up, Logan", snapped Storm, "that's great news, Honey, good for you"
"Got even better news", said Forge, then sighed, "well....for you anyway"
He gave a pained sigh.
"I sold the truck"
"You sold your truck?", said Storm, blinking.
"Yeah", said Forge with a sigh, "I sold it for a...ugh...family car"
"But...but you love that truck", said Storm, "you've had it since you were sixteen"
"Yeah, but I love you more", said Forge kissing her forehead, before putting a hand on her swollen belly, "both of you"
"Wow", said Hank, "I remember that truck in high school, it's...it's a vital part of Bayville history!" [4]
"...That isn't helping, Hank", said Forge.
"I'd never, ever, sell my car", piped up Scott from the corner, ""it's getting BURRIED with me!"
The room blinked at him, before Hank sighed.
"Well, I'm sure you would if Jean insisted", said Hnak, "that's why Forge sold his truck...because he loves Storm"
"And he wants to live a long life", added Forge under his breath, luckily unheard by Storm.
Scott gave a snort.
"If they love each other so much, why don't they ever talk about their wedding, or their honeymoon?"
Storm made a loud coughing sound.
"They're right", said Shortpack, frowning, "you guys didn't tell me anything of what happened before you met me in Tortola"
"We do not speak of the Honeymoon", said Forge, "bad, bad memories"
"Isn't it supposed to be one the happiest holidays of your lives?", asked Hank, arching a brow, "come on, I want hear the story. Pllleeeaaase?"
"No", said Storm.
"Come on, plllleeease?", said Hank again, pulling an expert 'puppy dog face'.
"I know I'm going to regret this", muttered Storm.
"You can't possibly be considering TELLING them?", squeaked Forge.
"I know these people better than you, Forge", said Storm, "if we don't tell them, they will hunt us down and badger us until we do"
"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you", muttered Forge
JFK airport, around five months previous to the conversation we just left. The airport was filled with bustling travelers, some comuting, some getting ready for holidays...and then there was Storm.
"I'M ON MY HONEYMOON!"
The crowds parted as Storm skipped on ahead, screaming her joyfull news for all to hear. She finally stopped at the gate, brandishing her ticket.
"I'm at a gate, waiting for a plane, TO TAKE ME ON MY HONEYMOON!"
The woman in front of her turned to blinked confusedly at her. Storm gave her a smirk.
"You heard me, and I don't care if I'm loud, why? BECAUSE I'M ON MY HONEYMOON!"
".....Did I mention how glad I am I married you?", said Forge with a shudder, trying to walk up in a nonchalant manner...and not doing well.
The woman gave an even MORE confused look, before shaking her head and walking off.
"YEAH, you walk off, lady!", scramed Storm, "walk away from the HONEYMOONERS!"
"Ma'm?", the man at the gate smiled, outstretching his hand to take their tickets.
Storm grinned, handing them over.
"We're on our honeymoon", she said.
"Yes", said the man dryly, "..I believe the whole airport was made aware of the fact"
He glanced at the tickets.
"Two first class tickets to the caribean.Head on in and be seated".
Charles had decided to 'treat' the pair to first class tickets. Mainly because he knew if Storm had to sit in cramped coach, her claustraphobia would get the better of her and the weather conditions outside the aircraft might get a little...disasterous. [5]
"Yeah!", cheer Storm, grabbing Forge's arm and dragging him off into the airplane.
A while after the plane had got into the air, Forge had been attempting to ignore the airplane noises his powers WANTED to sort out. There was an anoying light that blinked a false engine fire warning that was driving him crazy, he REALLY wanted to fix that. [6]
He turned his head sightly, watching as Storm bit her lip, wriggling around his her seat, twitching nervously.
"Honey....are you okay?"
"I'm fine, just fine", said Storm in a high-squeaky voice.
"....Ororo?"
Storm gave a nervous laugh...one that bordered on manic.
"Fine, look at me, here's me, being fine, just fine, fine as fine can be", she smiled again, "tra la la"
Forge arched a brow.
"Don't tell me you're afraid of flying", he said, "you fly in the Blackbird all the time. Heck, YOU can fly"
"No, it's not the flying", she said, looking around nervously, dropping her voice to a whisper, "I really, really need to pee"
Forge blinked.
"There ARE bathrooms here, remember?"
Storm looked at him as if he were crazy.
"Do you know how small and confined those things are?", she said, her voice raising in her terror, "all tiny and small, barely enough room to stretch your arms out at full length? I can't take it, I can't I can't!"
"Ororo....Dear...take a breath", said Forge, watxhing the weather outside the window start getting rough, "we...err..don't want to cause this thing to fall out of the sky now, do we?"
The skies clamed down.
"No, we don't", said Storm, then whimpered, "but I still really, really need to pee"
"Okay", said Forge, "how about I stand outside and promise to get you out if you freak?"
Storm pondered over this for a while, before giving a weak nod.
"Okey"
Forge sighed, getting up, helping his wife out of her seat as she tottered over to the door of the bathrromThe door shut behind her, but didn't lock. Forge leaned on the side, his arms crossed as he waited. After quite a wait, the door was opened again.
"You fall in, Honey?", teased Forge, only to blink as a rather large man that was definately NOT Storm stepped out. He looked at Forge cursiously, before lumbering back down the isle.
Forge did a double take.....something wasn't right there...... He peered into the empty cubicle, then looked around.
".....Ororo?"
He blinked in confusion, walking back to first class. Storm was waiting in her seat, reading a magazine. Forge sat next to her.
"How....when....why....HOW??!!!"
"What's that, Sweetie?", said Storm.
"But..the..the bathroom...you..you...", Forge gestured his confusion with his hands, "you went in and didn't come out!"
"I came out", said Storm, "I couldn't see you anywhere, you big deserter".
"Neh?", said Forge.
His confusion was put on hold as the captain announced that they were approaching their destination
"I can't believe this is the only hire car they had left"
Forge sighed as he tried to steer the mini along the tight bends of Tortola. The island was mountainous, and the mini was just not handling it very well. All their suitcases had been crammed into the back....if they were going to be able to take it out again was another matter.
"At least it runs", said Storm optimistically.
"We could really use the pick-up truck right now", muttered Forge.
Storm snorted.
"We could really use the pick-up truck right now", she repeated in a very good impression of Forge.
"Are you mocking me?", asked Forge.
"I'm sorry, but you sounded so much like a man", chuckled Storm.
Forge blinked, turning his head to look at her.
"Ororo.....", he started, trying to find a way to put his words, "I don't know if this escaped your attention or not...but I AM a man!"
"You're a Forge", corrected Storm.
Forge, looked at her in dispair
"A Forge? What's that supposed to..."
Storm's eyes suddenly widened.
"COW!"
"Hey, there's no need for language", said Forge.
"No, COW!", screamed Storm, pointing ahead.
Forge faced the road, squeaking in suprise as a herd of cows moved across the road. He slammed on the brakes, swerving to the other side of the road, just missing them.
"That was close", he said, letting out a breath.
Storm gave a nervous laugh.
"Forge....you really should drive on the right side of the road now"
"I am on the right side of the road", said Forge, then snorted as a huge truck came towards them....on their side of the road.
"Look at this smart-ass, thinks he can take over the whole road", he said, "well, I'm not being bullied onto the wrong side of the road"
"Forge...", started Storm as the trucks airhorn sounded.
"Don't worry, Honey, I've got this under control", said Forge, then his smile faltered, "he's not moving"
Storm made a mad dive for the wheel, pushing it to the side, causing it to run off the road....and over the cliff it was on.
"ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!", cried the couple in unison, before a gust of wind sloed their descent, dropping them onto the road a few feet below theirs gently.
"Wow, that was close", said Forge.
Storm GLARED at him, before smacking him over the head.
"LEFT, LEFT LEFT!", she screamed, "they drive on the LEFT here!!!!"
"Well, I forgot", protested Forge, "they should put up a really, really big sign TELLING us it's the worng side of the road"
"But it's the right side for them!", said Storm, rolling her eyes, "you haven't spent much time out of America, have you?"
"No..is it obvious?", said Forge, arching a brow.
The couple stared at each other, before disolving into laughter.
"We sound like an old, married couple", chuckled Storm.
"Yeah, we're a liiiiitle too young for that yet", said Forge, kissing her cheek, "good save, by the way"
"I can't believe you tried ot play chicken with a truck", said Storm, shaking her head in amusement.
Forge waggled his eyebrows.
"I'm a rebel", he replied, "so, how far away is out hotel, after our 'detor' down the mountain?"
"Right there", grinned Storm, pointing at the nearest building, it's ceiling just visable over the palm trees.
"How convienent", grinned Forge, as he started the car back up, heading onto the road again, "we've saved a good half-hour of driving by falling down the side of a mountain"
The pair eventually arrived in their hotel,a couple already in the check-out desk in front of them. The desk clerk smiled happily at them.
"As seen as you're on your honeymoon, you can get the deluxe room", he said, pulling a basket of goodies out from behind the desk, "and you also get this"
Storm blinked at this.
"Hey, they're getting free stuff!", she said, suddenly grabbing his arm, ""Quick, Forge, pretend we're on our honeymoon".
Forge blinked.
"Ororo....we ARE on our honeymoon". [7]
The other couple had moved on, and Storm skipped happily towards the desk.
"Hello", she said, giving him their reservations, "we're on our honeymon, by the way"
The clerk arched a dubious brow at them.
"Nice try", he said, then scrunched up his face, "really, a beautifull woman like you shouldn't need a toy boy"
The couple's jaws ropped.
"EXCUSE ME?", screamed Storm, showing him her wedding ring, "what do you think THIS is?!!!"
The clerk gave a knowing smile.
"Ohhhh, I see", he said, "well, this won't be the first...liaison that has been carried out in this hotel".
"Liaison?", blinked Forge, pointing at his own wedding ring, "we're really not..."
"Oh, both ways!", said the clerk, rubbing his chin, "let me guess, I DO love guessing these scenarios"
He pointed at Forge.
"You have married VERY young, probably from one of those teenage pregnancies that happens so often lately. Not really in love with the girl you 'knocked up', you are seeking pleasure...elsewhere"
He pointed at Storm.
"Your husband obviously doesn't give you the attention you deserve, such a glamarous and beautifull woman. You feel used, and want some attention"
"Look, you've made a big mis....", started Storm.
"We can give you the room with the tub-'o-love, if you like", he said, flicking through the books, "it also has a king-sized bed, a well stocked snack bar, a senic view from a balcony, AND a selection of movies for your enjoyment"
"We'll take it", said Storm quickly.
"....'Ro?", said Forge, looking at her in shock.
"Shhh, it's a steal", hissed Storm under her breath as the clerk handed them their keys, calling for a bellhop to take their luggage.
"We'll send up your welcome basket in a moment", said the clerk as they were led off to their room.
The bellhop had been grinning at Storm happily all the way there, eventually putting their luggage in their room. He wagged in fingers for a tip, only to get a dollar, followed by being 'gently' shoved out the door by Forge.
"Look at this room!", said Storm, "It's HUGE!"
"Yeah, I should have an affair with you more often", said Forge dryly, walking off to the door as it knocked.
"That our welcome basket?", she asked.
Forge walked back in, carrying a basket, a smile on his face.
"It's a basket 'o porn!", he chuckled, rumaging through it, "Good Will Humping, In and Out and In Again....ooooh a copy of the Karma Sutra!"
"FORGE!", snapped Storm, "how can you find that interesting?"
"I'm a guy", rpelied Forge simply, flicking through leaflet, before blinking, "...did you know this place is really a brothel?"
"Really?", said Storm, before wrinkling her nose, "nah!"
"Ororo.....there is a mirror on the ceiling above the vibrating bed", said Forge, then read from the leaflet, "also see the closet of fun, for those with a more...exciting taste".
"Well...alot makes sense now", said Storm with a blink, "...I think we should go into town now"
"Agreed", said Forge quickly as they raced outside.
A few days later the couple had managed to get over spening their honeymoon in a brothel, the service was good, every whim was catered for and the staff treated you very well....a little TOO well at times, but that was what lightening bolts were for, Storm decided. There were driving through the nearest villiage, taking in the sights, finding something to do that didn't involve drinking.
"....That bar is called 'Pusser's'", said Forge, scrunching up his face, as they drove past it, "there's something just...wrong about that".
"You're not drinking", said Storm, "that was the rule, if I can't, you can't"
"Yes, Dear", sighed Forge
"Secret brothels and bars aside", said Storm, "this is a really good place"
"I guess", said Forge with a shrug.
"Aww, you're still not peeved about that are you?", said Storm, rolling her eyes.
"There isn't a Denny's here!", said Forge with a whimper, "NO DENNY'S AT ALL!!!" [8]
Storm rolled her eyes, going back to her brochure.
"Oh, they have a botanical garden here!", squealed Storm, bouncing up and down excitedly, "WOW Sixty two varieties of palm! We HAVE to do this!"
Forge forced a laugh.
"Plants.....goodie"
"Wow", said Storm, pointing at the surrounding foilage, "there are some Hibiscus, oh and some Frangipani, oh WOW and Wild Tamarind"
Forge sighed, they had been there for a very, very long time. He allowed his wife to indulge in her hoby, but now he was losing interest rapidly.
"....All I see is a whole lot of green stuff"
"Uh huh", said Storm distractedly, examining a plant.
Forge wandered away, glancing up at the trees. A flock of birds blinked down at him.
"Hi there, birds", said Forge, "tweet-tweet, tweet-tweet"
Forge wasn't sure what he had done, how his simple bird noises had triggered off such an incident, but trigger them he did. The bird flipped out, flying from the trees, surrounding him. Storm didn't notice her husband running around behind her, frailing his arms to try and escape the swarm of birds chasing him....nor did she notice him fall into a pond...until the splash, of course.
"Forge! What are you doing in the pond?", she said, frowning, "you'll scare the wildlife".
"Scare them?", squeaked Forge, pulling himself out, "what about me?"
"Shhh!"
Forge sighed, looking for something else to interest him while Storm stared at that leaf. How could anyone stare at a leaf for so long? Huh. He glanced down, watching a tortoise lumber along in front of him. He should have learned from the bird incident. He should have walked away. But he didn't. Curiosity killed the inventor.
"Hi there, little guy", he said, kneeling by it, giving it a poke.
The tortoise blinked at him, before turning it's head around, clamping it's jaws around Forge's finger. Forge's REAL finger.
"ARRGGHHHH!", he screamed, flipping his hand away, tossing the tortoise-turned-projectile across the garden.
"Oh, what now?", snapped Storm, before blinking as the gardens security showed up to 'escort' them out.
"I can't believe you got us kicked out"
Storm was not happy. The couple were finally back in their hotel room. Storm had put up a great fight while they tried to drag her away form her plants.
"I spent FIVE HOURS walking though four acres of green crap, got attacked by a bunch of birds and, AND got bitten by a turtle!!!"
"It was a tortoise, Forge", pointed out Storm.
"I DON'T CARE!", said Forge, "the place was driving me nuts!"
"I enjoyed it", said Storm, "why didn't you tell me you didn't like it?"
"You KNOW I don't like plants", said Forge, "I swear the pregnancy hormones making you crazy".
"Crazy???", squeaked Storm, her eye twitching, "crazy?!!!! Well this CRAZY lady is gonna go be CRAZY outside!!".
There was a LOUD thunder crack as the window blew open, the resulting wind causing their rooms ashtray to fly off the table..into Forge's head.
"Owwww, what did you do that for?",. said Forge, rubbing his head.
"I didn't do it on purpose!", said Storm.
"Didn't you?", challenged Forge.
Storm blinked at him.
"Forge, Forge, calm down your acting crazy"
Forge crossed his arms.
"O.K, sorry, maybe it's just the fact I just got hit in the head with a ten pound ashtray!" [9]
Storm frowned at him, before giving a sigh.
"Forge, why did you marry me?".
"....Because I thought I knocked you up when I didn't....but I really did?", replied Forge dryly, favouring his injured head.
"Forge"
Forge sighed, looking up at her, giving her a small smile.
"Because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love more than anything in the world", he said, "because I wanted to raise my family with her, and grow old with her..errr..okay, that last part doesn't really work, but still"
Storm sighed, giving him a kiss.
"Good answer", she said, "truce?"
"Truce", said Forge with a nod.
Storm chuckled.
"I don't think we should mention this to anyone", she said, "we can pretend it never happened".
"What happened?", replied Forge.
Storm chuckled, kissing his forehead.
"Exactly"
"No...really", said Forge, blinking, "I think I have concussion....can we go to the hospital now, please?"
"I'll call the desk", said Storm, rolling her eyes.
Present.
"And that's about it", said Storm, "a few days later, we found Shortpack and went home"
"So THAT'S where those wounds came from", said Hank, "I was really worried about how Forge had managed to get those on his honeymoon".
"You can have one, if you like", growled Storm, the thunder crackling.
"You know what?, I'm good", said Hank, backing off.
"Wow, I hardly remember any of that", said Forge, "....I'm kinda glad"
"Only people really meant for each other coudl survive that AND come out as a couple", said Logan with a chuckle.
"Err....thank you?", tried Storm, "if anyone asks me to repeat that story, incidentally, I will be forced to kill them"
And thus the tale was never brought up again.
[1] - Daydreamer, by David Casidy, 1973
[2] - Ahh Malteasers, I'm pretty sure I saw these on my trip to Florida, but as it was too hot for chocolate, I can't rightly remember. Little choclate balls, anyway. The belly thing is actually taken from a Malteasers advert here in the UK. Ahhh, I love those ads, they show the many things that can be done with a 'lighter way to enjoy chocolate' Malteaser.
[3] - These are all Marvel inventor guys. Tony Stark, I have mentioned before, is Iron Man the dig of the rehab is that Stark is an alchoholic, really. Banner is Bruce Banner, AKA the Hulk, you should get the rage issues joke. Octavius is Oto Octavius AKA Doctor Octopus form Spider-Man, the joke is from Spider-Man 2, a great movie, go see it. And Richards is Reed Richards from the Fantastic 4, the 'up-himself' thing is my own opinion. Well, come on, who calls themselves 'Mr Fantastic' if they don't have MAJOR ego issues? Anyway, all in all a dig at showing the mental stability (or lack of it) of Marvels 'genius inventors' sector. Oh Oscorp is run by Norman Osborne, from Spider-Man, showing unstable mentality runs in the genes.
[4] - Okay, I don't know if Hank and Forge knew each other in high school, but considering they're both around the same age, and BOTH went to Bayville high, I'd say it would be a good guess.
[5] - Very true. My claustraphobia means I always need an isle seat. 8 hours in cramped conditions is not fun...and then there's the fact you're paraded through first class once you're done, just to rub your nose in what you can't have. Evil arilines.
[6] - The engine light thing is from a book I recetly read called 'Turbulance', by John. J Nace. It's a very good read.
[7] - Another quote from Friends, Chandler and Monica on honeymoon....poor, poor Chandler.
[8] - Ahhh Denny's. The first American resteruant I stepped foot in. I pretty much lived off Denny's chicken strips while I was in Florida. It was across the road from my hotel, the food suited my notoriously fussy tastes and..well.. one risked death trying to cross the many roads to get to McDonalds. I miss Denny's...and Lays original crisps (sorry, chips)...I wish I could have brought them home with me. Ho hum.
[9] - A quote from the movie 'Just Married', that just CRIED to be used.
And there's another chapter done. I think I got a wee bit carried away. Storm/Forge arguing is nothing new, when they weren't in love, they were at each others throats in cannon. Do review. Until next time...