Author's Note: I'm sorry it took a long time to post this up. Lately, I've been busy with school work. Is anyone else studying for those Regents exams? Well, I am. It's so time consuming. I let my grades slip this quarter and I'm trying to make it all up for the remaining of the year and with the finals and Regents and stuff. So. . .yeah. Anyway, I'm glad to say that by this weekend or possibly next Monday I'll have chapter 13, part 2 of this chapter up :) Now how many of you are happy about that news?! Lol! Well, enjoy this chapter. And please, do excuse my spelling and grammar errors. I'm sure I have some in there somewhere. One more thing, thank you all so much for reading and reviewing!
Cindy stood on the porch, watching Jimmy all the while, she wasn't going after him. Maybe she should've, but she felt that it would only resort in a bigger mess. He'd just push her further away. It was bad enough as it was. Everything was just so confusing now. It was as if he was fighting an all out war within himself and he couldn't come up with any means to stop it. She sighed as she turned around and walked to the door. She opened it and headed inside and looked about. Everyone seemed to be getting along just about right and the heavy tension in the room was almost gone.
Cindy sighed once again as she closed the door. She leaned against it, with her hands behind her back, let her head fall, and closed her eyes. Her bangs fell as her thoughts clouded her mind. Why couldn't Jimmy just let her in? He had already anyway, so what was the big deal about letting her in completely? His trust issues couldn't be that bad could they? Maybe it was just best to stay away from him, stop antagonizing him. It certainly wasn't helping and it definitely wasn't getting her any closer to him.
"Cindy?" a small voice called. Cindy looked up, backing away from the door. Becca was standing beside Benjamin. They were both looking at her with questioning eyes. "What's going on? Where'd he go?"
It was Cindy's turn to give a questioning glance. She had been watching? How long?
"She was watching you," Libby replied, as if reading Cindy's thoughts. "They both were."
Cindy nodded. She smiled at Becca, not knowing what to tell her. She herself didn't know what had happened or where Jimmy had gone, exactly. "Well," she began. "He got frustrated with me I guess."
Becca looked at up at her. Something in her eyes told Cindy that the young girl was thinking about something and thinking hard. The small girl took a step forward. "You're not giving up on him are you?"
Cindy was a bit surprised. She didn't want to tell Rebecca that she had thought about it and that maybe she actually would. Tears began to brim in the girl's eyes. Cindy walked to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. This would be hard.
"Your brother," Cindy started. "Well, he. . .just doesn't want me around. I'm just a bother to him."
Rebecca pulled away. "No," she said as the tears escaped. They slid down her innocent face. "Don't tell me that. Just answer the question."
Cindy was taken aback by this, but she tried again. "He doesn't want me to help. What can I do if he doesn't want me to help?"
"You're not who I thought you were Cynthia Vortex," Rebecca said. It was the first time Rebecca had called her by her full name and she knew that it was not a good thing.
"Who did you think she was?" Benjamin asked bitterly. "She's not very special. She can't do much."
"I thought she was special," Becca answered. "I thought she'd be Jimmy's savior, but she's given up on him! Why have you given up on him?!"
The room suddenly fell quiet and Cindy could feel everyone's eyes on her. Watching. . .waiting for her answer. The answer she really didn't want to give.
"How could you do such a thing?!" Becca yelled, her voice becoming louder and louder. Cindy stood and stared down at the young girl who now advanced on her. Becca's small hands pounded on Cindy's abdomen. "You're the only one! It's all on you and you're giving up!"
Mrs. Neutron walked over. "Becca, sweetheart. Come with mommy," she said, reaching out her arms, but Becca pulled away.
"It's alright," Cindy replied. "I can handle it from here." She attempted to hold Rebecca's hand, but the small girl pulled away. A blush came on Cindy's face. She was a bit embarrassed, for she knew that everyone had their eyes on her. She was glad when Libby opened the door and motioned her to go outside. Benjamin ran out on the porch. With quick thinking, Cindy picked Becca up and took her outside, Libby went out after her, and closed the door. Everyone inside stopped and stared at the door.
Outside, Cindy sat Becca down on the porch chair. The girl was hysterical. She was thrashing about, trying to hit Cindy. Libby helped hold her down, placing the girl in her lap as Cindy tried desperately to block every blow to the face. Benjamin stayed close by, cheering Becca on, encouraging her to hit his sister.
"Please, Becca, stop!" Cindy pleaded as she took a hold of the girl's wrists. "Stop it, please."
Becca struggled against Cindy's hold, but soon gave up. She relaxed as Libby gingerly stroked her hair. "Shhh," Libby said gently, soothingly. Cindy breathed a sigh of relief. Becca began to sob and Cindy took a seat beside Libby and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
The last thing Cindy wanted to do was disappoint Becca, but what else could she possibly do for Jimmy? He was pushing her further away now that he had let her in a little. He obviously didn't want her in his life and he wouldn't allow her to help him. How could any one possibly help another when they didn't want anyone's help? Cindy so badly wanted to help him out, but she wouldn't be able to. He didn't want her to. It was as simple as that. He just didn't want her help and she cared for him and that was why she was thinking about leaving him alone as he pleased, though one side of her told her that maybe it wasn't such a good idea.
"Don't you dare give up on Jimmy!" Becca shouted as she turned to Cindy, tears streaming down her face. "Please, don't. He needs you. I know you have what it takes to bring him out. You can change him. I know it."
Cindy was speechless. "But. . ." Her voice trailed off. She paused for a moment, taking everything in. "I always thought it'd be you," she admitted.
Becca shook her head. "No," she answered simply. "It's you. It has to be you. Jimmy listens to me only because he feels like he has to. If I tell him to be soft he'll only be doing it by force and I don't know how to bring his other side our for others, but you, Cindy, might be able too. If you get him to open up to you, he'll open up for the world because you say it's a good thing."
"He'll listen to you," Libby agreed. "He's done it before."
Cindy looked over at Libby. Her friend smiled softly. Cindy didn't know what to say. Jimmy wouldn't listen to her. Sure he had done it before, but it didn't necessarily mean that he'd do it again. She didn't even know exactly why he had stopped when she yelled. The memory played back in her mind. Stop! She had yelled. The room's sudden silence seemed to suddenly be everywhere. And then Jimmy turned to her. His eyes seemed to belong to a stranger. The extreme rage and the furious fire which burned in them was unlike anything she had ever seen and at that moment, she didn't know him. She had lost him. He then blinked and moved his hands away from Nick's head and the sudden confusion that hit him at that very moment was unforgettable. Jimmy didn't know who he had become, who he was. He didn't know himself and neither did Cindy. It had scared her more than anything had ever scared her before and then for that brief moment when their eyes had met and held one another, Cindy saw the guilt and sorrow that he kept hidden deep within himself and she saw the plea for help that screamed from within.
A tear rolled down Cindy's cheek as the memory played. She remembered how she felt after Jimmy was taken away, when he wouldn't look at her. Loss over took her when she realized she was really losing him. She remembered how she decided she was going to help him, no matter what it took. Pain filled her heart as she remembered her silent vow. How could she possibly forget something so important?! How the hell could she just give up on him, if only for just a second?! How?! She suddenly hated herself.
"I'm sorry for giving up on him," Cindy apologized as she looked away from Rebecca. "It was only for a moment," she added quickly, turning to the small girl in Libby's lap.
Benjamin approached his sister and placed a hand on her's. He smiled. "Just don't make the same mistake twice," he said. Cindy found herself awestricken. Even her own brother wanted her to help Jimmy. She didn't even think that he knew this much about the situation. She smiled sadly at him.
Cindy turned to Rebecca. "I still think it should be you. If you can bring out Jimmy's true side, then why would you want me to help him?" she asked. She was curious to know the answer.
Becca wiped away her tears. "Because," she began. "I've already explained and anyway, Jimmy obviously cares for you."
Cindy was taken aback by this. She felt a faint blush spread across her cheeks as she asked her next question. "What makes you say that?"
"Jimmy may push everyone away, but those he cares for most he pushes further away," Becca answered. "He cares for you, whether he knows it or not. That's why he's the way he is with you."
Cindy stared at her, trying to take everything in. Her mind raced with questions.
"Those who are close to him, he feels are most capable of leaving him," Becca proceeded.
"What about Sheen and Carl? And you?" Cindy asked. "You three are among the closest people to him, why doesn't he push you guys away?"
"Because," Becca replied. "We have his trust."
It was that simple. Was it really? If it was true then of course it'd explain why he was keeping her at bay. She hadn't given him much of a reason to trust her over the years with her taunting and cruel jokes and with the stunts she pulled. The things she always said about him always brought him down. She suddenly hated herself even more. It was her own fault. If she had been nicer to him over the years, it'd probably be easier for him to trust her.
"Carl and Sheen have been there from the beginning. They had made a pact the day Jimmy had told them both," Becca continued. "Jimmy told me." She paused. "They both promised him they'd stay by him no matter what happened. And me. . .well, he had nothing but trust and love for me, even before I was born and I've done nothing to make him not trust me."
Mrs. Neutron suddenly popped out. "Is everything alright?" she asked. Concern flashing in her eyes. They all nodded in unison. "Positive?" Once again they all nodded. Mrs. Neutron breathed a sigh of relief. "I was so worried. Everything is just fine," she called to the parents inside.
Cindy turned to Rebecca and whispered, "I won't give up on him. I promise."
One month later. . .
Every day seemed to go by slowly and Cindy found herself wishing more and more every day that she'd see Jimmy walking through the front double doors of the school and grace everyone with his presence. Her mind drifted again. . .to Jimmy. She sighed a dreamy, yet sad and longing sigh. She hadn't seen Jimmy in a month. Or Rebecca. After the night Cindy had promised Rebecca that she would not give up on Jimmy, she had gone back to the house, yet Mrs. Neutron would no longer permit Jimmy any visitor's and Rebecca was never around for Cindy to talk to. She was with Jimmy. Even after that, Cindy continued to go by after school even on weekends to try and convince Mrs. Neutron to let her see Jimmy. Jimmy won't be allowed visitors until he is back in school. I'm sorry, but he's punished for the time being, Mrs. Neutron had told her countless times. Sometimes Cindy would wait outside until Mrs. Neutron caved. Carl and Sheen along with Libby too, would wait with her, but Mrs. Neutron was a tough woman, she didn't crack. Not once. Mr. Neutron had allowed them a few times, but somehow Mrs. Neutron would always find out and they would all be out the door before Jimmy arrived on the scene.
Cindy stopped going to his house after some time. She hadn't given up. Oh, no, that wasn't it. Now, she waited. Waited at school, at the Candy Bar, at her house, everywhere. No matter where she was, she waited for him. She wanted to see him again, wanted to know for sure if he did care for her as much as Rebecca claimed that he did. A blush came across her cheeks. Jimmy obviously cares for you, Becca had said. Cindy's heart skipped a beat. Jimmy cares about me? And that's why he's pushing me away? No, it can't be. Can it? Cindy looked out the window as she placed her chin on her palm. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander. . .
Jimmy stood before her. He held her hands in his. "I'm waiting, Cindy. Waiting for you to free me and waiting to see your beautiful face again," he said. Cindy looked into his eyes.
"I've been waiting too," she replied.
Jimmy smiled down at her. His eyes held only love for her. "Have you, my love?"
"I have," Cindy answered. Jimmy embraced her.
"I care for you so much, you know that, right?" he asked.
"I care for you too, Jimmy. As a matter-of-fact, I - I love you."
Jimmy pulled away, enough to look at her. "You do?"
"Yes."
"Oh, Cindy! I - "
"Yes?"
"Cindy."
"Yes?"
"Cindy?" Mrs. Brooks asked, though Cindy was still in her dream world.
"Yes," Cindy replied, still hearing Jimmy's voice.
"Cindy!" Mrs. Brook scolded.
"Huh?" Cindy said, torn from her day dream.
The class boomed with laughter as Mrs. Brooks shook her head in disappointment. Cindy looked about, sheepishly as she laughed nervously, a blush on her cheeks. Her face felt like it was burning. Just kill me now,she thought as sheturned away from the class, sinking in her seat.
"Please, answer the daily review question, Ms. Vortex," Mrs. Brooks demanded.
"What was the question?" Cindy asked as the class continued to laugh.
Mrs. Brooks shook her head once more. "What is mercantilism?"
"It's a, um, policy."
"Are you planning on elaborating it?"
The class roared with laughter and Cindy was horribly embarrassed. It's all I remember, just ask someone else, please, Cindy pleaded.
"Ms. Folfax, can you please tell the class what mercantilism is since Cindy was not very clear?" Mrs. Brooks asked. The class slowly began to seamer down.
"Like Cindy was saying, mercantilism is a policy, an economic policy where a nation sought to export more than it imported to gain national wealth," Libby answered.
"Very good," Mrs. Brooks praised. She once again turned to Cindy. "Now, Ms. Vortex, maybe you can redeem yourself by answering this question." She paused. "Can you name me some countries who adopted this policy?"
"Well, uh, sure," Cindy replied. Her mind was in the wrong place. She couldn't think right. Come on, she urged. Think. You should know this. It's an easy question.
The bell suddenly rang and the students sprang from their seats. Cindy hurriedly gathered her things.
"Cindy," Mrs. Brook called. Cindy paused and looked up. "Please, stay awhile. I need to have a word with you."
Cindy looked over at Libby. "I'll see you later, girl," Libby said as she headed out the door with a sympathetic, unsure smile.
Cindy sighed and nodded as she picked her things up and moved toward the front of the class. She stood in front of Mrs. Brooks' desk and waited for the woman to speak.
The middle-aged woman looked disappointed, and mentally exhausted as she sat in her seat. She sighed as she took off her glasses and rubbed her temples, her glasses hanging from her hand. "Cindy, lately you've been acting. . .different," Mrs. Brooks began. "You've been daydreaming constantly, you haven't done much of the assignments, and you don't participate in class. I'm worried about you. What happened to my best student?"
He's not here, Cindy thought, thinking of Jimmy.
"You always have the answers to every question I ask and yet, for the past month. . I don't know! It's like you've given up!"
Given up. The words appeared in her mind. She shook her head. I haven't given up, she said. I'm just waiting for him to return so I can help him!
"No!" Cindy shouted. "I haven't given up on him! I'm just waiting now. Waiting for him to return. I've kept my promise, really I have!"
There was silence. Mrs. Brooks looked at Cindy and carefully placed her glasses on her nose. Cindy realized what she had said and looked down. "This is about Jimmy's absence isn't it?" Mrs. Brooks asked, realization clear in her voice. "This did start not too long after he was suspended."
Cindy didn't look up. A tear fell and hit the floor with a tiny splash. She could hear the chair squeak as it moved. Then came the soft footsteps of Mrs. Brooks and soon she had her arms around Cindy. She let herself go after that, dropping her books and allowing Mrs. Brooks to hold her. Cindy's tears blurred her vision as they stung her eyes. Mrs. Brooks rubbed her back to comfort her. "Tell me everything," Mrs. Brooks said. Cindy hesitated for a moment. Mrs. Brooks seemed to sense her hesitation and added, "It's alright, I'm not here to judge you, sweetheart."
Cindy poured out her heart, explaining how she felt like Jimmy was lost to her after he had beaten Nick, how she had promised Becca she wouldn't give up on her brother, how she visited him after that day, but Mrs. Neutron wouldn't allow her to see him. How now she was just waiting for his return and her fears of not seeing him anymore. Jimmy's return was all up to Nick at the very moment and Nick didn't seem like he was going to let Jimmy return any time soon.
"I want to see him. I want to tell him that I think I'm falling for him and that I don't care what he thinks and that I'll help him, whether he wants my help or not. But how can I tell him everything if I can't see him? It's like everyone is working against me!" Cindy sobbed. "I just want him back! Is that so much to ask?!"
"No," Mrs. Brooks soothed. "It's not. It's just that this is how things are sometimes, but he'll return. He will. Nick can't keep him out forever. And then you can tell him. Tell him everything that on your mind. He will come back. I know it hurts, but you have to stay together, you can't let the pain take over your life."
Cindy continued to sob as Mrs. Brooks continued to sooth her.
"Thank you," Cindy said as she gently pulled away. "I needed to get that out."
"Of course. It was nothing," Mrs. Brooks replied. "Don't be afraid to speak up. Libby's there for you too, you know. I'm sure she would've been more than happy to sit down and listen to you."
Cindy nodded. "I just didn't want to depress Libby. Everything seems to be going pretty good for her now that she and Sheen have this thing between them and I didn't want to make her unhappy with my stuff."
"Libby is already unhappy," Mrs. Brooks said. Cindy looked at her with questioning eyes. "I over heard her talking to Sheen the other day in the hall way, just outside the art room when I went by to pick something up for one of our next lessons. Libby was telling Sheen how she knew something was bothering you and how much she wished that you could tell her. She knew you were unhappy and it had made her unhappy. She was upset, she wanted to help you, but she didn't know how and she was afraid to approach you about it."
Cindy nodded. "I'll talk to her, tell her," Cindy responded. It was Mrs. Brooks' turn to nod.
"Here, let me give you a late pass. Were are you headed?" Mrs. Brooks asked as she knelt down to pick up the books Cindy had dropped. She handed them to Cindy and walked behind her desk.
"Gym," Cindy answered.
Mrs. Brooks scribbled across a piece of paper and handed it to Cindy with a warm smile.
"Thank you," Cindy said. Mrs. Brooks nodded.
"Oh, and Cindy," she called. Cindy turned. "I won't call your parents about this or your school work, but you have to promise me that you'll get back on track and make up the assignments you haven't done and start actually paying attention again. And I'll allow you at least one daydream every 3 days. Is it a deal?" Mrs. Brooks extended her hand.
Cindy chuckled slightly and nodded her head with a smile and shook her hand.
"Great. Now go on. Your late as it is already." Mrs. Brooks took a seat in her chair and looked at the papers on her desk and began correcting them. Cindy smiled once more and headed out the door.